Conference turris::womannotes-v2

I think it's more likely that I will react to a woman as my mother if she
exhibits characteristics I associate with my mother. Which lets out the most
radical women in this community :-).

With me, I notice it more in myself and coworkers (male and female) more as a
power thing. That is, women who are managers are very likely to have learned
management techniques as mothering. And I notice that I, and others, react
negatively to this. When, in fact, those techniques work just fine. This just
resonate badly (threateningly?).

Also, I never formed friendships with 'older girls' (high school). So, I tend
to see any drawing back I have around age going back pretty far, and coming
into play even when the increments are small.
	Mez

    I , being on the tail end of the baby boomer generation, have very
    few, if any, older women friends without kids. I have a couple of
    friends my age (+/- 5 years) without kids. I see them once and a
    while and really enjoy them but most of my friends have kids.
    
    I find motherhood to be such an all encompassing way of life that
    I find that I have more in commom with other mothers. I found many
    of my childless friends treated me like a leper when I became a
    mother. Deep down, I thought they may have been jelous. 
    
    Is that silly?
                                                            
    Kate
    

>    I find motherhood to be such an all encompassing way of life that
>    I find that I have more in commom with other mothers. I found many
>    of my childless friends treated me like a leper when I became a
>    mother. Deep down, I thought they may have been jelous. 
>    
>    Is that silly?
                                                            
  I think that in most cases jealousy is not involved.  I think that the
motherless friends find that your time isn't your own anymore... your time
is scheduled around your kids.  I think the fact that it is easier to be
good friends with other mothers is because you both know what time constraints
are and how to work around schedules.  People without kids find it difficult
to understand a childs schedule, therefore don't really understand why you
can't do things when you used.  I think the same rational works with singles
as opposed to married people.  When we were single... we had single friends 
that we spent the majority of our time with... once we got married it seemed
we spent more of our free time with our married friends than we did with the
single ones.

Renee    

    I think that I'm drawn to older women for friendships because my
    mother is one of my best friends.  She was my matron-of-honor when
    I was married, which many people seemed to find strange - but she
    was and is such a good friend, that to me it seemed the obvious
    choice.
    
    Sure, we have our parent/child issues too, but we're able to talk
    about them openly and honestly (most of the time ;-}).  I think
    our friendship *strengthens* our resolve to communicate openly,
    and at the same time is *strengthened by* it.  I always feel so
    badly for women who don't have friendship or even a good relationship
    with their mother, because for me this is such an important part
    of my life.
    
    For this reason, I often feel very "connected" to older women -
    especially progressive, "liberated" (for want of a better word)
    women like my mother.  I see physical age as much less of a barrier
    than an individual's attitude.  Since school, I feel I've "grown
    out of" some friendships with women my own age who, after marriage/
    kids/gainful employment became far more staid, unadventurous and 
    just plain boring than my mother and some of my physically older 
    friends will ever be.
    
    Like any other prejudice, ageism is an unwillingness to take the
    time or make the effort get to know individuals on an *individual*
    basis.  It *is* so much easier to lump people together into tidy
    groups, but I hate to think of all the friendships I'd have missed
    out on if I'd decided that anyone over XY years of age wouldn't
    make a good friend!
    
                             ...Lisa V...
    

I agree with .4

My mother is one of my closest friends. I really value her friendship and also
her mothering. Our relationship is different because I am her daughter and our
history together means that the way we relate to each other is different than
the way we relate to other women.

I have a few close friends and several aquaintences that are quite a bit older
than I. Some women act mothering to me and so I repsond to that. Other women
give and take as one does in friendship and then I forget the age difference
completely. I have a close friend who is 20 years older than I am, but the
only time I am aware of it is when we talk about our past and I realize that
she was in her late 20's and early 30's then, while I was barely a teenager.
She is very young at heart, does not give the idea that she has more wisdom
due to age etc. etc. (I will also mention that her husband is my age, and
again I don't often think about thier age difference because they are such
a great couple)

My mother, who is in her 70's, has close friends who are my age. I don't think
they treat her like a mother, but as a friend.

I guess what I am trying to say is that for me it all depends on how the "older"
women feels and acts. Those that are young at heart, enjoy living, and share
thier ideas and philosophies with me I consider friends. Those that act like
I am a youngster, don't know anything, etc. then I treat more like someone's
parents. (Note - I guess I don't really treat my mom like someone's parents,
though I treat my dad that way.)

Muggsie