Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    I am not sure how much information you will find there, but there
    is a notesfile on US Veterans Issues, it can be found at:
    
    {VAX4, ABACUS, ZZTOP}::VETERANS
    
    on with the discussion...
    
    -Jody
    

I read somewhere that the effects of living through a
traumatic war experience had the same emotional and psychological
effects as growing up in an alcoholic home.

Maybe you could get some relief and understanding by looking
in to a 12-step program, such as AlAnon.  It teaches people
how to obtain serenity while living with someone who is 
experiencing their own kind of hell.

Worth a try...
Victoria

    Hi--
    
    I can empathize with you.  My husband was in Vietnam for 6 months,
    and that short time has marked him forever.  Although he is generally
    a cheerful and optimistic person, he tends to bury some feelings
    deep (don't we all).  He will occasionally have nightmares where
    he goes through a certain set scenario, and talks through the dream.
    The scariest part of it (for me) is that I cannot wake him up during
    this.  It seems to be something that has to be played through until
    the end.  It is heartbreaking to witness this, but I feel that going
    through it so vividly is helping him to "exorcise" the feelings.
    He sometimes talks about what he saw and heard in Vietnam.  At first
    when he talked I was appalled and felt that he shouldn't speak about
    it at all;  that it was best forgotten.  I am *very* ashamed now
    that I ever had that attitude.  I just didn't understand at the
    time.  
    
    My dad, a veteran of Korea, once told me that his way of getting
    through his experiences was to remember them in detail, and think
    of them over and over again, until the horror of them left him.
    
    My husband is a pretty stable person, and we very rarely go through
    any problems with his memories.  When he starts talking about them,
    now I listen and let him talk.  Talking about them seems to help.
    I now know how important it is
    to get those images and thoughts OUT.  I try to let him know every
    day how much I love him, and how much he means to me.  I try to
    give him as much support and help as I possibly can, and encourage
    him to talk when he wants to.
    
    All you can do is BE there, and be understanding.
    
    Best of luck,
    
    Jane

  

  I have a very dear friend who went into a 20 week program just after 
Christmas for treatment of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorders).  He was 
part of a special services group in Viet Nam, and has had a difficult time 
adjusting since his return.  Over the years of our friendship it seemed as 
though a 'little black cloud' followed him no matter how he tried to help 
himself work thru the trauma he experienced in Viet Nam.

  I just recently received a letter from him that I hope you don't mind me 
sharing some of here, it helped me to understand a little bit of what he 
has been living with for the last 18 years........


" Hopes this finds you well.  It was sure nice hearing your voice again, 
particularly in these trying times.
...I hope I didn't disturb you to much as I know I didn't get into much 
detail over the phone about PTSD, but it's hard to explain.  I sent along 
the literature and it will probably do a better job than I can.  Please 
note the underlined section on page 2, as many people do not know this part 
and see us as a bunch of "crazies". [text referenced states "...these 
disorders are not mental illnesses.  Rather, they are delayed reations to 
the stress these veterans-particularly combat veterans- underwent during 
the war in Southeast Asia."]

"...You cannot imagine how happy I was to finally find out what the hell has 
been wrong with me all these years.  I always knew something was wrong, but 
not what.  I probably knew the underlying cause but like a lot of others I 
was self medicating with alcohol and/or other drugs.  Strange as it seems 
they both are effective in supressing the symptoms.  I seem to have them 
all except "survivor guilt".

" Like everyone else tho, I had never run into anyone or heard of PTSD and 
thought that I was the only one who was like this. Finding out was like 
being born again.  The first time I saw the doctor....I told him things I 
had never told anyone and asked if he had ever heard of anyone like 
this before.  Imagine my relief when he smiled and said " only about four 
thousand times".  

"...We do alot of group therapy coupled with hypnosis.  Hypnosis is mainly 
to re-call things that have been blocked out. I guess they have to be 
remembered before they can be dealt with, but it is pretty painful and 
intense.  I never knew how much I didn't remember or had sub-conciously
suppressed.  I hate, dread, and fear each of these sessions ... but always 
feel much better afterwards.  I dread the coming weeks but look forward to 
them also."



  I spoke with him again this past Valentine's Day. He seems to be doing 
real well with the different therapy sessions.  He spoke of a 'camping 
trip' that about 8 of the guys with PTSD took two weeks ago to the 
Everglades in Fla.  The object of this trip was to re-create some of the
specific situations that caused the trauma and alter the outcome, so that
those experiences could be re-called with a less traumatic outcome than 
what was actually experienced in Viet Nam.

 I'm glad that he has finally found something that can help him deal with 
the past.

~robin

    Fortunately we have avoided drug and alcohol problems.  The main
    sympton is "rage reactions".  Bascially they are caused by surpressed
    anger and after a point it has to be released.  The hard part for
    me is that the release is usually in conjunction with something
    I did (or didn't) do.  Also once this happens, there is nothing
    I can do to make things any better except leave my husband alone
    until he cools off - which sometimes is fairly quickly.
    
    My main problem now is that I have felt that his anger was aimed
    at me because every episode seemed to be caused by me.  Lots of
    guilt here on my part and anger, too.  However, I have to surpress
    my anger when this happens or things just get worse and turn into one
    big fight (no physical violence, though, just a lot of shouting).
    But now I find that my surpressed anger tends to pop up every now
    and then and usually as a reaction to his release of anger.  Talk
    about a vicious circle!  Plus I still have a hard time realizing
    that the outbursts are not my fault.  I can reason it out
    intellectually but not emotionally.
    
    Re: .4
    We have both been doing meditation for some years and that has helped.
    Some of the results have been the same as your friend's with hypnosis,
    except you're by yourself and not in a group.  You allow things
    from your subconcious to come forward and then let them go.  You
    have to repeatedly let things go, and after a while they become
    less painful to remember, but it does take time.
    
    I'm glad your friend is doing well.  I seems like a lot of PTSD
    cases have been surfacing in the past few years and there are more
    people who understand it.  The book I read had some pretty scary
    stories about vets and vets wives who went to regular therapists
    who didn't know about PTSD.
    
    						Jan

Hi Jan,
Are you sure that surpressing your anger is the right thing to do? Sounds like
you might be hurting yourself too, which makes it harder to support the ones
you love. As a general recommendation, consider hooking up with EAP (they're
free). They give referrals, and can do some strategizing with you. (They just
gave a presentation to my group yesterday.)
Take care.
	Mez

    > Are you sure that surpressing your anger is the right thing to do?
    
    Well, it's the right thing to do when he's angry since expressing
    my anger only makes the whole situation worse, but it's the wrong
    thing to do in the long run (one of those "damned if you do, damned
    if you don't" situations!).  I'll check and see if we have an EAP
    person out here (DECwest).  Thanks for the tip.
    
    						Jan

    Philip Caputo has just released a novel on this subject,
    "Indian Country."  Excellent characters, especially the
    wife who struggles to understand the stranger who is her
    husband. Having friends who are locked away in themselves
    is bad, being married to one must be far worst.
    
    I devoured the book over the weekend. Made me damn glad
    I was born a year too late for the draft. 
    
    Dana