Conference turris::womannotes-v2

358.0. "A Visit From St. Nicholas to a Liberated Household" by JJM::ASBURY () Thu Dec 29 1988 13:42

    
    		  *** It's long, but well worth it, IMO ***
    
    
    The following is entitled "A Visit From St. Nicholas to a Liberated 
    Household". 
    
It was written by Judith Viorst, a newspaper columnist. I don't know how many 
of you are familiar with the Unitarian Church. It tends to be somewhat unusual 
at times. This story was presented in church on the Sunday before Christmas. 

Picture, if you will, on your left, a man reading the traditional story, (left-
justified here, for clarity) and on your right, a woman, the minister, 
incidentally, of this church (The First Church Unitarian of Littleton, MA), 
interrupting him periodically with the indented portions. Behind them, some 
members of the church were acting out the story.

I hope you enjoy this. I am only posting this hoping you will all be amused, as
I was, with this new twist on an old, familiar story.



'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

	Which, according to their marriage contract, he cleans on Mondays, 
	Wednesdays, Fridays, and alternate Sundays and she cleans on Tuesdays,
	Thursdays, Saturdays, and alternate Sundays, except that on the weeks 
	when he goes to the supermarket she has to clean an extra day, and 
	vice-versa

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

	Which, he has started to feel very comfortable about admitting he is
	terrified of, thanks to the repudiation of outmoded cliches attributing
	fear of rodents only to women

The stockings

	They were actually *her* stockings but he wouldn't, says Joyce, have a
	single qualm about wearing them, for he feels secure enough in his own
	masculinity to no longer need to define himself through external 
	symbols

were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be
there. The children

	which include a girl, who plans to be President of the United States; a
	boy who plans to marry the President of the United States; and a third 
	child who is free to select whatever sexual persuasion he or she 
	desires

were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugarplums danced in
their heads. And Joyce in her kerchief, and Rich in his cap

	Though it could just as easily have been *Rich* in her kerchief and
	*Joyce* in his cap - please remember earlier statements on external 
	symbols.

had just settled their brains

	whose capacity for logic and reason and abstract thinking and reading a
	map of New Jersey is not, Joyce would like to observe, intrinsically 
	greater in males than it is in females

for a long winter's nap, when out on the lawn

	which presents something of a problem because, although he loves to mow
	it and she hates to, they both agree that it wouldn't be good for the 
	children to see their parents in stereotypical roles, so *she* mows it

there arose such a clatter, she sprang from the bed to see what was the matter

	For, having earned a black belt in karate, Joyce now does the springing
	out of bed, dispelling the myth that a family's physical safety always 
	has to be in the charge of the man and also dispelling the myth that a 
	woman is somehow less of a woman - whatever *that* means - just because
	she breaks boards with a blow of her hand

Away to the window she flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up
the sash. The moon on the chest of the new-fallen snow

	Actually, it's *breast* of the new-fallen snow, but Joyce deplores this
	usage of breast, along with such sexist metaphors as Mother Nature, 
	Father Time, and Manhattan

Gave the luster of midday to objects below, when, what to her wondering eyes
should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer, with a little
old driver so lively and quick, she knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

	Although, Joyce would like it made perfectly clear that the reason she
	knew in a moment it must be St. Nick had nothing whatsoever to do with 
	the attribution of liveliness and quickness - as distinct, say, from 
	passivity - to a member of the male persuasion.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, and he whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name: "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On,
Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!

	Joyce points out that there appears to be an equitable distribution of
	male and female reindeer, with six non-sexist names - Dasher, Dancer, 
	Prancer, Comet, Donder, and Blitzen; one feminine name - Vixen; and 
	one name - Cupid - which classically is masculine. Although she is 
	gratified, she says, by this evidence of equal employment
	opportunities, she nonetheless senses something invidious in the fact 
	that while the male name, Cupid, refers to the God of Love, the female 
	name, Vixen, is defined by the dictionary as "an ill-tempered or 
	quarrelsome woman".

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now, dash away! Dash away!
Dash away, all! As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they
meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to the housetop the coursers
they flew, with the sleigh full of toys

	which, needless to say, were selected without any reference to outdated
	notions of gender "appropriateness", for today, Joyce reminds us, 
	every girl can choose to be a doctor, a jockey, an astronaut, or a boy

And St. Nicholas, too. And then, in a twinkling, she heard on the roof the
prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As she drew in her head, and was
turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

	A showy gymnastic performance which was certainly not required, Joyce
	notes, to get down the chimney, and thus can be accounted for only in 
	terms of macho exhibitionism.

He was dressed all in fur

	About which, says Joyce, she finds herself of two minds, for while she
	has to respect a man who believes that things like furs and jewels and 
	perfume ought to be worn not only by females but males, she nonetheless
	fears that any man who would wear on his back the pelt of our vanishing
	wildlife is capable of conducting himself with equal insensitivity and 
	callousness to other oppressed minorities, such as women.

from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and
soot

	the washing out of which, Joyce fervently hopes, won't be left to poor
	*Mrs.* St. Nick, who, she feels, should stop living in the shadow of 
	her husband and develop her own identity.

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just
opening his pack. His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples - how merry! His
cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was
drawn up like a bow, and the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

	Joyce feels that she ought to point out that while a *man* who has a
	beard as white as the snow can look not only distinguished but also 
	sexy, a woman is forced to use bleaches and dyes in order to not be 
	regarded as over the hill because, she continues pointing out, our 
	chauvinistic society tends to see women as objects instead of people.

The stump of a pipe

	which, Joyce points out, she too is entitled to smoke - not only under
	state and federal law but also, if ERA passes, under the Constitution.

he held in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had
a wide face

	Actually, the face is described as *broad*, a word which in other
	contexts, Joyce observes, is exceedingly derogatory to women and ought,
	whenever possible, to be extirpated 

and a round little belly that shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump

	In spite of which, Joyce feels that she ought to point out, a man can
	look distinguished and also sexy - as noted earlier - while a woman 
	who is "chubby and plump" is frequently regarded as unattractive, 
	because, she continues pointing out, our chauvinistic society tends to 
	judge women by girlie-magazine standards.

A right jolly old elf, and she laughed when she saw him in spite of herself. A
wink of his eye

	which is certainly not the deceptively innocent act, Joyce says, that
	it seems to be, but represents - unconsciously, of course - a sexual 
	assault

And a twist of his head soon gave her to know she had nothing to dread

	Though if she did have something to dread - remember earlier statement
	on meaning of wink - Joyce is very sure she wouldn't dread it -
	remember earlier statement on black belt in karate.

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work

	Which Joyce considers no more *his* work than *her* work, arguing that
	the job requirements surely could be met by someone of either sex who 
	can steer reindeer, fit through chimneys, and get along with elves.

And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk, and laying his finger
aside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. He sprang to his
sleigh, to his team gave a whistle

	The sexual implications of which, Joyce observes, are similar to those
	discussed under wink, - when the whistle is directed, not at reindeer,
	but at women.

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But she heard him exclaim,
ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all

	And by "all", Joyce says, she hopes he means not only women and men but
	independent persons, persons defined by their interests, their work, 
 	their character, and their minds, but not - perish the thought! - by 
 	their anatomy.

And to all a good night!"

		**********************************************

(reprinted without permission from anybody)

    It could easily be re-written as a notes exchange in this conference.
    Like many note strings in this conference it had many good rebuttals,
    a few wild jumps of extrapolation, and one or two jumps towards
    overkill. (Making one person do things they didn't like to do so
    as to be politically correct.)

    But, again like a string of Notes here, well worth reading.

    		Alfred

    Two things --
    1) Santa could easily beat any black belt (and here Bob points out
    that a black belt can be either mail or female and both can be
    completely secure in their own sexuality) for you see Santa has
    elfin magic.
    
    2) When she says Santa's wink represents a sexual assault (i 
    think i'm remembering this correctly) isn't this a sexual
    stereotype.  Any man that winks at woman means it sexually.
    i thinks its terrible that she makes Santa out as a lecherous
    bum.
    
    Bob
    

    Cute, and I agree about the fur coat.
    
    Lorna
    

    Delightful!
    
    Barb