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Conference turris::womannotes-v2

Title:ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE
Notice:V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:REGENT::BROOMHEAD
Created:Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1105
Total number of notes:36379

339.0. "Dating a man with a dog" by AZUR::HACHE () Tue Dec 13 1988 10:14

Printed without permission from New York Woman magazine:

I'm not what you might call a dog person.  It's not the dog I 
specifically dislike; it's the dog in combination with a male
owner.  This is unfortunate, because an alarming number of 
single men have dogs.  My problem is like the problem a man
might encounter when dating a divorced woman with a child.  In
that instance much of the future of the relationship is determined
by whether or not the child takes to the new man.  Men with dogs 
ask themselves similar questions regarding mate/dog compatibility,
the difference being that they often ask them aloud.  "What do
you think, Grimley?" the may says, incredibly, to his dog.  
"You like her?"  Oh, please, let the goddamned dog like me, his
date thinks nervously, patting the dog in a hearty, cheery
way as the great beast takes liberties with her that her date
won't take for three more evenings.

Just as it is taboo for men to admit out loud that they can't
stand the brat who comes with the woman they love, so women
have to suppress their complete and utter hatred for their man's
dog - until they've broken up.  And then it all comes out, mostly
about how the dog always slept in the bed with them, watching
closely, even resentfully, during sex or, worse, attempting to
participate by leaping confusedly over the bodies or uttering 
fierce barks, as if protecting its master from this intruder.

Met and their dogs have secret habits that you will never learn.  Take
the way the dog insists on following you into the bathroom, scratching
at the door if you manage to lock him out. "You see, the bathroom door
is never shut when you're not here, and Woodrow likes the sound of the
water" is the man's explanation.  To deny poor Woodrow the simple
pleasure of hearing the toilet flush - what are you, some kind of 
monster?

Then there's the time you're trying to be playful with the mutt and you 
grab his tail only to experience bared teeth and menacing growls. "Don't
touch his tail," says your date.  "It was run over once, and he  hates
it when people touch it."  Despite your ashen appearance, he hastens
to reassure the dog. "Oh, she didn't mean it! She's sorry!  She won't
touch your tail anymore!"  And if sweet old Cujo has bitten you  in
the confusion?  "He's had his shots", says your date haughtily, and 
then, "Well, he didn't mean to!" And there you are, forced into
apologising to the dog.  The dog, meanwhile, has taken note of where
you left your Charles Jourdan pumps - for later.  When you lock him out
of the bedroom.

Women may reason that a dog owner must be very loving and compassionate.
True, but these traits are only apparent in situations involving the
dog.  A guy once asked me if I wanted to go to the beach with him
the following day.  "Sure!" I replied.  The next morning - oh no, what
was that bear doing in the backseat of his car?  "This is Kilo!"
he explained.  "She weighed a kilo at birth! Yeah! Didn't you!"
he said to the dog, who spent most of the drive to the beach with her tongue
in my ear.  I spent the day by myself, reclining on a large blanket,
watching Kilo joyfully playing ball with my equally joyful date.  
On the way home kilo insisted on sitting in the front seat.  "She
usually does sit in the front", explained my host.  Nothing like a bit,
wet, sandy dog on slightly sunburned thigh.  Kilo knew she'd never see
me again, which was more than her master had realised.

When dating a man with a dog, you must accept these incidents with
Zen-like serenity.  Who are you  to try and change their routine?
After all, the dog was there first and certainly isn't going anywhere.
The simple truth is that when a man falls in love with his dog, he
thrives on clinging, neurotic behavior that he would never tolerate
from a woman.  A woman who whines when she's locked out of the bedroom?
A woman who expects you to accompany her for a walk several times a day,
stopping when she wants to look at something interesting?  A woman
who expects you to shop for all the groceries and prepare her dinner -
every night?  A woman who would have "an accident" on your rug if you 
failed to come home by a certain hour?  A woman who would insist on
crawling all over your friends and burying her nose in their crotches
whenever they dropped by?  Forget it.  Even if she did manage to 
remain silent and learn to catch a Frisbee in her mouth, she still
wouldn't be called man's best friend.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name		DateLines
339.1ULTRA::ZURKOUI:Where the rubber meets the roadTue Dec 13 1988 10:552
I love it!
	Mez
339.2A boy and his cat ;^)WILKIE::FAHELAmalthea, the Silver UnicornTue Dec 13 1988 11:136
    When my hub and I were dating, his 20 lb. cat would attack me every
    time I would give my date a backrub.  Nothing like 20 lbs. of claws
    digging into your back!  Thank God I broke him of this early (yes,
    with my hub's help).
    
    K.C.
339.3.0 - Ain't it the truth! Whew!JJM::ASBURYTue Dec 13 1988 11:250
339.4GUILTYRAVEN1::AAGESENstrugglin' for the legal tender . . .Tue Dec 13 1988 12:3912
    
    
    ah . . . . . er, I guess I'm guilty of *most* of the same things
    that .0 indicates about "a man and his dog".  
    
      Are you sure that this type of neurotic behavior is _predominatly_
    associated with the male gender?
    
     I don't buy it ;-)
    
    robin
339.5.0- one funny noteERLANG::LEVESQUEI fish, therefore I am...Tue Dec 13 1988 13:511
339.6APEHUB::STHILAIREGolden days before they endTue Dec 13 1988 15:508
    .0 is funny, but I've never actually had to deal with a man who
    loves dogs.  But, all the men in my life have to deal with a woman
    who loves cats.  Why can't more men realize that it is more important
    to have cats in our lives than it is to have furniture, rugs, and
    doorways without scratches?
    
    Lorna
339.7STC::HEFFELFINGERAliens made me write this.Tue Dec 13 1988 15:5918
    	I don't think it is at all gender limited or even dog limited. 
    
    	I told my sister that if the guy she was dating really had problems
    with her dog that she should think twice about dating him seriously.
    animals are an important part of her life.  (We were raised that
    way.)  Conflict over the animal in this case was indicative of deeper
    philosophical differences that I don't think she could have lived
    with.

        Fortunately, Gary had no trouble dealing with my 3 cats just
    as I had no problem dealing with his 2. 
    
    	Now we're married and have 7!  
                                                                      
    Love me, love my cats!
    
    tlh
339.8what's a little hair on the rug?NOETIC::KOLBEThe dilettante debutanteTue Dec 13 1988 16:072
       Love me, love my 2 dogs, 1 cat AND my horse! liesl
339.9Dogs, emotional tutorsHSSWS1::GREGMalice AforethoughtWed Dec 14 1988 00:1642
    
    	   I have a Black Lab mix.  Her name is Tryppyr, and she's
    	about the most affectionate dog you could want (definitely
    	too affectionate for me most of the time).  I do love her,
    	in my own strange way, but it's a strained love (what some
    	might refer to as a love/hate relationship).
    
    	   Tryppyr seems to have a fondness for tearing things up.
    	She seems especially fond of the walls, the carpet, and
    	the pillows on my very expensive sofa.  I'm down to two 
    	good pillows now.  The rest have been torn and destuffed.
    
    	   I feel compelled to walk her, and do not especially enjoy
    	doing so.  She loves it.  I even so much as mutter the word
    	'walk' and she leaos three feet into the air (no exageration).
    	Not a bad trick for a 50-lb dog... and she does it repeatedly
    	until I put the collar on her.  When we go outside she drags
    	me around until I let her off the leash, then she runs like
    	a mad dog, disobeying my every command and running after
    	anything living.
    
    	   I detest the smell of dog urine on my carpet and loathe
    	the task of cleaning up her 'mistakes'.  Sometimes I get so
    	frustrated I just want to toss her out on the patio and
    	throw poison darts at her.  Other times I wouldn't trade
    	her for anything/anyone.  
    
    	   I need to understand more about my feelings (since I
    	have suppressed them most of my life), that's the reason
    	I bought the dog.  Sounds very selfish, I know, but I have
    	never denied having a selfish streak.  In the process,
    	however, it is inevitable that some of the feelings one
    	discovers become imparted on that which evoked them.
    
    	   So I love my dog, and I hate her too.  She's the reason
    	I live and the bane of my existence.  I learn much from
    	her and instill much of my own personality into her.  
    	She's a reflection of all we have gone through together,
    	and she's still her own dog.  I don't know how to explain
    	it any better than that.
    
    	- Greg
339.10CSC32::WOLBACHWed Dec 14 1988 00:5013
    
    
    Greg, it sounds as if your dog is a candiate for obedience
    training.  Living with an untrained dog is like living with
    a child who has never been taught manners or civilized be-
    havior.  
    
    There is a wealth of information in the CANINE conference.
    Please join us.
    
    Deborah
339.11MILVAX::BOYAJIANMillrat in trainingWed Dec 14 1988 02:4118
    re:.6
    
    � Why can't more men realize that it is more important to have cats
    in our lives than it is to have furniture, rugs, and doorways without
    scratches? �
    
    Well...
    
    It *is* possible to have both. That's what Cat Adjustment Tools
    ("CAT" for short, of course) -- i.e. squirt bottles -- are for.
    
    Actually, scratches aren't that big a deal (except for perhaps in
    the speaker grills). But when they spray (or try to) my books, or
    in the case of one of my housemate's cats, lick my books or comics,
    then it's time for some serious discussion with the cat as to its
    continued existence.
    
    --- jerry
339.12I don't understandUSMFG::PJEFFRIESthe best is betterWed Dec 14 1988 09:4510
    re:.11
    
    Oh do bring your CAT to my house.  We have a cat that would just
    love it.  He also loves the shower, so if you don't want company,
    keep the bathroom door closed.
    
    Men seem to have a problem understanding my daughter and her 4 horses,
    4 dogs, and 5 cats. It's getting better now that she no longer has
    the 5' rat snake, the iguana and the 3 rabbits.
339.14on sleeping with catsWMOIS::B_REINKEMirabile dictuWed Dec 14 1988 12:015
    Cats are very nice to sleep with, especially in cold weather.
    Our four are usually found on someones bed at night! I like
    having a warm husband on one side and a warm cat on the other.
    
    :-)
339.15ANKH::CRITZWed Dec 14 1988 12:069
    	Monday night Anita ended up on the couch because of her
    	chronic coughing (bronchitis) and her concern that I get
    	a good night's sleep. When I got up, I asked her how
    	she slept. Her reply, "Oh, fine, until Mittens decided
    	to jump on my stomach." Mittens is a big cat, and feels
    	like a bowling ball when he lands. Maybe I should get
    	him a parachute.
    
    	Scott
339.16A Kitty-chute!! ha ha haLAGUNA::RACINE_CHWed Dec 14 1988 12:3514
    
    Re: .15
    
    Scott,
    
    Your parachute idea made me laugh!  We have two cats, the larger
    of the two is Kimba who is a tubby 13 lbs.  One of her favorite
    things in the world is jumping off of our headboard, onto MY stomach
    in the middle of the night!  We have a king sized bed so she has
    plenty of "targets" to land on without hitting a sleeping person,
    but it never fails that she lands on me!  If you ever do look into
    that kitty-chute idea, let me know how it works!!
    
    Cherie
339.17What's mine is yours...except the dogNECVAX::VEILLEUX_LThe woobie's lookin' bad...Wed Dec 14 1988 14:4713
    What about the "my dog vs. your dog" battle?  Spouse and I are owned
    by two dogs.  They're both "ours", meaning they came into our lives
    after our marriage, we had neither of them before then, but each
    is more stongly bonded to one of us.
    
    The same behaviors that make spouse call "his" dog "high-spirited
    and playful", make him call "my" dog "a terror"!  "His" dog is also
    smarter, cuter, more obedient, smells better, etc, etc... But even
    *he* has to admit, "mine"'s faster - she's a greyhound!
    
    Vive les chiens! (et les chats)
339.18CSC32::WOLBACHWed Dec 14 1988 15:4423
    
    
    We had a 'his dog' and a 'her dog' when we met.  Now it's 'our
    dog' until she gets into the trash, at which point it reverts
    back to 'your dog'.  That's ok, it was HIS dog that broke the
    window and HE had pay for replacing it!!
    
    Deb
    
    ("he" also had me agree that if anything happens to me, 'my' dog
     will become 'his' dog, which didn't sit well with my previous
     husband, who also insists that she is part-his.  Geez, this owner-
     ship business gets very complex.  We have a visitation agreement
     for the dogs.  Child custody arrangements were a snap compared
     to what we went thru to divy up the dogs.  Now the first husband
     says that if anything happens to the second husband, he (the first)
     will take his (the second's) dog because he likes him so much)...
     gee, now that I think of it-the guys are a little jealous of each
     other's role in the lives of the three dogs and one child.  But
     they are real comrads when it comes to their individual relationship
     with me....hmmmmmm.)
339.19Perhaps There's Something Freudian ThereFDCV16::ROSSWed Dec 14 1988 16:019
    Re: .18
    
    Deb, I dunno', if I were you I *might* just start feeling a bit
    insecure.    
    
      Alan
    
    P.S., Did Joyce carry out her instructions? :-)
339.20CSC32::WOLBACHWed Dec 14 1988 16:3810
    
    
    Me, insecure? HA!  :-)
    
    Deb
    
    P.S.  Yes, and it was wonderful, albeit 'secondhand'...next time
    I want the 'message' first person, Alan!!
339.21Sigh...the truth hurts!SAAB96::TEAGUEI'm not a doctor,but I play one on TV...Wed Dec 14 1988 16:485
    
    ...but .0 is still one hilarious note!
    
    .jim
339.22He's a Waste of TimeGLASS::HAIGHTThu Dec 15 1988 16:2014
    I didn't find much humor in the base note.
    
    The author should have learned much from that experience:  people
    with pets treat them with the same compassion and respect (or lack
    thereof) as they treat other living things, such as people.
    
    I wouldn't have hung around such a guy (she obvious dated the same
    dog owner(s) more than once to have experienced SO MUCH with them)
    knowing that he didn't discipline his dog or treat it with respect
    (he treated it like a immature child)!  He probably treats other
    people like that also!
    
    Pets say a lot about their owners.  Think of some of the pet owners
    you are/know...
339.23CSC32::WOLBACHThu Dec 15 1988 16:3720
    
    
    .22
    
    I was thinking along the same lines myself, last night.  I realized
    that any man who  disliked my dog would be incompatible with
    me.  Before I purchased my standard poodle, I did a lot of research
    into various breeds.  This particular breed was the best 'fit' for
    my personality and life style.  Furthermore, it's become clear to
    me that she is a real 'mirror' of my own personality.  I think we
    often alter a dogs basic personality by the way we treat them, raise
    them and train them.  (hey, she's a couch potato just like her 'mom').
    I've noticed that she has a number of personality traits in common
    with me...
    
    But I still thought the base note was hilarious!!
    
    Deb