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Conference turris::womannotes-v2

Title:	ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE
Notice:	V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:	REGENT::BROOMHEAD

Created:	Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1105
Total number of notes:	36379

298.0. "Being open enough to 'truly hear'" by WMOIS::B_REINKE (Mirabile dictu) Tue Nov 15 1988 10:21

  The following is from mail sent to me that I was given permission
  to enter in the file. I also find the quote quite beautiful
  and expressive.

Bonnie
   ___________________________________________________________________

   "This evening I came across the following passage, which describes
    beautifully my own idealized image of what a conference like =wn= might
    be. "

	So the real challenge is to enter a dialogue with the consciousness
	necessary to express your point of view while at the same time
	being open enough to 'truly hear' what others are saying.  One of
	the most difficult things to do is to 'truly hear.'  This means to
	listen with complete openness to the other; not forming judgments,
	formulating answers, thinking about how to strengthen your own
	argument.  Here we are asked to really listen so openly and
	intently that we become one with what we are hearing and even
	further, we become one with the process behind what we are hearing.
	The thought and feeling process and the content itself are only
	imperfectly represented by the words spoken and we reach a much
	higher state of involvement with the other when we can be part of
	the process behind the words.  Not easy!  But it is something
	towards which to strive as it is a way of breaking away from our
	own 'locked in' position which creates barriers and obstacles to
	the formation of a union that transcends the sum of its parts.
	'When two or more are gathered in my name...' points the way toward
	the raising of consciousness beyond the individual bound by
	heredity and environment (and genes) to the potential of a
	spiritual reality of a Christ-like light within.  Interestingly, it
	is not alone, but in communion with others where we have this
	opportunity.  If we can 'truly hear' and 'truly see,' we have the
	possibility to go beyond our lower self and find the Divine in the
	other.  This is the basis for truly human interaction.

	In entering the other's process and point of view fully and
	uncritically, we can begin to experience the world from viewpoints
	other than our own.  It can be frightening and disconcerting at
	first to experience ways of feeling and thinking that are not like
	our own.  The further realization that solutions to problems may be
	quite right and yet be different than what 'I' might have come up
	with is inwardly challenging.  In fact, with active listening and
	intensive dialogue, the chance is increased that a solution to a
	given problem may emerge that is not 'mine' or 'yours' - but ours.

            -  from _Parents as People:  The Family as a Creative Process_
		by Franklin G. Kane

    "What do you think?  It may seem like a silly and mystical way to view
    something as mundane as a Notes conference, but for me it stands as the
    counterpoint to [some of the notes in the confernce.]

    ... but am I the only one who occasionally dreams
    of a forum in which the wonderful communication that occasionally does
    happen in =wn= wasn't buried..."

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
298.2	Are we here to solve problems?	VINO::EVANS	Danger!! 14 Falling Pedestals!!	`Tue Nov 15 1988 11:52`	8
	RE: .1 Gee, Marge, I wasn't aware that womannotes was here to "solve problems". I thought it was to allow women to discuss topics of interest to them, with appropriate input from men. --DE
298.4	here's my .02	LEZAH::BOBBITT	recursive fingerpointing ensued...	`Tue Nov 15 1988 13:24`	33
	I believe .0 should be a hall-of-famer, definitely. I believe that a good deal of the shouting/hassling/bickering comes about when we are unable to hear another clearly because it brings up "something" in ourselves. This "something" is often very powerful, and on occasion is very negative. Some people, rather than questioning the value of this "something" to others, conjugate it into a reply without fully realizing its implications. Their "something" could hurt someone else, their "something" may not be able to change anyone's minds because it may be a topic so close to the heart that only the self can alter it, their "something" may add fuel to an already busy brushfire. I, too, often feel the need to share my "something" - perhaps to see if anyone else feels the same "something", or to show someone a side of the topic that may never have occurred to them. Lately I have found myself avoiding confrontation because I realize my "something" may generate more heat than light, and that is not my goal here. When I have something to share that I feel others can read and "take something away with them", I write. I realize that by partaking of this file we have all taken on a quantity of responsibility in sharing our thoughts (by the very nature of the guidelines/basis of this file). We each feel "something", each think "something", in response to every note we read here. What we do with our (very real and very valid) feelings and thoughts is what directly affects the tone and timbre of this file. As Smokey the Bear says....think before you strike.... -Jody
298.5	More on listening and judging	MOIRA::FAIMAN	light upon the figured leaf	`Thu Dec 15 1988 21:49`	14
	From Rudolf Steiner's _Knowledge of the Higher Worlds and its Attainment_ (which contains many such tidbits): We are not reduced to servile subjection in listening to some information with quiet devotion and because we do not at once oppose it with our own opinion. Anyone having advanced some way in the attainment of higher knowledge knows that he owes everything to quiet attention and active reflection, and not to wilful personal judgment. We should always bear in mind that we do not need to learn what we are already able to judge. Therefore if our sole intention is to judge, we can learn nothing more. -Neil
298.6		RAINBO::TARBET		`Fri Dec 16 1988 09:14`	5
	<--(.5) That's the best I've ever heard it said, Neil; thanks for posting that! =maggie
298.7	Comments on "replying"	MOIRA::FAIMAN	light upon the figured leaf	`Wed Dec 21 1988 14:17`	30
	Since you liked that one, here is another quote (from the same source) which I think is equally applicable to Notes. -Neil ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ... If anything be said to which we must reply, we must be careful to consider the speaker's opinion, feeling, and even his prejudice, rather than what we ourselves have to say at the moment on the subject under discussion. In this example a refined quality of tact is indicated, to the cultivation of which the student must devote his care. He must learn to judge what importance it may have for the other person if he opposes the latter's opinion with his own. This does not mean that he must withhold his opinion. There can be no question of that. But he must listen to the speaker as carefully and attentively as he possibly can and let his reply derive its form from what he has just heard. In such cases one particular thought recurs ever and again to the student, and he is treading the right path if this thought lives with him to the extent of becoming a trait of his character. The thought is as follows: The importance lies not in the difference of our opinions but in his discovering through his own effort what is right if I contribute something to it. Thoughts of this and of a similar nature cause the character and behaviour of the student to be permeated with a quality of gentleness, ...