Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    read from the old womannotes file, particularly note 390.  Response
    40 is a clinical description.
    
    -Jody
    

    This is a decision you must make yourself, be careful not to let
    anyone make it for you. Someone very close to me made her own 
    decision after listening to the pros and cons. Remember you are
    the one that must live with what you decide. 
    
    As far as help is concerned I am not sure what is available, but
    it may be helpful to check with the welfare office to see what they
    can offer or with single parent groups for some guidance.
    
    I went through an abortion with someone I love very much and she
    went through a legal abortion it was done as an out patient at
    Nashoba Community Hospital in Acton Massachusetts. The nurses and
    doctor were super with us we both cried it was not easy but with
    the support she received it helped as for complications I am sure
    there are few if you go to a good doctor and have a legal abortion.
    Also I should tell you when the time arises that the baby would
    have been born if you had an abortion you may need help with counceling
    and make sure if you decide to have an abortion that you surround
    yourself with loved ones for support.
    
    If you need more information please feel free to write me in vax
    mail and remember many people have been through this in one degree
    or another you are not alone.
    
    will be thinking of you
    Barb

    This is long, but I couldn't get it much shorter . . . if
    recounting my experience will be any help to you. 
    
    Many years ago now -- 15, to be exact -- I faced a similar
    situation. 
    
    I was 19, was finishing my second year of college -- the first
    person in my family to even attend college.  I had a scholarship
    for a major portion of my expenses, otherwise I wouldn't have been
    in college at all.  This was 1973 and Montana in 1973 was in a
    flat-out depression.  Farmers were going bankrupt right and left,
    and as grain prices dropped and fuel prices soared, the businesses
    that depended on farming folded, too. The restaurant my brother
    cooked for went under.  He got a job changing tires at a truck
    stop; four months later the truck stop went under too.  It wasn't
    a question of finding or keeping a job -- there just weren't any
    jobs.  We all got through that time on just my father's job, seven
    of us living on a mechanic's salary . . . 
     
    My boyfriend was slightly younger, sometimes kind, considerate,
    funny, witty, and supportive, at other times demanding, jealous,
    demeaning, and even hinting at violence.  We had already broken up
    once and I was thinking of calling it quits permanently when I
    found out I was pregnant. 

    I suppose there was never any question that we really would get
    married, but we talked about it.  We even said we would. It was
    much better that we didn't.  We would simply have divorced later,
    with much greater hurt on all sides.  He didn't want me to have
    the abortion -- he didn't want the guilt of having killed his
    child -- but that was the end of the responsibility he wanted.  He
    was quite honest about it, so I at least knew where I stood, that
    if I decided to have the baby, I'd be on my own.
    
    I went to counselling, where a social worker helped me work
    through my own feelings about Mark, the baby I was carrying, and
    the three options:  abortion, adoption, keeping the baby. 
    
    I started watching pregnant women, and families with children,
    everywhere I saw them.  On the street, in restaurants and grocery
    stores, even peeking through windows I could see from the
    sidewalk.
    
    I discovered a lot of unhappy two-parent families.  A lot of
    miserable-looking married mothers.  That having two parents
    didn't guarantee happiness for the kids.  

    I was a strong intelligent person.  I should be able to do better
    than *that*. 
    
    Eventually I realized that for me, all my arguments in favor of an
    abortion -- that I was young, that I didn't have a job, that I was
    alone -- boiled down to my belief that I wasn't capable of taking
    care of and raising a child.  And I *knew* I was a capable
    competent person. 

    So I kept the baby, and with help from my family I scrounged out
    my degree, and a master's degree that got me the job I have now. 
    It took longer, it was harder, but we all managed.  
   
    For me, the realization of my own strength and ability, my
    confidence that I could *do* things and that I could earn money,
    led me to keep the child.  For other women, the realization
    that they are strong and able leads them to decide that abortion
    is the right thing.  The important thing is to remember that
    you are strong, you are competent, you are intelligent, and
    you are able to make a decision that you believe is best. 
    You don't need someone else to decide for you.

    My two pieces of advice are:
        
    Find an impartial counsellor, someone who's not involved but can
    tell you about the likely consequences of each of your choices.  I
    went to Lutheran Social Services because they had a program where
    you just paid what you could afford.  Though LSS is affiliated
    with one of the Lutheran denominations, they're not specifically
    religious. Planned Parenthood, Crisis Pregnancy Center, and lots
    of other organizations also offer this kind of counselling for
    little or nothing.  They can answer your questions about financial
    aid, etc.
    
    [I don't mean to sound like I'm preaching, but I notice you didn't
    mention adoption as a possibility.  Have you already rejected this
    option, or didn't you think of it?] 
     
    Get your degree.  If you have to beg money and carry the baby to
    night classes with you, get your degree.  It will be the
    difference between poverty and possibility.  There are lots of
    sources of financing for education -- I don't remember if you said
    where you are geographically, but if you're near Nashua, the
    YWCA's women's center can give you a lot of information and help. 

    Please feel free to contact me via MAIL if you want to talk.
    
    --bonnie
    
    p.s. I guess I do have a third piece of advice.  Your family can
    be a tremendous source of strength.  I was sure they were going to
    throw me out, but after initial shock and dismay they were behind
    me one hundred percent, and my mother was with me when the baby
    was born. 

    Oh, the end of the story?  At graduate school, I met a wonderful
    man who didn't cancel a date when he found out I had a daughter,
    who loved her like his own, and we're still together after 10
    years.  Kat, the daughter I had, is, if I may say so myself, the
    prettiest, brightest, friendliest, sweetest 9th-grader in Nashua.
    (did I mention she's also the best dancer?)  We also have a son,
    age 4. 

What the state offers a single mother:  welfare.  A welfare mother I
currently know gets enough welfare to cover exactly one rent payment a
month on an inexpensive one bedroom apartment.  There is nothing else
for such luxuries as food and diapers.  You will get food stamps, but
generally you must pay something for them.  When her boyfriend refused
to contribute to the household expenses, she had to move in with her
alcoholic mother in order to have enough to live on.  You will also get
medicaid, which many health providers will not accept.  If you need a
root canal, forget it -- medicaid only pays to have your teeth pulled.
The welfare department assumes you are irresponsible, immoral slime to
be living off them, keeps you waiting for long periods of time and feels
completely free to intrude into your private life whenever they do deign
to notice you. You will be required to name the father of your child and
they will try to attach his pay to repay them for their generosity in
supporting you. You can sometimes get some support for going to school
and some help with daycare if you want to get a job, but it is hard to
come by and usually full of humiliating red tape, like all welfare
benefits. They dock your benefits for any money you earn. 

Abortions:  First trimester abortions are fairly simple and quite safe.
They are usually performed with local anesthetic on an outpatient basis.
There are a number of good clinics available who do this and also offer
counselling and other kinds of support. If you wait until after the
third month, the procedure becomes more complicated and you may have a
harder time getting it done.  I also think the degree of psychological
trauma is greater then.  After the sixth month, you will probably not be
able to find anyone who will perform an abortion, and you run into very
risky legal territory.  The procedure at that point is pretty like a
real birth, and the physical and psychological trauma are going to be a
lot the same. 

I became a mother at your age, and although it may not seem like it to
you now, it was too young.  Your life as a young adult will be over, and
it is something you will never regain.  It is difficult to explain to
anyone what it means to become a parent, because up to now there's been
no experience in your life to compare to it.  It changes your life more
than any other single thing that will ever happen to you, except maybe
getting run over by a train and becoming a paraplegic.  For the next 18
years your life will not be your own. You will not have much opportunity
to find out who you really are and what you really want out of life,
because someone else's needs are going to define that for you. You will
not have the luxury of sleeping through the night or taking a bath by
yourself for a few years.  Once you go back to work, you will have to
juggle an inadequate paycheck against the extremely high cost of daycare
(when I first started to work, over HALF my pay went to daycare) and the
extreme difficulty of even finding decent daycare in the first place.
Your on-the-ball yuppie mother makes daycare arrangements these days
before she even conceives. Good daycare centers have mile long waiting
lists.  The retired pediatric nurses who are just looking to take a
lovely little baby like your own into their homes while you work are
pretty damned hard to find. Once your child starts school you will have
to worry about finding after school care (or even before-school care,
depending on your working hours).  Once a child is out of the third
grade, it is very hard to find any daycare type places who will care for
them, and schools have still not caught on to the idea that mommy isn't
waiting at home all day. 

If you want to have other lovers, you have deal with another set of
problems.  You can't go out on dates without a babysitter, and people
treasure their babysitter lists like they were the combination to Fort
Knox. They are very hard to find.  If you bring someone home, you have
to deal with how your prospective lover and child are going to deal with
each other, and you have to deal with whatever double standards you may
have about sleeping with anyone and having a love life in front of your
child. You may find casual flings a thing of the past. If you get to the
point of considering a living-together situation with someone, you must
realize that you are no longer one person.  Whether you and the
prospective mate mesh well together isn't enough: you must deal with
meshing all three (or more) of you into a family living situation. 
There are lots of single folks out there in the world who are going to
have difficulty giving up their freedom to take on the responsibilities
of co-parenthood.  You probably won't get many romantic weekends away. 

All of these things are difficulties that can be overcome, but there is 
no question that it is a hard way of life.  If you were older, had more 
money and an established career to go back to, and had planned this 
because you knew you wanted it, it would be a whole lot easier.  If you 
had a co-parent you could depend on, it might be easier, too.  Our 
society seems to be romanticising the idea of young single women keeping 
their babies, with absolutely no idea of what this will involve.  Our 
society also pretty much ignores the needs of aforementioned young 
single women once they make that decision, and they are the largest
poverty-stricken group in America.

First, find out if you're pregnant.  

As to the medical risk question:
    The less you're pregnant the less risk you have. Early abortion is
    safer  than  late abortion which in turn is safer than childbirth.
    (And not getting pregnant is even safer.) Childbirth has gotten to
    be  quite  safe, but there are always risks. The risk of not being
    able to get pregnant later applies whether you have an abortion or
    have the child.  

    (Please ignore this paragraph if you object to men telling you how
    a   woman  should  feel.)  I  wouldn't  worry  about  the  medical
    (physical)  risks. You're young, and unless you're not healthy the
    physical  risks  are  the  least  important part of your decision.
    Consider  what  will  make  you  happiest  and take the (physical)
    risks, they're small.

    To repeat   the  important  advice:  First,  find  out  if  you're
    pregnant. If you're not you can save an awful lot of worrying.

--David

    This reply is being entered for a member of our community who wishes
    to remain anonymous for now. I'll be glad to post other anonymous
    notes for anyone who wishes to enter into this discussion.
    
    Liz Augustine
    Womannotes comoderator
    
    --------------------------------------------
    
     I've had two abortions, one 15 years ago, and the other 13 years ago. For
     the first one, I had lots of support (my friend, my mother, his mother,
     his step-mother, and later my step-mother and a few friends). The clinic
     I went to was very good. We talked about options, the procedure, and my
     friend was able to hold one hand during the procedure while my counsellor
     held the other. It wasn't fun, but I felt cared for, and I liked the
     doctor and other staff there. 
    
     For the second one, the person who helped get me pregnant was really
     distant, and I didn't want to get my mother involved. I was feeling
     stupid about the whole thing and was afraid to ask for support. I liked
     everyone at the clinic I went to until I met the doctor. By that time, it
     was too late to do anything, and I just had to deal with the situation. 
    
     The first abortion was a vacuum aspiration -- it wasn't terribly painful.
     I was very quiet for a few days and bled for awhile, but healed up pretty
     quickly. For the second one, I had a d&c (dilation and curetage), and
     chose to only have a local anesthetic. It was very painful, and I ended
     up getting a bad and potentially harmful infection. If I had it to do
     over again (and I hope I never do), I'd contact an organization like
     Planned Parenthood and ask for a recommendation. 
    
     Some thoughts: If you go through with this, get support. Convince at
     least one person to go with you and wait for you at the clinic. Let a few
     close friends know, but if this is the decision you make, avoid telling
     friends who you know will disapprove. Also, even though it's hard to talk
     about in public, many, many women have had abortions. When I had my first
     abortion, it turned out that my and my friend's mother and step-mother
     had each had at least one. And they were all very understanding. 
    
     Best of luck to you, and I hope that you don't have to make this
     decision. It's a hard one. 
    
     J

    I was a single parent with five of my seven children still at home,
    on welfare and going to school when I discovered,
    "Oh_my_gawd_I'm_Pregnant"! I was frantic, and knew there was no
    way I could have another child under the circumstances, so I chose
    to abort.  The father could have cared less, so I borrowed the money
    from a close friend, went to the clinic alone, went through the
    abortion experience alone, and went home alone to the five children
    who were depending on me to create a better life for them than the
    trauma they had experienced early in their lives.  I have never
    regretted my decision nor do I apologize for making it. I did have
    the abortion as soon as I thought I was pregnant, and I'm sure that
    helped me to recover faster.
    
    If you decide to go through this, I would very strongly recommend
    that you have someone who cares about you drive you home.  I would
    have appreciated having a comforting person nearby, even though
    I was quite alert and there were no complications.  For me, the
    experience wasn't "bad", but I don't know if you exactly call this
    type of experience "good".  It simply "was".  The clinic was excellent,
    the staff supportive (the woman who counseled me beforehand held
    my hand throughout the entire brief procedure--which helped a lot),
    and the result relieving.  The biggest thing is that it's pretty
    natural to feel frightened.  My fear was far worse than the abortion.
     Once I faced that, the rest was tolerable.
    
    In Support-
    
    Barb

    Abortion and keeping the baby are not the only options. You can
    also carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption. Two of
    my family have done that. They had abortions the first time they
    didn't want the baby but took a different course the second time.
    
    Many pro-life groups offer support and counseling for this option.
    There are thousands of families would would love to adopt any baby
    at all let alone a healthy one.
    
    				Alfred

    Alfred,
    
    You make a good point. I would think that any responsible "pro-choice"
    group would also discuss all the options, offer support, and leave the
    decision up to the individual. There are lots of places one can go for
    this type of support; it depends on the type of setting each person
    feels most comfortable with.
    
    Liz

    Yes, adoption is also an option, but it is not without its own set
    of pain.  Although we haven't heard from many birth mothers in the
    adoption note, keep in mind that most of them, for the rest of their
    lives, wonder what happened to that child that went out of their
    lives as an infant.  If one is considering relinquishing an infant,
    I would strongly recommend getting in touch with CUB, Concerned
    United Birth Parents, and talking with some birth mothers.
    
    The adoption counselors still like to tell the birth mothers that
    they we 'get over the pain' and be able to go on with their lives.
     The fact is, their lives a changed forever. 
    
    An informed decision will be the best decision, get ALL the facts.
    

>        The adoption counselors still like to tell the birth mothers that
>    they we 'get over the pain' and be able to go on with their lives.
>     The fact is, their lives a changed forever. 

    The same is true of abortion is it not?
    
    			Alfred

>>        The adoption counselors still like to tell the birth mothers that
>>    they we 'get over the pain' and be able to go on with their lives.
>>     The fact is, their lives a changed forever. 

>    The same is true of abortion is it not?
    
	No.  An abortion is over, in a way that a birth and the life of
	a child of yours out there somewhere is not.  It is normal to 
	experience some grieving about an abortion, but if the abortion
	was not forced on the woman and there are not other factors 
	involved, the grief is something that can be worked through.
	When you have a child, you have it forever.

    Re .13, true.  When someone has a abortion the baby is dead and
    that's it.  It's over.  When somebody gives away a baby, they may
    never know what happens to it.  They just know that they brought
    a child into the world, and that they didn't stick around to make
    sure it makes it to adulthood okay.  I couldn't deal with no knowing
    what kind of a life my own child was having.  I would compare it
    to having a soldier come home in a box so at least you know he's
    dead and you can get over it, or to have a soldier be MIA and you
    always wonder what happened to him.  Not knowing can drive some
    people crazy.  It would ruin my life.  (I still wonder sometimes
    what happened to a favorite cat I had once who disappeared!)
    
    Lorna
     

    
    
    The pregnancy may be terminated, and the fetus may be dead,
    but one always wonders what that child would have been like,
    had the pregnancy continued.  I don't think that memory is
    ever over.
    
                    Deb
    
    

>	No.  An abortion is over, in a way that a birth and the life of
>	a child of yours out there somewhere is not.  It is normal to 
>	experience some grieving about an abortion, but if the abortion
>	was not forced on the woman and there are not other factors 
>	involved, the grief is something that can be worked through.
>	When you have a child, you have it forever.

	In a situation in my family, this has not been the case.
	The abortion took place over 18 years ago, yet feelings of sadness
	and depression still resurface from time to time.  On the other
	hand, I know of a woman friend who has had no problem giving up
	a child of hers for adoption.

	I suspect the truth is that some individuals can work through
	either of these experiences, some could not work through one but
	could the other, and some could not learn to deal with either one
	in a constructive manner.  I personally doubt that the point
	mentioned above can be applied generally.  I also suppose that
	a woman wouldn't know what category she actually fits in until
	she experiences it herself.

	My opinion only.

    Well, you don't have a child for ever if you give it up for adoption.
    Yes, you may wonder how it's doing but wouldn't you also wonder
    what would have happened to an aborted child? My brother (whose
    girl friend had an abortion) still wonders after a number of years.
    Perhaps women are less sensitive about such things?
    
    I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. People tell
    me that one can get over an abortion. It's inconceivable to me
    that that is true (not that I'm saying it's not true just that I
    can not understand how it is) but others say it is.
    
    			Alfred

    Alfred,
    
    The difference that I see here is that an abortion is finished with.
    So a person may ache for the decision, or regret it, but there is
    no living result to follow them down the years. Where as, when a
    woman has born a child and given it up for adoption, they are always
    aware that there is a living child out there that they bore and
    about which they know nothing..both experiences are not easily delt
    with, but in my experience, the later is harder than the former.
    
    Bonnie

    My situation seems like such a repeat. I was in a decent relationship,
    and had the support of my partner, but the decision was made from
    the beginning. When I look back on it, I realize that the fact that
    he wanted me to have one weighed heavily on my decision. If he had
    felt ready for marriage, I might have tried it... but his ambitions
    did not leave room for early childhood, and mine did not either.
    And in the end, the decision was mine, and I have NEVER regretted
    it.
    
        
    I was a junior in an engineering school in NY, and I wasn't doing
    well to begin with. The worry combined with the morning sickness
    did NOT improve my grades. But once I made the decision, I was quite
    determined to make sure that I "won" in this situation. And in the
    end, I successfully turned my grades around.
    
    Some of the things I remember: I managed to keep it a secret from
    my roommate, to this day. And from my parents until it was over.
    I used some extra scholarship money to pay the costs and went to
    Planned Parenthood. The counselor was adamant that I be 100% sure
    about the abortion. I was only 97% sure... that was good enough
    for me.
    
    Because of the love that existed between me and my then partner,
    the experience was filled with a lot of caring and sensitivity.
    We talked about the life within me, (oooh, this is not as easy to
    write as I expected...) and what it might look like. We even gave
    it a cute name which I no longer remember. And we promised that
    some day we would have more. And that made it a lot easier.
    
    The experience in the clinic was smooth. It helped that my ex
    accompanied me at all times, I never felt alone through the experience.
    In the OR, I was given a strong pain killer, but I was conscious
    of the event. I kept my eyes closed because I didn't want to see
    what was happening. I rested for a while and then went home. And
    then returned to my studies.
    
    I'm reacting to a lot of the notes on abortion vs adoption and I
    have to agree with Lorna. I did all of my speculating while I carried
    the child. For as long as I continued to see this man, I knew that
    another one would be good enough. And now that we are no longer
    together, I breathe a HUGE sigh of relief that I made the decision
    to abort. I would do it again today: I do not consider myself
    disciplined enough or mature enough to have children, and I would
    not wish my current conditions on my offspring. My cats are spoiled
    rotten: to me, that's indication enough that its not time for kids.
    
    The irony of all of this is that this very topic of conversation
    came up yesterday with a friend who was SHOCKED at my adamancy about
    abortion. I spent my earliest years pro-abortion. And I do NOT mean
    pro-choice. I've mellowed out, but when I hear of 12 year olds having
    children and 24 year old grandparents, I get so angry that I could
    spit.  (Something like this exists in my family. The hardest thing
    for me to watch was cousins my age trying to be mothers but still
    wanting to be teenagers. When Catherine said that your life is shared from
    that moment on she was really hitting the nail on the head.) 
    And I'm afraid that I have NO tolerance for any man's opinion
    on what happens with my body. The way I figure it, if I screw 5
    guys in a week, I still know who the mother is. And to me, that's
    the bottom line.
                               
    
    
    I have to apologize if this doesn't help because there is a certain
    amount of bitterness that I feel when I'm confronted with society's
    view that I had no right to abort. I'm not ashamed of having had
    an abortion, and I defy any man to try to make me feel that way.
    However, I respect the rights of my sisters to disagree, as long
    as they have gone through the same thing. But if you haven't been
    pregnant at the wrong time in your life, your opinion doesn't really
    wash with me. And that does exclude every man I've ever heard of.
                                             
    Moreover, if I saw a single mother who spent as much as 1% of the
    rest of her life regretting her choice, which is one minute of every
    two hours, but was convinced that pro-life was the only way, I would
    not be able to listen convincingly to her arguments either.
    
    
    
    Abortion puts a little pothole in the road of life. Its possible
    to break your axle, but you can usually get it fixed. Carrying a
    child to term takes you down an altogether different road in life.
    
    Above all, if you think for even a second that carrying a child
    to term is one of life's little punishments for having sex, please
    talk to someone who loves you and believes in the importance of
    your life. Men don't get punished for having sex, there's
    no reason why you should. Nor should you tolerate ANYONE who tries
    to make you feel that you've done something wrong, if you didn't
    feel that way BEFORE you got pregnant.

    Ren,
    
    major hugs!
    
    Bonnie

    re: Ren and Bonnie...
    
    Well stated.  Thank you.
    
    Another part of the adoption experience is often the birth mothers
    don't just 'think' about that child who is out there somewhere in
    the world, they WORRY about that child...
    
    Is the child in a loving home or an abusive home?
    Is the child still in a orphanage or being bounced from foster home
    to foster home?
    Did the child die as an infant? Or later in life?
    
    The list goes on and on.  Although the feelings of loss are there
    in both situation of abortion or adoption, the fact remains that
    for most women who have carried a child to full-term they have SEEN
    that child and HELD that child and NAMED that child.  The child
    is a REAL person, not an idea of what could have been if...
    

re: .0

Whatever you decide, I support you.

Remember that you have as many options as you want to make.  

Many people here have talked about the pain of a closed adoption - you have the
choice of an open or closed adoption, as it is more comfortable for YOU.  If
you choose the closed adoption, and later change your mind, then there is an
agency where you can leave your name and the child (upon adulthood) can leave
her/his name and you can get together. 

The abortion would affect you as it would affect YOU.  It may not be a big
deal, or you may feel guilty or regretful afterwards.

Raising the child would be difficult.  However, if you feel up to it and want
to do it, then develop your support network (you already have one right here
whether you realize it or not) and go for it.

          Hugs,
                 Carol

    Carol has said so well what I have been trying to put in words.
    
    For me having children even under less than perfect circumstances
    was a great experience and worth all the sacrifice.  

    Whatever your decision you have my support as well
              

    First let me say htat I support you in whatever decision
    you make.  This is probably one of the most difficult
    choices any woman has to make.  
    
    I have had to make this kind of choice twice.  (My timing
    has never been the best.)  I made a different choice each time
    as circumstances were different.  Both times I was seperated
    from my (then) husband.  The first time I chose to keep the
    baby.  I have never regretted this.  The second time I chose
    to have an abortion.  I felt that I could not provide for
    two children financially or emotionally (this time I was
    headed for divorce).  I did go through a grieving process
    over the second choice but deep inside I know that it was the
    right decision for all of us at the time.  
    
    My only advice is, if you're confused, get counseling.  Allow
    your friends and family to support you.  Finally, make the
    choice that is right for _you_ at this time.
    
    Contact me via mail if you want to talk.
    
    Love and Support,
    Nanci

       Remember to be honest with yourself. Don't have (or keep) a baby
       that you will resent. It's far better to chose abortion or
       adoption than to raise a child you don't want. Most abused
       children started out as unwanted babies. If you keep the baby it
       will be hard but I've had friends who did it and were happy, but
       they did have to make sacrifices. Only you can know if it's worth
       it. liesl

    re: a point made in .19
    
    If you, or anyone else thinking of a similar decision, feels in
    any way that being pregnant is a punishment for sex, please don't
    keep the child . . . abort it or give it up for adoption. You may
    feel adequately punished, but the person you're going to take it
    out on, the person who is truly punished, will be the child.
    
    --bonnie 

    
    Hi.
    
    I want to thank everyone for the support you've given me. I'm sorry
    I haven't written to update you further on what happened. The pregnancy
    test came out negative. They said I have a higher than normal amount
    of the hormone in me, and that is why the home test didn't work.
    Does that mean I can expect twins when I have kids?? 
    
    I am glad I found this notesfile. I really feel I've found people
    who care about what happens to everyone. I have done a lot of thinking,
    though, since being faced with the possible pregnancy. And have
    decided that an abortion would have most likely been my best choice.
    As far as adoption goes, I couldn't do it. I feel if I was going
    to carry a baby to term then I would want to keep it forever, no
    matter how many sacrifices on my part it involved. My eyes have
    been opened a little to what abortion is really like, and it doesn't
    sound as scary and dangerous as it used to. I was wondering how
    expensive it is, though. if anyone knows, please tell me. It is
    a good thing to have in mind.
    
    Also, after I found out the test was negative, my boyfriend and
    me sat down and had a long talk about it. He was simply scared and
    that is why he acted like he did. He still has a lot of growing
    up to do before he will be ready to care for and love a baby. We
    talked about all the conditions that would affect it, and about
    the baby's life and how much we would like to spend on it compared
    to how much we'd actually be able to spend on it. And decided that
    it just isn't the right time. Maybe a couple of years down the road
    when we are both stable financially and emotionally, then we will
    be ready. It was a good talk to have. It really expanded our
    relationship one step further and brought us a lot closer.
    
    Thanks once again for your concern and support. I don't know what
    I would have done without it.