Conference turris::womannotes-v2

161.0. "COMPETITION - Women vs Women?" by SONATA::OGILVIE (The EYES have it!) Wed Sep 07 1988 13:13

Competitiveness in women.  Most women have been both inside and outside of 
relationships.  As a woman, having experienced both sides of the coin, can 
only use myself as an example and it being first hand.  If men, in general, 
as I speak of women, in general, experience similar feelings of 
competitiveness, please share this with me.  Let me get to my point:

When being *in* a relationship, vs *out* one should feel emotionally 
fulfilled, can communicate with both men and women and not feel a need to 
become competitive.  (Women vs. Women)  When one is *out* of a relationship, 
and begins to communicate either via the "tube" or in person, with men 
altho the man may be *in* a relationship, the comunicating woman may see many 
fine qualities in this man.  This woman's thoughts could range from feeling 
that she has met a good friend up to thinking: "ahhh, if I use the most 
unique of bait, IS IT POSSIBLE that I could "hook" this one......just to see 
if I can interest him......"  COMPETITION BEGINS.

I have stomped on "flirts" in the past.  AND I have "flirted" in the past.
I have "tickled" situations to see just how far I could go, whether the man 
was single, engaged or married.  What I don't understand, is why I 
did it then, altho my attitudes have matured thru the years.  I think I 
wanted to be noticed.  To feel attractive.....to see if I "still" had it.
BUT, are they really harmless flirtations.  Why flirt if one is involved or 
if they know the other is involved.  What is the purpose?  and why is it 
necessary.  Why can't people let things be?  Why the competition?
   
    
I have talked to females ranging in ages 17 - 72.  These women have 
outright declared, even to men's wives...that if the female mate/spouse didn't 
watch their step, that *they* would go after their man/mate/spouse!   

WHY?  Because someone has EYES for someone else's partner, does that 
automatically declare war on the innocent and even not so innocent.  Women 
seem to have some inbred claws that if they want something bad enough, they 
will go to any length to play the game and "prey" (i did NOT spell that 
wrong) that they get it.
   
   
Comments? 
   
Cheryl
   

    Ummm...I can't say that I've felt "competitive" about trying
    to get someone's attention since high school.  Sometime after
    high school, things *I* wanted to do got more important to me
    than trying to get the attention of a beautiful boy.  As a
    result, I got a little oblivious to the "possibilities" out
    there unless the other person got my attention first.
    Usually "getting my attention" consisted of either a fairly
    direct approach from someone who let me know of their
    interest, or (most often) the slow building of interest on
    both sides based on an existing friendship.  Oddly enough,
    more people seemed to be "interested" then than in high
    school...I can only assume from this that putting my own
    spiritual/intellectual/physical development goals before
    trying to "catch" someone made me a more interesting person
    to be with.

    -- Linda

    I've never been competitive about men, mostly because I was almost
    20 before I realized I was attractive enough to get a man I was
    interested in.
    
    My competitiveness comes out in the workplace -- if I'm not
    careful, I'll become a killer shark tearing apart anything that
    stands [er, swims] between me and my prey. I like people and I
    enjoy working with them, and this helps me keep my ambition under
    control, but it's often necessary for me to consciously calm
    myself down and let go of urges that don't match my ideas of right
    and wrong.
    
    I was always under the impression, however, that this sort of
    competitiveness was a human characteristic -- that a woman going
    ruthlessly for the man she wanted, without regard for the man's
    family or anything else, was following the same urges that might
    lead a man to pursue a corporate vice-presidency without any
    regard for the colleagues he cut up or the family he neglected.
    The societally-approved direction might be different, but the
    moviation behind the behavior is the same. 
    
    --bonnie