Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    re: .1
    
    I disagree - I don't think that he's being a poop for not taking
    it down when asked.
    
    He should not have been "picked on" to take the thing down.  If
    Donna didn't like it, then she should tell him so, but not become
    upset when he doesn't.
    
    The reading of Playboy, Penthouse, etc. is an extension of the same
    issue that Donna doesn't like.
    
    Fantasies are normal, and *should* be encouraged.  (Take this with
    a large grain of salt, no flames please.)
    
    What .1 said, I rephrase, since it's the *exact same argument* that
    I use when my S.O. (whoever that may be at the time) mentions that
    I seem to spend a lot of time looking at other women:
    
    "If I look at them, and spend my time with you, what does that say?"
    
    Bill

    Donna I wouldn't worried about it - it's not like it's his
    ex-girlfriend or something!!!!  I mean if you think about it don't
    you know some woman or man who does the same thing?  I know my brother
    still has Farrah Fawcett up on his wall and he dates other girls
    (I don't think he'll get close to Farrah) and my husband teases
    me about Robert Redford all the time.  I don't even have a picture
    of him but I *love* seeing all his movies!!!!!
    
    I think Dr. Brothers did an article about this and she says it's
    perfectly harmless and to keep dwelling on it will only push your
    husband away from you.....
    
    Take Care,
    
    Bobbi
    

    Donna,
    
    Are you willing to change your behavior to please your husband?
    
    Is that the deal that you have worked out?  That you will each
    be exactly what the other desires, and will eliminate all
    behavior that displeases the other?
    
    
    	bruce

    Re: .0
    
    Maybe it would help if you could explain just what it is that bothers
    you so much.  Do you feel that he has some kind of attachment to
    the woman in the picture?  Do you feel that his interest reflects
    a disinterest in you?  Do you think that his refusal to remove the
    picture reflects a lack of concern for your feelings?

    I've always kept pictures of an old boyfriend up (and carry one
    in my wallet) ever since he committed suicide 3 1/2 years ago.
    My husband was always very insecure.  But, I never realized *how*
    insecure he was until one night, out of the blue, he said I loved 
    Skip more than I loved him.
    
    Well, my first reaction was, 'where did that come from?' and 'why?'.
    My response to him was it didn't really matter who I loved more
    because (1) I was married to him and (2) Skip was dead and therefore,
    no threat to him.  The pictures are still there, and there hasn't
    been any question since.
    
    Try not making a mountain out of mole hill.
    
    

    
        Not trying to offend, but, you are sounding terribly insecure
       and being compulsive. I realize its easier said than done, but
       try and get over it.
    
    

    I don't think that the picture of Kathy Ireland is the real issue
    here, but it serves as a tangible symptom of a larger problem, perhaps.
    
    The other replies seem to focus on 'the picture' and say that you
    should not make a big deal about 'the picture'.  However, it seems
    that the issue of not much affection in your marriage has just been
    skipped over.  Perhaps if there was a lot of passion and affection
    'the picture' would have absolutely no significance.  However, in
    the context of a marriage where you are maybe not having all your
    intimacy needs met, the picture can become the focus.  It's easier
    to talk about a picture on a wall than what is or is not happening
    in one's bedroom.
    
    If my lover was not very affectionate with me, I'm not sure I would
    doubt her love, but I would think that there were problems with
    the relationship that would need to be addressed.  Although, given
    this society to equate measures of love with sexual frequency and
    amounts of affection, I can see where we can easily correlate lack
    of affection as grounds for doubting our partner's love.
    
    Would your husband be willing to go to couples' therapy?  Are you
    willing to go to couples' therapy?  You can either focus on 'the
    picture' or take an open look at what is really bothering you about
    the relationship and decide from there.  The choice is yours.
    
    I recognize that I'm making some assumptions here that you and your
    husband may not feel comfortable talking about intimacy or that
    there are needs of yours/his that are not being met in the
    relationship.  Although, one person cannot fulfill all our needs,
    I think that there are some basic needs that a committed, intimate
    relationship should meet.  I sincerely hope that my making assumptions
    has not offended you.  One of my backgrounds is as a trained therapist,
    another is as a certified teacher, and another yet as an application
    software techie.  I will send the therapist persona home now.
    
    I hope you can find a resolution that you feel comfortable with.
    

    Hmmm.....re:8 is right if it's not the picture but your focusing
    on the picture then I would have to say you have to look at yourself
    more closely and see what is really bothering you.  If it's more
    than that then I think you have to really open up to your husband
    and tell him.  
    
    Some people find it terribly hard to be affection......or intimate
    if your husband is from a dysfunctional family you may want to look
    into counseling to help both of you.
    
    Good Luck
    
    

    RE: .5
    
    I feel all of the above
    
    RE: 8
    
    I think you have a point, if Paul came to me and said that he loved
    me and thought I was pretty I might feel diffferently but instead 
    he calls me stupid, a jerk, why don't I shut-up etc.
    
    He claims he's just not an affectionate person and doesn't know how
    to show his feelings, I think he right.
    
    Donna              
    

    It sounds as though his attitude toward you is alot more than just
    not showing affection toward you! By the sounds of it he is using
    some very humiliating laguage with you. I would say this is a whole
    different ballgame from not showing enough affection. 
    
    Please go with the counseling advice! This man lacks basic respect
    toward you. 
    
    Gail
     

    
     re: .0
    
     I have to agree with .7.  It does sound as though your insecurities
    have gotten the better of you.
    
     The point I wanted to make in my last reply was that the insecure
    feelings my husband already felt were emphasized by a picture of
    one of my old boyfriends, now dead, and not an issue.
    
     Affection.  He received plenty, but did not know how to return
    it.  Sometimes I found it difficult but, for the most part, I was
    always very sure of him.
    
     If you feel like you need more affection than you receive now,
    have you told this to Paul?  If not, talk to him about it.  Tell
    him what affection "means to you".  And try to forget the picture.
    
     Beckie

    Could it also be the "he hid it from me (all the other pictures
    of this woman)" that is helping it hurt.  One picture isn't too much
    of a big deal (Paul *is* a poop for not respecting his wife's wishes
    about taking the picture down when she asked the first time).  Finding
    out a much larger piece of the picture when you (general 'you')
    thought is was a small thing can really blow a person's mind and
    bring out a lot of not-too-pleasant feelings. If you hold a strong
    sense of trust in your mate and that gets shattered, it takes a
    long (and I mean LONG) time to regain that level of trust and respect
    for that person.

"The other replies seem to focus on 'the picture' and say that you should not
make a big deal about 'the picture'.  However, it seems that the issue of not
much affection in your marriage has just been skipped over."

Good Point!!

Often problems inside are reflected outside so that they can be seen.

JMB 

    In *my* opinion:
    
    I think your husband is lacking respect for you - big time.  First
    of all, you asked that he take down a picture of another woman.
    He didn't do that.  He knows that it makes you feel unhappy but
    he still leaves it hanging up.  If you received the affection that
    you need maybe the picture wouldn't really matter to you.  But because
    you lack T.L.C. the issue over the picture is bothering you.
      
    Second, he uses harsh words towards you and that can be why you
    may feel insecure.  You don't need someone verbally abusing you
    the way he seems to.  I think you should talk to him and let him
    know how you feel about the way he talks to you.  Ask him why he
    speaks to you in this way.  Ask him if he's unhappy with you for
    some reason.  There's got to be a reason why he speaks to you the
    way that he does.
    
    I would stand up for myself and not take his verbal attacks any
    longer.  Nobody needs that hanging over them.
    
    I hope everything works out for you.....
    
    Denise

	Gee, my fianc�e has more pictures of other men than of me in
	her cubicle, should I be worried:-).

	Seriously, Kathy Ireland isn't the problem, this is:

>    he calls me stupid, a jerk, why don't I shut-up etc.
>    
>    He claims he's just not an affectionate person and doesn't know how
>    to show his feelings, I think he right.

	When he calls you those things, he *is* showing his feelings.
	And, as has already been pointed out, he is showing no respect
	for you. This is the issue you have to deal with (or, more
	accurately, get him to deal with). I'll leave it to those
	who've been there to recommend specific avenues (counselling,
	etc.), but it sounds like the one thing you need to do for
	yourself is recover some self-esteem, and recognize that not
	only is he wrong to insult you like that, but that his
	accusations (stupid etc.) are factually wrong, that you are
	*not* stupid, a jerk, etc. Just in two notes we can see that
	you express yourself articulately, and you can use NOTES
	competently (better than a lot of people I've seen:-). Please
	try to recognize that the picture he is trying to paint of you
	does not reflect reality.
	
	Mike

    Of course there is more to the picture than just the picture.  I
    am not insecure or compulsive.  I have always done my best to respect
    the feelings of the ones I love and feel in return they should respect
    mine.
    
    I am not a demanding person, but if my feelings are hurt for whatever
    reason I expect my feelings to be respected or compromised
    with and not sh*t on because he doesn't like what I have to say.
    
    I had a picture of Tony Eason and Paul told me he didn't like it
    so I threw it out.  No big deal as far as I was concerned, he didn't
    like it so I respected his feelings and threw it out - was I wrong?
    
    Donna                                               
         

    ah... [some of] the rest of the story...
    
    it seems to me that you two are playing by different rules
    and i now agree that you have a definite grievance...
    I can only suggest that you talk it out and agree what
    you each can live with.
    
    	bruce

    Some man said that he tells his SO, "Sure, I have pictures of other
    women, but I stay with you."  Of course he does--Christie Brinkley
    (or whoever) wouldn't go out with him anyway!  Maybe Donna feels
    that if her husband could have Kathy Ireland, he'd leave Donna.  She
    feels like she is being used as a substitute.  (Of course, as someone
    else pointed out, if she believed that her husband loved and respected
    her unconditionally, she probably wouldn't have these doubts.)
                                                                     
    Why is it that when women express their fears or worries in these
    notes, so many people pounce on them and tell them to lighten up?
    Donna, I, for one, can certainly understand why your husband's refusal
    to take down the picture bothered you.
    
    	Nomi
    

    re: .20
    
    "some *man*"...  That was a little hard, but I'll not be the one
    to pounce on innuendoes, especially here...  (Peace, as vivian says!)
    
    I didn't say I TOLD her that.  If you'll glance back to .2, you'll
    see that it's a question....
    
    If she gets the point that I'm trying to make, namely being that
    if I really wanted to spend my time with her, and she trusted that,
    then the picture wouldn't matter.
    
    If, however, there are doubts, and the picture is merely fueling
    this type of thing, then something would be done.  I'm not saying
    I'd buckle under, and rip down the calendar that my grandmothers
    brought back from Hawaii for me (yes, my *grandmothers* give me
    these things - and they're female, like most Gmothers! :^).  I'm
    saying that her pointing to the picture would merely indicate some 
    kind of larger problem, which *does* seem to be the case here.
    
    Bill

>    he calls me stupid, a jerk, why don't I shut-up etc.

Tell him in no uncertain terms that such language is off limits.

    When I entered my original note it was the following day and I was
    so upset about the picture I couldn't focus on anything else.
    
    I know Paul and I have problems just like everyone else, unfortunately
    there is no one perfect relationship.  We really do work on our
    problems maybe the communication isn't as good as it should be because
    we both tend to bottle things up until we explode and that's usually
    when we get things resolved.
    
    I'm basically secure about myself, but I do know one thing - I look 
    nothing like Kathy Ireland and yes that does bother me.
    
    Donna        
    

    P.S.  RE:  .20  Thanks, I agree!  I'm sure if Paul could have Kathy
    Ireland - he would. 
    
    Donna
    

    Digging way back to the beginning of the replies, the person who
    said "Well, it's always me he comes home to."  It doesn't do much
    for the woman/lady/gal/whatever's esteem to have 'her man' coming
    home to her to use her body while he fantasizes about some other
    gal.  While I agree fantasy is normal, there is a limit.  If you
    aren't satisfied with what you got, the fantasy is really demolished
    when the reality of who you're actually with steps in and that
    sometimes leads to even more problems between a couple.
    

    My man does not "use my body", and that is a dumn phrase, anyway!
    I still don't see what is wrong with just looking.  I don't think
    of it as substitution, I think of it as all women being a field
    of flowers.  He picked me, but can still look at others.  (Sorry
    for the dumb metaphor, but it fits.)  You can't say that you don't
    look at other men, can you?
    
    K.C.

    Exactly, Kristy!  When a man says to me, "But it's YOU I'm dating",
    while he drools and slavers over someone else, it just means to me 
    he's willing to take what he can get - something I already suspected!
    
    When a man accepts priviledges to your body it does NOT automatically
    mean he "loves" you more than anyone else.  It means he's willing
    to accept priviledges to your body.  Amen.
    
    When he slavers over someone else's body, (and it IS her body since
    he doesn't know her mind or her character or any of those other
    things he SO appreciates in you!), I can only assume he's dreaming
    of HER priviledges and the men she's giving them to and wishing he were
    one of them.
    
    And because women were raised to believe their looks are their only
    attractant for men, other women's looks are indeed a threat to female
    security.  Your man not only reminding you of this but rubbing your
    nose in it, (calling you a jerk, refusing to take your feelings
    seriously), is not only a threat but an insult.  Moreso because
    his "offense", (as in, "I'm not wrong, you're a jerk"), is proof
    that he's on the defensive - that he does indeed know.
    
    It's a power play, pure and simple.  He's married.  He feels he's
    "given" you that.  In return for him having to give up playing the
    big stud, he's going to do this.  You're feelings aren't really
    seen by him as your real feelings but as an attempt to further remove 
    him from his "maleness" which in our culture is defined as the ability 
    to satisfy many beautiful women.  This picture represents to him the 
    women he cannot have BECAUSE OF YOU.  Surely he does need to grow up
    and realize that one takes a vow because of ONESELF and not to do
    the other a favor.  It seems his fidelity was given to you before he
    truly understood what he was giving.  
    
    Give him credit for hanging in through what must be a very common male 
    crisis.  But then give him hell for trying to make you pay the price
    of his vow.
    
    
    

    
    I see men are *still* slime.....
    
    Nice to know someone has us all figured out!

    re:  .28
    
    a question:  Do you think ALL people (male or female) who
                 fantasize and are married are basically
    only with their spouse because they couldn't get their
    elusive fantasy person???? I certainly hope not. Fantasy
    is NORMAL in relationships; I do it, my hubby does it, and
    so do millions of other people. I agree, the author of .0
    is getting a raw deal from the relationship she's in. Paul
    is not respecting her feelings here or elsewhere in the relationship
    (from what i can gather). But please do not put down fantasies!
    I have read "My Secret Garden" and that book has allowed me to
    feel like I'm not the only person here.
    
    Sometimes my hubby and I kid each other with our "fanatsy people",
    but he's true blue to me and vise versa.
    
    As we say (here's another quip for you K.C.):
    "even tho you're on a diet, you can still look at the menu"
    
    pat

    No, I do not believe all married people who fantasize are basically
    only with their spouse because they couldn't get their elusive fantasy
    person.
    
    But of course, that wasn't the question I was answering so how could
    you take my answer and assume it applies to this new question??
    
    And Bob, if YOU think what I said means men are slime, that's you.
    I don't happen to think so.  I think men are men.  Jes' guys.  I
    didn't place ANY value judgement on the guy who would dump a real
    woman for a cheescake cutie, YOU did!  I don't think it's slime.  I think
    it's normal.  I don't blame them for "appreciating" what other men
    have put together FOR them to appreciate!  Our society says, "real
    men seek sex with THESE kinds of women and often".  I don't blame
    them for posting pictures that say to the world, "I am a REAL man.
    See?  I like THIS!"
    
    The guy in question is letting his "proof of manhood" come before
    his wife's feelings by denying they are feelings in the first place
    and seeing them instead as emasculation.  That's not slime, that's
    pathetic in the same way as a woman who is waiting to get married
    instead of getting a job.  It's what we learn, it's what some actually
    do.

    RE: .32 and .33
    
    Sandy, for a minute I thought I was suffering from diplopia.
    
      Alan

    
    guess I don't know a compliment when I hear one...

    
    re -.1
    
    yeah, uh.. er... hmmmm...

    
    
    Donna,
    
    I know this is going to sound strange, but you might want to try
    it.  Have a picture taken of you in one of his favorite outfits.
    It may be one of his shirts or it may be a racy nighty.  There are
    several studios in the boston area that specialize in what is
    called "beaudoir" (sp?) photography.  They are generaly run by
    women photographers.  One of my friends did this for her fiance
    as a wedding gift.  He flipped!!  Mind you she does not have a
    movie star figure or face, but the picture came out wonderful.
    He may not want to display it at work, but he'll certainly look
    at it and you in a more different light.  The Goodday show on
    channel 5 had a segment on this a couple of months ago.  You may
    want to give them a call and they may be able to direct you to
    a photographer.  
    
    I know how you feel.  My boyfriend has a picture of his him , his
    ex and their daughter prominently displayed in his apartment.
    He knows it bothers me, but he claims that it is for his
    daughters sake.  He wants her to know that he still recognizes
    her mother even though they are no longer involved with each other.
    Even though he knows it bothers me, he keeps it up.  That annoys
    me, but it is still me who he comes home to not her.  Yes you do
    have a right to be angry with him, but don't make it a major issue.
    Try the picture, you may be surprised with his reaction and you
    probably will be ecstatic with how it makes you look.
    
    Take care,
    Michele

    
    
    re. -1 
    
    Here is the name of one of the places mentioned on the show.
    
    Dogan Photography  (beaudoir photography)  617-784-4456

    re:  .32,.33
    
    	Please re-read your 3rd paragraph  from .28 (sorry, guys, I don't
        know how to pull in text from another note...). I believe this
        refers to FANTASIES with other people. Or am I completely
        misinterprepting this statement?!           
    
    re:  34
    
    	Checked my trusty-dusty american heritage dictionary and
        couldn't find "diplopia". What does it mean?
    
    re:  .37
    
    	sounds alot like the system I used in college.....
        PRIK (Personal Rating Indicator Key). I regularly dumped
        an 82 for an 89. Didn't EVERYONE use one of these??!!
    
       (please note smilies here)

    in re .41 in re .34 in re .32 and .33
    
    Alan was making a humorous reference (i.e. double vision) to the
    fact that Sandy's note was entered twice.
    
    Bonnie

    RE: .41
    
    >   re:  34
    
    >       Checked my trusty-dusty american heritage dictionary and
    >       couldn't find "diplopia". What does it mean?
    
    Diplopia ----> Seeing double (not to be confused with "nystagmus" -
                   the uncontrollable rolling of the eyes) :-)
    
      Alan

    RE:  .39  A friend of mine suggested the same thing.  I heard it
    was expensive... 
    
    Actually I dropped the issue with Paul the night I found the second
    picture, but I still had a hard time dealing with my feelings. 
    
    I told him the night I discovered the second picture that I didn't
    care anymore, if the pictures mean that much to him - keep them.
    Well, he ripped up the one I found and the other - I don't know.
    
    I'm not sure what I'm feeling anymore, but I do know that I don't
    like my husband having pictures of another women.
    
    Donna

    an ex of mine (of course, this had nothing to do with his becoming
    my ex) had posters of Loni Anderson and Cheryl Ladd on his walls.
    I suppose I rationalized that "it didn't matter where he got his
    appetite, as long as he ate at home", but it kind of bothered me
    at first.  However, he said he loved me a great deal, and although
    they were nice pictures to look at, how many of the cheesecake cuties
     could possibly be like me mentally and emotionally?  How many of
    them could entertain questions on mechanical and electrical
    engineering, literature, machining tools, piano pieces, egyptian
    history, maxfield parrish art, creative writing, and computers -
    without making total fools of themselves?  The poise is there, the
    look is there, and I am sure some of them are very intelligent,
    but none of them were me!

    -Jody
    

    I can help but think that sex symbol worship is adolescent.
    
    I personally could not relate to anyone who would seriously be
    interested in photos of cuties.
    
    SAH

    re: .44
    
    A friend of mine does this.  cost: about $900 a session.
    jim
    

    Re: .46
    
    >I can help but think that sex symbol worship is adolescent.
    
    True, but a well-developed sense of aesthetics is *very* adult ....

>    True, but a well-developed sense of aesthetics is *very* adult ....
    
    There is a difference between appreciating a pretty face and collecting
    and/or hiding photos of one particular model.

    Re .49:
    
    >There is a difference between appreciating a pretty face and
    >collecting and/or hiding photos of one particular model.
    
    Also true... but they'll get my Mike Boddicker picture when they
    pry my cold, dead fingers off of it!
    
    -b

         You could think of it this way. When a man/woman stops
    "looking" then there's definately something wrong somewhere.
    As long as they don't touch, there's nothing wrong with looking.
    
    
    
    chris
    

    As I read the 20-odd replies before this one (I've been busy the
    past few days, folks :^), I couldn't help but notice how much people
    have been focusing on the picture, instead of the abuse...
    
    If the abuse was not there, then the pictures would not matter as
    much, if at all...
    
    Perhaps some meaningful advice in terms of getting Donna's husband
    to respect her would be in order:
    
    One of the things I've noticed in life, generally:
    
    "To appreciate a roof, you must first stand in the rain."
    
    I say, give him a vacation, and take a break yourself...  If I was
    being as [nasty|rude|whatever] as this guy seems to be, then I'd
    wake up real quick if someone I'd taken for granted suddenly was
    not there...
    
    I'd suggest backing off a bit, and then trying to re-define the
    terms of the relationship.  Ignore the picture - that's a little
    thing...
    
    Or, you could just haul off and pop him in the jaw the next time
    he tells you to "Shut up"...  :^)  It might have serious consequences
    (i.e. *really* tee him off), but you'd feel better temporarily!
    [ABOVE SUGGESTION NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!]
    
    Bill

    re: Note 139.52 by AKOV12::MILLIOS
    
    While I wouldn't recommend "popping him in the jaw", there is something
    to what Bill says. In particular, you don't have to take that type of
    treatment. And you do have a right to "push back". Not that you need to
    get violent to prove your point, but you _can_ say things like "I don't
    deserve that type of treatment." "I know I haven't done anything to
    merit that comment. Is there something else you're upset about?". When
    I learned to reply that way, it shocked both of us out of bad habits
    that we'd developed. And it led to our being able to discuss what was
    really going on in our lives so that we could stop taking our
    frustrations out on each other.
    
    Take care & best of luck
    Liz 
    

    re: .47
    
    $900?!!?  A session??!!  Wow am I ever in the wrong business. . .
    
    Steve

    re: .47 
    
    No s__t!  I talked with my friend about this (no, he doesn't need
    an assistant... ;-)
    
    These are the rules that *he* sets up; seems that each outfit has
    its own set of rules.
    
    - He photos men or women or couples
    - If a woman, she MUST bring a woman friend, men are not allowed
      (This includes husbands, boyfriends and fathers)
    - If a man, he MUST bring a male friend, women are not allowed
    - If a couple, they must come alone and both participate in the
      photo shoot.
    - A proffessional hair dresser is provided
    - A proffessional makeup artist is provided
    - Photo shoots can occure in any legal local (ie: bedroom (or any
      other room of the house), beach, car, etc, etc.)
    - Photo shoots can be with any attire from nude to fully clothed,
      any thing in between.
    - He will NOT shoot anyone he knows nor the spouse of anyone he
      knows.
    
    Seems that nude and nightie shots are a fav with the women and Rambo
    and Tarzan shots are fav with the men ;-)
    
    I do not know how long a shoot lasts or how many photos result,
    but I can check if any are interested, and post the data.
    
    jimmy
    

    MY LIVE-IN SAYS THE SAME THING- I LIVE WITH YOU AND LOVE YOU BUT
    I CAN STILL LOOK.  LOOK-MAYBE I CAN DEAL WITH THAT BUT WHEN YOU
    DOWN RIGHT STARE THEN IT REALLY HURTS MY FEELINGS. HE WOULDN'T LOOK
    AT ME TWICE BUT IF A DOG WALKED DOWN THE STREET HE WOULD BREAK HIS
    NECK TO DO IT.  HE ALSO SAYS THAT WOMEN DO THE SAME THING LOOKING
    AT MEN.  I DISAGREE-I DON'T THINK WOMEN ARE LIKE MEN WHEN THEY LOOK
    AT THE OPPOSITE.  I DON'T THINK WOMAN ARE AS PICKY AS MEN WHEN IT
    COMES TO LOOKS.  MEN SEEM TO WANT THIS LITTLE CHINA-DOLL FIGURE
    SHE COULD BE TOTALLY UNATTRACTIVE BUT AS LONG AS SHE HAS A FIGURE
    WHAT ELSE MATTERS-HER PERSONALITY? NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ON THE
    OTHER HAND-I THINK WOMEN CARE MORE ABOUT HIS PERSONALITY THAN TRYING
    TO LOOK THROUGH HIS CLOTHES TO "SEE" IF HE HAS GREAT PARTS!
    
    
    
    
    

    There's no way you could have known this in advance, but using all
    caps is considered the electric equivalent of shouting.
    
    						=maggie

    Donna,
       This is a tough situation, which has to be handled carefully,
    it is every woman's deepest fear to find out her husband has another
    woman.  Usually when you are married that long, a lot of men have
    affairs on the side because they want to think to themselves that
    they still "have it".  I am sorry to say that if I was in that
    type of situation, it would be grounds for divorce. Once a man is
    unfaithful, they will always be, personally I would not put up with
    it.  It is nice to work things out, but when you have that betrayed
    feeling, it is kind of hard....just voicing my opinion.
    
                                           Lynne