Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    re: womannotes parties - I agree 100% Jenny.  Lately I have been
    _really_ missing physical contact and have needed big hugs that 
    were ASAP (as safe as possible...); the last =wn= party was, shall 
    we say, an extremely effective remedy.
    
    Other than that, outside of a love affair I have verrrry little
    "casual" physical contact with anyone.  Lots of that has to do with
    the rape, but a lot of it is just my general paranoia.  A very good
    friend, a safe person, a mezzo-mezzo friend who's been having a
    rough time and looks severely in need, but these simply don't come
    along often enough to satisfy _my_ needs for touching.
    
    lt
    

    A friend of mine once confessed that in a period when she was
    starved for physical contact, she would spend even the little
    money she had on having her hair done, or visiting a masseuse,
    just for the touching.
    
    						Ann B.

    Borrow a child.  A five-year-old gives hugs that just can't be
    beat. 

    --bonnie

    I haven't been in this situation for quite awhile, thank goodness,
    but when I have been I try to get affection by hugging and kissing
    my cats and my daughter (she doesn't tolerate it as well as the
    cats) and casual sex.  
    
    Lorna
    

    1. Having a therapeutic massage simply for the touch is a fine
       idea. And you get the other benefits of increased circulation
       muscle relaxation, and stress reduction in the bargain!
    
    2. Isn't is a shame that so many of us have to get our non-sexual
       hugs from pets or children? Us adults simply don't hug each
       other enough! Maybe when (if) we ever get our act together
       about sex, we'll be able to touch each other non-sexually
       but initmately - which is a basic human need.
    
    3. Read _Touching_ by Ashley Montagu for a good treatment of this
       need we have.
    
    4. I agree about hugs, Jenny - I visualize a big sign with 2 people
       "touching shoulders" and the circle/slash red icon in front of
       it:
    
    			NO "HOLLYWOOD" HUGS!
    
    Hugs, y'all
    
    --DE
    

    I get a lot of my affection from my 5-yr old daughter (ditto on
    what Bonnie R-S said about 5 yr olds and hugs).  My husband isn't
    a very 'touchy' person and I am extremely huggy and touchy, which
    makes for an interesting relationship... :-)  but he's getting better...

    
    re: .5
    
    And Dawn gives a great massage, BTW.  Good luck as you conclude
    your massage therapy training!
    
    am

    Most of the folks I know there are very much into hugs. Hugs
    hello, hugs goodbye, hugs just cuz.
    
    --- jerry

    Two methods:
    
    1)	The Fuj, my cat (pronounced fooj, n� Fuji Kapesta, later changed
    	to J. Fujington Kapesta Dinkweed, Inc.); I raised him to think 
    	he's a dog (a Lab, specifically) and he believes it.  Dogs can 
    	nuzzle, cuddle, etc. almost ad infinitum.
    
    2)	My guitars; wierd tho' it may sound (and wierd tho' it probably
    	is), there is touching involved that is pleasurable; also, as
    	I give to it, it gives back to me.
    
    Steve
    

    Steve,
    
    That makes perfect sense. My cats become sponges for my affection at
    times. And anyone who's seen movies with Jimi Hendrix (am I dating
    myself?) knows about your second point... 
    
    Liz

    Sure, cats are good, but when you hug a horse there's about 910
    more pounds of warm body! (Just watch where you step!)
    

	I do hug my horse,dogs,cats and friends but frankly my dear,
	I'd like a man! :*) liesl

    I started getting therapeutic massages as a result of being the
    guinea pig in a stress management class demonstration of massage.
     
    When I seperated a little over two years ago, I realized that this
    could also defuse the need to be in physical contact with other
    people, with sex not being involved. The result is that the
    relationships I have today are not marked by an overwhelming need
    for physical contact.  This is in sharp contrast to the way I reacted
    to a divorce seven years ago, when I was truly desperate for 'skin
    contact', and acted like it.
     
    John

<How do you go about getting your needs for affection met when you are 
<not in a relationship? 
<(One way is WOMANNOTES parties. I got a couple of 5-star, 
<full-body--not one of those "just the shoulders"--hugs from a wommanoter. 

Hug a lesbian.  "Just the shoulders" hugs are known as "straight woman hugs"
in parts of the lesbian community.  Lesbians give great full-body hugs.

    	I'd never looked at it that way before, but you're right,
    	Carol.  There are very few straight women who give full-
    	body hugs.  However, I am one of them and uncomfortable
    	when someone just offers their shoulders and stiff arms.
    
    						Carla
    

    re: .16
    
    I am "one of them", too. I find myself distinctly unsatisfied after
    one of those arm hugs. Give me a full body hug any day!
           
    -Amy.

    Apparently it's  true  about "straight woman's hugs". According to
    one of my friends, I give better hugs than his wife. 

    
    	The killer military 2nd Lt is also very big on hugs.  At school
    	I trained all of my friends so at night before I went to bed
    	I "made the rounds" and visited all of my best friends and gave
    	them huge hugs.  I don't like wimpy hugs.  I was started on
    	them in HS by a good friend and haven't given up yet.  In most
    	of the letters from my friends, they sign off "Consider yourself
    	hugged" or they draw a circle and write "Infinite hug".  When
    	I meet up with all of them on 1 Oct there will be lots of hugs.
    	And so...I'm a very hug-orineted person and I'll bet that that
    	surprises many of you who probably think that they only thing
    	that I hug is an M-16.  OORAH!
    
    	Rachel

    Re .19, actually, I've been picturing you as Jack Webb in the "D.I."
    :-)  (only kidding)  I, for one, tho anti-military, realize humans
    are more complex than that!!
    
    
    Lorna