Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    	'A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.'
    			
    						Gloria Steinham
    						(my apologies to Gloria
    						if I have misspelled
    						her name.)
    

    "People like that put out little feelers for each other so they
    can be sure they'll both be miserable." 
    
    my mother-in-law, who used to be a high-school guidance counsellor

    The voice of ignorance is often the loudest...
    
    The older I get, the smarter my mother becomes...
    
    Unfortunately, I have forgotten who came up with these pearls...
    

    My dear old Dad used to say that of two people of equal skill, the
    taller one would be the winner.  Now how that applies to caving
    I have yet to understand!
    
    Dondi (who is 5'1" and hated that theory)

    re: .4
    
    "Oh yah?  So where are all the tall jockeys, Dad?"
    
    Steve
    

    Words of wisdom from Me Sainted Mither...
    
    "The average mental age in this country is 12!"
    
    "Hawaii is a h**l of a long way to go for a lei"
    
    --DE
    

    From my father when I was about 14...
    
    "Never tell a man when to come home.  Make him want to."
    
    
    Priceless.

           
    Advice from a =wn=....
                                                      
    Some men might find it useful...
    
    To view, extract into a file called attitude.bits,
    then use decwindows BITMAP editor to view it.
    
    ----------------------snip, snip-----------------------------
    
#define attitude_width 64
#define attitude_height 64
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    Can you explain how to do this?  I have DECWindows, but I am not
    sure what to do to view this file...
    
    Thanks,
    Diana
      !

    you're not playing with a full DEC!  :-)
    
    ...not to mention those of use whose home systems are not VAXen...
    

    When I was upset after seeing my boyfriend of two years,    
    whom I had just broken up with, with another girl, my mother told
    me:
    
    "Old boyfriends are like an old car that you've traded in. You
    see someone else driving it and you think,'Boy, that car sure had
    a good radio,' and think that you want it back. But you've got to
    remember that if it was so great, you never would've traded it in
    in the first place."
        
    
    Kary Finkle

.12�    you're not playing with a full DEC!  :-)
    
       You have to be very careful about playing with a dec unless it's
       your own ... you can get into a lot of trouble from their parents :-)

       /. Ian .\

       

       Explanation of this terrivle bilingual pun:

       'dec' (in Thai) means 'child'.

	My mother told me shortly after I remarried that no matter how many 
times I get married, I would be reunited with my first wife in heaven.
I said GREAT since my new wife was never married before, I get 2 wives in 
heaven! : )
	She never mentioned it again.

Paul

    
    	I have a friend who grew up in Minnesota.  When she was seven
    or eight, the Minnesota Twins were in the World Series.  It was
    a beautiful fall day, and she had been out playing with all the
    kids, making leaf forts and the like.  When she came in for lunch,
    she was a bit pensive, and her mother asked what the problem was.
    
    	Her dilemma was that she wanted to keep playing outside with
    the kids, yet she also wanted to watch the Twins in the Series.
    Her mothers wise words were: "Fall comes every year, but it could
    be a lifetime before the Twins make it to the Series again."
    
    	I've often used that as an analogy when I am faced with a tough
    decision  -  which is the Twins, and which is playing in the leaves?
    
    	Sharon

    My latest: 
    
    Perhaps the reason there is no equivalent for the word "slut"
    in referring to males is that there is no need for it; the 
    behavior is part of the characteristic of "male"
    
    Now don't squeeze the trigger on that flame-thrower quite yet, 
    y'all.  I'd offer, as supporting evidence, the well-known fact
    that at a certain stage of male development, (adolescence/puberty)
    all thinking is done south of the belt.  More evidence can be
    seen in MENNOTES where one woman descibed here appreciation of
    a "sharp-dressed man"; the ensuing flood of I-gotta-suit-where-do-
    you-live? replies was profound, indeed.
    
    And, the bravest of us will admit:
    
    I'm not easy. . .I'm instant!
    
    Steve
    
    

    RE: .17
    
    Steve, I'm somewhat surprised at your sweeping generalizations,
    and your anecdotal evidence, offered as proof, to support your
    theory.
    
    I think what you are saying, is that all men will screw any woman
    who is willing (and still breathing).
    
    I know many men who do not feel this way (even me). 
    
    Some of us need to feel something toward a woman, other than an
    itch in our groin, before we think about taking her to bed.
    
      Alan

    re: .18
    
    Alan,  I'm somewhat surpised at your taking this note seriously,
    after all, it IS just for home-spun, off-the-cuff theories that
    are based on sweeping generalizations and anecdotal proof.
    
    
    
    That out of the way, I would like to contribute one of my uncles,
    who considers himself the "Perfect Husband".  
    
    Why? you may ask...
    
    The setting that this comment came up was over one holiday dinner,
    when talking about left-overs.  He considers himself perfect because
    he will eat the left-overs his wife prepares for him for 3 weeks
    and not complain once.  I'll bet every woman wishes she had a husband
    like him  ;^) ;^) ;^)
    
    ............................jonathan

    Re .16: I love it! Truly, advice to live by...
    
    Alas, my mother, while a wonderful person, never seemed to come
    up with anything more original than "Wear clean underwear in case
    you're in an accident."
    
    -b

    When I'm really feeling down and it seems like the whole world
    is against me, I remember the words of an acquaintance, and
    I quote:
    
    " Life is just a big s**t sandwich and every day you take a bite".
    
    

    Not quite  a  theory,  but  since  we  seem to be remembering good
    advice:  When  I  went  to  college  my  parents  each offered one
    sentence  as  I  was getting on the bus. My mother said "Don't get
    anyone  pregnant."  and  my  father  said  "Remember we're on your
    side."  

    Very good  advice and very helpful when I was struggling to adjust
    to the strange life in college.

--David

    my mom gave me a book called "momilies" (advice mothers often give
    and sayings they often use) last christmas.  I'll bring it in sometimes
    and put the best in here.  
    
    -Jody
    

    	Mom's had some tough times, but, as she says, she's
    	a survivor. One day she mentioned something her dad
    	(whom I never met) said:
    
    	"Everyone's got problems. But if everyone put all their
    	 problems in a bucket, and each dipped out an equal share,
    	 you'd have more problems that you have now."
    
    	Makes sense to me.
    
    	Scott
    
    	

    in re .18
    
    from a phone call with Steve Mallett who was not able to log
    on to Mosaic today.
    
    "Alan you have made the gross error of taking me seriously :-)
    
    :-)
    
    do people take bozo the clown seriously?"
    
    ___________________________________________
    
    This note was meant to be very tongue in cheek.
    
    Bonnie
    
    

    "Godliness is next to cleanliness."

    "Children should be obscene but not absurd"

    
    
    From my grandmother, that I wished I had had a chance to know
    regarding idle gossip:
    
     "If there talkin' about me, there leavin' some other poor devil
      alone.".

    When I nit-pick my SO about some inconsistency, he often
    quotes at me, in his best up-staging voice:

	"Do I contradict myself?  Very well, then, I contradict
	 myself!  I am large; I contain multitudes!"

    (From Walt Whitman's _Leaves_of_Grass_, I think.)

    While growing up, I was usually the shortest in my class, and I
    got all of the usual short things done to me (being called "shorty",
    and "munchkin", and being patted on the head).  My mother, to cheer
    me up used to say:
    
    			"You're not short; you're petite."
                                       and
    	               "Nice things come in small packages."
    
    When I stopped growing at 5'-even, as an adult I got more of this
    treatment until I got this from some friends:
    
    			"Dynamite (and Nitro)
    			 come in small packages" 
    
    Now THAT I can live with!
    
    K.C.

    re: .31
    
    Reminds me of what my husband once said at age four to his five foot
    nine inch mom.  Seems she was on a diet and eating very little: 
    
    "How come you're not eating mom?"
    
    "I'm on a diet honey to loose weight."
    
    "But mom you don't need to diet, you're not fat you're just long!"
    
    Couldn't you just love a kid like that!
    

    Wasn't it like this:
    Life is a big ***sandwich - the more bread you have, the less ***
    you have to swallow.
    pony
     +
    

    "Don't make love by the garden gate,
     Love is Blind
     But the neighbors ain't!"
    
    "If people turn to dust when they die, my house must be full of
    friends!
    
    K.C.

    After my ex and I split up for the first time my mother
    gave me some advice that was passed down from her mother,
    
         "Just remember, time wounds all heels."

    This isn't a theeeeeeory, just a kick in the butt:
    
    My mother is a waitress, has been one for 20+ years.  When it gets
    late, (well past closing), and the people are just sitting there,
    and HAVE been just sitting there, first she "scopes" them out to
    see if they will take this right, then she will approach the table
    and say:
    
    	"I don't sing, I don't dance, I don't take off my clothes. 
    	This is it, folks!" 
    
    (for better affect, picture my 5'1", chubby, red-headed, 50mumble
    year old mom, with glasses.)
    
    This ALWAYS results in them leaving, but laughing, and with a BIG
    tip for my mom!
    
    She is also regarded as one of the best where she works.
    
    K.C.

    At Worldcon this year, I got to be part of Orson Scott Card's
    ~100 Ideas an Hour~, uh, event.
    
    He presented one idea which struck me quite forcibly:
    
    	The only motivation for anyone which you can be
    	sure of is when an author writes that *this* is
    	the motivation for this, my fictional character.
    
    Even you cannot be sure of your own motivations in doing something.
    
    What I like about this is that when <person> assures me that <x>
    was in no way the reason why <person> <verbed> that, I don't have
    to believe it, and I can do this without feeling that <person> has
    lied.  Of course, etiquette demands that I act as if I did believe
    it, and I keep my tongue behind my teeth and my fingers off the
    keyboard.
    
    							Ann B.

    
    Eh?
    
    What be worldcon?

    The World Science Fiction Convention.
    
    Sometimes it's easy to forget that not all Digits are sf fans.
    :-)
    
    --- jerry

    And that not all science fiction readers are groupies. 
    
    --bonnie

    It was just a clever ploy.
    
    The 47th World Science Fiction Convention will be held in Boston,
    Massachusetts over Labor Day weekend, 1989.  Its name is
    Noreascon 3, the Professional (meaning they made money in the
    science fiction field) Guests of Honor are Andre Norton and
    Ian and Betty Ballantine.  (I think this is the first time that
    more than one of the pro guests has been a woman.  Oh, goody!
    Someone just learned that "Andre Norton" is a woman.)  More
    information is available by writing:
    
    		Noreascon 3
    		P.O. Box 46, M.I.T. Station
    		Cambridge, MA  02139
    
    Send money; I'm treasurer.
    
    						Ann B.

    re:.40 Or that not all or even most people who attend Worldcon are
    groupies.... :-)
    
    tlh
    

re: .40

Send lots of money.  I'm assistant to the treasurer.  (I think I'm in
charge of the Monopoly board.)

M.

    And if you've got any money left over after that, send it to me. I have
    nothing whatsoever to do with any of the above, I just like money.

    re: .42
    
    I'm assuming you're right, Tracey, since popular views of anything
    are generally superficial at best and science fiction conventions
    aren't likely to be an exception.  However, I've been the victim
    of this sort of thing at least three times in the past year: 
    
    Acquaintance finds out the novel I'm working on is science
    fiction.  Acquaintance says, "You should attend <upcoming
    convention>!" 
    
    I say, "Oh?  Why?"
    
    Acquaintance says, "Oh, you'd learn a lot about writing science
    fiction, it'd really help you find a publisher for your book!"
    
    I say, "Oh, do they have writing seminars?"
    
    Acquaintance says, "Well, I think so, I'm not really sure. The
    really good part is the parties/costume contest."  And proceeds to
    go on and on about the groupie part.  One acquaintance did mention
    meeting Zelazny as a possible inducement, though in the same tone
    one would talk about audience with the Pope.  The other two talked
    about the best costumes they saw last time. 
    
    I have not heard that serious discussion of issues impacting
    future development of the human race -- the economics, the
    society, how we'll adjust to computers and medical technology and
    all the rest, without humanoids from other planets or wizards from
    unicorn-and-dragon fantasies, is an activity that takes place very
    much.  Or that if there were other people there interested in
    these topics, that I could find them. 
    
    If this is wrong, I'd love to know.  I might even consider going.
    
    --bonnie

    It's wrong.
    
    Readercon is local and is very "sercon", meaning a serious convention.
    I *think* it is in November, but is not yet.  Boskone 26 is in
    January, in Springfield, and is fairly serious.  It always has
    a strong science track.  Noreascon is looking to outdo this in
    spades; we already have two Nobel laureates coming.
    
    Many cons have writing seminars, but Boskone has cut them out.
    There are "how to" talks on writing, *and* on presenting-to-editors.
    Writers can be useful to talk to, and they're friendly or they wouldn't
    be there.  Just listening to a panel of them generates ideas.
    
    						Ann B.

    Lighten up, Bonnie!
    
    Can't you learn and have fun at the same time?
    
    K.C.

    re: .47
    
    Actually, no, I can't.  Learning is fun in itself, and having fun
    is fun in itself, but the kind of learning I get from costume
    parties is not the kind of learning I'm looking for.... I don't
    mind you guys having all the fun you want.  Just don't try to tell
    me it's either serious or educational. 

    re: .46
        
    The jargon bothers me as much as anything. If you aren't part of
    the inner circle (which I called "groupies" earlier) you can't
    even translate what's going on.  I had seen "sercon" in a
    convention notice somebody sent me through email a while back and
    I had no idea that it meant "serious" -- I probably missed
    something interesting. 
    
    But I wouldn't have gone anyway.  I have trouble dealing with
    cliques -- a result of being an abused outsider through high
    school.  [See Bonnie J's note.]  I won't intrude where I'm not
    wanted, and the quickest way to tell I'm not wanted is to listen
    whether people use exclusionary language.  I may miss some things
    I'd enjoy but at least I'm not exposing myself to that kind of
    pain and insult any more. 

    --bonnie

    Bonnie,
    
    If you were to realize that just about all the people who attend
    sf conventions had been outsiders in high school, would it help?
    
    Readercon could be a very nice beginning convention.  It is almost
    unique in being firmly oriented to the reader, not the movie goer,
    not the game player, and not the convention runner.  It is very
    small, and could use the money from every membership.  It will be
    in the Lowell Hilton the weekend of November 18th.
    
    Although the terminology *is* jargon, it is also a way of communicating
    at less length, whereas the great sin of jargon is that it is a
    way of communicating less well and at greater length.  Here's a
    lexicon:  Con - any sf convention.  Fan - an sf fan.  sf - what
    the whole field, including fantasy, is called; never call anything
    except shlock "sci-fi".  Fandom - the domain of the sf fan.
    Smof - Secret Master Of Fandom; the great secret is why smofs are
    so well known.  B.N.F. - Big Name Fan; rare in New England.
    Gafiation - the act of Getting Away From It All.  Cyberpunk - the
    current wave epitomized by William Gibson's _Neuromancer_.
    Corflu - correction fluid for mimeograph masters, rapidly becoming
    an obsolete method of creating Fanzines - home-made magazines
    commenting on the sf field and the people in it.  APA - Amateur
    Press Association; a method of bunches of people producing a fanzine,
    a notefile on paper.
    
    							Ann B.

    ReaderCon is Nov 19-20.  Sned me some mail if you'd like more info.
    
    Bonnie, I, too, am uncomfortable in "Clique-y" situations.  I've
    never found SF Cons to be that way.  I felt comfortable and accepted
    from the very first time I attended one.  
    
    Rita
    

    Re: .48
    
    >I have trouble dealing with cliques
    
    As do I.  I've also found that I react to some situations as if
    they were cliques when they aren't.  I think cliques have a sort
    of self-awareness -- they're exclusive and they know it.  If you
    have a group of people who have dealt with each other extensively,
    get along well and have a lot of shared experiences, it can look
    like a clique without being one.  I've reacted to the appearance
    and acquired a sense of not being wanted, but it was a feeling I
    created.  I didn't get it from them, I got it from me.  It kept
    me from being a part of the group because a lot of times I didn't
    see myself as part of the group, even though I was.  So I reacted
    in ways that caused division and wound up out of the group.  After
    I was out, I was able to see what happened and I explained it to
    the people in the group.  Now they aren't confused about what happened
    and hopefully they have a better awareness of how other people might
    react to them.

    Boy, did this note go down a rat hole!!!  I started out enjoying all
    the cute sayings everyone was entering.  But then it got way off track. 
    Maybe that's why no one has entered anything since November, 1988.  So,
    is anyone interested in bringing this note back to where it started
    from?

    A few interesting quotes and phrase's I have seen, used and wondered
    about.
    
   - Success is getting up just one more time than you have fallen down.
    
   - Wisdom comes more from living than from studying
    
   - Don't ever be afraid to admit you were wrong. It's like saying you're
     wiser today than you were yesterday.
    
    _ There may be times when  you will be sorry about something you said;
      sorry that you stayed to late or that you went to early; sorry that
      you lost something, but all your life, you will never be sorry that
      you were kind.
    
    - Dont be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where all the fruit is.
    
    - A happy persone is not a person in a certain set of cicumstances, but
      rather a persone with a certain set of attitudes.
    
    - The three secrets of success in public speaking are; be sincere, be
      brief, be seated.
    
    - You get people to do what you want not by bulling them of tricking
    them, but by undestanding them.
    
    _ It's nice to be important but more important ot be nice.
    
    - Conpetition doesnt create character, it exposes it.
    
    - Truth is shorter than fiction.
    
    - Education will never become as expensive as ignorance.
    
    And one of my own said in a light happy voice
    
    - Chear up, it gets worse.
    
            
       -Gerry