| Title: | ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE |
| Notice: | V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open. |
| Moderator: | REGENT::BROOMHEAD |
| Created: | Thu Jan 30 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Fri Jun 30 1995 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 1105 |
| Total number of notes: | 36379 |
I happened to bump into the "Oprah Winfrey Show" a while back, and
it kind of stuck with me.
The show dealt with the issue of men who date married women.
They had a couple of guys who said they dated married women, a
psychologist, and two guys whose wives had been dating outsiders.
(The psychologist was sitting in the middle, interestingly enough
:^)
"Married women are much less hung up on security, and they are just
looking for affection, love, and someone to have a good time with."
The amount of time spent with the "someone" ranged from nooners
(to be a bit crude) to entire weekends (woman travels to convention,
man travels along, or something like that.)
In my opinion, "married" is a legal term, and does not necessarily
mean that the woman is "off-limits", and time should not be spent
with her in the same fashion that time would be spent with someone
who was not married.
The men on the show mentioned that the "breaking off" seemed to
happen on both sides; i.e. they were not just out for a quickie.
What do you people think? There are several aspects to this:
1) Married women who seek outside companionship (in every sense
of the word)
2) Men who provide this companionship, knowing that the woman has
a commitment elsewhere, but is willing to take what he can get (or
would prefer to not have to give all that he would have to in an
alternate relationship)
3) What would it be like if the roles were reversed?
Bill
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 113.1 | elaboration, please? | DOODAH::RANDALL | Bonnie Randall Schutzman | Tue Aug 16 1988 10:27 | 10 |
Not having seen the show, I'm a little confused as to what they
were talking about. It doesn't sound like they mean strictly
married women having affairs.
I'm married. I have male friends who mean a great deal to me.
Because my evening time is mostly committed to my family, I
usually see these friends at lunch. We converse and get back to
work late. Does this make me what they called a "nooner"??
--bonnie
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| 113.2 | Hardly platonic friends, these... | AKOV12::MILLIOS | I grok. Share water? | Tue Aug 16 1988 11:10 | 13 |
Sorry about the confusion.
These were women who were having physical relationships outside
of marriage.
The guys who dated the married women discussed that they saw nothing
wrong with having these relationships with women who were married,
and they even preferred married women due to the lack of "commitment"
between the two people.
Bill
P.S. A nooner is a lunchtime quickie. :^)
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| 113.3 | MSD29::STHILAIRE | I was born a rebel | Tue Aug 16 1988 11:31 | 13 | |
I think that men are deluding themselves if they think that all
married women who have affairs are not looking for commitment.
I think that men with these attitudes sometimes cause a great deal
of hurt to unhappily married women. I know that there are some
married women who are very unhappy and lonely, who fall in love
with men who are just out to get what they can with no commitment
and sometimes these women wind up getting very hurt.
Some unhappily married women are really looking for new relationships
(even tho they haven't figured out how to leave the marriage yet).
Lorna
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| 113.4 | "Higamus Hogamus, Woman's Monogamous, ..." | SALEM::JWILSON | Tue Aug 16 1988 14:47 | 29 | |
.3 (Lorna) says:
> I think that men are deluding themselves if they think that all
> married women who have affairs are not looking for commitment.
> I think that men with these attitudes sometimes cause a great deal
> of hurt to unhappily married women. I know that there are some
> married women who are very unhappy and lonely, who fall in love
> with men who are just out to get what they can with no commitment
> and sometimes these women wind up getting very hurt.
I agree. Being a middle-aged divorced man, and active in Singles
groups, I have come in contact with many over-35 men and women.
I have met very few men who admitted to having had "affairs" with
married women. But I have met a fairly large number of women who
have had affairs with married men. In every case, the relationship
was disastrous for the woman, who (despite wanting someone who was
"safe," unavailable) fell in love with the husband (who wanted the
closeness, affection, SEX! but returned to his wife). I am not
saying that the man in this case doesn't suffer, but I have never
heard his side. I have heard the horror stories from the women,
however.
I personally have never been involved with a married (vs. divorced
or separated) woman, and never will. The pain and suffering is
not just shared by the "guilty" parties, but by the spouses, children,
etc. If women are not getting what they need from a marriage, they
should get out. (And yes, I do realize how difficult that may be.)
Jack
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| 113.5 | I brought my SO some supper | RUTLND::KUPTON | Goin' For The Top | Wed Aug 17 1988 08:57 | 23 |
I think we too often generalize about the participants in these
relationships. When conversations turn to the subject of married
people having sexual and other relationships outside of their marriage,
the image of a man (married) with a woman (single). She is termed
"homewrecker" etc. He is usually described as "cheater", etc. Both
are scorned. Now I hear sympathy for a married women out for a nooner
or a quickie and the man is a bad guy again.
If a single person becomes involved with a married person, they
<singles> know that the relationship rests on the whim of the married
person. To pursue a relationship with a married person is asking
for pain, misery, and in some states a wallet rendering decision.
If one is not informed that the partner has a spouse then the
ground rules change, but the evidence is quickly brought to light.
He/She cannot meet in the evening, they can't go to certain
bars/resturaunts/stores/areas. Pretty soon it becomes evident that
motels/hotels are the only safe places to meet and usually those
are in a direction away from ones home. This was the general pattern
of co-workers at a former employer on second shift. It was messy
and made work very difficult, especially when a spouse came in for
a surprise visit at supper time and the guilty parties were headed
for a rendevous.
Ken
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