Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    This reply was prompted by 105.13, "what triggers the NRA virus?"
    
    Answer:  Testosterone, "the turkey hormone". 
             It turns perfectly nice people into turkeys.
    
    
    Pilar.

    {paraphrased from a letter to Ann Landers}
    
    Man: God, why did You make women so beautiful?
    
    God: So that you would like them.
    
    Man: Why did You make them so soft?
    
    God: Again, so that you would like them. 
    
    Man: Why then did you make them so stupid?
    
    God: So they would like *you*.
    
                                                   
                  /
                 (  ___
                  ) ///
                 /
    

re :-1

What the H**L do you think makes that feminist humor????

First of all it is not funny, second it is insulting to women and men and
lastly it is not even feminist.

_peggy

		(-)
		 |

			Feminist humor as defined by who.

			Men have only two faults:
			everything they say
			and everthing they do.

			Is that funny to you?

    

    I'm beginning to wonder if there IS such a thing as "feminist humor",
    if one must eliminate all humor that is insulting.  This
    topic doesn't seem to show much evidence to the contrary....
    
    What might be some of the topics of feminist humor?  Given that
    almost ALL humor is at someone's expense, what "feminist" funny
    subjects are available? 
    					Steve

    Any "humor" which depicts any group of people as being inferior,
    is not only not funny but it is the product of a extreamly sick
    mind!  Does being a feminist also mean bigotry?  I should hope not.
    I realize that there is a warning on this not to read at your own
    risk, but that is not sufficient enough.  The whole concept of having
    a note with the sole purpose of slamming the opposite sex is mind
    boggling and disgusting!  I'm sure Digitals policy on valueing
    differences would frown apon such off-color humor.  I strongly suggest
    the Moderator get rid of this garbage before someone hears of it's
    contents.  I don't care what "fuels" this type of juvinial behavior,
    there is no excuse for any gender/racial jokes.  Sorry, for flaming,
    even though the jokes were not offensive to me,  the idea of jokes
    of that type is.  Just remember, for every joke on one side there
    is one for the other.  I know several jokes that slam females, 
    I just have more class and intelligence to reapeat such dribble.
    
    
    Bill
    

    Re: .5
    
    Given that, to me, feminism is "being in support of women", I don't
    consider feminism to automatically imply "slamming" of men (though
    some would apparently disagree).  I am hoping to uncover some
    humor topic that is positive towards women but not negative towards
    men.
    
    The original replies to this note were removed precisely because
    all of the jokes presented were either insulting towards men,
    insulting towards women, or both.  Why do so many people have
    to consider life a zero-sum game?  Hasn't anyone heard of win-win?
    
    					Steve

    He:  Do you know feminists have no sense of humor?
    She: No, but if you hum a few bars, I can fake it.

    Kate Clinton, noted Lesbian/feminist humorist, tells how she came
    from a pretty conservative town.
    
    How conservative was it?, I hear you all ask. So conservative that
    
    "You wouldn't say 'Lesbian' if your mouth was full of one."
    
    ----

    P.S. I trust the serious, scholarly, frank and earnest discussion of
    humor can be carried on in the "Purpose of Humor" note - and that
    nobody's offended by the above. 
    
    Chuck

    re: .3
    
    First of all it *is* funny (to me).  The fact that it is not funny
    to you does not mean that it "is *not* funny", simply not funny
    to you.  And that's ok.
    
    Second, it *is* insulting to women and men (I think that's what
    makes it funny in my eyes).  But is your true complaint that it
    is insulting to "women"?  Seeing as the joke you related: "Men have
    only two faults, everything they do and everything they say" is
    insulting to "men".  (It's also quite funny, to me).
    
    Lastly: it *may* be feminist.  I think that it is, to some extent,
    you say it is not.  Who's right?  You?  Because you're a woman perhaps?
    My wife is a woman, and she sees the feminist connection.  Who's
    right?  You?  Because you type with more authority?
    
    No flames intended.  I am greatly interested in the feminist issues
    and am a firm supporter of equal rights (not just for women, but
    for men, blacks, whites, polish people, italian people, etc, etc...)
    
    I just have a problem understanding how someone would be offended
    by, say, a polish joke, but not an italian joke, or offended by
    a joke insulting to women, but not by one insulting to men.  I am
    not offended by any of the above (I am a polish male, if that's
    worth anything...)
    
    If I had to say it, I'd have to state that jokes that take advantage
    or insult those who can't defend themselves, or extract themselves
    from the 'situation', would be offensive to me (ie: jokes about
    rape, incest, etc...)
    
    I also get the impression on occation that some people feel that
    a feminist joke can not be insulting to women or the feminist issues.
     FWIW, a polish joke that didn't insult polish people wouldn't be
    much of a polish joke...  ;-)
    
    
    Anywho, enough ramblin'
    jim
    

    
    Sho', it's funny. Heh heh...
    
    It's also what I'd expect. That particular one has been around
    awhile...

    
    Please note that I have deleted my 22.7, because it was relocated,
    with some others, to note 30.12 - Note 30 being a discussion on
    The Purpose of Humor. I had forgotten the existence of note 30,
    otherwise I would have entered it there (I was never one to be afraid
    of stating the obvious).
    
    Also, I don't understand note 22.8 by MEWVAX::AUGUSTINE
    
    < He:  Do you know feminists have no sense of humor?
    < She: No, but if you hum a few bars, I can fake it.
    
    I know that it's particularly unfunny to explain jokes, but I am
    wondering if this is a particularly surrealist joke, or if there
    is some hidden meaning - hidden, for example, to people whose mother-
    tongue is not English?
    
    Thanks,    Joana

    Joana,
    
    Imagine a lounge or  bar with a piano player. Various customers
    come up and ask him to play songs.  The piano player has a monkey
    at one point in the eveing the monkey gets loose and urinates
    in a customers drink. The upset customer comes over to the piano
    player and says "Do you know your monkey peed in my martini?" The
    piano player responds, "No, but if you hum a few bars I'll try and
    fake it."
    
    Does the other joke make more sense in the light of this one?
    
    Bonnie

    Thanks, Bonnie, now I get it - and it's funnier.
    
    Joana

    Question: How many feminists does it take to change a light blub?
    
    
    
    Answer:
    
    
    
    THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
    
    
    

    Question:  How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
    
    
    
    Answer: 6
    
    
    
    1 to hold the ladder.
    
    
    
    1 to actually change the bulb.
    
    
    
    2 more to act as a support network.
    
    
    
    1 to write a book about the experience.
    
    
    
    1 to critize the other 5 for not being feminist enough.

    Re: .15, .16
    
    No, no, no.  It's feminist humor, not humor about feminists.  Different
    thing entirely.

    My husband came up with this, this morning, when we were talking
    about this note...
    
    
    
    Did you hear about the man that told an unoffensive feminist joke?
    
    
    
    Nobody laughed
    
    
    
    Maybe this should be better put in the note analyzing humor...
    
    but it does appear to me that to make a joke *totally*  unoffensive
    to everyone...would also defuse the humor....I'll have to think
    about this one...
    
    Bonnie

     
    eh?

    
    
    Gosh, just stringing the words "feminist" and "humor" side by side
    is enough to make me burst out laughing....
    
    

  The Roseanne Barr (sp?) show premiers tonight on one of the
  major networks at 8. I've seen her on cable and think she's
  a terrific comedienne with a great sense of timing and delivery.
  She's very sarcastic  and probably not to everyone's taste,
  although I'd guess she'd be toned down some for network tv.

  I saw a blurb advertising her show the other night. One of her
  lines, in reply to a question about what she thought of men, was,
  "Of course, I like men. They're 50% of the human race,... and
  do 10% of all the work."

  reg

    Another ad shows her scrubbing a greasy broiler pan in a sinkful
    of grungy suds, telling her husband, "We don't need a servant.
    That's what we've got kids for."
    
    But the really good one is her suggestion for an alternative
    title for "housewife" --
    
    
    Domestic Goddess

    	Line from last night's show:
    
    		This is why some animals eat their young.
    
    	Scott (I don't eat my young)

Found this in Soapbox today:

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

She: Unfertilized.

    
    
    RE: .24
    
    Excuse the interruption, but could you tell me if the node address
    for Soapbox has changed?  Haven't been able to access it for a few
    weeks now......
    
    Thanks,
    Carole

    I found the following at one of those Ye Olde Signe Shoppes at
    King Richard's Faire (One of the Renaissance Fairs.).  To me,
    it sounds as if it were coined during the late nineteen century.
    
    
    	    A woman should be able to fall into a man's arms,
    	    Without falling into his hands.
    
    							Ann B.

    While we're discussing the election results broken down by gender,
    I thought I'd share this (from a "Stockworth" cartoon a while back):
    
    Scene: Two men speaking to each other on the phone. One is from
    the Department of Justice (DJ); the other is a business adminstrative
    type (BAT).
    
    DJ:    For the Affirmative Action report we need to know how many
           employees you have, broken down by sex.
    
    BAT:   A lot less than we have with drinking problems.

I heard this from a friend:

	I think, therefore I'm single.


/Mike

Holidays of the lives of lesser known Patron Saints...by Sylvia

January 20: Saint Cecily's Day-Patron saint of people who are afraid
            they won't remember the punch line.

February 6: Saint Frustrata's Day-Patron saint of people who would rather
            throw it away than fix it.

March 7: Saint Claire's Day-Patron saint of Salade Nicoise.

March 10: Saint Gael's Day-Friend of those who are not dealing with a full
          deck.

April 3: Saint Philomena of Duluth's Day-Patron saint of women who never 
         like what they bought after they get it home.

April 17: Saint Ena's Day-Patron saint of the bounced check.

May 9: Saint Jane's Day-Patron saint of people who put shag carpeting in
       their cars.

June 3: Saint Pissedoff of Albania's Day-Patron saint of people who ride
        on buses where the air conditioning doesn't work and the windows
        are designed not to open.

June 23: Saint Alec's Day-Patron saint of people who can't stay up late
         enough to watch David Letterman.

July 8: Saint Shirley's Day-Patron saint of people who have lots of little
        tiny containers of leftovers in their refrigerators.

August 7: Saint Moira's Day-Patron saint of cappuccino drinkers.

August 15: Saint Fizzene's Day-Patron saint of women who feel their hair 
           is not quite "right."

August 18: Saint Ramona's Day-Patron saint of people who believe that if
           God had wanted us to drive, we would have been born with a
           built-in tape deck.

August 20: Saint Michael's Day-Patron saint of the Upper West Side.

October 21: Saint Phaedra's Day-Patron saint of people who aren't happy
            when they get there.

December 5: Saint Tom's Day-Patron saint of people who can't be left
            unattended in a book store.

December 22: Saint Karen's Day-Patron saint of feminist chain smokers.

December 31: Saint Donna's Day-Patron saint of parties thrown for the
             flimsiest of reasons.


                             -Nicole Hollander

    Marriage: nothing down and the rest of your life to pay.

More Holidays of the lives of lesser known Patron Saints...by Sylvia

January 19: St. Jennie's Day - Patron saint of people who always seem to
            be a little bit better turned out than you are.

February 6: St. Vincent's Day - Patron saint of people who can't be
            trusted with the remote control for the T.V.

February 23: St. Christina's Day - Patron saint of socially responsible
                 investment.

March 23: St. Gwen's Day - Patron saint of people who always like what you
              ordered better than what they ordered.

April 5: St. Nikki's Day - Patron saint of women whose clothes are covered
             with cat hair.

May 25: St. Gladys's Day - Patron saint of people who want to stand up and
            scream, "I like dogs better than cats," but are afraid for
            their lives.

June 1: St. Stephanie's Day - Patron saint of people who can't let a
            telephone go unanswered.  St. Stephanie was martyred when she
            ran into a blazing building because she thought she heard a
            phone ringing.

July 18: St. Deanne's Day - St. Deanne was martyred at a Labor Day picnic
         for shouting, "If God had meant for us to eat outside, she 
         wouldn't have given us air conditioning."

August 1: St. Ronda's Day - St. Ronda was martyred at a restaurant when she
          overturned her cold pasta plate and screamed, "Give me real food.
          I'm an American.  I want mashed potatoes and gravy!"

August 16: St. Cindy's Day - Patron saint of people who were not royalty in
           a prvious life.


                             -Nicole Hollander

Little known news briefs and other thoughts...by Sylvia


- Jan. 9, Philip Glass premiered his new opera based on the marriage of
          Sylvester Stallone and Brigitte Nielsen.

- Think about how satisfying it would have been if you had thrown all his
  clothes out the window.

- Is Dwight Eisenhower looking better and better as time goes on?

- Stay home and drop water bombs out the window on people going to work.

- Where are all those S&H Green Stamps you used to save?

- New evidence on passive eating suggests that sitting next to someone 
  eating barbecued ribs will cause you to put on weight.

- Take 25 items into the 10 items or less line at the supermarket.

- Mature women don't have hairdressers who say, "Let's cut it really short
  and shave the sides."

- Try to exercise without sweating.

- If the Pope came by for a visit right now, would you be embarrassed
  abut the state of your apartment?

- To reduce tension while driving in heavy traffic, make grotesque faces.

- September 12, Two of the major networks announced plans for family
  sitcoms in which a well-to-do black couple adopts an adorable, very
  short white child.

- September 28, The insurance industry admitted they make big profits and
  begs our forgiveness.

- Put stars on your bedroom ceiling. Make up a new constellation, name it
  after yourself.

- Truly grown-up people can have cable television without destroying their
  lives.

- Visualize all the things you threw out that could be worth something now.

- A mature person doesn't put a lavendar streak in her hair, even if she's
  provoked.

- Love don't last, politics do.

- Great meals in minutes: Take everything you have in the fridge and add
  garlic.

- Real men never wear hats in the winter.  Sometimes their ears get real
  red and drop off.

                        -Nicole Hollander
    

    Here are some additional saints, not revealed by Sylvia, but
    by John Bellairs in his first book, _St._Fidgeta_and_Other_
    _Parodies_, long before he found his true calling:  Terrifying
    small children.


    St. Fidgeta - patroness of nervous and unmanageable children.
    (Her martyrdom is described:  Finally, during a Sunday morning
    class [in a pagan grammar school] in March of 489, she fidgeted
    so much in her desire to go to Mass that the distraught pedagogue
    [the notorious sceptic Putricordes] slapped her to death.  She
    was canonized in 490, after she cured Zephyrinus the Anchorite
    of the nervous shakes.)

    Fidgettine Saints

    St. Pudibunda, who on her wedding night decided that God had called
    her to a life of spotless virginity.  The causes of her death that
    very night are not known, but the pious may guess at them.  She
    was posthumously admitted to the order.

    St. Adiposa ... She decided that a life intentionally cut short
    by overweight could be consecrated to God. ... St. Adiposa died
    at 93 when the floor of her cell collapsed.  Her life principle of
    caloric immolation caused much debate about her status as a martyr,
    but the Council of Trent shelved the matter, and there it stands.

    St. Dragomira, the warrior nun of Bosnia.  Converted from paganism
    by the Fidgettine missionary Anfractua, she spent her life in
    fomenting religious wars and is usually credited with Christianizing
    Upper Bosnia.  She was clubbed to death by her pagan brother Bogeslaw,
    after a long and heated argument about Christian hate.  Patroness
    of edged weapons.

    						Ann B.

    
    I was maid of honor at my best friend's wedding a couple of weeks
    ago, and it occurred to me that if the groom's best friend could
    be called the "best man", why shouldn't I be the "best woman"? Then
    I decided that was rather sexist, so I decided on "best person".
                                                                 
    Eventually I informed my friend that I wished to be known as 
    "The Supreme Being of the Wedding".
    
    Roberta

    Heard this today.....

    In preparation for the march, Dan Quayle was studying up
    on the abortion controversy.  Even so, when asked about
    Roe vrs. Wade he replied:




    Wasn't that Washington's dilemma at the Delaware?

    RE: .36  "Bridging the gap..."
    
    
                         Roe, Roe, Roe your Vote.
    
    
    
    
    

I understand now.

A _radical_ feminist is a feminist more feminist than I am!
	Mez

                                       ALASKA

                                  Where men are men
                            Where women win the Iditarod

          Supposedly the tee-shirt for women to have in Alaska, where Susan
          Butcher has distinguished herself as the only person to win the
          1,158-mile Iditarod dog-sled race for *three* consecutive years.

          Susan Butcher and other prominent female athletes spoke after the
          33 mile "Women on a Roll" bike tour finished at the Decordova Mu-
          seum in Lincoln, MA, today.  Susan talked of how she got started
          in dog-sled racing (born in Cambridge, she saw her first race in
          Laconia, NH), and of the hostility and ill-feelings which greeted
          her as she entered the male sanctum of dog-sled racing.

                                                            nancy b.

    Re: .39
    
    See also note 13.345 and a few subsequent replies.
    
    			Steve

    
    	Steve, thanks for the pointer.  
    
        Supposedly in this year's race, she had an early fall into
        a frozen stream, but managed to come in second anyway!
    
        That woman is a rock!  I found it quite amusing when the
        product manager for Lubriderm (a sponsor of the 33 mile tour
        that Susan Butcher rode with us yesterday) said that Susan made
        a radio call from Alaska to ask about the path so she could
        train for it.  (like, yea, she really needed to !!)
    					
    							nancy b.  

    	A couple of months ago, one of the major networks had a show
    	about Susan Butcher and her husband, etc. I was just amazed at
    	the  amount of work she did to take care of her dogs. Hauling
    	all that food out to all those dogs in pretty bad weather.
    
    	They also mentioned that some years ago (maybe before she won
    	the Iditarod for the first time), she and her team were
    	attacked by a moose. They said that encounters like that
    	usually occur when the moose meets the team on the trail.
    	This one was different because the moose didn't just run
    	through (and past) the team. It just kept going after the
    	team and Butcher. Eventually, another musher scared the
    	moose off, I believe.
    
    	Scott

Moved by a co-moderator......

================================================================================
Note 859.0                          The Rules                            1 reply
BSS::BLAZEK "violet hour to the violent sound"       39 lines  10-NOV-1989 15:12
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	 1.  The female always makes the rules.

	 2.  The rules are subject to change at any time without prior
	     notification.

	 3.  No male can possibly know the rules.

	 4.  If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she
	     must immediately change all or some of the rules.

	 5.  The female is never wrong and always admits it if she is.

	 6.  If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant mis-
	     understanding which was a direct result of something the
	     male did or said wrong.

	 7.  If Rule #6 applies, the male must apologize immediately
	     for causing the misunderstanding.

	 8.  The female can change her mind at any given point of time.

	 9.  The male must never change his mind without express written
	     consent from the female.

	10.  The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

	11.  The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female
	     wants him to be angry or upset.

	12.  The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know
	     whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

	13.  If the female has PMS, all Rules are null and void.

	14.  The male cannot diagnose PMS.

						- Author Unknown
    
================================================================================
    
    	With apologies to my gay friends for entering such an openly
    	blatant hetero list.  (I'm convinced the author was probably
    	a frustrated man trying to deal with his wife or girlfriend.)
    
    	But I do think it's funny and very true for some of us women,
    	regardless of whether we're involved with a man or a woman.
    
    	Carla
    

(Don't flame me if you don't catch the sarcasm.)

I was settin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine,
When in walked this chick who nearly struck me blind.

She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine;
On a scale of one to ten, I'd give her a nine.

Now, on this scale there ain't no tens, ya know.
Nine is 'bout as far as any bitch can go.

So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me.
So for brains and good judgement, I'd have to give her a three.

I said "Hey, sweet thing, you look lie a possible eight.
You and me could make eighteen -- if your head is straight."

She looked up and down my perfect frame,
Then said these words that burned into my perfect brain.

She said "Well, well, another one of those macho-matician men
Who grade all women on scales of one to ten.

And you give me an eight?  Well, that's a generous thing to do.
Now, let's just see just how much I give you.

Your comin' on to me with that corny numbers jive,
Man -- your style makes me smile, I give it a five.

When you walked up, I noticed that suit you wore:
it's a last-years, double-kint, shiny-ass, fray-ed-cuff -- I give it a four.

And that must be your car parked out on the curb;
That '69 Chevy homemade convertible gets you a three and a third.
 
Now, as far as your build, I guess it's less than a five,
except for you potbelly, I give that a ten - for size.
 
And that wine you're pourin' might be fine to you,
But I'm used to fine Champagne -- I give your booze a two.

It's hard to tell what your flashin' white smile is worth;
I'll give it a six -- you could use some dental work.

But it's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh;
It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me it's a three and a half.

And there really ain't much to add, once the subtractin's done,
But since there ain't no zeroes -- I give you a one!"

Then she walked out, while up and down the line,
The whold damn bar was laughin', "Hey, Shel, what happened to your nine?"

"Nine?" says I.  "Hell, soon as she started to talk, I knew
That bad-mouth bitch didn't have no class -- I barely give her a two.

yeah, no matter how good they look at first, there's flaws in all of them.
That's why on a scale of ten to one, friend...there ain't no tens."

-Shel Silverstein

This may be a bit explicit, but I think it gets the point across!!!
    


     A young couple just married, were in their honeymoon suite 
on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband
who is a big bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said,
    "Here put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice 
the size of her body.                                              
     "I can't wear your pant's!" She said.
     "That's right!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it.
I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!
     With that she flipped him her panties and said, "try these
on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far
as his knee caps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants!"
     She said,"That's right, and that's the way it's going to be
unitl your goddam attitude changes!" 

    My wife related this one to me she heard it on a comedy special.
    
    Why is it when men go to a strip show they come home all horny etc.
    But when women go to a male strip show they take one look at their
    husband and say "YOU'RE FAT".
    
    If that didn't have you holding your sides...Did you hear that Jim
    Bakker was allowed conjugagal (or something like that) visits....He's
    appealing the decision.
    
    Fred Mudgett

>    If that didn't have you holding your sides...Did you hear that Jim
>    Bakker was allowed conjugagal (or something like that) visits....He's
>    appealing the decision.
 
    For those of you, like me, who don't know what conjugal means unless we
    look it up, it means marital. In other words, Jim doesn't want to see
    Tammy.
    
    Kinda sad if you asked me. I'm really beginning to think that he got a
    bum deal (harsh sentence) for being a glorified flim-flam artist.

    Don't take the Jim and Tammy bit seriously.

Here's a visual joke I saw up in someone's office recently.  (My graphics are
terrible, and so it won't be nearly as funny, but there are annotated, so at
least you can figure out what they are!)



The Evolution of Management


                  ++++++++++++++++         _______ 
            ++++                   ++     (        \
          ++                         ++    ------ \ \
        +                             ++           V
       +                               ++  _______
       +                               ++ (       \
       +                               ++  ------\ \     (paw print)
        +                              ++         V
          ++                          ++   _______       
            ++++                     ++   (       \
                  +++++++++++++++++       -------\ \
                                                  V




                                                ++
                ************************       (  )
         *******                           **   ++
       **                                    **     +++
     *                                        **   (   )
    *                                          **   +++
   *                                             **    ++++       (foot print)
   *                                              **  (    )
   *                                              **   ++++ 
    *                   ***********               **   +++++++
      **            ***             ****         **   (        )
        ***********                      ********      +++++++






         #########                 ##############
    ##############               #####################
  ################              ###########################
 #################             ################################
##################            ###################################
##################            ###################################  (shoe print)
 #################            ###################################
  ################             ################################
    ##############              ############################
         #########                ######################
     





                               ########
                             ###############
       ####                 #####################
     ######                #######################
     ######                #######################
       ####                 #####################
                             ###############
                               ########

Possibly offensive to men...


There was a wonderful line in Murphy Brown last night. (In case you don't 
watch tv at all, this is a prime time network sitcom about a female 
investigative reporter on an in-depth news tv show, with Candace Bergen in
the lead role.)

The broadcast technicians and camera crew on her show were on strike. 
Negotiations had stopped and both the union and the network thought
being the first to resume them would be a major sign of weakness.

On hearing this, Murphy said, "Oh, _I_ understand. Why don't you guys all
just pull down your pants, and I'll get a ruler, and we'll settle
this once and for all."

reg

    I'm not sure this is "humor" as such, but it struck me as wryly funny:
    
    'Long afterward, Oedipus, old and blinded, walked the roads.  He
    smelled a familiar smell.  It was the Sphinx.  Oedipus said, "I want to
    ask one question.  Why didn't I recognise my mother?"  "You gave the
    wrong answer", said the Sphinx.  "But that was what made everything
    possible", said Oedipus.  "No", she said.  "When I asked, What walks on
    four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening, you
    answered, Man.  You didn't say anything about woman."  "When you say
    Man," said Oedipus, "you include women too.  Everyone knows that."  She
    said, "That's what you think."'
    
    					Muriel Rekeyser, "Myth"

Cartoon depicting board-room meeting, several men and one woman sitting
around the table. Caption: "That's an excellent suggestion, Miss [Smith].
We'll wait for one of the men here to make it." 

(from the book Reflecting Men at Twice Their Natural Size, by Sally Cline 
and Dale Spender, 1987)

    
    	Potentially offensive, read at your own risk!
    
    
    	Did you hear about the woman who gave birth to a child bearing 
    	characteristics of both sexes?
    
    	The baby was born with both a penis and a brain.
    

A: "Have you seen the issue of Playgirl with the special on smart men?"

B: "No, what's it called?"


A: "The Men of WOMENSA."

    The only PMS joke I have liked:
    
    PMS is nature's way of saying, "Shut up!  Shut up and leave me alone!"
    
    (I often feel that way without the "benefit" of PMS....)

I'm not sure whether this belongs here or in the quotable women note.
I did find it funny.

Manisha

 
{From "The Forty-Nine Percent Majority" edited by David and Brannon, 1976}
 
WHY WE OPPOSE VOTES FOR MEN
 
by Alice Duer Miller
 
	Alice Duer Miller's amusing but effective rejoinder to those
	who would exclude women from public affairs has a contemporary
	ring, yet was written in 1915.  She clearly perceived, as did
	few of her (or our) contemporaries, that men's penchant for
	violence was at least as dangerous to society as any trait
	ascribed to women.
 
1)  Because man's place is in the army.
 
2)  Because no really manly man wants to settle any question otherwise than by
    fighting about it.
 
3)  Because if men should adopt peaceable methods women will no longer look up
    to them.
 
4)  Because men will lose their charm if they step out of their natural sphere
    and interest themselves in other matters than feats of arms, uniforms, and
    drums.
 
5)  Because men are too emotional to vote.  Their conduct at baseball games and
    political conventions shows this, while their innate tendency to appeal to
    force renders them particularly unfit for the task of government.
 
-- 

    This is not a joke but soemthing that I noticed that is so amazingly
    stupid or obsurd that I crack up everytime I think of it.
                                                           
    Our 7-11 has a magazine rack with adult/dirty/porno/intellectual
    (pick a discription)magazines behind the cashier. There is a banner on top
    of one of the mags that says:                          
                                                            
    OUR PANTING BIMBO'S WISH YOU A HAPPY NUDE YEAR          
                                                            
                                                            
    What do you think....Panting Bimbo's? Wouldn't you have loved to
    be in the room when the editorial committee approved this? Imagine
    what they argued like..."okay, lets come up with something that
    really grabs peoples attention, something not too difficult to grasp
    and still makes the potential buyer think that there are anxious
    women taking time out of a busy day of panting to wish them the
    best wishes for a happy new year...."                   
                                                            
    Also If there are women in this condition are there something like
    GRUNTING STUDS? Or maybe WHINING DUDES? How about GRASPING GUYS?
    for the male versions of these mags?
    
    
                
    Fred Mudgett
                                                            
                                                            
                                                            

    re: -.1 (fred)
    
    ;-)  ;-)
    Actually how about....
    sweating studs,
    moaning males,
    or groaning guys????
    
    [though i'd prefer....stunning studs, marvelous males, and
    			gorgeous guys!!]
    
    deb
    

The local convenience store where we pick up our milk and ice cream bars 
carries a magazine with a title real similar to "Moaning Men."  It's 
full of gorgeous muscled hunks and -- oops, this is a family conference,
I almost forgot...

No, of course I've never looked into it, I just happened to see it 
when someone else bought it. ;)

--bonnie

      WOMEN ENJOY COMPUTERS
    MORE THAN MEN, SURVEY SAYS
    
         headline in the Rockford Ill Register Star

Here's one from a close friend of mine:



Q:  Why don't womem have brains???





























A:  Because they've got no balls to carry 'em in!

				Nigel

    hmph, that's a different version t'the one I know, Nigel:
    
    Q: Why are women's brains larger than men's?

    A: There's more space in a skull than a scrotum.

    <- I like that one a lot better.
    
    Nigel's is too easy to take offense at (which is why I'm real surprised
    you put your brains on the line by entering that joke, Nigel ;^)

  St. Peter and the Blessed Virgin Mary were conversing over coffee one
  day in heaven.  St. Peter said, "You know, in all the pictures we see of
  you holding the baby Jesus, there is a pensive, almost solemn look on
  your face.  I've always wondered why that is."

  Mary said, "Well, to be perfectly honest..."
  
  "I always wanted a girl."

    An old one:
    
    President Nixon looked out his bedroom window after a light snowfall.
    Written in the snow with urine was "Impeach Dicky!". Nixon has a
    lab analyze the urine and soon the results came in. 
    
    The lab man said, "Mr. President the urinalysis has proven the urine
    to belong to Sec. of State Dr. Henry Kissinger!". The president
    looked totally defeated. "One other thing sir..." said the lab man,
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    "The message is in Mrs. Nixon's handwriting."
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Ken

    Nancy Girard, Northampton comedian :
    
    "Who says women aren't strong...I've seen them roll their sleeves
    up, plunge their arm up to the elbow into cold dirty dishwater
    and pull out the stopper, just like that. Have you ever seen a man
    do that ?"

    re:.69
    
    	� "...Have you ever seen a man do that ?" �
    
    I have.
    
    Me. :-)
    
    --- jerry

    	I try to keep the water from getting cold, but yes, I do
    	it many nights of the week.
    
    	Scott

    I do it all the time, and to a lot more than kitchen sinks full of
    dishwater.  But then when you consider the jobs I've had from time to
    time, that's nothing.
    
    ed

    
    re: last few
    gee, i guess that means it's not a funny joke.
    

The way arguments are going regarding women's rights vs. the rights of the
unborn, if a pregnant woman drinks a Sam Adams, does that mean she's had 



the fetal glass of beer?

	I'm an engineer - I use a fork to lift the stopper ;-)


						--D

    Sign seen in BJ's Lunch on 110 in Westford Ma:
    
    	Wanted:  One good woman
    	Must be able to clean, sew , cook, dig for bait, and clean fish
    	Must have boat and motor
    	Send picture of boat and motor
    
    
    

RE:  .-1

Shouldn't that be in the Misogynist humor note?

	Some people seem to think that if it pokes fun at women then
	it is feminist humor - huh!!!!!  So instead of responding to
	them I shake my head and go to the next note.

	_peggy

    
    Why, how *dare* he! 
    
    Get the whip...truss him securely...

    At church on Wednesday night our woman minister was giving a talk on
    how one person can make a difference.  Said she, "Look at Fred Astaire
    and Ginger Rogers and all the pleasure they gave to people.  And SHE
    did it in high heels going backwards!"   There was loud applause from
    the entire congregation!
    
    Nanci

Article         1692
From: [email protected] (Dave Horsfall)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: The ideal man
Lines: 19
 
[ Jokes told by women provide some interesting insight.  Here's one
  told by a colleague ]
 
What's the definition of the ideal man?
 
One with a twelve-inch tongue and a broom-handle through his ears.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to [email protected]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.
 
Jokes posted instead of mailed often don't have a valid reply address.
 
Administrative note:
 
Bitnet people -- this group is forwarded to the old NUTWORKS list.
I don't control this.  PLEASE, PLEASE, stop sending me add/drop
requests for that list.  I can't do anything with them, so I just
throw them away.  Send requests to LISTSERV@TCSVM on bitnet.  The
message to send to leave the list is "SIGNOFF NUTWORKS".