Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    Don't ask me, I'm two years older than my husband.
    
    He would have been barely 17 when my daughter was born.
    
    And it's never been a problem between us; he's a wonderful father
    and husband.  
    
    --bonnie

    I ran into that problem when I was going out with a guy two years
    younger than me. My relatives, and some of my friends thought that
    it was idiotic and childish to go out with a guy younger than me.
    I guess most of the older generation and some of the younger generation
    still believe in some of the opinions. Like a woman should got out
    with an older man because a woman is three years more mature than
    a man. For example if a woman of 23 was going out with a man of
    21, mentally the woman is going out with an 18 year old. Because
    it's been said that men are three years less mature than there
    biological age and the woman is mentally as mature as a 26 year
    old. That's not necessarily true in all cases. There is also the
    idea that women live longer therefore it is necessary for women
    to be with younger men so that they'll live to be the same age,
    unless a tragedy occurs. Personally I feel it's fine to be involved
    with a younger man. 
    
    just my opinion!

    What if the age gap is broader say - ten years?
    
    Fran
    

	RE: .3
>    What if the age gap is broader say - ten years?
    
	The older you are, the less broad the gap seems.  My sister married
	a man 8 years younger than her, and my brother married a woman
	8 years older than him (give or take a year, my memory's not good).
	What really matters is what you have in common.  If you share
	a lot of the same interests, what does age matter?

	...Karen

    It hasn't bothered me, or my various, uh, "little friends".
    
    And they've always reacted well when I say, "Well, long ago --
    BEFORE YOU WERE BORN -- I <did thus and such>."
    
    							Ann B.

    A great difference in age can create a special kind of problem. 
    
    I am reminded of a friend who is committed to a woman almost 20
    years younger than he is.  He's a Vietnam veteran who lost his
    best friend in combat, then spent a couple of months in jail after
    being convicted of assault for punching out a war protester who
    called him a murderer.  She was born in 1969.
    
    I think part of what attracts him to her is the fact that she
    wasn't touched by this tragedy that left him psychologically
    scarred.  But it's awfully hard for her to understand why it makes
    him behave that way sometimes.  

    They're wonderfully suited to each other in many other areas.
    
    I don't see why the same thing wouldn't also be true in reverse --
    an older woman would have a historical context to her life that
    her younger partner didn't share.  I suppose whether that
    difference was a problem would depend on how well the couple
    communicated otherwise.
    
    --bonnie

    Well I have a good friend who has married a man 10 years younger
    than her. They appear well suited to each other and quite happy.
    
    My husband is 2 months younger than I am. When we were first
    married, some people thought he was much older because he had
    gone bald and we got a lot of fun out of telling them that I was
    older! :-)
    
    I think that part of the problem is how we think other people feel
    about older women/younger men. One impression that I have gotten
    is that people may think that a woman who cannot 'get' a man her
    age or older is somehow flawed, there is something wrong with her.
    She has to settle for younger men.
    
    This strikes me as a silly attitude...but I know that it does
    exist.
    
    Bonnie

    I had no problem with a relationship I had for 4 years with a man
    quite a bit younger than myself.  But then he was much more mature
    for his age than his peers.
    
    I think that it depends on how the two people involved feel.  Some
    can handle the age difference and some can't.

    Actually I think it's great!
    
    -Dotti.

    Geez, I got disconnected...the story of my life :-)
    
    I'm the Bonnies friend who is married to someone 10 years younger
    and I have no problem with our relationship.  At first I didn't
    want to date him because of the age difference so we became good
    friends for the longest time.  Now, we have a very loving relationship
    and I can honestly say that age makes no difference.  In fact I'm
    meeting more women who are married to younger men and love it (and
    it usually 6-10 years younger).  My husband's uncle is married to
    a woman 6/7 years younger and they have been married for 28 years
    and are still happy with each other so I know it can work out.
    
    I find that men are more skeptically of the younger man, older woman
    than women.  I don't know why this is true since I was expecting
    the opposite.
    
    I have to say the only problem we do have is that our parents are
    having a hard time excepting it especially his parents.  But I hope
    that they will accept it someday!!!!  
    
    My son *loves* his sept-dad and they have lots of fun doing things
    together (my son is almost 10)......
    
    I say age shouldn't make a difference it's how people feel about
    each other and I think woman today are more comfortable dating younger
    men than they were years ago....
    
    :-)
    
    Bobbi
    

    My husband Gerry is 6 years my junior.  This hasn't even crossed
    my mind in years, but when we first started to date, he was 21 and
    I was 27.  I have to admit that the gap made me feel a bit funny.
    I even considered at the time (only for about 45 seconds, though)
    that I might not go out with him because of his age.  Just think,
    I might have missed out on the love of my life if I had been dumb
    enough to listen to such an immature attitude!  WHEEEW!
    
    Marion

    At least one older woman/younger man romance has made it into one
    of the (Harlequin?) romance series - so I guess it must be okay....

    When we got married, I was 21 and Jan was 29. Our 20th anniversary will
    be in August. The only problem problem the age difference ever caused
    was the stink that my mother raised (but that's another story).
    
    PK

    Personally, speaking, my preference is for women my own age,
    give or take a couple of years, mostly because of the shared
    cultural past. But it's a secondary consideration to love.
    
    Most of my SO's have been within a year of my age, none older.
    One brief SO was about 5 years my junior, and another, 8 years
    my junior. That never affected how I felt about her.
    
    I haven't been involved with any older women, but that's been
    entirely due to chance. If I found myself attracted to an older
    woman, I certainly wouldn't reject the notion of a relationship
    because of the age difference. I once *did* find myself attracted
    to a woman about 10 years my senior, but I never pursued it
    because she was involved with someone else, not because she was
    older.
    
    On the lighter side, the popular school of thought is that a
    woman's sex drive goes into high gear when she hits 30, while a
    man's is generally burnt out by the time he's 23. Seems to me
    that it'd make sense for a woman in her 30's to want a man in
    his early 20's. :-)
    
    --- jerry

    well, as I started this note I should add that my SO and I are
    8 1/2 years difference in age. We have had no problem with this
    except in the beginning when I made a bigger issue out of it than
    was necessary. We have also received no flack from from outsiders
    be them friends or relatives. However generally people don't
    know there is a difference so I have heard comments from other
    women concerning other women involved with younger men. Some
    feel a younger man is probably looking for a mothering/type
    woman; others feel that only an older man can offer emotional
    security...
    But the one comment that seems to prevail is women's concern
    that as you get older the younger man will be turned off from
    the aging process on the body of the woman. I'm confused by
    this one.
    On the otherside speaking from the younger's man's point of
    view I have heard that what appeals to them most is the
    stability that is offered by the maturity of an older
    woman and that communication is much better as a result. I
    have not heard the men say anything about a woman aging, it
    seems to be a concern of the women. Not all women by any means
    but I have heard it enough to wonder why this would concern
    them.
    

    re .14
    > Seems to me that it'd make sense for a woman in her 30's to want 
    > a man in his early 20's. :-)
    
    ... or a woman in her 30's    :-)  :-)

    re: 15
    
    yeah but the aging process also effects some older men who feel
    that they have to have a younger woman.  How many times do you hear
    of couples in their forties (same age) and the husband dumps the
    woman for a younger one.......it's that they are afraid of the aging
    process.  We all can't be young forever (too bad huh?) and what
    we eat at 20 we can't eat at 30 and so forth.......
    
    Why are younger women attracted to older men?  That's what I like
    to know and I'm talking about 15 yrs and older.......
    
    

    re.17
    > Why are younger women attracted to older men?  That's what I like
    to know and I'm talking about 15 yrs and older.......<
    
    That 's something I have been wondering myself, if my guess is
    correct it may be that an older man somehow signifies some sort
    of security and on the opposite end it may explain why some
    women object to having a relationship with a younger man as they
    have some sort of notion that a younger man cannot offer or is
    incapable of providing security in a relaiotnship.
    
    just my guess, I'm still trying to understand age hang ups myself.
    
    

    re: 18
    yeah true...people shouldn't worry about age hangups....
    
    but I noticed alot of women who do marry men lots older and I think
    your right about the security piece.  Sometimes I think they marry
    someone who doesn't have to struggle so they can have the security
    and all the luxuries right away and then again it may just have
    to do with the fact that they are looking for a father figure. 
    I have known women to say that's why they like older men and would
    never date a younger guy.....that's okay they can leave them for
    us older women!!!! :-) :-).....hee heee hee hee
    
    

    re:.16
    
    True. True. But then, the title of this topic doesn't suggest that
    as a solution. :-)
    
    --- jerry

    There's a good historic reason for marrying an older man -- in a
    society where marriage is your only option, you want to be sure
    that the man you marry can adequately take care of you and any
    children you may have.  An older man, who has proved his ability
    to earn a living, has a distinct advantage over a younger man
    who has yet to establish his earning ability.
    
    And then after your much-older husband dies while you're still
    young, you can marry a much-younger man to take care of your
    sex drive :) :) :) :)
    
    --bonnie

    This is what our families think of older women/younger men:
    
    I'm 2 years older than my fiance
    my mom's 9 years older than my step-dad
    my grand-mother's 2 years older than my grandfather
    my fiance's mom's 3 years older than his dad
    his sister-in-law is 4 years older than his brother
    his sister's 6 years older than her fiance
    my sister's 1 year older than her boyfriend
    
    
    And we didn't plan it that way!
    

    
    
    My friend Mark is 9 years (I think but who's counting) younger
    than I am, he is 11 years older than my son and 13 years older
    than my  daughter.  We all get along fine and don't usually notice
    any age difference.
    
    _peggy
    
    	(-)
    	 |
    		You are as young as you think you are.
    
    

    Saw this and I just had to reply.
    
    My husband is 13 years younger than I am.  Like .10 (I think), we
    were just good friends in the beginning.  I really wasn't sure I
    wanted to be "involved" with a man this young (only 8 yrs older
    than my daughter), but I couldn't help myself.  We have been happily
    married now for 5-1/2 years and it just keeps getting better every
    day.
    
    The funniest thing about it, I think anyway, is when he tells people
    he's just met about his 2 grandchildren (he's 31 years old)!
    
    Janet
    

    My partner is 18 years younger than me and 4 years older than 
    my daughter.  We have been together for three years.  People
    never seem to notice anything 'unusual'!
    
    Diana.

    What comes to mind....
    "Think It Over" By Brenda Russell
    
    "Ageless minds attract each other.... Learn from love and not from
     numbers."
    

    I've done it both ways . . . I seriously dated a man 15 years older
    than myself and then married (about 6 yrs later) a man 5 years younger!
    Maturity wise, both these men were switched and this was one of
    the biggest factors in the development of our relationship.
    
    For the most part, my husband is a lot more mature than I - having
    a 9 year old daughter helps, I know.  We did, though, definitely
    have some age related problems - mostly in terms of him not being
    on his own as long as I and coming from a very "suffocating" (my
    word only) family.  But he has grown so much in the 3 years that
    we have been married and we never think a thing about the age
    difference.  The funny part is that people say that I'm the one
    that looks about 5 years younger . . . I think things have evened
    out just fine!
    
    Martha