Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    
    Does this friend know somebody who is a friend/acquaintance of this
    man?  Maybe a third party can help the situation along.  I know
    I've helped a few shy people get together this way.
    
    If not, I'll bet if she just said "hello" he would say hello.
    Then maybe try something like trip over your own feet and fall
    into his arms? :-)  Works like a charm!
    
    Really though, I think the fact that he acknowledges her with a
    smile says something.  Maybe he's shy too.  I've yet to run into
    a situation where I've struck up a conversation with someone
    and they told me to take a hike.  Men don't generally bite until
    you get to know them better. ;->
    
    Donna
    
    

    
    	Why is it that it's so hard for a women to express her attraction
     - how she feels - to a man? We get the real_hard_data, fer sure!
    
    (Hmmmmm...She *allowed* that physical contact - something a women
    would *never* do unless...Oh Wow! Could it be? Hmmmm...Nah! But
    maybe? Wonder what I should do? I'll keep smilin' and as long as
    she does too maybe I'll get up the nerve to say "er, like to go
    out with me?" -LATER- Hmmmmm...She *allowed* me to hold her hand
    - something a women would *never* do unless...Oh Wow! Could it be?
    Hmmmm...maybe? Wonder what I should do? I'll keep in touch with
    her and as long as she still seems interested I'll ask her out
    again! -LATER- MMmmmm...She *allowed* me to kiss her! Something a
    women would never do unless...Oh WOW! Could it be? MMMmmm this sure
    is nice! Wonder what I should do? I'll have to ask *her* out more
    often, heck, all the time! -LATER- Whoa! She *allowed* me to put
    my hands "wherever" I want! Something a women would *never* do unless
    ...Ohh WoWW! Could it be? Maybe? Wonder what I should do? I certainly
    dont want to "spoil" what we have so far, cause it's just wonderful!
    Maybe it's "too soon"... Maybe not, sure has "been awhile". Wonder
    what she's thinking, and why she doesnt just tell me how she feels,
    rather than just "letting" me find out on my own initiative? I wonder
    what might have never happened if *I* never did pull my head out of the
    sand and noticed, took the risk, every_step_of_the_way? That's right,
    I wouldnt even have the possibility of a relationship. I'm sure
    glad *I* did!)
    
    	Joe Jas
    
    	Joe Jas

I'm a man and I am generally flattered when a woman approaches me.
If he's already acknowledged you with a smile, he's at least friendly.
Fear of being thought forward is misplaced. A simple gesture of
friendly interest is not too forward. How about "Hi, I'm ____, I
like your smile and I wanted to meet you, especially since I'm not
going to be here for much longer." I'll bet he will respond, and if he's
married or otherwise not interested, he'll probably tell you. No harm
done.

I'm pretty sure that nothing worthwhile is gained without some degree
of risk. So what if you fear being rejected? If the worst happens, you'll
survive. I read an article once which contained a statement I've come
to appreciate many times over. The story used to illustrate this idea is
too long to repeat here, but it boils down to "Do the things that make you
anxious, don't do the things that make you depressed." In this case that
might mean that you'll fear rejection which causes anxiety, but the experience
of overcoming that will make you feel good about yourself. If you chicken out,
you'll wonder what might have been, and you'll probably not like yourself.
So go ahead!

Steve

    Re: .0
    
    Ask questions (other than "What are you doing Friday night?"). 
    Like, "What group are you in?" or some other informational question.
    The stock plan is being advertised again; ask questions about that.
    If nothing else, ask for directions.  Once you have that first
    conversation, it's easier to have others.

Listen. It's almost Friday!  Hurry!

   She should smile at him and say:  "Want to buy me a farewell cup of
coffee before I pack up and go back to XXXX?"

       (where XXXX is the name of the city or plant where she dwells
        daily.  Thus, if he doesn't pick up the message until next
        Wednesday, he can hunt her up. (Yes, some of us need a week to 
        accelerate from zero to 60.)

Meigs

We are all ships in the night. Grab that foghorn.  

	Or she could buy him some coffee :-).

    Yes, yes...introduce yourself and offer to buy him a cup of coffee
    before you go back to XXX...and let us know what happens!!
    

    
    No, don't do it. 
    
    That would encourage men to pursue more women
    at work, and sooner or later some poor devil is 
    gonna get 'set right' for getting a signal wrong 
    (such as mistaking a flirt for real interest). 
    
    How is he supposed to know he isn't being set up
    by someone who just wants attention? 

    
    	re .8
    
    You know that by what she allows; maybe she lets you talk to her,
    skip in little circles around her as she walks to lunch, give her
    flowers - whatever - but she wont allow you to take her out on a
    date, or to a party, or for ice cream at Kimballs after work, or
    give her a ride to the woods meeting, or...
                                     
    	Joe Jas

    Hi!  I am that certain individual.  My contract here has been extended
    for 3 months which (thank God) allows me a little slack time.  I
    appreciate everybodies input.  It has all helped, but as of this
    time nothing has happened.  I have met someone who will, hopefully,
    be able to help the situation along.  Although, I must admit, I
    am growing impatient waiting for something to happen.  I would like
    to be able to make things happen in a more direct manner, rather
    than going through a third person, but I do not have the nerve,
    even though I agree with everything everyone has said.  This is
    the 80's , but "just the thought" of asking him out directly is
    enough to give me an ulcer.  I am not used to doing the persuing.
    But....(and this is a big BUT) if something doesn't happen soon,
    I just may do it.
    
    I will keep you all updated.
    
    Thanks for everything!

    Do you think you might be able to take a first step if it wasn't
    so direct or so drastic?  
    
    Since he works in the same area, perhaps you can arrange to
    "accidentally" be at the same place at the same time -- ask him to
    pass you the cream at the coffee station, or to hand you fresh
    paper for the laser printer, or wait behind him at the soda
    machine, etc. etc. etc. 
    
    That would let a conversation start naturally about something
    neutral, instead of having to jump straight into the personal.
    
    Just an idea, don't know if it will work for you.
    
    --bonnie

    I would suggest just being friendly, do not think about asking
    him out - just small, casual talk at the beginning and then
    take it from there -  Lots of luck!!
    

    The woman who wanted the advice in the base note has started
    a note in quark::human_relations titled "I'm the Victim" about
    a terrible experience she had last fall. She has agreed that I can
    refer womannotes to her note (503)..to contribute answers on
    how to deal with having been attacked.
    
    Bonnie

    Hi.  It's me.  Well, with the help of a mutual friend we have started
    talking to one another everyday.  And today we are going out for
    a drink after work.  Thanks, everyone, for all of your advice.
    
                            Wish me luck!
    
    
                            Or better yet,
    
    
    
    
    
                           Wish him luck!

    Congratulations and very best luck to you both!  
    
    						in Sisterhood,
    						=maggie