Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    Re the question: Attractiveness doesn't often enter into it (for
    me). I usually feel that *anyone* I don't know well "could leave at
    any time and find someone better;" when I get to know someone, I
    tend to relax a bit more, and while that someone *could* still leave
    at any time, I don't concern myself with the possibility.
    
    Re insecure people: As an insecure person of long standing, I find
    that I am *always* capable of assuming that someone I'm with - as
    a friend, or romantically, or sitting next to on the bus - would
    drop me in a second if (no, make that "when" - I really am awfully
    insecure) someone "better" comes along.
    
    However, after almost 36 years of this kind of insecurity being
    tempered with the realization that most other people are pretty
    insecure themselves, I've stopped worrying about it. I guard my
    own freedom to come and go as I please, and will therefore defend
    anybody else's to do the same, no matter *how* attractive they are.

    What it's come to, for me, is realizing that "better" is relative;
    "better" for me might be "appalling" for someone else, and vice
    versa. While I hope to find someone for whom *I'm* "better" - nay,
    make that "best"! - I refuse to define my self-worth on the basis
    of this kind of ratings game.
    
    -b

    RE: .1
    
    > I refuse to define my self-worth on the basis of this kind of
    > ratings game.
    
    This was not a game, or at least I didn't mean it to be. 8^).  
    It was a sincere question which concerns me and someone that I 
    love.  I asked it in hopes of getting some answers to pass on to
    my loved one that may help the way that they are thinking, if they
    saw that maybe there were others who also felt this way.
    
    But may I point out that you did indeed define yourself on the 
    "basis of this kind of ratings game."  Maybe not with a letter,(a).b).
    c). or d).)  but with the entire context of your reply.  (except
    the last paragraph).
    
    Oh yeah, and by the way, you reply helped tremendously!!  THANK-YOU!!
    
    8^).
    
    

    Have any of you ever been co-counselors?
    
    I was at a women's liberation co-counseling retreat once where we
    tried to find one thing we all had in common.  The one thing we
    could all agree on:  that not one of us believed we were "attractive
    enough."
    
    I can think of only three women of all those I have known who think
    that they are pretty, or "attractive enough" or really quite like
    the way they look.  I remember one of them telling me that her first
    husband (the Italian prince) used to say that she should wet her
    fingers, he would slap her on the back, and she should get ahold
    of her nipples when they popped out.  She thought this was funny
    (most of us wouldn't) because how could she possibly look any 
    better.  She's sixty now and still feels that way.
    
    Briana

    a.) I have a right to be with anyone who desires my company, shoot,
        if they didn't really want to be with me, then I reckon they
        would find someone else to be with.
    
    c.) Trust me...if they're with me, it's really because they want
        to be.  I'm not the world's greatest beauty ;-) but I am a
        real QT. ;-)
    
    b.) In the words my dear old mom used to repeat to me...
    
        "I may not be the best old gal in this town,
         But I'm the best when the best comes around."
    
         Mom really is quite wise. ;-)
                                         -sunny-

    Thank you for all your replies, they really helped.
    
    I think that if people could just feel good about themselves then
    they could feel even better when they are with another.  I must
    admit though, that I don't always feel great about me.  But that's
    something that I keep to myself.
    
    Thanks again.
    
    8^)