Conference turris::womannotes-v1

770.0. "SOME GOOD NEWS - FOR A CHANGE!" by SMEGIT::PHINNEY () Wed Mar 23 1988 14:42

    For those of you who read my note (#592) in December, I just want
    to give you an update of our "state of affairs".  To put it simply,
    things are wonderful !!!  As I came to realize, it wasn't my mother-
    in-law that was really causing our problems but my husband's refusal
    to stand by and support me during her tirades - whether they were
    justified or not!  (Being VERY honest with myself - I don't think
    ONE of them was justified; but that's another story!)
    
    My realization was one thing but my HUSBAND's realization was quite
    another thing and has taken the past 4 month's of therapy, culminating
    in a wonderful marriage encounter weekend in Boston.  He has grown
    so much in the past 4 month's that it takes my breath away!  I think
    he finally realized that I had hit rock bottom (had gone so far
    as to make an appt with a lawyer) and was stretching myself to the
    point of a breakdown in trying to rebuild our relationship.
    
    To make a long story shorter and show just how far he as come, we
    had gone to church Sunday and looking forward to breakfast out as
    we always do.  Well come to find out, his mother was visiting our
    church too (surprise, surprise!?).  Things up to this point had
    been pretty good between us but she is presently wrestling with
    many problems with her and her husband's health and has been very
    down for the last few months.  We asked her to breakfast with us
    but I knew we were in for something when our first words to each
    other were:  "That dress looks great.  I haven't seen it on yet"
    (me); (and her reply) "Well that's because I never see you!"
    Oh boy . . . We get seated at the restaurant (her mood becoming
    more evident all the time) and she asks what we are doing for dinner.
    (What about the time we're spending with her right now - I guess
    it wasn't enough.)  My honest response was that we'd been away all
    weekend, were taking my husband's daughter out later that aft and
    just wanted to be home a little before another week began . . .
    
    Well, the shit hit the fan and was a replica of the same fiasco
    that happened Thanksgiving day - "I'm tired of trying to be a good
    m-i-l . . . You won't even spend any time with me . . . You're always
    to busy . . .  on and on and on.
    
    I was FUMING; I mean FUMING as I have never been before and I don't
    know what kept me from attacking her!!! but then I would never have
    had a chance to witness what my husband did - he stood up for me!!!
    For the first time ever!!!  He said that he agreed with my response,
    that he was tired of her attacking me, that I've never even said
    an unkind word to her let alone cause the scenes and turmoil that
    she has.  He went on about how much he loved me, what a good person
    I was and how much I was helping him where he was strong, and I
    weak, and visa versa.  I just listened and trembled - and, yes,
    finally gave her a piece of my mind - as constructively as possible
    but with a good measure of "hey lady, let's get this straight for
    once and for all"
    
    I've gone on for too long and thanks for listening - I just wanted
    to let those concerned know that somethings do work out - though
    it takes hell and high water to get there.  I know one thing for
    certain - we would never be where we are now if it weren't for some
    of that hell . . . God always has his reasons !
    
    Martha

    In that next to last paragraph - I meant "where he is weak and I
    am strong" - he's not that macho!
    
    Martha

    Yay for the good news!  And maybe this will be a beginning of a
    real relationship with your mother in law too.

    Yeah....glad to hear things turned out alright.  MIL's can play
    some pretty weird head games.......maybe now that she knows when
    she stands she can start building a relationship with both of you.
    
    Good Luck!
    
    Bobbi
    

    RE: .4
    
    Considering the author of the basenote wanted to share her feelings,
    and she used the phrase "God always has his reasons", you're being
    somewhat boorish in your pointing out - as you see it - the error
    of her ways.
    
      Alan

    re .5 re .4...I would agree that each of us should feel free
    to refer to the Deity with the terms and gender that we are each
    comfortable without fearing critcism from those who believe differently
    from us.
    
    Bonnie

    
re .0    I was in a pantomime (Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs) around Christmas
         and one line sums up my feelings on reading your note.

    	"Oh I dooo like a story with a happy ending" (Bashful the dwarf)
    
    	Best of luck for the future too.
         
    

    Here I am trying to share what, in my marriage, is a huge step forward
    and you're belittling my use of "he" in reference to God?!?!  I
    have absolutely no problem in thinking of God as a he - wasn't Adam
    the first human and created in God's likeness?  That says it all
    for me . . . perhaps you should reevalute your understanding of
    creation.

    I agree that .0 has the right to refer to "God" as he, she, or it,
    whichever suits her fancy, and I wouldn't have complained about it.
     However, I can't help but want to point out to .8 that not everyone
    considers the story of Adam as the first human "created in God's
    likeness" to be fact.
    
    BTW, congratulations on having your husband stick up for you to
    his mother!  (Who knows?  If mine had I might still be married today!)
    
    

    
    
    Here is a person who is sharing a good experience - a new beginning  
    and your fighting over how they perceive God's gender !!! 
    
    Martha I don't know you, but Congratulations to you and your husband.
    
    dave

    Congratulations, Martha.  Thanks for sharing the good news with
    us.
    
    -Tracy
    

   Sometimes I could scream when I read this notesfile. Here's someone
    who's obviously had a tough time, has gone through it and emerged
    with good news and a newly found spirit and all you can do is discuss
    the gender of god (or goddess??) WHy can't you just feel joy and
    happiness and congratulate Martha.
    
    Martha, I don't know where you are or who you are, but reading that
    note gave me goosebumps. Good luck to you and your husband.
    
    Gilla