Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    Feeling like other people are going to find out the 'real you' and
    hate you for it is only one aspect of the imposter phenomenon.
    
    Another is, "Everybody always tells me I'm bright, but I have to
    work so hard to do things, so even though it turned out right in
    the end I'm obviously not as bright as I thought I was.  I'll have
    to work twice as hard next time."
    
    Another:  "Yes, I did a good job this time, but it was luck (or
    I had lots of help), and I'm sure I won't be so lucky (or have such
    good help) next time."
    
    Another:  "Yes, I did well, but it was easy, and if it was so easy
    I could do it, it obviously wasn't as important as you think it
    is."  (This is my particular version.  It's the flip side of the
    'I have to work so hard' feeling.)
    
    Defiant superiority is sometimes a coverup for feelings of this sort --
    "If I act reallly smart, arrogant, and really bright, maybe nobody will
    challenge me on this point." 
    
    Yet another:  "If I succeed at this, they'll expect more of me next
    time, and I know I won't be able to do that, and then they'll find
    me out, so maybe I hadn't better do too well at what I'm doing right
    now."  You may recognize this one as a factor in the so-called 'fear
    of success.'
    
    The common thread through all of these feelings is the inability to
    take credit for one's honest abilities. Not everyone knows how to work
    hard.  Not everyone knows how to take advantage of the luck or the help
    they get.  Not everyone makes good use of the things that come easily
    to them. 
    
    The book's author feels that both men and women suffer from this
    syndrome.  She says it's caused in large part by this society's
    denigration of intelligent people -- the 'egghead' stereotype, the
    equation of brains and social inability, and so on -- which in turn
    causes bright people to develop various ways of pretending to others
    and to themselves that they really are just ordinary people like
    everyone else.  
    
    Well, we are ordinary people like everybody else because everybody has
    some things they're good at and some things they're not so good at. 
    
    One of the biggest benefits of dealing with my imposter feelings
    has been that I now appreciate other's abilities more, both because
    I can sympathize with their possible feelings of inferiority and
    because seeing that someone else does well no longer threatens me
    with exposure.

    And one of the nicest things about imposter feelings is that they're
    much easier to deal with than a lot of other psycho-social problems.
    Just becoming aware that you feel and react this way goes a long way to
    disarming the feeling and restoring enjoyment of your accomplishments. 
    The book has lots of specific techniques for dealing with different
    imposter feelings and changing the resulting behavior.

    --bonnie, former imposter

    Me, too!
    
    Boy, can I relate to this topic!
    
    I used to get *really* nervous if someone told me I had done a good
    job at something or that I was good at something in general.  I
    would think, this person doesn't know how incredibly hard I had
    to work to do even as well as I managed to do with this!  And I
    used to (and still do, to some extent) envy people who seemed to
    be able to easily do complicated or difficult things without seeming
    to work hard to do them.  I would tell Paul (SO, now husband) that
    I wished I had some conspicuous "talent" like some people have,
    rather than just a lot of persistence!
    
    Well, I have more or less figured out that *MOST* people feel this
    way at one time or another.  Very few people have a great talent
    that allows them to accomplish things without working hard. So,
    the rest of us (the vast majority of us!) ordinary women don't need
    to feel like imposters if we work hard to accomplish something and
    manage to actually do it!  Working hard is the *USUAL* way to achieve
    success, however you want to define success.  There is no need to
    feel guilty about it, or be afrraid that you will be "found out"
    to be "merely" a hard worker rather than a "talented" one.
                                                
    But I still feel like an "imposter" sometimes....
    
    /Charlotte

    I've heard the ability to "take credit where credit is due" called
    "owning your successes".  Sometimes I can't seem to do so, and it
    feels like "Yes, it was a success, but it feels like it didn't have
    anything to do with *me*...it just happened...maybe it was a fluke..."
    
    It makes it very difficult to feel confidence in myself sometimes,
    but I'm trying!
    
    -Jody
    

    Part of the problem with feeling like an imposter, or even for that
    matter, merely trying to be modest, is that there are a lot of people
    out there who are more than willing to take credit for your work.
    It isn't restricted to people you don't like, and claims will be
    made by people with no evidence to back them up.
    
    	. A coworker friend comes into your office complaining how hard a tool
    	  is to use.  You take half a day to explain it and work out
    	  a simple example, which they then take and publish without
    	  crediting you.
    
    	. You're having a hallway brainstorming session.  At a later
    	  staff meeting, the other person mentions this new idea that they
    	  came up with.  However, you remember it was a product of
    	  your intuition, which now receives no credit.
    
    	. You find yourself working long hours but keeping quiet about
    	  it because you don't want to get criticism for inadequately
    	  scheduling your work, when in fact, why you're working so late
    	  is to make up work someone else couldn't do.

    
    
    I sent out a short note and a poem to the women who had been in
    my "Cakes" workshops last year.  I have heard back from 3 or 4
    of them about "how much the poem touched them...", "how it made
    them cry...", etc.  I have a hard time viewing it as anything but
    a quicky, simple little ditty.  I wish that I could feel better
    about it, I feel very uncomfortable with their responses.
    
    _peggy
    
    		(-)
    		 |
    			Inspired on the evening of the Goddess.
    			To look in the mirror and see the Goddess, again.
    

    Peggy, have a talent for emotive writing and you don't think it's
    a big deal!!!!!!!!!!!  You better watch it, or those of us who have
    to struggle to put 2 words together  will ... will ... will ...
    Oh, snub you at parties, or something.
    
    :-) :-) :-)
    
    Um, taking compliments with grace is something you're supposed to
    learn to do, I've heard, otherwise people think you're stuck up.
    (Weird, but that's what I've heard.)
    
    Also, it's unusual for even a workshop leader to remember the
    attendees--just by remembering them you did something extra-ordinary.
    Not to denigrate the content one bit!

    I took a workshop once in which one of the exercises involved
    having people come up to you one at a time and tell you all the
    wonderful things they saw in you, or knew about you.
    
    All you were allowed to do was listen, and when they were through,
    say "Thank You. I know."
    
    I think that's just the kind of exercise we all ought to do,
    now and then. And it's not easy.
    
    Still, bit by bit, we *can* change "Oh, it was nothing" to "I'm
    so glad you liked it." or "I'm so glad it was meaningful for you."
    or even: "I liked it, too"  (Well, you *did* like it or you wouldn't've
    *sent* it, right, Peggy?)
    
    I think we get so wrapped up in the black/white, winner/loser
    dichotomy that we forget that it's not a matter of egotistical/self-
    effacing. It's a matter of having a talent (ability, skill, whatever)
    that can help other people in some way. So we can own the talent
    and the helping, AND the fact that somebody else has a talent that
    helps us. IT all works out evenly, eventually.
    
    Not owning our wonderfullness doesn't do ANYthing for ANYbody.
    
    --DE
    

    Since a number of us displayed interest in the Imposter
    Phenomenon, I typed in the simple test from the book by Dr.
    Pauline Rose Clance. 

    For each question, score yourself on the following scale:

        1                  2            3          4           5
(not at all true)   (rarely)   (sometimes)  (often)   (very true)

    To save space, I didn't repeat the scale after every question.

    When you've finished taking the test, add up the numbers. If your
    total is 40 or less, you have very few Imposter characteristics.
    If your score is between 41 and 60, you have moderate IP
    experiences. If your score is between 61 and 80, you frequently
    have IP experiences. A score of over 80 means you often have
    intense IP experiences. 

    The author adds, "It's also important to know that having intense
    IP feelings does not mean a person has a pathological disease that
    is inherently self-damaging or self-destructive.  It probably does
    mean, though, that the Imposter Phenomenon is interfering with
    that person's ability to accept his or her own abilities and to
    enjoy success.  And it probably means that there's an unusual
    amount of doubt and anxiety in that person's live. As a result of
    these feelings, IP sufferers often limit their goas and stay in
    positions that are below their true capabilities."

    So, with no further ado, the test:
    
1.  I have often succeeded on a test or task even though I was
    afraid that I would not do well before I undertook the task.



2.  I can give the impression that I'm more competent than I really am.
    

3.  I avoid evaluations if possible and have a dread of others
    evaluating me.
        
4.  When people praise me for something I've accomplished, I'm afraid
    I won't be able to live up to their expectations of me in the
    future.
        

5.  I sometimes think I obtained my present position or gained my
    present success because I happened to be in the right place at the
    right time or knew the right people.
        

6.  I'm afraid people important to me may find out that I'm not as
    capable as they think I am.  
        

7.  I tend to remember the incidents in which I have not done my best
    more than those times I have done my best.

8.  I rarely do a project or task as well as I'd like to do it.

9.  Sometimes I feel or believe that my success in my life or in my
    job has been the result of some kind of error.
    
10. It's hard for me to accept compliments or praise about my
    intelligence or accomplishments.

11. At times, I feel my success has been due to some kind of luck.

12. I'm disappointed at times in my present accomplishments and think
    I should have accomplished much more.

13. Sometimes I'm afraid others will discover how much knowledge or
    ability I really lack.

14. I'm often afraid that I may fail at a new assignment or
    undertaking even though I generally do well at what I attempt.

15. When I've succeeded at something and received recognition for
    my accomplishments, I have doubts that I can keep repeating that
    success. 

16. If I receive a great deal of praise and recognition for something
    I've accomplished, I tend to discount the importance of what I
    have done.

17. I often compare my ability to those around me and think they may
    be more intelligent than I am.

18. I often worry about not succeeding with a project or an
    examination, even though others around me have considerable
    confidence that I will do well.

19. If I'm going to receive a promotion or gain recognition of some
    kind, I hesitate to tell others until it is an accomplished fact.

20. I feel bad and discouraged if I'm not 'the best' or at least 'very
    special' in situations that involve achievement.