Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    It was cold this morning in NH, and as we were driving to work we
    were speculating about the temperature, mentioning that we could
    verify it on the time/temperature sign at the bank downtown.
    
    Steven, not quite 4, of course wanted to know where the bank was.
    We tried to explain, but he couldn't remember, so we said we'd point
    it out when we got there.  We even had to stop at a traffic light
    right in front of the building, but he twisted and stared, obviously
    not realizing what he was looking at.
    
    "It's that building," I told him.
    
    He stared at it in great puzzlement.  Finally he asked, "Where is
    the slot for the pennies to go?"
    
    --bonnie
    
    p.s. the temperature was exactly 0 degrees F, by the way.

    My nephew Mark was only 4 or 5 at the time and he was over my mother's
    house for dinner (the whole family, or course).  Well, he didn't
    really like to eat so he walks up to my mother (who was cooking
    by the stove), put his hands on his hips and said in all seriousness,
    "my doctor says I can only eat one thing and that's candy".  
    
    My little nephew Jeffrey, just two years old at the time, kept going
    around the house saying "sicka fya choo" and his mother and father
    had no idea what that meant.  When he started yelling this phrase,
    my sister nearly went bonkers trying to show him this, or give him
    that, or bring him to his room and say, "Is this 'sicka fya choo"?
    
    One day they were in Food world and as they got closer to the snack
    aisle, "sicka fya choo" got louder and louder and a smile came upon
    Jeffrey's face.  He ran over to the Snickers bars because
    
    	"SNICKERS SATISFIES YOU"
                                                 
    Cathy

    If this hadn't been said to me, I don't know whether I would have
    believed it:
    
    When my son was 7, or perhaps 6, we shared a bedroom.  One night
    after lights-out, we were talking about various things--birds &
    bees things--and he said in a tone of outrage "You mean God didn't
    make any men or boys with babies coming out!"
    
    He was a little late getting the word.

As a kid, I sometimes watched "Art Linkletter's House Party" after
school.  Art always intervied 4 young children during the last ten
minutes of the show. 

One boy, about 5 years old, was asked if he had any brothers or 
sisters.  He replied:

"Yes, I have a brother.  And one of us is adopted, but I can't 
remember which one."


	~Mike

    I always liked it when Art would ask, "So what did your parents
    tell you not to talk about on my show?" and the kids would launch
    right into the dirty laundry, pleased as punch to have a question
    to which they knew the answer!
    
    That seems like milleniums ago...when did that show go off the air?
    Does anyone under 30 have the slightest idea who Art Linkletter
    even was/is?
    
    Holly

    Also, in Art Linkletter's "Oops...or Life's Awful Moments", he told
    of one time on his show when he asked a young boy about his sister.
    The boy said his sister had loose morals.
    
    Upon later discussion, it turned out she had loose molars.
    (And probably very red cheeks, to boot)
    
    -Jody
    
    

< Note 690.5 by SUPER::HENDRICKS "The only way out is through" >

>    That seems like milleniums ago...when did that show go off the air?
>    Does anyone under 30 have the slightest idea who Art Linkletter
>    even was/is?
    
Of COURSE we know who he was!  He was that guy with Howdy-Doody, right?

               Carol, Age 28   ;-)

    	No no no, he was that guy with Stan Laurel.
    
    					Carla, Age 24
    

    I was once babysitting for these two kids (Jimmy 6 and Jennie 4).
    Well Jimmy was taking his bath and was quite surprised when Jenny
    snuck in the bathroom to take a peak.  So Jimmy insisted I talk
    to his younger sister Jenny about his privacy.  I took Jenny aside
    and slowly explained to her "Jenny, it's not nice for girls to look
    at boys, we're ladies and we'll always be ladies".  She responded
    "That's right, we'll never be boys!"
    
    Kim
    

    	Well, my oldest daughter (14 years old) asked me the other
    	night if there were stoplights when I was a kid her age.
    	I was somewhat outraged, and made the point that I was
    	her age in 1961, and that, yes, they did have stoplights
    	when I was a kid.
    
    	The Art Linkletter show, with the kids, was a riot.
    
    	Scott (age 40)

this came in the mail today....I thought it was pretty comical..


Here are some gems from elementary school students; most are 5th and 
6th graders.


Q:  What is one horsepower?

A:  One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 
500 feet in one second.
-------------------------------------
'You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came 
to getting hit.  If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.'
--------------------------------------

'Talc is found in rocks and on babies.'

--------------------------------------

'The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back 
down.'

'When passing through Missouri, a typhoon is really not a hurricane 
but a tornando.'

'Scientists have found that when a toadstool is not a mushroom it is 
poison.'

'When they broke open molecules they found they were only stuffed with 
atoms.  But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with 
explosions.'

'Clouds are high flying fogs.'

'When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy.  
When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.'

'Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.'

'While the Earth seems to knowingly keeping its distance from the Sun, 
it is really only centrificating.'

'Some day we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any 
direction.'

'South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they 
still manage.'

'Many books now say our sun is a star.  But it still knows how to 
change back into a sun in the daytime.'

'One-hundred humidities equal one rain.'

'Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees.  There are 180 
degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees 
between north and south.'

'A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way to go.'

'Hard mud is called shale.  Soft mud is called gooey.'

'There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be 
discovered.  Finding them all means living forever.'

'There is a tremendous weight pressing down on the center of the Earth 
because of so much population stomping around here these days.'

'Lime is a green-tasting rock.'

'Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others 
preferred oil.'

'A fossil is a dead bone.'

'Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't, why 
you should.'

'Although Edison was once considered a great inventor, we now know of 
many inventions he overlooked.'

'Vacuums are nothings.  We only mention them to let them know we know 
they're there.'

'Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, 
so sometimes it is brother against brother.'

'A planet cannot have an axis until it can get a lion to run through 
it.'

'Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun.  But I 
have never been able to make out the numbers.'

'Our Mother Earth has small poles and a large equator because of the 
tremendous speed as she hurdles through space.  Since we are along for 
the ride, we also get to be flat at our poles and rounded at our 
equators.'

'We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.  Evaporation 
gets blamed for many things people forget to put the top on.'

'To most people, solutions mean finding the answers.  But to chemists,
solutions are things that are still all mixed up.'

'When the fuel in a rocket starts burning, gases rush out at the 
nozzle.  So would anybody.'

'In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are 
twice as many H's as O's.'

'I am not sure how clouds get formed.  But the clouds know how to do 
it and that is the important thing.'

'The highest of all clouds are the circus clouds.'

'Clouds just keep circling the Earth around and around.  And around.  
There is not much else to do.'

'Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be 
called a drop, it does.'

'When there is fog, you might as well not mind looking at it.'

'When a wave rolls over on itself it is called a breaker... of just 
about anything, I guess.'

'Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.'

'We keep track of the humidity in the air so we don't drown when we 
breathe.'

'In making rain water, it takes everthing from H to O.'

'When rain water strikes forest fires, it heckstingwishes them.  
Luckily if effects we of the humans unlike that.'

'Rain is saved up in cloud banks.'

'In some rocks, you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.'

'Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will 
kill the strongest man.'

'A blizzard is when it snows sideways.'

'The main value of tornadoes is yet to be discovered.'

'A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.'

'A monsoon is a French gentleman.'

'A thunderstorm is like a shower, only more so.'

'Quite a lot of the world's supply of electricity goes into the making 
of lightning.'

'Everybody leans to the sun in summer and away in winter.  We are all 
a little tipsy that way.'

'We get our temperature three different ways.  Either fairinheit, 
cellcius or centipede.'

'In lightning, electrons carry negative charge while protons take the 
affirmative.'

'Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names 
sound.'

'It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to 
live other places.'

'The wind is like the air, only pushier.'

Q:  In what ways are we dependent upon the sun?

A:   We can always depend on the sun for sunburns and tidal waves.


'Until it is decided whether tornadoes are typhoons or hurricanes, we 
must continue to call them tornadoes.'

 

    re: .11
    
    Encore!
    

    
    Great name for French gentlemen..!

    
    Laure, almost 8 : "Oh, my Darling, I so wish I could stay at home
    		       with you and not go to school !"
    
    Me, a bit astonished at this mode of address: "But, Dear, you know
    		       very well I have to go to work !"
    
    Laure: "But, Mom, I am not talking to you, I am talking to the dog!"

    I am still laughing as I write this... 
    
    
    Joana                  
    

    
    
    On those for sale boards at the supermarket, I saw an index card
    and it said...
    
                 I'm giving away my brother. He doesn't
                      eat much but he causes trouble.

    
    It was written in little kids writing. He also gave a phone number.

    All these jokes about cats remind me of my daughter Kat's best line.
    We moved east when she was four, and I was determined she would be
    raised in touch with nature, not as a city kid who didn't know the
    difference between a cow and a moose. So one day when we were driving
    through a rural area and we saw a couple of cows grazing beside the
    fence, I told her that the cows gave milk from their udders and that's
    how the milk got in the stores. 

    She looked long and hard at the cows, and the udders, and then she
    asked me, "But don't the cartons hurt when they come out?" 

    --bonnie 

    	RE: -1
    
    	As one of the regulars in RUBY::SPORTS says:
    
    
    
    	I'M RRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!
    
    	Scott

       A couple of years ago, my sister was driving with her, then,
    3-year-old daughter in the car. They had to pass through a toll
    booth. As my sister was handing a coin to the toll collector, my
    niece yelled out "French Fries!!". She thought they were at a
    drive-through at McDonald's!!
    
    Elisabeth

        Another milk story.  Since our family is large, we drank
      powdered milk to be economical.  One day my mother had
      a visitor and my youngest sister, Ellen, remarked to her, 
      "My mother makes milk."
        The woman tried to tell Ellen that milk came from cows, 
      but was unable to convince her, since she had seen Mom make 
      it in the kitchen many times.  

    	When I was in High School, I was babysitting this 3 year old
    	girl and I asked her who God was.
    
    	Her eyes lit up as she tried very hard to convey her sense of
    	a big, powerful being who could create people and things.  She
    	went on to tell me that God made *ALL* of us.
    
    	I said, "ALL of us?"
    
    	She said, "YES!  He made everyone in the WHOLE...
    
    
                                                      NEIGHBORHOOD!!"

    The whole family, including my then 5-year old niece, were sitting
    around the table after dinner.  One of my brother's friends was
    due to arrive.  Joe was a very chatty fellow.  My Dad made a few
    caustic comments, one of which was "I bet that boy even talks in
    his sleep!"
    Of course, when Joe arrived, Jennifer immediately began vying for
    his attention.  (I started turning red even then!)  She very innocently
    asked him if he talks when he's asleep?  Joe took it well, replying
    that he probably did.  We all cracked up and little Jen just looked
    bewildered.
    

    While waiting in the parlor of the church before my wedding, my
    soon to be 5 year old brother-in-law (the ring bearer) asked me:
    
    Matthew:  "What's that big thing hanging off the back of your dress?"
    
    Me (nervous): "Its my train Matthew."
    
    Matthew: "May I ride on it?"

    from 'parents' magazine:
    
    Little Annie asked her mother why Susan, who was pregnant, had to
    rest at the middle of the day.
    
    Mother: "Susan has to rest, because otherwise there is a risk that
    she will loose the baby"
    
    Annie:" Well, as long as she looses it here it is not too bad, then
    we will find it back!"
    
    Timo

    At lunch the other day, someone was telling the story of when his
    daughter saw her grandmother's false teeth for the first time! His
    then very young daughter was standing in the doorway of the bathroom
    watching her grandmother, who didn't know the little girl was there.
    When her grandmother pulled out her false teeth and starting brushing
    them, the little girl ran to her parents. She cried to her parents,
    "Grandma's teeth all just fell out!!"

    Twenty two years ago my son then 4years, said he wanted to be a
    daddy not a mommy when he grew up because daddys got to read the
    paper and watch tv, but mommys had to do all the work.

    THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
    
    --bonnie

    My seven year old daughter had to write an essay on Dinosaurs. 
    A portion of her essay follows:
    
    Dinosaurs lived about two hundred years ago...The biggest and meanest
    dinosaur was Tyranosaurus Rex.  He ate grass and flowers and other
    dinosaurs.  He disappeared about 1946.
    
    Barb

    hahaha!
    

    Our minister was reading the story of the Good Samaritan.  My son
    leaned over and, in a loud whisper, said:
    
    	"Mom, I saw this one already."
    

    Re: .29
    
    Reminds me of once, long ago, in a Catholic church, at the elevation
    of the host.  The priest lifted it up, the altar boy rang the chimes,
    and kid in the back called, "Telephone's ringing."