Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    There is nothing that would make me want to go HOME (as in have
    sex) with someone upon first meeting them, but there are many things
    that would make me want to spend time with them.
    
    It always helps if you are introduced by a mutual friend.  That
    way there is more of a feeling of security, that this new acquaintance
    isn't going to turn out to be a mass-murderer or something.  :-)
    
    For me personally, I found that I more readily developed an interest 
    in someone when we had mutual interests, if the other person seemed
    honest and intelligent, and if they didn't TRY and "pick me up".

                    Carol

    I can't think of very many situations in which I would pick up someone
    at first meeting *if I thought about it*. However, in my wild youth
    there were occasions when the environment and my degree of loneliness
    (or perhaps a slightly cruder -iness), would combine to make me desire
    someone. (The combination of mild intoxication, dim light, and loud
    music seemed especially numbing to the common sense; a typical bar
    in a college town filled the bill pretty well.)
    
    Now, I did not take advantage of such situations every time they
    occurred; in fact, I'll leave it open as to whether I ever did (wry
    grin). But the factors that made me *want* that kind of immediate
    encounter had little or nothing to do with the factors that I'd
    consider for a real relationship. Oh, there would have to be some
    kind of communication going on, but it could be solely physical;
    "you know that I know that you know what we both want," that sort
    of thing.

    Even then, it was not a safe thing to do; nowadays it's that much more
    risky. But sometimes people find themselves wanting something so badly
    that they just don't care... Those who feel they are subject to such
    impulses would be wise to try to avoid temptation, just in case. 
    
    I call it "chemistry," that instant physical attraction that may indeed
    *be* chemical (I've heard reports suggesting that odors have something
    to do with it). Chemistry is not in itself a bad thing, but it
    certainly isn't enough to warrant the risk of having sex with a
    stranger. 

    -b

    	First we must define 'stranger.'
    
    	Simple curiosity is sufficient for me to talk with a person
    I don't know at all.  The conversation might result in our enjoying
    each other to the point where we would like the conversation to
    continue.  The result is my spending some time with someone whom
    you might think of as a stranger.  She/he would not be that much
    of a stranger after a few hours of communicating, in my opinion.
    
    	I find almost all people interesting and, when motivated - have
    the time, enjoy getting to know people 'a little better.'
    
    Douglas

    Re .2, your reply makes me feel nostalgic for my younger days -
    back before Aids and "Looking for Mr. Goodbar".  (Oh well, at least
    nobody can take away our memories :-).
    
    Lorna
    

I have, on a number of occasions, simply on the mutual interest of conversation
gone home with, or taken home people, and stayed up all night talking.  Some of
those times, loneliness played a part with one person or the other.  Usually it
wasn't a good enough 'fit' between us on the first night to justify anything
more then talking or falling asleep. :-}

Jim. 

        A little over 18 years ago, a young woman whom I found very
        grating, but who ran in the same social circles as I did,
        brought a friend of hers to our college to see the first
        dramatic production of the year. The friend was frumpy and
        plain. We met for a couple of minutes at the student union. I
        was very unimpreesed. 
        
        I was engaged at the time to a girl from back home. Neither my
        fianc�e nor I was very jealous, and we felt that it was OK for
        us to socialize with members of the opposite sex, but we were
        definitely in what we felt was a long term, if somewhat long
        range, relationship. I used to hitch-hike home (about 750 miles)
        every couple of weeks to see her for a day.
        
        That evening I was crewing for the play--specifically I was
        hanging the roughly 20 foot long asbestos curtains over the
        windows--when I met Suzy's friend a second time. My impression
        was "somewhat" differnt this time. The boring frumpy friend was
        now dressed in a brightly colored blouse with her hair tied in a
        long flowing scraf. She was devastatingly beautiful. Upon first
        glance I simply fell off the ladder I was standing on (at least
        15 feet up) and upon reaching ground level carefully put my foot
        through one of the auditorium seats. 
        
        When the play was over I invited the gorgeous young lady to the
        cast party. We climbed into a car with about 3 more people than
        there were seats. Somehow I managed to arrange to hold the
        gorgeous gal un my lap. WHen we arrived at the party it turned
        out that there was hardly anyone there whom I knew and of them
        none whom I was willing to socialize with. So the young lady and
        I sought out a place where we could talk. We ended up first in
        the bedroom where the coats were being dropped and then
        eventually buried about half-way into the pile of coats where
        we spent a very nice time kissing.
        
        When the party broke up, it turned out that Suzy had vanished
        with her boyfriend, leaving her friend with no obvious place to
        stay. Ever the gallant, I invited her to take my room-mate's bed
        as he'd gone home for the week-end. As it turns out, Morris's
        bed went unused that night. Instead we lay atop my bed talking.
        To this day I can still remember both the feel and the vision of
        her lying on top of me with her waist-length hair hanging down
        like a tent around our heads. In the end we fell asleep in each
        others arms, fully dressed above the covers.
        
        She went back to Cleveland the next day and I didn't see her
        until the Christmas vacation when after my fianc�e suffered a
        nervous break-down and we broke up because neither of us could
        live with the stress that her family's disapproval of me was
        putting her through. It was clear it was a question of me or her
        family, and neither of us could see her giving up her family.
        And so, half way through the holidays I was looking for
        somewhere to be as far away from my ex-fianc�e as I could get,
        and I thought of that wonderful night and the beautiful girl I'd
        spent it with.
        
        Well, it's just a few days more than 18 years later and that
        gorgeous stranger I took home is still here. Our youngest son is
        sleeping on the floor of the corridor. We've been married about
        14� years now.
        
        Why did I take home a stranger? Because she was beautiful.
        Because she was tremendous fun to talk to. Because she kissed
        terrifically. Because she was a kindred spirit--the kind of
        person I could spend my entire life with. Because she seemed
        interested in me. (I'm told that while I was judging her to be
        dull and frumpy she was deciding I was "the man".) Not for
        casual sex. I wasn't interested in that. Not as the beginning of
        a new relationship. I was involved in a permanent relatinship
        already. Perhaps a little out of loneliness. I had only a few
        friends at school yet, and the people I loved most were all 750
        miles away. But, on the other hand I don't remember feeling
        lonely. Perhaps because I knew my engagement was in trouble and
        I needed someone to help me through the pain to come, but that
        was a conscious motive. 
        
        Oh, yes, the "fit" was sufficiently good to justify more than
        falling asleep or talking. As the three boys illustrate we
        haven't confined ourselves to those activities over the
        interveneing years. What didn't justify it was our relationship
        and my other commitments.
        
        What would make me interested enough in a person to spend time
        with a stranger? Beauty, brains, passion, wit, good coversation
        and a willingness to just let go and have fun. Being my ideal
        woman doesn't hurt.

Funny thing about -.1...about 15 years ago last fall, I went out 
with some friends to an Irish pub.  The guy playing there seemed 
nice, shy, had a good voice, and played guitar extremely well.  
When he came down for the break, he stopped at our table and 
started talking with us (perhaps it was because we knew the words 
to all the songs...perhaps we looked like friendly people and he 
hadn't seen many of those lately, perhaps...)  I tend to think it 
was some kind of karma.

We (my two friends, the singer and I) went to the apartment of 
one of the friends after the pub closed.  We (the singer and I) 
sat and talked and played guitar and sang songs 'til about 5 AM.  
From that day on the singer (now my husband of nearly 14 years) 
were inseparable.  From that night on, I have never been able to 
picture my life without him, and lucky for me, he feels the same 
way.

So, although going home with someone you've never met, or bringing 
that unknown someone home, may be ill-advised these days...I 
don't know as if I'd do any different if I had met him today 
instead of 15 years ago.

Rox