Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    
    
    
    	Never let any mechanical device know you are in a hurry.
    
    
    					{clb}
    

    My *OLD* car that continually backfired except when at the mechanic's.
    
    Lee

    Pilot lights on gas stoves go out when you are in a hurry and forget
    to check the oven to see if it is heating up.  This only happens
    when the item you are cooking needs to be put in the oven immediately
    after you are finished preparing it.

    La derniere fois que je me suis occupee de mecanique, je me suis
    fait violemment mordre l'index droit par un moteur de 2CV affame.
    
    Mon pauvre ongle est devenu tout noir...
    
    Mais le moteur a fini par se laisser reparer, a force d'insultes
    et de supplications...
    
    Maintenant, chaque fois que je passe devant, la 2CV me regarde du
    coin du phare, et elle rigole...
    
    
    Je me vengerai.
    
    
    Zoziau

    RE: .5
    
    
The last time that I got involved with something mechanical, my right index
finger was violently bitten by a starving 2CV [a certain model of Citroen,
2CV means "two horse power" (I think it's a joke)].

My poor nail turned all black...

But the motor ended up letting itself be fixed, on the strength of insults
and entreaties.

Now, each time I pass in front of it, it looks at me out of the corner of
its headlight, and laughs ...

I shall avenge myself.

    Zoziau

    And what about the keyboard that can't type a simple VMS command
    if someone is watching? liesl

re .7 (leisl)

>    And what about the keyboard that can't type a simple VMS command
>    if someone is watching? liesl

Ain't it the truth?  I'm in the process of defining symbols and logicals for
my most common mistypings...I now have a SYS$MANGER logical :-)

Amaze your friends!  Show them you have a command interface that knows what
you really MEANT to type!! :-)

Jill

    How about systems that crash or exhibit other odd behaviour at 
    5 p.m., particularly on friday, or any other day when you have
    something planned after work.
    
    Elizabeth
    

    Plumbing, cars, appliances, heating systems, .......ARGHHHHHHHHHH

    Tempermental bathtub drain: I never know if the tub will stay
    filled or drain on me right in the middle of a good book, some tea
    and a facial mask.  Geesh: can't even plan for relaxation
    
    Cat

    
    
    ... And why is it dryers only eat one sock ? Couldn't they at least
    finsh their meal ??
    
    Oh yeh ... almost forgot ... felt-tip pens tend commit suicide only
    in washing machines doing whites.
    
    Fritz
    

    We had trouble with our washing machine draining......and guess
    what we found clogging the drain pipe - socks!! and I still remember
    the story (but not the teller) from the womannotes party in Feb
    about the dryer that was nearlly full up around the drum with lint.
    
    and why can you only find things when you aren't looking for them?
    and never when you are......my $$ new glasses, first pair in 10
    years disappeared 3 weeks ago. But the old ones are right here on
    my nose and I never lost any pair when I only had one pair...sigh
    
    does anyone here believe in borrowers?
    
    Bonnie J

    I have two tried and true methods of finding something when it has
    turned up 'lost'.  I use these at work all the time...
    
    1. After you have ripped your office apart from limb to limb and
       then do it again, just for good measure, go get a glass of water.
       Usually that missing item is sitting on you desk, plain as day
       when you return.   But, if that doesn't work, try this...
    
    2. After you have sufficiently searched your office, etc. walk over
       to one or more co-workers and accuse one of them of 'stealing'
       your missing item.  Then walk back to your office, pick up a
       piece of paper (the one you looked under at least a dozen times)
       and I guarantee your mmissing item will be there.  Works great
       for me. Of course I no longer have any friends in the office.
       :^)
    
        

    I have a friend in San Diego who I hadn't seen in over 5 years.
    She called me on a Sunday and said she would be here in about
    6 hours.  While I was waiting for her arrival, I thought of some
    old slides of her/us/friends and dug them out to show her.  One
    of the pictures was projected on the wall at the time that she called
    and said that she was in town.  I shut off the lamp and left the
    fan running while I went to guide her to the house.  We all got
    back to the house about 10 minutes later and when I flipped the
    switch...
    
    
    the lamp burned out and the stores were all closed.
    
    She promised to mail the slides back to me.
    
    Spence

    re.6
    Good luck in your vendetta with the 2cv,the legend is that 
    what was deprived of the 2cv in looks ,was given in magical
    (mean) powers,that means that there are lots of magical powers
    and you will not win.
    Re.13 
    I believe in borrowers, there is a large family of them which 
    has lived in the proximity of my tool box for 18 years .They 
    will return things,when certain prime words are used.
    For a list of the words that work,send a self addressed,stamped
    envelope and $10  (;-).
    
    I have conquered most mechanical things ,through years of steady
    abuse,however computers have my number and drive me crazy.
    
    ...Robin

    When mowing the lawn, the mower always runs out of gas, with only
    a single strip left to mow. Usually, the gas can is also empty at
    that time.
                                                   
                  /
                 (  ___
                  ) ///
                 /
    

When one task requires two tasks:

     To open the drawer, I have to move the phone cord.

     To get the pan, I have to move two other pans.

     To load the drying, I have to empty the dryer.

     
     To read a note file, I have to find where they moved it.

Then of course, you will always lose your cable tv signal anytime
you have your vcr set to tape something good.

Jenna

    and when you are remodeling your house and have to put everything
    in another room while the new kitchen counters are being put in
    
    the one thing you need the most to make dinner with is the one
    thing that is on the bottom of the pile and you can't find it

Yesterday was my 25th birthday.  I had made plans to meet two friends 
(with whom I haven't been keeping close enough contact) for dinner at a 
restaurant.  Well, 8:00 I arrived to find the restaurant (near Inman 
Square but next to one of the yuckiest residential neighborhoods of 
Cambridge) had been shut down, my friends had not yet arrived, and it 
was getting colder and windier.  Happily there was what looked like a 
cheap restaurant next door.  So I went in and asked for a table near 
the door so I could flag down my friends.

Cheap?  Just the decor.  No sweat, I had a credit card.  What?  They 
don't take credit cards.  I had all of $15 on my body.  Hokay, being 
cool, pretending to look at the menu, looking frantically out the 
window, ignoring the two men behind my table who seem to think this is 
funny.  8:05 I call Betsey's house to let them know so if Betsey calls 
to find out where I am they can tell her to look next-door.  If of 
course she calls home before going away.  It's getting windy out.

8:10 the waitress comes to take my order.  If I just order an 
appetizer (so we can go to a more affordable restaurant when they 
arrive), I won't have enough $$ for an entree (in case they DON'T 
arrive).  I hem and haw, finally ordering barbeque'd ribs around 8:15. 
The men behind my table leave a minute or two later.  Then I see Joe 
walk by and wave him down.  Hands on hips, he makes a face at me, 
waves down the road, and comes in.  Betsey arrives a minute later.

It seems they were waiting in the cubby of the closed restaurant, 
trying to stay out of the wind, for nearly 15 minutes.  For once, we 
were all on time!  Since they were in the cubby, I couldn't see them 
when I looked outside, and of course, they had approached from the 
other side so hadn't gone past the window I was watching so carefully.

I forgot to mention the ambulance: someone in the back of the 
restaurant had called for an ambulance... police and EMT personnel all 
over the place, lights flashing in front of the restaurant making it 
hard to see the street, all providing poor Betsey and Joe with ample 
entertainment while cussing me out.  As the EMT left, I heard them 
explaining to the restaurant owner that they knew this guy (presumably 
the one who had called the ambulance) and that this was not unusual 
for him -- he's a regular.  Lord only knows what was wrong with him.

Why did Joe come over to check out this restaurant after they had been 
waiting so long?  It seems one of the two amused young men who had 
just left was one of Betsey's better friends.  He saw her there, was 
talking to her a bit, and asked her what she was doing.  She 
explains and he says, "does she have short dark hair?  There was a
woman at the restaurant we were eating at who was looking awfully 
worried..."  

Well.  Small world.  That's nice.

We sit down and my meal arrives ("but I said to take your time, please 
don't bring it right away").  They look at the menu, find out their 
credit cards won't do any good, and they don't have enough money.  
Hmmph.  They decide to go to the bank, and negotiate who will go when. 
The waiter reccommends sweetbreads and we decide to be brave and get 
an appetizer of sweetbreads (while I am wondering if I should follow 
the prices and eat my ribs with fork and knife or the decor and eat 
them with my finders) and Betsey and Joe place their order.

Just then a policeman comes in and talks to the owner.  (the ambulance 
is happily gone).  The owner approaches our table first (since we are 
in front) and asks if we are parked on this side of the street?  
Betsey and I simultaneously say, "Why yes, why do you ask?"

It seems this is a "snow emergency" (less than 4" snow on the road and 
it's a snow emergency!  Hmmph.  Wish I were back in Maine where we 
know how to deal with snow...), they want to plow the road and are in 
the process of ticketing and towing all the cars.

Eeek!  Betsey and Joe negotiate over who moves the car, and where is 
the bank, they'll get money while they're out there, Joe stays, Betsey 
and I run out to get our cars, going opposite directions, leaving my 
food to get colder.

I see zillions of towtrucks and police cars, but no cars on my side of 
the road on my block.  Cussing, I run to where my car was, and see it, 
the last car, being loaded onto the towtruck.  From one of 3 or 4 
police cars with their motors running, lights shining on me and my 
poor '87 Nova, a voice in a megaphone says "back off boys and let the 
lady take her car."  It sounds like the voice of God; I have been 
reprieved.

They let my car down (there is no ticket on it) and I drive away in 
search of a parking spot.  Fat chance -- all the legal spots were 
taken when everybody else was moving their cars.  So I park illegally 
on a side road (_years_ from the restaurant), figuring they are all so 
busy with the "snow emergency" that I am safe from a ticket.

Get back to the restaurant, eat our cold expensive food and have a 
nice time.  We walk down the street a bit to Rosie's bakery for 
Chocolate Orgasms and Hot Chocolate before the haul back to our cars.  
We figure my car is closer than Betsey's, so I'll give them a ride to 
Betsey's car.

Well, my car was actually ~1 block away from Betsey's so she and Joe 
decide to just walk the rest of the way.

Woe is me that I let them go before I start my car; the key won't go 
into the ignition and I have no lock de-icer.  But I shouldn't NEED 
lock de-icer on an outside lock!

I haul ass back to a convenience store (a long way from my car who's 
street is unmarked) to call AAA.  I nearly didn't get AAA this year, 
after all, what do I need with emergency road-side service when I have 
a brand-new car?  Well, I don't have my card on me, but when I finally 
get them to spell my name correctly at the office (with an operator 
cutting in regularly to ask me to put in more money), they find my 
membership number.  Good, now where is your car, ma'am?

The street is unmarked.  I say I will wait at the Christy's at Inman 
Square in Cambridge.  She asks for a street address, I say it's Inman 
Square in Cambridge.  She wants an address.  Well it's Cambridge St 
and Broadway, but they intersect in two places, one of them being 
Inman Square, the other next to Harvard Sq.  Okay, so how long?

1� hours.  It's midnight, and she says they won't be there for 1� 
hours.  Woe is me.

I walk back to my car, scaring to death a poor woman who is cursing 
and removing the snow from her car: "excuse me but the lock on my 
ignition seems to be not working.  You wouldn't hapen to have lock 
de-icer, would you?"

No she doesn't, but she _does_ have WD40 which should do the trick.  I 
was ready to try _vegetable_oil_ so WD40 is like manna from heaven.  
Maybe I'll get home tonight after all.

Well, it doesn't work, nor does pencil lead, and I can't get the 
@#$%^& key in the #$%^ ignition.  SO I give her back her WD40 and look 
frantically for a cigarette.  No I left them at home because Betsey & 
Joe don't smoke.

The tow truck arrive, is full, so I ride on the outside while it 
starts to snow hard and we go to my car.  He says my ignition lock is 
shot and we can either tow to a garage or call a locksmith because it 
has to be replaced, do I live around here?

No of course I don't, so I wait in front of Rosie's for the locksmith. 
Rosie's has just closed so I wait outside, getting snowed on.  I 
bought cigarettes, but it is so cold out that it hurts to hold them 
and I just suffer through a nic-fit.  � hour later the people at 
Rosies ask me if I am waiting for somebody, my goodness I didn't know, 
I'm so sorry, why don't you wait in here, we will be cleaning up for a 
while, oh I'm so sorry.  Hallelujah, I won't be cold anymore.  Just 
then the locksmith arrives.

His car is full too, with young men.  I say my car is quite a ways 
from here but if you'll let me ride with you to it, I promise not to 
molest you, haha.  The locksmith is very young, watching him work on 
my ignition makes me feel like I am watching some hood steal my car.

He says replacing the ignition will cost $85, or do I have 
triple-A-plus?  What do I need it for, I have a BRAND NEW CAR, I wail.
He says he can do something that will work for a few days, it could go 
any time, but that will cost $65.  Okay, do that please.

He takes tools out, messes around with it some, says, I don't know 
ma'am (I know I'm 25 now but why is everybody calling me ma'am instead 
of miss?  sniffle), well maybe this... 

And he pulls out what looks like a sledgehammer and starts banging the 
key into the lock.  I can't watch.  After a few whacks, they key goes 
in, and he starts the car.  I ask him to turn it off, take the key out 
and see if it goes back in.

It doesn't.  He bangs it in a couple times, takes it out a couple 
times, and finally it looks like the thing is working.  I pay him (an 
adventure in and of itself, since I don't know my membership number), 
and go home to my nice warm bed.

2:00 I finally calm down enough to fall into a blissful sleep.

I sometimes think my life would make a great movie -- it would be a 
black comedy...

Lee

    H A P P Y  B I R T H D A Y  Lee!
    
    Isn't Life Fun?
    
    Cheers, Marty

    Happy birthday also Lee...
    
    and you must have been slightly psychic....I'd been hoping someone
    would start this note up again...
    
    Bonnie

    Oh, Lee...  
    
               Carol

It's for real, Kerry.  Carol's due next month.

Susan

    LATE next month, Kerry.  I feel like you do!  With my luck I'll
    be 3 weeks late like my mother was!
    
    Oh, incidentally Kerry.  You are really not alone.  I have had 3
    people come up to me in the last 2 days and tell me that I look
    like I'm due tomorrow!
    
    I think they're taking bets...
    
                     Carol  :-)

    Thanks all.
    
    Kerry, after THIS quarter century, I certainly HOPE the next is
    better!  
    
    Now to tell Betsey and Joe about the car...
    
    Lee

    Lee,
    
    That is the longest sad series of mishaps I've heard since my
    then-husband's Disasterous Trip to Albuquerque.
    
    							Ann B.

    Lee,
    
    Sounds like we must be related!  
    
                                  - Sue

    	Ann B.
    
    	Too much of a teaser for me to resist. So, what happened
    	on your ex's fateful trip to Albakookoo?
    
    	Scott (I need a good laugh)

    Lee,
    
    Why "don't" you try to get a copyright on your story and submit
    it to William Cosby, Jr (aka Bill) for "A Different World".  I can
    see Denise Huxtabel going through that ordeal for sure.  
    
    Good luck
    
    Cathy

    Okay, Scott, you asked for it.  I dug out my write-up of the trip,
    entered it, and wrote it into NAC::GOLDEN_TURKEY as Note 21.8.
    For those who do not want to add another notefile, there is a copy
    of it in
    	REGENT::USER$E:[BROOMHEAD.SPECIAL]ULT_TRIP.DOC
    Enjoy.
    
    							Ann B.

    	RE: 299.34 RE: 21.8 in GOLDEN_TURKEY)
    
    	Quite a story. Unfortunately, I've had some of the same
    	problems (but nothing like Terry.)
    
    	My wife cringes when I have to go to any airport, because
    	it seems like the gremlins know ol' Scott's coming, and
    	try there hardest to make my life miserable.
    
    	His suitcase probably did reach Hong Kong before he saw it
    	again.
    
    	What a bummer!
    	Scott

    While sorting clothes this afternoon I ran across a phenominon
    that reminded me of this note. For the past five years we
    have only bought navy dress socks for my husband...since we
    had so much trouble keeping matching pairs of socks.
    
    Today I was amazed once again at how *different* navy socks
    can be...we still have trouble finding matching pairs.

    
    Bonnie
    
    and why is it that when ever the combs I wear in my hair fall
    out they seem to be attracted to places like the trash can where
    I just dumped the *sloppy* leftovers from my lunch.
    
    

    The manufacturers of socks got together and paid the manufacturers
    of washing machines to include a clever device which randomly
    selects a sock and CHANGES it so it no longer matches its mate.

    I always suspected that was true! :-)

    Ah!
    
    And occasionally a pair of children's underwear gets in it by accident,
    so you wind up with a pair of underwear of a style and color you
    will swear no one living in the house ever owned!
    
    --bonnie
    

re: .37, etc

You may have confused this with the random black hole generator, which 
swallows socks and other such objects.  This also accounts for the 
random appearance of strange objects, which have probably travelled
around the universe through wormholes in the space/time continuum
before popping out in your dryer or under the sofa.

    I still remember the pair of size extra large ladys undergarments
    that showed up in my drier one day...the space time wormhole was
    the only rational explaination!

    wow, this hypothesis might even account for the random reproduction
    of old toothbrushes and wire garment hangers...

    No, no Holly, wire garment hangers are the adult stage in
    the life cyle of an unique organism, the larval stage being
    the paper clip!

    perhaps my wire garment hangers have been sneaking off in the dark
    to visit holly -- i've been wondering where they've all disappeared
    to...

    No, no, wire hangers aren't the adult stage; when they reach critical
    mass, the hangers turn into old bicycles. And that's why the closets
    are jammed with hangers one minute, but you can't find any when
    you need them.
    
    (Quick, who remembers the science fiction story concerning the life
    cycle of the paper clip???)
    
    -b

    bonnie, if you think a pair of size extra large ladys undergarments
    is amusing, you should have seen me try to explain how a pair of
    men's jockey shorts (about late teen-age size) ended up in my family's
    laundry basket when i was in high school. maybe sears planted them
    there when they built the machine? 
    
    <gulp>
    e

    in re .46 hehehehehehehehehehehehe

    in re .46 --  that happened to me in college, only it wasn't just
    men's shorts, it was a jockstrap, size about large enough to make
    me fantasize daydreams better left unrepeated in public . . .
    
    Boy, did my roommate give me a hard time.  But then neither of us
    had heard of this black hole theory of household transport.  Makes
    sense of the whole business.
    
    --bonnie
    

    What about office chairs, that always move right before you get
    up & trap you in your office as you try to leave?

    Re: .45
    
    The story is by Avram Davidson and is in the collection "Or all
    the seas with oysters". (It may be the title story).
    
    	-- Charles

    How about the screwdriver you were just using and put down right
    beside you one minute ago and isn't there anymore and will never
    be found?
    
    Happened to me on Sunday.
    
    
    Also,
    
    I was installing a closet shelving kit on Sunday. I was following
    all the instructions like: starting at the left of the wall, 81" high,
    drill 6 holes every 13" towards the right. What I want to know is...
    How did that manufacturer, way over in Korea or somewhere, know
    that there would be a plumbing pipe right behind that last hole.
    I think the pipe moved itself over.
    
    There probably is no such thing as an inanimate object. 

    /Les