Conference turris::womannotes-v1

287.0. "Philosophies, mind sets or value systems?" by ULTRA::ZURKO (UI:Where the rubber meets the road) Mon Apr 20 1987 16:21

Perhaps this topic has come up somewhere recently. Several old notes
(I've been terribly busy lately) have made me decide to bring it up
here. Since I have this horrible habit of wanting to read every note,
and I'm several weeks behind, feel free to send me mail if some other
discussion touched on this.  Anyway...

A while back I was at the dinner table with my father, my mother, and
my husband. We were talking about work. Probably me and work, or a close
female friend and work. Definately a career-oriented woman and work.
My father mentioned something about power and work (obviously the details
are a bit of a blur). His statement was a platitude, a truth that is
difficult to argue *on the terms it is offered*. At the time, I got
a vague, uneasy feeling that he was incorrect, but traditional western
logic didn't get me to where I could say why.

Thinking about it later, I realized that I would have had to go into
a 1/2 hour ramble on how any person's experience is interesting and
useful, how emotions may be chanelled to be useful in the work place,
and even if they can't, there may be a darn good personal reason they
exist anyway. And on and on. Mostly indicating how western patriarchal
society is not all there is, and how important each individual is.

So, does this happen to anybody else? What do you do when the person
that you'd like to explain this to is someone you care about? Or the
topic matters? Or you have the time to do it right? What do you say?
How do you start (I mean, you have to start from point A, western
patriarchal logical society, right?)? Any hot tips or interesting quips?
	Mez

    Mez, as I understand your question, I don't think it has been
    brought up before.
    
    I used to go into the 1/2 hour or more explaination when I felt
    that people were saying things that I felt were wrong. I didn't
    often win any converts and I often made my dad, for one example,
    upset with me.
    
   So in later years I have learned to say things like, 'I am sorry but
    I don't agree with you', or 'It is interesting how different people
    see things', or 'if you'd like to discuss that further I'd be
    interested,I think I have some additional information on the subject>'

    But I have gotten away from feeling that I have to correct people
    when their world views are "obviously" wrong by my point of view.
    The only kinds of situations that I haven't learned to do this in
    are with my kids - I think that the sooner I learn that I don't
    need to prove I am right everytime they say something I *know* is
    wrong the better our relationships will be.
    
    I guess I feel that there are other ways to win battles - as it
    were - than by direct confrontation (having tried it for many, many
    years). One of my favorite expressions of late has been "you can't
    educate people with a brick" a lesson I have learned from many
    years of confrontations that didn't educate anyone.
    
    
    Bonnie
    
    (and how come you don't have dark hair and flashing eyes? :-) )

Aha. Only give info that is sought; yes? But continue to leave the door
open, and drop hints, if appropriate?
	Mez
(well Bonnie, I imagined you as a combination of Demeter, Hera, and
Athena :-))