Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    In my last job (non-DEC), my group and I were royally screwed over
    by a group of people who were relatively open and friendly with
    me on a social level. It's very difficult for me to sort out what
    happened, and why. I can not understand how someone can care about
    a human being, and not want to help them when they were being sucked
    up in a political whirlpool. It seems to me to be the product of
    "western white male business think": All's fair in love, war, and
    work. 
    
    Well, I'm one person. Certainly some things that I do are inappropriate
    at work (getting drunk, for example). But if you're dealing with
    my job or my career, you're dealing with me. And if it's "not
    personal", you darn well better explain to me why you're doing it,
    and listen to what I have to say about it.
    
    I'm also very uncomfortable with people who don't want to deal with
    "the whole person" at work. Different skill sets, personalities,
    temperments, and so on, mesh with different jobs and careers. It
    just makes sense to me to make the best match on all levels.
    
    And another thing... I believe the "nothing personal" think is
    detrimental to equal rights. So, you convince people that at work,
    any person's productivity is as good as any other's. It's important
    that that equitable way of thinking is taken outside the work place
    as well: any person's humanity is as good as any other's. For example,
    you don't want a male worker respecting his female peers, and treating
    his wife/daughter/sister/mother like some sort of alien being, or
    vica versa. (*for example*)
    
    Any of this ring any bells?
    	Mez

    The women I have notice that have successful careers at DEC, have
    been able to separate work and not make is personal. For those women
    and men who aren't able  to saparate work and make it less personal
    have had they career limited.
    Women who take their conflicts at work to personal run the risk
    of being label "emotional." Emotional women as emotional children
    aren't able to handle the big assignment.
    First generation women as first generation black(in the corporation
    environment) take doing the job as the most important part of the
    task.
    You must remember that you are working in a living environment with
    rules. You must find out what the rules within your organization
    is. In some organization getting resources and personnel at any
    cost are top priority. If you happen to be a woman or man and move
    into this organization and don't quickly realize your surrounding
    you are in trouble. 

    re .2
    
    Boy, are you going to get flamed!
    
    If you meant to say that emotional behavior has no place in the
    work enviroment, say so.  Don't perpetuate old stereotypes that
    women are emotional creatures who don't belong in the workplace.
    
    There is a theory (and, no, I can't cite the studies or statistics)
    that says that the depersonalizing atmosphere of some business
    environments is detrimental to productivity, and that an environment
    that is accepting of more emotionality and personalization produces
    higher quality work.
    
    There is nothing wrong with expressing emotion in the workplace,
    in my opinion, though the appropriate level of intensity and the
    appropriate topics must be considered.
    
    Gloria
    (Was I calm enough?)
    

    RE.3  You were calm enough but I wouldn't be.  So, I'm leaving my
    comments right inside my brain for fear of offending anyone.
    
    Can't wait to read what others feel.....

    Well, what about men that take their work personally, and are emotional
    about what they produce? What does that mean, exactly (for men and
    for women)? Any male case histories? Is emotion *never* a positive
    trait at work?
    
    Is there a double standard when equating emotion with men and women?
    	Mez

I for one get emotional about my work. For the most part I love my work, I
love being an engineer. One of my great joys in life is solving hard
problems. This is contrasted by the anguish of working on a problem and not
being able to solve it. When people put barriers in the path to my solution
I get really angry.

My goal is to integrate my personal and professional life more closely. My
ideal would be to have a job in which I care about everything I'm working
on, and I'm working on everything I care about. I'm not sure this is
acheivable, but it's a good goal. Note: this doesn't imply my career path
climbs smoothly up the corporate ladder.

I prefer to work with people who are open about the emotional part of
themselves (assuming they're not poisonous with hostility or depression.)
I'd rather know if they're distracted by a death in the family or power
struggles - I notice people's emotional reactions anyway, and if I don't
know any better I might assume they're reacting only to me. And if people
are happy and excited the energy can be contagious, and it gives me a lift
too.

Don.

    
    
    Who said "the personal is political" or something like that.
    
    The ability to separate what is personal from work means that you
    shut down part of the self and never function as a whole human
    being.  This does not sound healthy to me and I enjoy work to
    much to leave it anywhere and I enjoy my personal interests to
    much to leave them anywhere.  
    
               _peggy   (-)
    			 |
    

        This same topic occurred to me over in Human_Relations in the
        note about sex and office politics, but I got distracted by the
        issue of assuming that there was a sexual involvement just
        because two people were close. People said that the bad thing
        about sex in the office was that they supervisor/manager can't
        be objective. I question the whole premise of whether being
        completely objective about your employees is a good idea. 
        
        I'm not a supervisor or a manager, and with any luck will stay
        that way, but I am a project leader, and as I grow through the
        technical tree I expect to be responsible for others a fair
        amount of the time. Those who work around me can tell you I'm
        about as objective about the members of my project as a lioness
        is about her cubs. People who aren't looking for a serious
        fight treat my people well.
        
        Similarly, I take a great deal of pride in my work, and am quite
        demanding of myself and the members of my team. We do good work
        and work well together on things we care about. And when the
        members of the team do well I make sure that our supervisor and
        manager know about it so it can be rewarded. When we fail,
        as project leader I hold myself responsible at least as much
        as any individual contributor.
        
        In most ways that I deal with work I take things personally. I
        don't let things that are bad for the company go without
        comment, and I make sure that when I see things that are being
        done right I comment on that too--to the person's manager
        whenever possible.
        
        I know that at times I'm treated as an eccentric or over-
        emotional, but such is life. At least my commitment and
        sincerity are seldom questioned. And at DEC, in the end, I find
        that they along with technical competence count for a lot.
        
        JimB.

    Is perhaps the "real" meaning behind the words "It's nothing personal" 
    translate to, "This is not an attack."?  I feel that in order
    to learn and grow one _has_ to take things to heart, (i.e.,
    "personally") but always being in hostile defense mode is not the 
    best way to show that you're taking something seriously.
    
    A certain friend (female) takes every car that gets around, ahead of 
    or behind her as a potential attack.  Her response in the car to 
    these perceived attacks (swearing, crazy driving, universal hand 
    signals to the other drivers) has made me swear off being her
    passenger.  "Pat," I plead (sometimes silently, sometimes verbally)
    "don't take the messy traffic personally!"  What I mean is, "They're
    not all trying to attack you; don't attack them--and we may just
    get out of this alive!"
    
    And so at the workplace, I remember driving with her and try not
    to react to every possible slight, criticism, etc., as an attack.
    (This is also an example of taking some skill from some other place
    in one's life and applying it to one's work skills . . .)  I _do_ 
    take criticisms "personally", meaning that I give them serious
    consideration and thought--that's one way I get incentive to grow 
    and change.  While being criticized for a poor job, I recall my 
    husband's story of martial arts class, where he was supposed to 
    thank the sensei who threw him for the gift of the lesson.  I'm
    not always so disciplined (neither was he).  "Taking it personally" 
    means that I do open myself to being hurt because I take criticism 
    of my work seriously (and I take my work seriously).  But I have 
    learned to short-circuit the automatic defense reaction, because 
    it is counter-productive.  When I'm in full throttle flame mode 
    I don't learn or grow, the other person's defense mechanisms get 
    reacted, and ultimately, nothing gets resolved, no real work gets 
    done, no progress is made.
    
    This is a fine line to walk, and I do fall off from time to time.
    But it seems a goal worth striving for.  Is this falling off perhaps 
    what is implied when someone says "You're taking this too personally."?
    
    Marcia