Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    I have three years to go before I turn 40 and, although most people
    tell me I don't look my age, it does scare me.  The year that I
    turned 30, my daughter started kindergarten, my marriage reached
    the 7 year mark along with my growing realization of dissatisfaction
    with it.  This started me off on a 2 or 3 year period of personal
    unrest and confusion, I think, because, although I never had had
    any particular career aspirations, I had always expected to be happily
    married and settled with my life by age 30 and I was anything but.
     The good part of turning 30 was that I only looked about 23 and
    people's reaction to hearing my true age gave my ego a great boost.
    
    One of the things I've noticed in the past 3 or 4 years is that
    younger men have stopped noticing me.  (I mean, when I was 30 a
    21 yr. old asked me out, not knowing I was married.  I don't expect
    to see those days again.)  I'm average looking, but when I was younger
    at least, even though I might have ultimately been passed over,
    I at least felt like I was a contender in the romance game.  Now
    I feel like I'm not even a contender unless the guy is over 40.
     But, *I'm* not really attracted to men that old yet.  (And they
    say men have mid-life crisis!)
    
    Well, I don't know if this is as serious a response as you are looking
    for, but the fact is I am aging, I guess, and it is beginning to
    bother me for the above reasons.
    
    Lorna
    

    I never really considered age.  Until the last day of being 29.
    That day just about killed me.  I couldn't believe how I felt at
    the time and looking back I still can't believe how I felt.  My
    actual birthday was fine.  I guess it was just the passage of time
    and not being able to stop it, not wanting to leave my twenties.
    I don't know, I can't really explain how I felt that day.  My 40th
    birthday will be here in June and I really don't think I will feel
    or act the same.  It's like I was young, turning thirty meant I
    was getting old, and now I'll be forty and it doesn't matter anymore,
    I'm already old.  This from someone who has always thought age was
    unimportant.  I think a lot of this stems from our youth oriented
    society and until we get away from that we will all feel we are
    over the hill by 30 (some feel that way at 25).  This is really
    terrible but it's just the way it is.
    
    

    In physics, time and space are very wierd concepts.  Our scientists
    really don't understand time very well at all (and age is a factor
    of time, is it not?).  Our whole aging process could be a figment of
    our collective imaginations :-)   
    
    I sometimes think that we go through these eternal stages.  We say
    to ourselves, "Self! Well, I'm thirty now...I guess I'm getting old".
    "Self, what does it mean to be thirty?  How is it supposed to effect
    my life?"  And then for awhile we play that role.  
               
    I wouldn't want to be young again.  It was too hard, I made too
    many mistakes.  I've found that very few people (men included) 
    really care about how old I am.  
    
    Being discriminated against because of age is something else
    altogether.  Not only is it against the law,...its a matter of your
    very survival.  
    
    I had a friend (back in the sixties), who felt that
    he was being discriminated against because he was black.  
    So, whenever he applied for a job and the application form asked his
    race,...he said that he was white.  He ended up getting a job.:-)  
    I was never sure if he just confused the heck out of them or if his
    story about being from some tropic island worked but he got a job.
    It's hard to learn to be a survivor at 55.  The ERA is really about
    survival.  
    
    If your mom has trouble getting work because she is 55,  .....
    perhaps she should be 39 ;-) (if society can't evolve quickly enough
    to ensure our survival...we sometimes have to make up our own rules).
    :-)

    RE: .1
    
    Just as an aside:
    
    	Lorna, you are definately much better than just "average looking".
    	Give yourself a break.

    	Age is a state of mind - who's mind  - is the question...
    
    This is and always will be (at least for a long time to come) a
    mans world.  Being born female has many advantages, yet one of the
    disadvantages is the ageing process and stigma our youth orientated
    culture "dumps" on us.   When a mans hair begins to gray or fall
    out, he is considered distinguished.  We as women, are force fed
    the notion that we must run to the hairdresser to color our hair.
      
    The same for models in magazines these days, the younger the female
    model the better, yet an older male model is very much in demand,
    and the image they present is one of a "seasoned" person.
    
    The paralells are endless, but it boils down to how, You feel about
    Yourself....More than how old you're getting.
     
    I am "over 30" but feel good about myself. I felt worse when I turned
    25 than when I reached 30.  Somehow the thought being "a quater
    of a century" bothered me and I took an honest evaluation of my
    accomplishments and it was amazing how far I'd grown. And I guess
    this is the key( longwinded - sorry )
    
    Don't let  society tell you how you should be feeling about
    yourself.  Take an honest look at You, and pat yourself on the back
    and for your accomplishments, recognize your shortcomings without
    condemnation,and work to change what your unhappy with.  
      
    Life Is just beginning at 30, your out of the "unsure, self-conscious,
    crazy 20s" and trust me there is a peace you feel with yourself
    once you realize that 30 is just one small plateau in life.
   
    And what the heck, find a "younger" man who'll be facinated with
    your maturity......:) (smile?)
    
    Which could be a topic in itself.
    
    Younger men - older women.....
    
    Hang in their sisters... we're worth it!!!!  

    I, too, all but flipped out when I turned 30.  On the other hand,
    for some reason 40 wasn't any problem for me, and I'm almost looking
    forward to the half-century mark. 
    
    I think my differing reactions came from the same place Gloria
    alluded to in her basenote:  reaction to life circumstances. 
    
    At 30 my life was in a terminally sucky state, I felt trapped in a
    terrible existance and could see nothing at all positive in the future.
    
    By 40 I had reorganised my whole basis for existance, switched careers
    (twice, sorta), and was feeling if not on top of things then at
    least scrabbling determinedly up the sides.
    
    						=maggie

    It's nice to know that other people have reacted the same way
    to 30 and 40. Turning 30 was really awful emotionally. A lot of
    things changed that year, some doors opened and some others
    shut, but nothing (as I look back on it now) was heavy duty
    enough to have put me in that kind of a tail spin. Turning
    40 was perfectly fine, except that saying the numbers out loud
    sounded odd. I was kind of startled to realize that my age now
    falls in the range covered by anti-discrimination laws. Forty
    definitely isn't old, I'm not sure it's even middle aged ;-)!
    
    

re: .0 on your mom's situation

She may be considered overqualified by prospective employers. If she
has loads of professional and life experience, they may have to pay
her more than a fresh out of school secretarial candidate. This sort
of discrimination really isn't any different from ageism and sexism
(undervaluing the secretarial position), but at least it's a different
slant. 

Also, word-processing is considered the in secretarial skill to have,
according to a secretary I knew in another job, who was going to quit
Prime and do temp work. She said she was in demand because she could
put word-processing on her resume. Your mom might want to try getting
some WP experience (if she doesn't already have some).
	Mez

    I didn't worry about turning 30, except to consider that my career
    hadn't yet gotten as far as I had hoped by that time - I'm almost
    34.  The thing about aging, from a personal perspective (I understand
    about job discrimination against "older" workers, and it is a real
    shame), is that EVERYONE does it.  So, you are not "reaching the
    plateau" all by yourself, while your friends and relatives and
    coworkers all hang onto their childhoods like Peter Pan.  Instead
    you all stay contemporary, going through the various stages of life!
    
    Paul turned 31 a couple of months ago (I told you all that I seem
    to like younger men, right?), and a while after that, someone came
    door-to-door selling, as it turned out, children's hand puppets
    (they were even fairly nice handmade puppets).  Paul happened to
    answer the door.  The puppet-seller said "Is your mother at home?"
    After we picked ourselves up off the floor, we told him that Paul's
    mother lives in Connecticut, and that we didn't need any children's
    toys just now... actually, if we hadn't been so bowled over by his
    assumption of Paul's age (Paul has quite a bit of gray hair on the
    top, in amongst his delightful brown curls), we might have bought
    one for our niece.
    
    I don't worry about ages!

I'm 28, and I'm not worried about turning 30.  I know too many people who are
over 30 to worry about it happening to me.  Same with 40, or 50...

I remember being carded the last time I ordered a drink (probably about a year
ago).  I guess I don't have to worry yet about looking older, but sometimes I
get tired of people assuming I've never used TECO or a slide rule or a DEC-10
:-)

I've also answered my door and been asked if my mother was home.  I think next
time it's someone selling something or asking for money, I'll say no if I'm
not interested. :-)

Jill

    Gloria,  it sounds like your Mom is not only an older woman but
    that she may be trying to re-enter the work force after some time
    away.  Is this the case?  She should definitely learn word processing
    if she doesn't know it already.  
    
    Aging can sometimes creep up on you with little cat feet.  I am
    over 40 and notice that it is harder to stay in shape.  Dieting
    and exercise take longer, and skin tone definitely goes.  It does
    hurt when you are no longer noticed by men as you walk by, and
    especially when you notice them drooling over a 23 year old!  It
    is very easy to say that you don't care what society thinks, but
    the youth cult attitude is very pervasive and affects all of us,
    even those who say age is relative.  
    
    Marilyn 
    

    I fell apart when I turned 29, because I only had one more year
    before 30!!!! the big one in my eyes.  What a waste of time...
    My 30th birthday was the best one ever... Friends took me out to
    dinner.  I had a very nice birthday dinner party another friend gave
    me.   It was great and it's been great ever since.  I feel and look
    better then I did when I was 18.. well maybe 24.  The point I'm trying
    to make is don't waste valuable time and energy worrying about your
    age you can't do anything about it.  What you can do is work out
    if your not happy with you body.  Buy a new outfit that makes you
    feel good about yourself.  Go have your hair done.  Go try on some
    wild clothes the teenagers buy.  I do that a lot and I have great
    time laughing at myself.  Have fun..
     

    I couldn't wait to turn 30!  Being a small blonde, I was "cursed"
    with the little girl image that only age and sophistication can
    overcome.  I'm now 34 and am just beginning to "get some respect"
    and I just wouldn't trade it!
    
    Some thoughts on our "youth-oriented" society though;
    
    Our society became "youth-oriented" with the baby boom generation
    and I believe it will continue to be "boomer-oriented" as we age.  We
    are the largest target market for products, votes and advertising 
    which all capitalize on that and it's THAT which makes our society 
    "seem" this way or that way.  
    
    Already advertising, buzzwords, magazine articles etc are reflecting 
    the "maturing of society" which just means that the Madison Avenue 
    dollars are continuing to follow us.  There are clothes now for
    "real" women, not just emaciated models.  Fashion itself is no longer
    as faddish as it used to be because only young girls go for it.
    Now, fads in clothing are clearly marketed only to the young.  Hippies
    are "out" because they matured into yuppies so yuppies are now "in".
    
    Very soon, within the next couple of years or so, there will be
    a major focus on mid-life crises as the largest segement of the
    population, (boomers), becomes concerned with that.  TV commercials, 
    movies, books, political campaigns and magazine articles will all deal 
    with that, still after the largest segment of voters/consumers.  Then, 
    following that, ageing will become a major concern.  We have just
    begun as a society to focus on ageing and already we understand
    Alzheimer's which until very recently was simply ignored as the in-
    evitable result of ageing.  Rest homes will become less institutional, 
    pop-psychology will deal with problems of the aged, products will be 
    developed and heavily marketed for this segment and magazines will 
    feature as many articles geared to ageing as they do now to diets.  
    Medical research in the area of biological clocks and so on will
    become heavily funded and great strides will be made.
    
    Geriatrics, once almost a "punishment" to doctors, will become as
    lucrative and prestigious as obstetrics was during the baby boom.
    Already obstetrics is on the way out.  the AMA is even recognizing
    mid-wives; something they JAILED people for in the lucrative 50's!
    
    No, I'm not worried because "society" is going to age right along
    with me.  "Like the bulge in the belly of a satisfied snake, we
    move through the times with change in our wake".
    
    So don't worry about what orientation "society" has - if you're
    a boomer, it's looking to YOU for definition! 
    

    Steve, those of us who are already over 40 are just the leading
    edge - what we are doing now will be fashionably "in"
    in a few short years. We're not old - just avante guarde

    Bonnie

    I'm 34, and as one of my favorite songs puts it "The older I get,
    a whole lot better I feel".
    
    Because of a difficult home situation, I never felt like a child.
    I felt like an adult who was treated like a child, and bided my
    time until I got out on my own and could live as I wanted to!
    
    Every year has brought an increase in wisdom, power and resources.
    For me, that makes life quite a bit easier.  I never participated
    much in a social whirl, so I never missed the validation that brought
    some women.
    
    Sometimes it's a little scary to look at my wedding pictures (age
    19) and realize I look very, very different now.  The most scary
    thing for me, though, is to think that my body may start causing
    me trouble if I don't take good care of it, and that "routine
    maintenance" may not be enough.
    
    I would never, ever go back to being a dependent child or teenager
    again, though.  I guess I wouldn't mind being 25 and knowing what
    I know now, but all in all I like being 34.
    
    The other thing that has been helpful for me is that most of my
    friends have consistently been 5-10 years older than I am.  I like
    where they are and what they are accomplishing, so it feels good
    to think about the next few years in those terms.
    
    I do feel behind career-wise, though, but I wouldn't trade any of
    the crazy things I did for having climbed the corporate ladder since
    college!

    I didn't feel old until I started dating my husband who was nineteen
    at the time and I was 29.  I thought it was normal to date younger
    men wasn't everyone doing it? :-) It was some of my acquaintances and
    my family who made me feel old, by saying stuff like "Aren't you
    a little old for him" and "He's just using you"......"What every
    you do don't marry him"!  
    
    Well I did marry him on my 31st birthday!
    I don't feel any older and in fact I feel younger......he sometimes
    acts alot older than me.....:-) and I don't see any difference marrying
    him or a 38 year old - People think that he will start chasing younger
    women when I'm forty.....well how about all the guys I know that
    are forty and chase after the younger women.....I think it more
    depends on the person than the age to be perfectly honest because
    then I know some guys that are in their forties and wouldn't think
    of going out with a women under thirty because they think they are
    air heads......
    
    Bobbi
    

    re:  20
    
    Bobbi,
    
    Thank you for sharing that....I'm glad someone else feels the same
    way I do.
    
    
    -Dotti.

    I just turned 40 last August and at first felt really strange, because
    the person I was in no way matched my expectation of a woman of
    40.  So I changed the expectation so that I define what this woman
    of 40 is like.  
    
    I put a lot of attention on my health and staying in shape, because I 
    feel that will ensure the quality of my life through the upcomming
    years.  I find myself more self assured and appreciative of the person 
    I am.  Less willing to be someone or something I am not.  More wise
    and able to enjoy my life and the people in it.  
    
    My children are almost grown, I had them when I was quite young,
    so I now have more time to try new adventures and experiences.
    
    Age is clearly a state of mind, I plan to keep young minded and young
    bodied forever. I had a delightful Aunt who played golf, cross country
    skiing, and kept up with many friends until she died unexpectedly
    at 70.  I remember her telling me that at 70 she didn't feel any
    differently than she did at 40. And she never seemed old to me.
    She didn't color her hair, had friends of all ages, some her former
    kidnergarten pupils.  She was loved and apreciated by all and lived
    a full life until she died of a stroke.  Only thing she did wrong
    was ignore her high blood pressure.  
    
    I can receive the gift of her exuberance for life and add to it
    my commitment to caring for my health.  From where I sit the next
    60 years or so ought to be great. 

I'm just beginning to show outward signs of "aging". . . or should I say, 
I'm just beginning to "mature."  Upon close examination, my hair displays 
a few gray hairs. . . and paths are developing that will one day house 
wrinkles.  Sounds wretched, huh?  

Well, at first it does seem scary - this whole concept of aging. . . but, upon
closer examination, those "old" perceptions may be altered significantly.  In 
fact, after a little introspection, one of my goals was to one day become a 
little old lady with style - always boisterous and involved, but most 
certainly, an old lady - wrinkles, white hair, failing eyesight, the works!

Life is a process, and each stage harbors its own unique beauty and 
pleasures.  The insecurities that plague us today may seem rather 
insignificant and a waste of precious time in our later years.  With the 
luxury of hindsight, today's questions may appear entirely inconsequential - 
the answer continually being, "it really doesn't matter."  Life, after all, 
is what you make of what you experience.  

If I am lucky enough to become an elderly lady, I hope to impart some of my 
optimism and love of life to the people who share my corner of the world.  I 
want to talk to "youngsters" and help them to believe in themselves even though
their lives can sometimes seem so complex and bewildering.  I want to 
contribute to the world in whatever way I can - be it by taking a public 
office, or volunteering, or publishing thoughts, whatever.  I want to have 
that I've-lived-a-full-exciting-useful-life look and see to it that I add 
value wherever I have the opportunity to do so.  

The disgrace in life comes NOT from demonstrating that you are human and just 
as prone to the physical manifestations of aging as anyone else, but rather 
from NOT putting your unique abilities to use.  

We are all human.  We won't be young forever.  If you're not "quite as 
pretty/ handsome" as you once were. . . it's probably time to take the 
emphasis off outward appearances and put it into something much more 
meaningful - helping others while expressing yourself.  

The following words were written by Florida Scott-Maxwell in "The Measure of 
My Days."  I thought they were appropriate. . .

     "Age puzzles me.  I thought it was a quiet time.  My seventies 
      were interesting, and fairly serene, but my eighties are passionate.  
      I grow more intense as I age.  

      To my own surprise I burst out with hot conviction.  Only a few years 
      ago I enjoyed my tranquillity, now I am disturbed by the outer world 
      and by human quality in general, so that I want to put things right as 
      though I still owed a debt to life.

      I must calm down.  I am far too frail to indulge in moral fervor. . . 
      all this is very tiring, but love at any age takes everything you've 
      got."

Outward beauty, though wonderful, is fleeting. . . the beauty of the inner 
self, though, outlives life itself.  Appreciate that beauty!

                                 Lynn

    I'm not going to get wrinkles--I'm working on laugh lines.
    I'm starting to go grey and I think I'll look fantastic with salt
    and pepper hair.
    
    There was a great last-page article a year ago or so in MS. which
    talked about growing old and becoming a salty old lady who can say
    anything she likes and is a terror to generations. I loved the idea.
    
    I'm not getting old--I'm getting more experienced, more powerful,
    more attractive and more fun.
    
    Tamzen

    re. 24
    May Sarton has also written some beautiful words on ageing, especially
    in Journal of a Solitude.

    I must agree with .15 - I'm 37 and it seems at every age the baby
    boom preceded me and made it the "in" age. I just keep waiting for
    that birthday that puts me at the point where I can say what I feel
    and not worry about the consequences. It seems it should be easier
    as I get older (shouldn't it?).
    
    Old (and sick for that matter) are really matters of the mind as
    much as the body. My uncle is 78. At 50 he had 3/4 of his stomach
    removed from cancer. At 55 he had cancer of the colon and had to
    get a colostomy. His doctor told him he would have to have a sedentary
    lifestyle and listed all sorts of forbidden foods. he wasn't to
    do anything. Well, uncle Les decided he'd rather die doing than
    sitting. He travels all over the country with the Kiwanas club and
    visiting friends and relatives. He's ridden the train to the top
    of Pikes Peak. But most important - he's still alive and when he
    does die at least it won't be after 20 years of being a house hermit
    like the doctor wanted. Liesl
    

    I can't wait until I am 40!
    
    I will have a 20 year old son and an 18 year old daughter!
    
    I'll still be young enough to enjoy the last half of my life, with
    grown-up children who won't need my constant supervision anymore.
    
    Only 6 yrs and 13 days to go!
    
    M-L

    When people ask me how old I am, I tell them.. It freaks them out
    that at 35 I don't hem and haw.  I guess my thoughts are that I
    earned every single minute, hour, day, month and year.  I would
    never go back, I love being able to watch my younger sisters and
    think, ahhhhh, I don't have to go through *that* again!  
    I love my age!
    
    vivian

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say "we've no money for butter".

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other people's gardens

And learn to spit

But maybe I ought to practive a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.

    Re. 30 - I really liked that. It's just how I feel. Each year I
    care a little less about what *others* think I should be and more
    about what *I* want to be. Some would contend that I've been practicing
    for years. :*) Liesl

    .30 That was great...that is the only way to be old and eccentric.
    I can't wait!
    
    

    I have my red hat and purple dress, I wear them at least twice a
    month. :-)

re .30:

	My mom has that poem on her refridgerator at home. Methinks she
is following it to the letter. Her and pa are currently off somewhere
between VT and the Grand Ol' Opry doing anything they please. I hope
when I get to be their age I have as much fun, doesn't seem so bad to me.

Bahama Mama

    I have always invisioned myself in my older years, sitting on my
    front porch, in my rocking chair, tush-watching men as they go by
    and saying "come here little boy, wanna cookie?"
    
    mom says if I don't mend my ways, I might just be that dirty ole
    woman.
    
    vivian
    

    From context, this appears to have been meant as a response to this
    string.
    
    						=maggie
    
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Note 244.0                Down Hill Playing All The Way                  1 reply
DONJON::FULLER                                       31 lines  23-MAR-1987 15:32
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    Marvelous! Absolutely Marvelous!!  When I get to the "rocking chair
    on the porch routine (if I ever do!) I intend to chuckle a lot -
    in remembering the joyful experiences I've had, people I've met,
    loved, insulted, discarded and admired.  
    
    In fact, I've met people of 25 who were already dead from the neck
    up - Ageing is a state of mind - and since the entire population
    is maturing, so to speak, it won't be quite so unusual to have white
    hair, plus a physical appearance that speaks of caring.  With all
    the cosmetic surgery available - there is no reason why a person
    can't have a better nose - etc.
    
    But all the physical beauty is useless if along the way you haven't
    developed interests other than self...
    
    And as far as discrimination is concerned - it does exist!!  However,
    basic skills, i.e., word processing will open doors for the over
    45 person - and if they temp long enough - they will be noticed
    and employed.  Besides, temping is interesting because you have
    the opportunity to view different companies - operations -- managers
    etc., and aren't as likely to become bored.
    
    My hair is white (I was a blonde years ago) and it is the color
    that would cost a fortune to have duplicated ... and it compliments
    my skin ... I'll be smashing wearing my new red hat and purple dress!!
    
    
    
    
    
    

    Moved to agree with .36
    
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ATPS::FODEN                                          18 lines  23-MAR-1987 17:00
                           -< <Do tell us more...> >-
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    Since you began a new note for this, perhaps you have more to share
    with us.  
    
    You speak of being blond years ago and temping as the way to get
    a job at Digital.   Are you an "older woman".  If so perhaps you
    can tell more of your thoughts and impressions of this "high tech"
    company and your place in it, as well as some of the changes you
    have seen in society over the years.
    
    How do you keep from getting dead from the neck up?  You sound like
    a very interesting, lively and outrageous person.  Is this true?
    Also, are you a woman?  Either way I'm sure you will be smashing
    in the purple hat and the red dress.
    
    I am glad you liked the poem.  I have always loved it, and in many
    ways live by it.
                                
    Alicia

   Does anyone know the author of the poem quoted in .30?
    I remember reading it several years ago and likeing it
    very much.

    Today I rejoiced when I heard the news that the Supreme Courty upheld
    the advancement of women - I must agree with some of the male callers
    that it isn't fair - however, it has not been a fair world for many
    ever...Fairness is not guaranteed!
    
    One old and very popular hunting and fishing magazine - located
    on Madison Avenue - had female writers using male names on the
    by-line.  So the person who was reading something about how I climbed
    the mountain in Alaska to kill the grizzly - couldn't possibly relate
    to that exciting story - if Mary Jane Smith were the recognized
    author ... I know - I was there!!  Reason:  male writers would cost
    more - thus females got the job!
    
    I too related to the horror of turning 30.  In fact one
    of my favorite remembrances was my husband asking me why I was so
    down in the dumps.  I replied that "Tomorrow I'm going to be 30!!"
    "Hell, you were 30 last year!"  I felt absolutely wonderful and
    figured if I had survived being 30 - 31 would be a breeze!!  And
    each birthday has since brought it's joys...
    
    The problem with ageing is not with the individual who is maturing
    - it is with society that has been fed the "Madison Avenue" pap
    of "getting rid of wrinkles", (cosmetic accounts REALLY make
    money!),"dye your hair at the FIRST sign of grey" - and all kinds
    of solutions to medical problems.  I once worked for a top advertising
    agency which had a soap account - their theme that year was use
    their soap and you were guaranteed to become a "bride" -- When I
    commented that if a person just threw water on their face - they
    could walk down the aisle if that were their goal - my boss explained
    by means of a circle drawn - where I was at - and where the general
    mentality of the general population was.  They were responding to
    the larger slice of the pie - so to speak.
    
    Imagine someone believing that if they took laxatives for 7 days
    - that they could indeed "break the laxative habit"  
    
    Advertising has indeed helped raise the standard of living by selling
    various products.  During WWII - when products were unavailable
    -- Ford Motor Company very wisely had a simple billboard with a
    simple statement - no picture - just "There's a Ford in Your Future!"
    And just as soon as the war was over - that was the first thing
    that everyone thought of - buying a car - a Ford!
    
    The male market place has more disposable funds - thus the heavy
    appeal - no matter the argument - to tititlate by using the most
    desirable visual appeal to a male - a beautifully attired woman
    - expensively jeweled - sells a lot of cars! Sells a lot of booze!
     Sells a lot of "male cosmetics" - now sells a lot of instant dinners!!
    
    And in the same vein - advertisers use GUILT - take WISK for instance!
    That "ring around the collar" ploy caused many a female buyer -
    to rush for instance perfection.  (No one ever thought to ask the
    wearer of the shirt to provide a clean neck before wearing the shirt!)
    
    Guess one might say what is truly being sold is a form of instant
    gratification !!  And no one relates that subject with grey hair
    & wrinkles ... 
    
    
     
    

    re: .30
    
    The poem is great! A certainly the way to go through life. 
    
    I've realized that the older I get, the more secure I am about me
    and the less I worry about what others think (unlike the painful
    teens when if you're not like everyone else you're a freak....or
    so you think). And I am having the best time of my life!
    
    My behavior has become more relaxed (and outrageous...I've been
    told) as I get older because I am more comfortable with me. And
    I have also developed a "and to hell with what anyone else thinks
    about it" attitude. One of the best days I've had was one where
    I spent about an hour honking back at about 30 geese who were
    surrounding me and honking for the corn I held in my hand. (Luckily
    I was with friends so I didn't carted away to the funny farm...though
    I think some of them were convinced I had lost it...)

    I enjoy every year more and more and feel bad for anyone who is
    depressed because they are getting older. I resent the passage of
    time only because there is so much I want to do, not because it
    is making me older. 
    
    I look at my Mom (65 yr. young) and keep hoping that I will get
    old soon so I have as much energy as her!

    Aging is natural. What is unnatural is the way our society has made
    it something that is bad, evil, to be avoided at all costs, etc.
    
    May I never grow up, but just grow older!
    
    janet

    This is a wonderful note.
    
    I was one of those children who was sort of "born old" in both body
    and mind.  I experienced few of the "perks" that society awards
    young women.  Young men lusting after my 19-year-old contemporaries 
    lusted for me; I had zero social life, being a misanthropic bookworm; 
    I was not petted, pampered, taken care of, or looked down on by
    anybody; mostly people ignored me completely or assumed that I was 
    taking care of myself.
    
    I can now truthfully say that I am in better shape physically, 
    mentally, spiritually and certainly emotionally than when I was 
    in my teens and twenties.  The body that looked somewhat peculiar 
    (to say the least) on a 15-year-old looks terrific on a 36-year-old.
    Mathematics, a dicsipline I gave up in despair in my second year 
    of college I now regularly employ with great skill in my job (and 
    I didn't start to do that until after my 27th birthday!).  I have 
    begun to rediscover the spirituality I rejected at 20, when I assumed 
    that in order to be "spiritual" I had to exhibit hidebound obediance 
    to an organization (I now realize that it was correct for me to 
    reject the organization, but a shame to amputate my spiritual urges 
    in the process).  I didn't really start to face up to and shake my 
    emotional demons through therapy til after I turned 31.  I cheerfully 
    confess my age (36) and revel in birthdays; I am exultant at having 
    been around "this long".
    
    That said, I do recognize that society has been terribly youth
    oriented.  I wonder: excessive valuing of youthful women may be 
    a throwback to days when the "only" thing that made a woman valuable 
    was her childbearing capability _and_ being "fresh stock", i.e., 
    not yet too worn out to keep on giving her old man heirs.
    
    My mother will celebrate her 60th birthday this fall.  She changed
    jobs early this year at 59.  It was not easy for her; she was widowed
    in her 40's and has had a terrible time learning to function as
    an independent woman (dad took care of literally everything while
    he was alive).  When the wretched conditions at her old job reached
    a peak, I was counselling her every time we talked to start looking.
    Her usual excuse was "no one will hire me, I'm considered too old,
    you don't know what it's like, etc. etc."  Now she had a valid point.
    But finally I said in desperation to her, "Mom, if you think your
    age will be that big a stumbling block, it _will_ be.  It is now,
    and you haven't even begun to pound the pavement because you're
    letting it stop you from even getting started!  Now, there's
    no doubt that you will experience some age discrimination, but 
    you'll just have to ignore it and persevere, and _not_ let it stand 
    in the way of eventual success.  _Just like I did, Mom, when I went
    job hunting for the first time up here with *no college degree*_.  
    I knew that it made my chances longer, and that I'd have to work 
    harder to prove myself, and start lower on the totem pole than 
    someone with an MBA.  But the point is that even with some cards 
    stacked against me, I went ahead and tried and _I've succeeded_!"
    
    Well, she now has a job she likes, in much better working conditions
    than her last job, where her age and experience is an asset.
    
    The point is, if you gauge your life's actions by what you perceive
    "society" is telling you you're worth, you stand a good chance of
    failing completely.  If you take the freedom to define your own
    worth, and find ways to demonstrate it that will make your tiny
    portion of society accept you on your terms, you've won.
    
    Let's hear it for aging powerfully!
    
    Marcia

    Typo correction to the 1st paragraph of .41:  
    
    "Young men lusting after my 19-year-old contemporaries never lusted
    for me;"
    
    Marcia