Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    It certainly sounds nicer than SO, mainly because I hate acronyms...
    
    It  looks  like a nasty cross between latin and french to me though, 
    and I'm not sure it is gender free.  I wonder  if  like  'blond' and 
    'blonde'  there  are  male  and female forms of 'vivant' (vivant and 
    vivante perhaps?)
    
    /. Ian .\

    Yes, there is.  A female would be a vivante or co-vivante, or whatever.
    Wouldn't this word also imply that the people were living together?
    Since sometimes people in relationships don't live together, I would
    think they would prefer SO, but I could be wrong.
    
    SO does seem vague, but I think that's what it was meant to be.

             Carol

Rita,

I love it!  After seeing you use it once, I fell in love with the word.
One of the advantages I saw when I became engaged was that I hated the
word "boyfriend" and didn't have to use it anymore.  I've never liked SO
either, and although POSSLQ was cute, it still sounded contrived.  I've
never had any problem with fiance (implied accent because some people don't
have fancy terminals :-)) but maybe I'll use covivant just to confuse people
(or impress them? :-)), or as a change of pace depending on circumstances.

Jill

In last Sunday's New York Times Magazine there was a letter referring to
an earlier column by William Safire on the use of the term 'significant other'. 
The writer of the letter suggested 'placemate' as a replacement.

    
    Re .5, "placemate" sounds too much like placemat, which in turn
    sounds too much like doormat.
    
    I like the term SO.  Boyfriend sounds too juvenile for people in
    their 30's and 40's, and gentleman friend suggests people in their
    80's at least.
    
    Lorna
    
    P.S.  Co-vivant (is that it?) sounds too jet-settish for me.
    

    I am not wild about the term SO, but it seems to suit the purpose
    better than anything else I know of.  Like .6, the term 'boyfriend'
    seems too juvenile for anyone over 16, and 'gentleman friend' seems
    to be a term useful for someone in their 80's.  For those of us
    in between who are not married, there seems to be little else.
    
    I've never objected to being referred to as "my lady", but what
    do I call him?  "My man" sounds like it came out of 'Porgy and Bess',
    "My gentleman" sounds like I'm using an escort service, and "my
    lord" sounds like I'm his servant from the 1700s.  Any other ideas?

    What is wrong with the term "lover" ?
    
    It isn't sexist, doesn't assume gender and is accurate.

    
    RE: .8
    
    I think "lover" is a good alternative, although to many it would
    suggest a sexual relationship exists, which may not always be the
    case with an "SO".  I personally don't have a problem with "SO",
    or "love" (without the "r") is another way I've described my attachment
    to a particular lady (when I have that feeling for them, of course).
    "My love" also doesn't assume gender and isn't sexist in my book.
    
    					Joe

        I've always liked "Lifemate", but I don't use it most of
        the time because a lot of people don't seem to get it.  
        
        I don't like "lover"... that's gotten tossed around too much.
        When you're tired of your spouse, you "take a lover", all
        sorts of other connotations.  It's become ambiguous.  One
        of the consequences of our society getting confused about
        the distinction between "sex" and "love"... all too often
        the latter is used to mean the former, and therefore becomes
        an inadequate description of a relationship.
        
        "co-vivant" has a nice ring to it, but again I suspect that
        most peoples' immediate reaction would be "huh?"  SO is at
        least a little more common, though far from universal.
        
        "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are sorta cute and juvenile
        feeling, but my wife and I have been known to use them when
        referring to each other.  Depends on the impression you want to
        give, and to whom you're talking.  Sometimes "cute and juvenile"
        is appropriate! 
        
        Mostly, we use "wife" and "husband" for description... even
        before we actually got married.  It has the advantage of
        being almost universally understood... and, to most people
        at least, gives a reasonably close image of our relationship.
                       
        	/dave

    
    My spouse, my husband, my friend, my honey, my gentleman, but most
    frequently "my mate"...all of these are used, and all have different
    nuances about the relationship.  I just use "husband" when speaking
    with people who probably wouldn't catch the more subtle stuff.  Before 
    we got married, I used "mate" for those people.  Confused a lot of 'em.

    Surely there ought to be a word which indicates the affection, respect, 
    tolerance, love, and admiration I feel for this fellow....
    
    Joanne

    Personally I've never liked SO, boyfriend or any of that yuck. I
    always prefer to use my "sweet baboo".
    
    Bahama Mama
    

    
    "Someday someone will think of a name for it, dear."
    
    "I'm in favor of a system of lapel pins, myself."
    
    G. B. Trudeau

Margaret referred to me as her "sweetie" in her reply to the party-invitation
note.  I frequently just refer to her as "Margaret" and let people figure it
out.  

Do people really use "significant other" or "SO" in speaking?  It's one thing
to write it in a note, but I've never heard anyone actually say it.

					-- hs

 > Do people really use "significant other" or "SO" in speaking?  It's one thing
 > to write it in a note, but I've never heard anyone actually say it.

 People certainly do use it!  I have both used it in conversation and heard
 it used.

 By the way, the first time I heard the term was about 10 years ago from a
 gay friend.  I thought it was a delightful way out of her dilemma of how to
 refer to her "girlfriend" without having to make a big production out of it.
 The gay friends I have now are tickled pink that the term is coming into 
 general usage -- for exactly that reason.   Using "lover" quickly becomes
 a problem for them, since people inevitably want to know why they don't just
 say "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". 

Fianc�(e) isn't good, even when it's true.  Upon first hearing it, most people
 ask when you're going to get married.
  <_Jym_>