Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    Well for starters..................................................
    
    
    1. Honesty
    2. Maturity to a degree
    3. Personality, and not one that can be compared to a rubber chicken..
    4. Understanding
    5. Romance, has to have to some degree ( Not the Harelquin Type )
    6. Adventurous, has to like to try some, not all things at least once
    7. $$$$ Money $$$$  It can't hurt !!
    8. Family-oriented
    9. A man that realizes women are no longer being dragged by their
       hair back to the cave.....
    10. Healthy
    
    These aren't in the order of importance, they are just what came
    to mind.  It is understandable that no one man/woman can have all
    the qualities we want, but it is nice to dream isn't it ???  

    And they said there is no Santa Claus!
    
    1. Honest
    2. Faithful (monogamous)
    3. Trustworthy
    4. Physically attractive
    5. Affectionate
    6. Sexually considerate and competent 
    7. Great sense of humor (this should really be around #4)
    8. Adequate income
    9. Love for animals, esp dogs (mine!)
    10.Ability to communicate
    
    
    
    And, here's the potpourri-I like a man who echos my interests
    and matches my personality!  Someone who agrees that hugs and
    cuddles are a great way to end the day....begin the day...break
    up the day....etc.    Someone who likes to go to the places, 
    and to do the things, that I like to do.  Someone who amuses
    and entertains me.  Someone willing to take care of me when I
    need nurturing-without being asked!  This person (listen up,
    Santa!) should do his share of the household chores.  Finally,
    cleanliness of mind, body and spirit is important.
    
    If a rather large package appears under the tree this Chrismas,
    I'll know what it is!!
    
     

    I like a man that loves me and understands why I deserve a maid!!!
    
    :- )))
    
    But Seriously, a nice smile and a genial personality make my day.
    
    Like the lady said money wouldn't hurt - after putting my husband
    through 5 years of school I figure I can at least dream about money.
    
    Liesl

    
    I would like a man that is;
    
    1. Honest
    2. Has interests similar to mine
    3. Has a similar value system
    4. Is able to communicate
    5. Appreciates me for what and who I am.
    
    I've always been attracted to a man with dark hair and a moustache.
      
    ;^)
    
    Nancy

    In reply to .1-.4;
    
    In reality ladies, didn't you leave out the physical aspects???
    Other than dark hair and mustaches, are you not "admitting" looks??
    Or am I missing something??
    
      Mikie?-who-has-had-a-few-too-many-rums-at-home..

    
    
    First of all I personally do not refer to myself as a Lady as that
    title (and it is a title) suggests gentillty and I am a peasant.
    
    Back to the point I would like a SO who has at least most of the
    following:
    
    		1. physically, mentally and emotionally fit 
    			(I am tired of sickies)
    
    		2. salary is in the same range as mine
    			(I am really looking for equality)
    
    		3. understands the need to be alone/quiet
    
    		4. understands the need not to be alone/quiet
    
    		5. allows me to finish sentences even when
    			it might be a rat-hole issue
    
    		6. not only likes to dance but can waltz!!!!!
    
    		7. is not afraid to try out new ideas and maybe
    			has a few
    
    		8. here is the key point, is a
    
    	LOGICAL - RATIONAL - INTELLIGENT - SENSITIVE - HUMAN
    
    Bye-the-bye Santa no "I'am a sensitive guy" types please - they
    are so boring - always trying to prove how understanding they are.
    
    tbe
    
    _peggy
    

    Have periodically thought about a wish list, but I don't know that
    it works in practice.  I find that when I first meet someone and
    start to get to know him, I think he has alot of the qualities I'm
    seeking.  I see him as honest, intelligent, humurous, understanding,
    caring, and romantic.  Of course these are among the things that
    attracted me to him in the first place.
    
    What ends up happening is that over time, my rose-colored glasses
    come off & I begin to see these traits disappearing in my SO.  Then
    I find myself coping with being in a relationship with a person
    who does NOT have my desired traits, but has his own issues and
    ways of handling life.  Sometimes I get out of the relationship
    and other times I try and work things out.  Yet the end result appears
    to be the same - I do end up living my life without my SO.
    
    Now at this point I'm beginning to wonder if my wish list isn't
    long enough to begin with or if I'm being "unrealistic" in my search
    for an SO.  Perhaps the book mentioned earlier - "Smart Women, Foolish
    Choices" would shed some light on the top, I don't know.
    
    I would be interested in others thoughts along this line....Christy

    I've never really had a wishlist. Lots of fantasy images, but nothing
    that would translate to reality. If I were to list qualities, I
    think the list would resemble those already given; honesty, kindess,
    intelligence, shared interests, etc. (Sounds a lot like my husband,
    in fact.)

    Now that I've been married for a few years, some of the things that
    seemed trivial or weren't noticeable beforehand are beginning to
    really get to me, however. He tends to pull the "helpless" trick
    when expected to plan dinner or do something else house-ish, and
    it annoys me no end. But I've realized that the odds of finding
    someone with all his sterling qualities *and* who looks after the
    house better than I do is practically nil, so I'll keep what I've
    got.

    As for looks, that isn't a major criterion at all. In fact, having been
    something of a wallflower most of my life, I'd feel horribly ill at
    ease in the company of some movie-star type. I have some personal
    preferences - clean-shaven, moderately tall, no particular hair-color
    preference as long as it's there - but I married a man who's short,
    bearded, and with thinning hair. Just goes to show...
    
    -b

The things I would look for in a man:
    
    1.  friendship and communication would be most important
    
    2.  I want a man that would put me at a high priority in his life.
    
    3.  honesty
    
    4.  romance - sometimes it's the little things that can be romantic
    
    5.  someone who is open minded and liberal and willing to try anything
    once
    
    6.  someone who enjoys the things I do, and will put up with the
    things he doesn't necesarily really enjoy
    
    7.  someone who can help cook and clean and take care of things
    without always having to be asked
    
    8.  someone who is fun to be with
    
    9.  someone who is sexually attractive, and clean and neat...also,
    I prefer younger men...
    
    
    Of course, money wouldn't hurt, but money doesn't buy you happiness.
    
    cin
    

    Re: .5
    
    I could say that the reason I didn't put looks in were becasuse
    they don't count, but to a certain degree they do and maybe that
    sounds selfish, but there has to be at least a liitle bit of physical
    attraction !!!  But that is just one opinion and one opinion only !!
    
    

    
    Re .9, your "2. I want a  man that would put me at a high priority
    in his life."  That's a good point.  I'd like that, too, along with
    all the other wonderful qualities we all seem to be looking for
    - intelligent, witty, kind, likes animals, has similar interests,
    sexually attractive, etc., etc.  I'd like the relationship to be
    as important in his life as it would be in mine.  I wonder if that's
    what's known as asking for the moon?
    
    Lorna
    
    P.S.  How about on the inside he's a combination of Woody Allen,
          Albert Einstein, Henry David Thoreau, Hawkeye from Mash (not
          Alan Alda), Dr. Albert Schwitzer (spelling?), but on the outside
          he looks, dances, acts, and sings like Bruce Springsteen??
    
          If I ever found that I'd know there was a God.
    

    Re .11
    
    If "he" was ever found, he'd probably already be married and quite
    loyal to his wife. :-)
    
    Having been married for quite a while, I would say that the thing
    that is on the top of my list is the ability to communicate. This
    ranges from the serious to the silly. Second would be a good
    friend and a good father. Following after in no particular order
    would be working together around our place, sense of humor,
    intelligent, considerate lover.....and he's reading this over my
    shoulder right now, :-). 
    
    As long as a person doesn't "frighten the horses in the street"
    I don't think looks are all that important. If you love a person
    they are attractive to you no matter what the world see in them.
    
    Bonnie

>          How about on the inside he's a combination of Woody Allen,
>          Albert Einstein, Henry David Thoreau, Hawkeye from Mash (not
>          Alan Alda), Dr. Albert Schwitzer (spelling?), but on the outside
>          he looks, dances, acts, and sings like Bruce Springsteen??
    
>          If I ever found that I'd know there was a God.
    
I beg to differ. If you found all that in one package you'd know there is a
GODDESS!

:-)
Don.

	I don't think wish lists like this are productive for either
	men or women, unless they're recognized as pure fantasy.  Many
	of my single friends have lists of qualities they're looking
	for in a SO/potential mate.  They always end up being disappointed
	and often alone because they're unwilling to settle for anything
	less.  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being alone
	but these are people who don't {think they} want to be alone.

	From personal experience, I see that each successive SO seemed to 
	have something that I felt was missing in the previous one which 
	may indicate the presence of some sort of "wish list".  There are
	things I might change about my husband if I could (I don't try) 
	and I'm sure there are things he would change about me.  But we try 
	to accept each other as is and with each passing day, our marriage 
	gets stronger and those things seem less important. 

	Not trying to put a damper on this topic,

	SHL

	

I agree with Bonnie.  Looks don't count, at least for me.  I've never
been attracted to (or taken seriously) incredibly handsome guys.  I
don't think I'd ever be comfortable going out with someone who was
more gorgeous than *I* am.... :*)

And that's unfair, I admit it.  I'm sure there are very attractive men
out there who have personalities that I would adore.... and I'm being
unfair to them.  So be it.  They and the gorgeous women can chuckle at
me over their international coffees.

I recently saw the movie "The Bride" on cable..... It was the remake of
Frankenstein that starred Sting and Jennifer Beals, and I was attracted to
the monster!  No kidding.  He was so sweet and so intelligent and so
loving... and his scars were beginning to heal!

Which is not to say that my husband is anything less than absolutely
gorgeous, but I have to admit that I first fell in love with his
spirit, then his mind, then his gorgeous red hair.

I don't put much stock in physical beauty.  I DO require personal grooming,
cleanliness, sociability, and the ownership of AT LEAST 1 grey pinstrip
suit!

Bugsy

    
    I think it's great that those of you who have SO's or spouses are
    writing in here saying that you are very happy with what you have.
    Not long ago I would have been feeling the same way.  However, times
    change (and not always of our own choosing) and it's rather difficult
    for those of us who don't *have* an SO to say that we're totally
    happy with what we've got - heck, we don't *have* anything to be
    happy with - except hopefully ourselves.
    
    I think it's perfectly okay to make a "wish list" (at least in your
    mind) of qualities you would like in a mate.  However, when you
    meet someone and the chemistry clicks sometimes that list is forgotten
    fast - while the fun lasts.  Then, when you start looking again,
    you get out the list.  I agree that what's inside a person is far
    more important than the outside shell.  I've never been in love
    with a handsome man, but they (the men I've loved) all looked good
    to me.
    
    At the same time, I am human, and if I ever had a chance to get
    my hands on Bruce Springsteen I wouldn't hesitate - at least if
    we were alone! :-)
    
    Lorna
    

    I'ld have to put at the top of my wish list a man who is bright
    enough not to let me get away with anything.   That is to say, I
    like conversations/discussions that require my mind to be in gear
    while I'm talking.    Next I'ld put an awareness of other people--not
    merely (though this is important) an awareness of how I feel, but
    an awareness that there are people out there who don't have enough
    to eat ...  I'ld also want him to be gentle and caring and not afraid
    to give hugs or to express emotions (not merely anger).    
    
    As I am writing this, I am realizing that my SO is/has all those
    things  (and red hair, too, Bugsy!!!).     Hmmm.
    
    Tamar
    

    ...with a very private kind of guy.

    Re <.14>
    
    I have to agree that too many women set very high standards when
    they develop a "wish list" and thus cannot avoid being disappointed.

    I have a wish list, too, which includes things such as honesty,
    the ability to not take himself too seriously while taking me as
    seriously as I needed him to, a comparable level of attractiveness
    (ie, we are both not monsters, but not movie stars, either), a
    level of respect for his/my body, mind and feelings.  I found most
    of what I wanted in my husband, but like everyone else, there is
    always a sticking point (why *must* he insist of telling bad jokes,
    very carefully in complete detail?)
    
    But I've made a distinction between my wish list and reasonable
    expectations.  After all, I'd love to win the lottery, but I'm not
    disappointed in the fact that I have to live on my salary.
    
    Probably the most important (to me) things I *haven't* found are:
    
    1.	Good, sound financial management and decisions.
    2.	More willingness to discuss "negative" situations/topics.
    3.  Assuming responsibility for household duties rather than just
        "helping out."

    

    My wish list looks something like this, though I only expect to
    get several of the items - certainly not all!  I think it works
    on some sort of point system - you need to score a number of points
    from the list.
    
    1)	Intelligent
    2)  Honest
    3)  Someone not afraid to love me and accept my love
    4)	Shares my interests and religion
    5)	Likes cats                      
    6)	Believes that women can do things as well as men (in general)
    7)	Likes to try new things
    8)	Likes to dance
    9)	$$$$  (can't hurt  :^))
    10) Is of a reasonable size and weight
    
    Note that physical attractiveness is not on the list.  That is,
    other than #10, I don't really know what an attractive man is!
    
    Elizabeth

Suppose

> What do you want in a man[?]

and

> What is important to you in establishing and maintaining a relationship?

are mutually exclusive?
 <_Jym_>

    There are a number of less than attractive men who, upon reading
    the replies to 115., will ask, "Where's the honesty?"  There are
    many not unattractive men who, upon reading the replies to 115.
    will ask, "Where's the honesty?"
    
    Come, come.  Are looks really so unimportant?
    
    Douglas

Re: .23

I looked through the replies, and out of 22:

9 include honesty on the list, 
6 don't,
1 was deleted,
and 
6 are "general discussion" replies.

CQ

    .24 :
    
    Please reread .23 and note the comments are concerned with the lack
    of honesty (my opinion) relative to the physical appearance of men.

    re 23 & 25:
    
    Because *you* appear to be so concerned with looks, does this mean
    that you cannot imagine that others may not be as concerned with
    looks as you are?
    
    	-Ellen

    I think .23 and .25 is saying that he has found that women do not
    care for him because he is not good looking, and feels that women
    who imply that they do not care what a man looks like are not
    being honest. Correct?

            RE: .27
    
                 That's exactly what *I* got out of what he said
             (in .23 and .25)...
    
                 

Re: .25

I did go back and read 115.23 (a few times).  If you say I have 
misunderstood you, then I have.  It was the honesty of the previous 
responses that impressed me.  I didn't think that those who submitted 
their wish lists had left anything important unsaid.  Apparently you do.

It would be impossible for me to say "good-looking" on any wish list 
because I can't pin that down to any specific physical characteristics.  
The men I've been attracted to have been one or more of the following, as 
well as anywhere in between: bald, long-haired, short-haired, fat, skinny, 
lean, blue-eyed, brown-eyed, hazel-eyed, short, tall, bearded, clean-shaven, 
side-burned, moustachioed, brunette, blond, young, old, "handicapped", etc.

Mostly, for those who didn't see them through my eyes, they've been average
in the "looks department".  Funny, but the man I love is always the most
attractive man around.

CQ

    Just an aside. Hopefully relevant.
    
    In a study recently, men and women were watched (via cameras) as
    to what if any portion of anatomy they looked at first when seeing
    the person for the first time. I should add, having reread this
    note, that they were all clothed normally.
    
    Invariably men regarded womens boobs and legs for the majority of
    the first minute.
    
    Invariably women regarded mens genitalia for the majority of the
    first minute.
    
    This is, apparently an unconcious action. Several of those studied
    denied they conformed to the pattern, but film proved otherwise.

    Since I have just started reading this file I hope this response
    isn't too late.  I am presently involved in a wonderful relationship
    and have been for the last year and a half.  There are a couple
    of things I'd like to pass on.
    
    The first is that I had a big "wish" list before I met Alan.  I
    had been married for almost 13 years and knew everything I wanted
    in my next "relationship".  Most of my friends told me that I should
    lower my standards but I really would rather have been alone for
    the rest of my life than be stuck with someone who wasn't what I
    was looking for.   I never said he had to be a perfect person. 
    He just had to be perfect for me.  I was divorced/separated for
    6 years and didn't date much but Alan was definitely worth waiting
    for.
    
    The second thing is that one day a friend and I were talking and
    she made a remark that "one day your prince charming is going to
    show up and you'll be very surprised to see that he doesn't look
    anything like you thought he would."  What I'm trying to say is
    that to a certain degree looks are important but its the inner
    qualities that I fall for and, as has been said here, when you love
    someone, the person is always very attractive to you.
                                                         
    Don't give up on what you want.  Its out there!
    
    Sandi
    
    
    

RE: .30  Geez, Andy, "boobs" ?!  (I don't find it offensive, just sort of
silly-looking in black and white.)

I admit to having "regarded men's genitalia".  I also admit to being aware
as I did so.

CQ

        .32:
>       silly-looking in black and white.
        
        And just as silly in dark blue on light blue (my VT241 "color of
        the day"). 
        
        (Sorry 'bout that :-))
        
        	/dave

Considering how well-hidden they are, how can women regard and evaluate men's
 genitalia?

(This is news to me!)
 <_Jym_>

You call that lump in your pants "well-hidden"?  :-) :-)

Angeline ;-)

    
    
    
    
    
    
    
       "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
    
    						- Mae West
    
    
    
    
    
    

    
    
    
    
    
    "Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?"
    
                                              Lili VonS**** 
                                                ("Blazing Saddles")
    
    

    The ones that are the most hidden are the most challenge!
    
    For viewing!!!

    
    
    
    
    
    
    
       "Is that a pickle in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
		  ^^^^^^    
    						- Mae West
    
    

And, let us not forget:

	"Too much of a good thing is wonderful."
						- Mae West
    
    
    
    

    I have one of the best around.  He's understanding, good looking,
    funny, honest, faithful, and my best friend. We've been together for 
    over 3 years and it still feels like a brand new relationship.
    
    
    It's not easy finding nice people anymore...  guess I'm just lucky!
    
    Tammie

    One without a wish list. I want to be loved for who I am. Not who
    he wishes I was.
    
    Melanie

RE: -.1

Very Commendable...

For me, having a list would mean missing out on some great people merely because
they did not fit a somewhat arbitrary list.  I don't think that I could make a
list that would include all the people who deserve the chance to be known.

JMB 

    Just for the heck of it I took the time to come up with my ultimate
    "wish" list and discovered the characteristics I wanted in a man
    are the ones I most admired about myself. Since it became rather
    obvious to me at that moment that the only person who could satisfy
    all my requirements was me, I decided to toss the list!
    
    Now, I'm in a relationship that challenges my beliefs/fears/concerns
    and am discovering that the most important part is discovering what
    he stands for, what really makes him get out of the bed each day, what
    makes him tick and not what he has.  Simply put it's a question
    of discovering who he is and not what he is and my willingness to 
    have it be a little uncomfortable while it's wonderful!