Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    I packed up my things in a U-Haul truck and drove from California
    to Colorado alone one September.  I had no problems on that trip,
    other than, as said in .0, the disapproval of others.  When I had
    made the same trip a few months earlier with my car (loaded up with
    possessions and 2 caged cats) I got all the way to Pueblo, an hour
    from home, before trouble hit.  That trouble was in the form of
    a man in a truck.  He had spotted me stopping for gas and started
    following me.  I finally lost him after going about 100 MILES AN
    HOUR and finally hailing a cop, but the jerk was speeding right
    up there with me, trying to follow me.  It was just scary.
    
    My mother was apprehensive about my doing this because a friend
    of hers (40-ish) had been traveling and stopped for the night at
    a rest stop.  A man came over to her car and proceeded to try to
    break the window to get in.  Even with all that racket, no one else
    at the rest stop interfered; apparently they just watched.  My mom's
    friend only got away by squealing tires out of there.  Now she travels
    with a gun.
    
    Would I do it again?  Yes, but carefully.
    
              Carol

    Three years ago I returned to the U.S. after having spent two years
    bouncing around the world.  First I had a yard sale which netted
    me enough money for a one way ticket to St. Thomas and the first
    months rent.  Once there, I managed to get several different jobs
    and I spent the next year sailing around the Caribbean and living
    either in St. Thomas or Tortola.  I wasn't there too long when I
    had an offer to join a crew bound for Spain, the Canary Islands
    and more, but I turned it down because I wasn't ready to leave yet.
    When I did leave St. Thomas, is was to join some folks sailing out
    of Long Beach, CA, so I bought a one way ticket to LA, hopped on
    the boat, and sailed down the coast of California and Mexico, stopping
    at different ports along the way and when we got as far south as
    Acupulco, we took a right.  I sailed with them as far as Tahiti
    before I returned.  
    
    Yes, I would do it again.
    
    Chris
    

    
    Re -1, I'm impressed!  (And a little envious although I know I'd
    really rather see those places in a little more comfortable of a
    way.)
    
    I think women *should* be able to travel alone, but I have to admit
    that if my daughter decides to in 6 years or so I'll be worried.
     One seldom hears of crazed middle-aged women attacking young men
    traveling alone, but unfortunately the opposite - crazed men attacking
    women - is a little too common. 
    
    
    Lorna
    

    Good for you - !
    Yes, I like to travel alone.   I've never been a group
    type person and prefer my own company on my time off.
    When I was 16, I convinced my family that I wanted to 
    be an exchange student and managed be sponsored by a group
    other than AFS.  My father was really shaky on the idea of 
    my departing for a YEAR (or more) but my mother (in her wisdom)
    convinced him that I should go.  
    And off I flew to somewhere in Africa......gone for 1 year.
    Although I stayed with many families while I was there, the 
    rule of thumb was to see the country, meet new people and 
    experience the culture.  I had no problem while I was in 
    Africa - the trouble started on my return trip home.  I stopped
    in Holland for two weeks and saw the sites, museums and waterfronts.
    When I arrived in England I ran into some problems on the underground.
    I spent the better part of an hour trying to dodge two men that
    obviously wanted more than the usual greeting from a foreigner.
    
    Traveling along requires confidence and the ability to know
    when you need help.  I have done the Florida -> New England ->
    Florida trip alone and think nothing of it.  Common Sense and
    good wit along with the ability to "smell" trouble are good assets
    when it comes to traveling alone.
    

    I spent two years traveling about 50% of my time on business (for
    DEC).  That does make it easier since you always stay at nice places.
    In those two years I only had one very small bit of trouble.  I
    needed to eat at a place that forced you to walk through the bar
    to get to the restaurant and two drunk cowboys tried to "detain"
    me.
    
    I think there's a lot to body language.  If you walk briskly like
    you know where you're going and stay aware of what is happening
    around you, you are less likely to get into trouble.  Also, my natural
    "fight or flight" reaction almost always is "fight" - for good or
    bad.  Maybe people sense that.
    
    Sally
    

        If you will excuse a male reply, it seems to me that a number of
        the dangers inherent for women alone are not peculiarly female
        ones, although they may be more common among women. 
        
        When I was in my late teens and early twenties I was a
        slightly-built, long-haired, baby-face fellow. I've always been
        somewhat adventurous and have hitch-hiked most of the way across
        the country and explored the inner cities of several major
        cities. For the most part I had no major problems. There were a
        few occasions when I ran like hell, though.
        
        A small young-looking boy is a moderately likely target for
        sexual assault. A small lily-white fellow is a good candidate
        for racial assault in an inner city. Anyone short of an armed
        football player seems to be a good mugging victim. Long-haired
        hippies were definite targets for red-necks. 
        
        The long and the short of it is there are violent people in the
        world, people who feel like they are in danger of losing their
        power, and who have to assert it on those they perceive as
        smaller, weaker and different. Most of them are male. Many of
        their victims are female. Many victims are male. As women become
        more powerful, they may become the aggressors more often. (We
        can only hope that isn't so.) 
        
        Traveling on your own can be very rewarding and occasionally
        dangerous. Body language really does have a lot to do with it.
        If you walk like a victim you are more likely to be victimized
        than if you walk like a no-nonsense self-assured type (short of
        arrogance which is just as dangerous). A "nose for danger" can
        also help to avoid it.
        
        Again, I'm sorry for intruding in a note that specifically
        solicited female replies, but I thought it needed to be pointed
        out that all of us can find ourselves in this boat. I shan't
        reply in this topic again without a specific request. 
        
        JimB. 

I have travelled alone frequently, either moving myself from state to state
while in graduate school (I managed to live in three states in one year) or
as vacation time attached to a business trip because Digital has sent me
someplace that I can't resist seeing more closely.  I, too, have found that
it helps to develop a demeanor that says, "Don't mess with me!"

Keeping up this type of defense is tiresome but it is worth it
to cut down on the amount of harrassment you are likely to receive if you
appear to be defenseless.  (I have been followed, menaced, and verbally
abused -- no picnic as many of you know.) 

My preference is to travel with others so that I can share the experience,
especially in a non-English speaking place.  Still, I never turn down the
opportunity to travel.  There is always something interesting to see and
someone interesting to meet.

Margaret

    I have been driving around the country and travelling on my own
    since I was 18.  As long as I've had a car to fall back on, I never
    felt particularly unsafe.  Once, though, my car broke down in
    Pennsylvania, and I took a bus to Washington.  In Washington I got
    in a taxi (station wagon style) with several people from the bus.
    I was the last passenger, and only at that point did I find out
    that the car I was a passenger in probably wasn't a taxi at all,
    and that the driver had other things on his mind than where he was
    going to get his next paying customer.  I thought I was going to
    have to fight my way out of the car, and lose 3 years worth of research
    notes in the process.  As it ended up, though, I managed to talk
    my way out of the situation by pretending to be very religious and
    naive.  I had nightmares for years about my stupidity in getting
    into a situation like that.  I think that if I were ever in a similar
    position I would make sure I exited with the next to last passenger
    no matter where that left me!  
    
    I was doing some research in the south when I was about 27.  I was
    having a great trip, and not getting hassled at all.  The amusing
    thing for me was going into restaurants.   Time after time a motherly
    looking waitress would take my breakfast order and then peer at
    me and demand (in a drawl) "Does your momma know you're out here
    driving around alone??"  I used to stifle a laugh, and try to explain
    that I hadn't been in the habit of checking in with my mother as
    to my whereabouts for over 10 years.  It didn't matter!  Some of
    them wanted me to come home with them to "a safe place for a girl",
    and all of them cautioned me to watch out for men.  One wouldn't
    leave me alone until I promised her I would call my mother and let
    her know where I was!  Several walked away shaking their heads
    muttering "no daughter of mine would be allowed to travel alone".
    
    I'll go anywhere in a car,  but I'm terrified of walking around
    Kenmore Square (Boston) by myself!  
    
    Holly

    .re 8
    Holly, you said it best.  Those were *exactly* the reactions I got
    when I was on the road last year.  It frustrated me profusely because I
    felt people were treating me as a child, which of course, in my
    mid-twenties, I am not.  I knew people meant well, but I just couldn't
    deal with the hassles that all the people who "meant well" were dealing
    out.  I *know* they meant well.  I know they were nice people, but
    I felt condescended to and it made me *very* angry (though I never
    showed that) and it still does.  I think this is why I started this
    note - to find out if there were others.
    
    	-Ellen

    i haven't travelled alone in years, but in the early 70"s i went
    to paris,and nassau and other places on my own.
    i agree with the others that mentioned body language. if you act
    confident you get in less trouble.
    the most bothersome were the older people who wanted to parent me
    the minute they found out i was alone. they couldn't imagine i would
    be safe or have a good time alone.
    the best part was being on my own schedule and not having to coordinate
    with anyone else.
    for me the scariest trips were in the car on turnpikes right here
    in the u.s.a. . 
    
    D2

    I like to travel, and often do it alone.  Sometimes it is a little
    lonely to be on your own at a meal time or after a day of not having
    spoken with anyone for very long, but there are opportunities to
    meet interesting people too.  
    
    I guess I like to visit people I know on some of these trips, too,
    but I enjoy learning a new place; so if they can be convinced to
    let me wander around alone part of the time, I appreciate the time
    I spend on my own as well as the time I can spend with them afterwards.
    And I can tell about the people I met.
    
    My most exciting trip alone was to Hungary recently.  I had a friend
    to stay with in Budapest, but she was busy so I saw her basically
    alternate days during my stay in Hungary, and did travel outside
    of Budapest too.  In growing up I spent a year in a boarding school
    in Germany, which assisted in teaching me how to travel in Europe,
    I suppose.
    
    Beryl

    WATCH YOUR LUGGAGE IF YOU ARE GOING TO EUROPE!
    =====================================================================
    
From:	NAME: BROTHERS
	INITLS: GEORGE
	FUNC: EURO SECURITY MNGR
	ADDR: REO F7-3
	TEL: (7)830-4696 <180974@DECMAIL@OGOMTS@OGO>
Posted-date: 03-Jul-1987
Subject: POLICE ANTI TERRORIST ACTIVITIES AT EUROPEAN AIRPORTS

To:	See Below

Further to our telephone conversation today, I confirm that police at 
European airports have increased their vigilance relative to luggage 
left unattended by travellers, even for short periods of time.  They 
are prepared to destroy that luggage by 'controlled explosion'. 

One member of Digital staff has recently been subjected to this 
process at Paris airport, having left luggage unattended for less than 
five minutes whilst viewing the destination board.   Personal items in 
a suitcase and business papers in a briefcase were completely 
destroyed.  Paris airport police confirm that they are conducting 
numerous such explosions each day, luggage left unattended more than 
3-5 minutes will be destroyed and Police refuse compensation on the 
grounds that sufficient multi-lingual notices are posted declaring 
their intentions. 

As discussed, in order to pass a speedy message to our travelling 
personnel, please use your lines of communication to inform personnel 
of this risk to their property and I recommend that our contracted 
travel agents be provided with a short notice to be included with 
airline tickets.   This notice should be carefully worded and simply 
warn our people of the need to ensure their luggage is never left 
unattended, particularly at airports and railway stations and of the 
increase in police response relative to terrorist activity.

    Sigh....It's a paranoid world we live in, friends!
    
    I'd be afraid that luggage I left alone for five minutes would be
    stolen (rather than exploded) -- that makes me paranoid, too, right?
    I conned my boss into lugging my suitcase for a couple minutes while
    I ducked into the ladies room at Logan last week, and then left
    everyone's luggage with him to go and call for our group shuttle
    van home, while someone else snagged the checked-in luggage off
    the carousel.  I never let my bag out of my sight in an airport.
    
    Whatever happened to the days when I was a kid and never even owned
    a lock for my bicycle???

    I was roaming around the conference and found this note, much to
    my delight.  After going through a very difficult 6 months, I've
    decided to take my first solo vacation...solo meaning no tour groups,
    etc. Just packing my bags and going off on my own.
    
    Maybe I'm a bit naive but the safety part of being alone in a strange
    place doesn't seem to be a big concern of mine...I am a little concerned
    that traveling alone can be lonely. Any ideas from other travelers
    about how to make travelling alone fun and fulfilling ?  
    
    Thanks so much !
    
    Joan G.

    
    I'm always dreaming, always planning.  A while back, I heard a feature
    story about hiking the Appalachian Trail (on "All Things Considered",
    I think), and I thought "Gee, wouldn't it be neat to take 6 months to 
    hike the whole trail!".  I wouldn't mind doing it alone, I might
    even want to choose to do it that way -- I've always wondered how
    I would handle a solitary experience like that -- but I don't think
    I'd feel safe enough.  From psychos, or what?
    
    CQ

    In a way, depending on where you are on the trail, I imagine it
    would be safe...mostly because the types of people that do serious
    hiking always seem to be very considerate and friendly. Maybe I
    think this way cuz when I go cross-country skiing, everyone is
    friendly and always smiles or says hello. 
    
    Then again, I guess I'm making a broad generalization.  
    
    BTW, I think that hiking the Applachian Trail would be a neat
    experience, I hope you do it !
    
    jg
    
    

    re .14, Joan:
    
    Do it!  There are plenty of other hikers hiking the AT all summer
    long.  If you strike a good friendship or partnership with one or
    more of them, hike with that person.  If it starts to get to be
    too much, go off alone again or find someone else.  I bicycled this
    way and met great people, never felt tied down, and always felt
    as if there was a friendly person somewhere close by.  You'll also
    find that some of the hikers want to look out for you and will look
    for your name in log books at the shelters.
    
    BTW, I have a couple of books by people who have done this.  Mail
    me for a description of the books and if you want to borrow one.
    
    	-Ellen

    
    When traveling alone always carry a book to read or a letter to
    write if you are going to eat alone. This is a very relaxing
    and productive time. I've done almost all my traveling solo 
    and found that people who are comfortable being alone aren't 
    stared at. People who are obviously uncomfortable in any 
    situation attract attention very quickly. Enjoy being yourself.
    Confidence shows through. 
    
    Ki.
    
    

    re .18
    
    Well, except that women are most often trained early not to meet
    people's eyes in public.  Hence a lot of head-down, book-reading
    women on the subway.
    
    What could show confidence better than sitting with your head up
    looking at the people around you.  And what better way to be prepared
    for any unexpected behavior.
    
    Yes, I do always travel with at least three paperback books: I confess.
    But a lot of the time I catch myself and say, "Hey, I'm part of
    this crowd in the airport/subway/bus stop, and I'm going to participate
    as an equal member."
    
    Women: keep your eyes peeled!
    
    [Besides, I've found that if you're being stared at, the best remedy
    is staring back.  If the other person is under 6
    years old, you should probably smile and say "Hi" too, or at least
    wave your fingers.]

    Travelling alone is interesting at the very least.  Let's see, I
    met a guy who just got a role on the soap opera Ryans Hope.  He
    read his script to me and told me all about what an actors life
    was like.  I met a guy once from Italy who sat there chain smoking
    and told I should stop smoking and telling me that Italian women
    are much better looking than American women.  Then an older man
    who led a very exciting life and told me all about it.  I find that
    when I sit next to men, they turn out to be quite conversational.
    Women on the other hand give me a look like I'm a mass murderer
    and I'm going to make them my next victim.
    
    Maybe that's because women are so nervous traveling alone.  Not
    that I blame them sometimes, I've met a few weirdos.  But I find
    that if he bothers me, I just have to tell him to find another seat.
    They are usually too embarrassed to argue.
    
    

    Here's another (maybe) useful item.  I've used it twice on men
    who were staring at me for lengthy periods of time (it's also good
    on children old enough to know better).
    
    	Look them directly in the eye and calmly ask "What're you
    	staring at?"  Works like a charm and they're embarassed as
    	heck.  :-)  Of course, the person needs to be fairly close
    	to you at the time.  You don't want to shout it across the
    	room, subway, restaurant, or wherever.

     -Ellen

    
    I've also heard, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."
    

    re .21 What do you do if the answer is "You" ?

    re:  what are you staring at?
    
    The only time I ever used this line, the man in question apologized
    profusely and told me I looked very much like a woman he used to
    know except I was far too young.  It turned out he had gone to school
    for years with my mother!

    --bonnie

    My response to "What're you staring at!?" has always been "I don't
    know, what are you?" 
                                                       
    (I tend to glare at people who are behaving offensively)
    
    						=maggie

Imagine this, a note on travelling that I never replied to.

At the ripe old age of 21 I packed all my worldy belongings into my pick-up
truck and headed west (first stop Tucson,AZ). Most folks thought I was
a bit touched to quit my job and split by myself. Well, I've always been
a bit touched but wanderlust got the best of me and I just HAD to see what
went on in the rest of the country. I must say it was probably the best
experience of my life. I met all sorts of people, and took in all kinds of
sights. I stayed in Tucson for a few months to work and wait out the
winter. Then off I went to California, Nevada, Colorado and everything
in between. 

I didn't have any problems at all on the trip. The only "incident" was a
guy in Nashville that pulled up beside me and proceeded to flash me while
we drove. But I kinda looked at that with wonder as I was flabbergasted that
he could actually do that and stay on the road.

I didn't take off on a whim. I was well prepared for the trip. I had money
saved up, I had a cb radio  in case I got in trouble (and I had much fun 
chatting with the truckers who are very helpful, and some even know how to 
sing).I also joined the AAA club just in case. And before I left I made damn
sure I knew how to change a tire. Anyhoo, I would do the whole thing again
in a second if I had the time. Since then I've taken jaunts here and there,
and I DO love to camp by myself and I don't care who looks at me funny.

Jenna

    	RE:  .26
    
    	That sounds like a great trip, Jenna!!
    
    	Did your family have nightmares/sleepless_nights while you
    	were on your trip?
    
    	As I've mentioned before in the file, I took Ryan on a 3 and
    	a half month trip to Europe when he was 6 months old (we were
    	by ourselves) so I can appreciate what you mean about the fun
    	of just going where you want to go and seeing new places.
    
    	We had zero itinerary.  We just went wherever my fancy took
    	us (which ended up being to 8 countries.)  
    
    	While we were actually on the road, all our belongings were
    	kept in one oblong canvas bag (army surplus) that fit perfectly
    	as a passenger in Ryan's British "pushchair" (while Ryan rode
    	on my back in a baby backpack.)  That meant that both my hands
    	were free and I had nothing to "carry" while we were en route
    	to a new place.
    
    	If we had to go up a set of stairs (with luggage), the pushchair
    	folded to something I could carry with one hand, so I would
    	go charging up the stairs with a baby on my back, the pushchair
    	in one hand, and the oblong bag in the other.  Sometimes people
    	offered to help us, but never once were Ryan and I dependent
    	on finding anyone to get us around.  We managed quite nicely
    	for ourselves at all times.
    
    	Ryan (at 6 to 10 months old) was the perfect travel companion.
    	He never complained about which country we were going to (he
    	took every move in stride.)  He was nursing, so as long as I
    	was willing to feed him within a few moments notice, he was
    	totally happy.  When we were not "on the road," he rode in
    	the pushchair (so most of the sight-seeing we did was just like
    	being taken for a long walk in the stroller, which he loved
    	as much as most other babies do.)
    
    	People did look at me strangely (at times) to see a young girl
    	on her own in Europe with an infant.  (Ok, honesty.  They thought
    	I had to be out of my mind.)  :-)  My parents were especially
    	nervous about it.  They begged me to leave Ryan with them while
    	I went.  (I told them that Ryan was the whole reason for the
    	trip.  I was celebrating his birth/life and wanted most of his
    	early baby pictures to have a European background.)  I took
    	over 300 35mm pictures on the trip, so we have a nice assortment
    	of "Ryan at the Eiffel Tower," "Ryan at the Louvre," "Ryan at
    	the Vatican," "Ryan in the Swiss Alps," etc.  It's great. :-)
    
    	Like you, Jenna, I was always prepared.  I always remembered
    	to exchange money, always arrived in new countries very early
    	in the day so I would have time to find us accomodations before
    	dark, and I had a guide book that listed all the visitor's
    	bureaus everywhere we went.  We never had a moment's trouble
    	(or lacked for a place to stay) the whole time we were there.
    
    	This was in 1971, so I got "Youth Fares" practically everywhere
    	(and Ryan rode for free, of course.)  The whole trip, including
    	everything, cost me around $1500 (including three and a half
    	month's worth of food, disposable diapers, and new clothes for
    	the drastic changes a baby goes through from 6 to 10 months
    	old.)  I had the money up front, and carefully portioned it
    	out to last me up to the last day.  (I ended up with $50 left
    	over when I came back to the states.)
    
    	It was great fun (and probably the most carefree I've ever
    	felt in my whole life.)  
    
    	Ryan keeps asking if we can go back (now that he is almost 17.)
    	I tell him, "Gee, you already saw all that stuff" to tease him.
    	But I *am* determined to take him again one of these days.
    
    							Suzanne...

re:< Note 66.27 by NEXUS::CONLON >
    
    
�    	Did your family have nightmares/sleepless_nights while you
�    	were on your trip?
    
Well, my mother did I think for the whole 6 months. She played the song
"Tequila Sunrise" by the Eagles over and over and over again because
she missed me and that song reminded her of me as it was one of my favorites
at the time. She also managed to play that whole album to death while
I was away. 

Jenna