Conference yukon::christian_v7

    Topic 18 contains some attempts at humor. :-)
    
    Mark L.

    yeah, but I wanted some specifically from the Bible...
    
    I'll start - forgot to do this earlier - work or something similarly
    annoying got in the way... ;-)
    
    I Sam 10:20-23
    When Samuel was performing the public ceremony to annoint Saul as king,
    Saul was chosen, but couldn't be found, so they consulted the Lord, who
    said "Yes [he is here], he has hidden himself among the baggage."
    
    The first king of Israel, hiding among the baggage.... :-)
    

Judges 3

 24  When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold,
the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet
in his summer chamber.
 25  And they tarried till they were ashamed: and, behold, he opened not the
doors of the parlour; therefore they took a key, and opened them: and, behold,
their lord was fallen down dead on the earth.

If you want to see the context of this drama, take out your NIV and read 
Judges 3.  While assassination is not all that funny, Ehud's circumstances
for escape are, um, interesting.

    my all time favorate:
    I Kings 18 - Elijah and the Prophets of Baal.
    
    At noon, Elijah began to taunt them.
    "Shout louder," he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in
    thought, or busy, or traveling.  Maybe he is sleeping and must be
    awakened."
    I Kings 18:27 (NIV)

>    "Shout louder," he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in
>    thought, or busy, or traveling.  Maybe he is sleeping and must be
>    awakened."
>    I Kings 18:27 (NIV)

I have heard, but can't completely confirm, that the word translated here as
"busy" doesn't just mean "busy," but refers to being busy tending to certain
usually-unmentioned bodily elimination functions.  LOGOS says that this is
the only occurrence of this Hebrew word in the Old testament, though the
English word "busy" occurs in other places, translated from other Hebrew
words.  This word means "moving away, dross," which certainly seems
applicable.

So a more correct translation may be:

    "Shout louder," he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in
    thought, or in the latrine, or traveling.  Maybe he is sleeping and must
    be awakened."


:-) :-) :-) :-)

Paul

    Judges 13:5-6 (NIV)
    [the first part is spoken in "factual" or "neutral" tone... james]
    
    The Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan leading to Ephraim, and
    whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, ``Let me cross over,'' the men of
    Gilead asked him, ``Are you an Ephraimite?''  If he replied, ``No,'' they
    said, ``All right, say `Shibboleth'.''  If he said, ``Sibboleth'',
    because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and
    killed him at the fords of the Jordan.
    
    [and this last sentence spoken slowly with a tone of amazement... james]
    
    Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time. [!!!]

 Reply .7 moved to topic 384




 Jim co mod

I can never resist a smile at all the rumbly tummies in Acts 23:12-14.  
				- I wonder how long they kept it up... ;-)

							Andrew

 Re: .-1
    
    Reminds me of the warning about taking oaths....
    
    These verses always bring a smile to my face:
    
    John 11:14 Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead. 
       15 And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent 
          ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him. 
       16 Then said Thomas, which is called Didymus, unto his 
          fellowdisciples, Let us also go, that we may die with him. 
    
    What an encouraging guy, that Thomas. :-)
    
    Mark L.

�          fellowdisciples, Let us also go, that we may die with him. 

Contrasts with what they did in the event... - Mark 14:50

    John 11:39 "....Lord, by this time he stinketh.."




   Jim

    Jesus himself was a bit of a character:

    John 21:4,5

    "Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did
    not realize that it was Jesus.  He called out to them, "Friends,
    haven't you any fish?"  "No," they answered.

    As if He didn't already know!

    This, of course, occured after His ressurection and the "boys" had
    decided to go back to their old trades.

    Ron

	My husband and I were watching a movie one night
	(I think it was King of Kings, but I'm not sure).

	Anyway, one of the disciples comes up to Jesus, who is sitting
	under a tree at the top of a hill and says, "Master, the people
	have gathered and are waiting to hear you speak"
	
	Jesus paused before getting up, and I told Jamie someone should
	dub in Jesus looking at the disciple and saying "I knew that!"

I was reminded at our Bible study last night of that fantastic situational
glitch in Esther 6 ....  You need the context a bit, so to refresh...


King Xerxes can't sleep, so has his diary read to him from 5 years back
(now recorded in Esther 2:21-23), and finds he hasn't rewarded Mordecai for
saving his life. 

Haman, the prime minister, has identified Mordecai as his mortal enemy, so 
sets up a 75' gallows, and comes in the morning to ask the king for 
approval to get Mordecai strung up, to be greeted [before he can get a
word in] with, 
	"What should be done for the man the king delights to honour?"  
Haman thinks "Hey! That's me!!! :-) :-) :-)" - and forthwith says some guy
ought to lead him out, wearing the kings robe, on the kings horse, to
proclaim his honour publicly, parading him through the streets. 

"Fan-tas-tic!!!"  says King X.  "Go do it right now, for  ....  Mordecai!"

Bear in mind that on the face of it, this was no big deal for Mordecai
either, who was in sackcloth mourning over the threat of annhiliation
hanging over all the Jews in the kingdom.

Can't you just see Haman, parading through the streets, announcing through 
clenched teeth "This is what is done for the man the king delights to
honour" (his own suggestion!), with Mordecai in all the finery on the 
horse, wishing to separate himself totally from the regime which has 
declared an open day to massacre the Jews....

And as Zeresh, Haman's wife says in 6:13, this was just the start of the
reversal of Haman's fortunes, and the rise of Mordecai... 


Loved it! - it always comes so fresh...
						Andrew

    ahhhh, I'd forgotten that one...
    and I had never thought about Mordecai's feelings of being identified
    with the regime... 
    :-)
    
    glad it wasn't me...

  Not really in the Scripture as such but...

  What did the 5 point Calvinist say after he fell down the stairs?



  


  Thank the Lord thats over with.

Asked before: Do 5-point calvinist churches take up free-will offerings?

%^)

    Nehemiah chapter 6
    
    The situation: 
    Nehemiah is organizing the attempts to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
    Various people are trying to stop him.  A guy named Sanballat sends an
    unsealed letter (which means it could be read by anyone and spread
    rumors) saying that they were planning to revolt, and that they had
    spread people to pronounce Nehemiah king and other nasty things.
    Nehemiah's no-nonsense reply always gets me:
    
    "I sent him this reply, 'Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it
    up out of your head.'" - Neh 6:8 (NIV)

    
    
    My breath is strange to my wife...   Job 19:17
    
    I don't know why but I thought of Joy and Markem when I read this.
    
    :-) :-)
    

In the NIV it says, my breath is offensive to my wife.
Wives should learn this passage.  ;-)

    Especially the ones that haven't worked their way up to Proverbs 31
    yet.

� In the NIV it says, my breath is offensive to my wife.
� Wives should learn this passage.  ;-)

We don't seem to have anything good recorded about that particular woman...
 She also encouraged her husband to curse God and die...  There is a
tradition that she perished, and the subsequent offspring had a different
mother... 

							Andrew 

    -1
    
    It's true, but this was supposed to be humorous!  :-)

:-)  ...

> There is a
>tradition that she perished, and the subsequent offspring had a different
>mother... 

*Who's* tradition?  ;-)  8^D

� *Who's* tradition?  ;-)  8^D

Hebrew.  And there's an extra-Biblical book of Job which contains this.  
Forgotten its name, and it *is* only tradition.

(laugh away, Nancy, this is humor!!! ;-)
							&

	How about Aaron in Exodus 32.  Moses returns from the mount, the people are rioting.
	
	When asked about the golden calf he made for them to worship, this is Aaron's "excuse"...

	"And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it
	me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf."  (Ex 32.24)

	Couldn't have been said better by a teenager!

	John

    The story so far...... (from 1Samuel 15, paraphrased)
    
    The Prophet Samuel has been sent by the Lord to anoint Saul to be
    king of Israel. Saul was then given clear instructions to "smite
    Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not;
    but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep,
    camel and ass."
    
    "But Saul and the people spared Agag the king of the Amalekites
    and the best of the sheep, and of the oxen, and of the fatlings,
    and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy
    them."  But the Lord told Samuel what was happening, and He was
    not pleased so he sent Samuel to see Saul, who said:
    
    "Blessed be thou of the LORD: I have performed the commandment of the
    LORD."
    
    (This answer, delivered with a straight face, just kills me!)
    
    And Samuel said, "What meaneth then this bleating of the sheep in
    mine ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?"

    .28
    
    There are some great stories in the Bible that are humorous of their
    own... I for one like the talking donkey... :-)