Conference yukon::christian_v7

    I need to confess my fears about singleness and parenting..
    
    For some reason the reality of being alone when my children are gone
    really became prevalent to me last night.  My youngest son just turned
    7 and he's no longer a little boy.. though he's still a little boy, but
    he's truly transforming into a young man... his size also dictates
    this.  I've been having some relationship struggles with my ex as he
    wants a reconciliation [another story], and so this has brought to mind
    the "old" way of thinking... do I need a man to validate me and make me
    feel whole?  Well, in my head I can say NO, in my heart about 80% says
    NO, but 20% still yearns... 
    
    Well, it scared me to think of myself old and alone...  At this time in
    my life, I am very fulfilled between working, parenting, teaching
    Sunday School, I am a very active woman.  But for some crazy reason,
    for the first time since my divorce, I was actually frightened of
    loneliness.  I am not a moping, lonely, boo hoo, depressed person. 
    Never have been, and this thought really turned my head around.
    
    I know God loves me and will meet my needs.. am I weak as a person, a
    mother, and a Christian... feel these things?
    
    I keep coming back to .. "But my God shall supply all your needs"
    I have discovered that needs and desires are not the same though often
    confused.   Which in application of the verse above would mean the
    state I found myself in last night was a desire, not a need.
    
    Nancy
    

    
    Re: .0
    
    "Cast all your cares upon HIM, for HE careth for you"
    
                             1 Peter 5:7
    
    We know it's easier said than done, but we do not have any choice. The
    wise person is the one who seeks the LORD for help. 
    
    "No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame"
                              
                             Psalm 25:3
    
    Just trust HIM. HE is in control, always.
    
    In Christ,
    
    Mike

    I've had the same fear in the past and it took quite a while to get
    through. It is hard to put this fear away. It can get you no matter
    how busy or full your life is. Just don't let it interfear with
    wise judgement while you pray for Peace.
    
    							Bob

    Mike wrote in .2 that he's too scared to enter his fears. 
    
    I wrote my fear in .1.  I know that most see my writings and as I'm told 
    often, think that I'm too open about myself.  It appears that between 
    folks like Mike and myself, we represent two personality types the
    introvert and the extrovert.
    
    However, I wondered what kind of reaction I'd get about my note in
    here.  I wondered if there'd be silence, words of wisdom, sarcasm, etc. 
    I believe that many times we find ourselves at a loss of words for
    people who bare their intimate feelings.  There's something unnverving
    to to the introvert when an extrovert does this.  I've hard comments
    like, "Man, don't they know they shouldn't talk about those things in
    an open forum?"  
    
    I don't know folks, I trust you guys [I know there are read onl��ies
    and wot not that are around too], but somewhere inside of me I
    believe that introverts and extroverts are the same emotionally, they
    just manifest their reactions differently.
    
    In reference to .1, I'm okay.  It just really freaked me out the first
    time I felt this... :-)
    
    Nancy
    
    

I think one of the biggest fears that people have is that other people will 
find out.  Doesn't matter what it is they might find out - the fear of them 
doing so is a sword of Damocles over our heads all the time.... Which is 
why there's such a relief in confession, as per James 5:16.  

Once you have shared and prayed about your fear / sin / problem with someone 
you care about and respect, fear of it becoming public no longer has the 
power to make you fear you'll lose everyone's respect and love.  Because at 
least one person of personal importance to you has taken this knowledge on 
board without it hurting the relationship.  In fact, it usually improves 
relationships, as part of the fear-of-them-knowing comes from a false 
perspective of others as infallible, rigidly upright, and judgmental as 
perfectionists.  Opening our hearts to each other says many things 
implicitly ... like 
	� I trust you - enough to let you see me where I'm vulnerable.
	� I love you  - enough to share my heart with you.
	� I don't have to maintain a false facade of perfection to impress 
	  you or compete with you.
	� You are a real person, and I want to share my reality with you, 
	  believing that we can complement and contribute to each others 
	  completeness.
The point in confessing to Christians is that we are saved by grace, not of 
ourselves, but as a gift of God, not by works, so that no-one can boast... 
(Ephesiand 2:8-9).  So we are all on equal ground, and can encourage each 
other when we stumble, to stand upright again in His strength.

The introvert-extrovert thingie can play a part here.  As we learn to trust
each other, we are less and les afraid of what people (especially
Christians) know about us.  The 'good' is from Him alone.  The 'bad' is 
under the blood, and we're working with Him to exclude it as soon as it's 
recognised.  With the conscience, it tells us how to live more comfortably.


Nancy ... re .5 :
�    people who bare their intimate feelings.  There's something unnverving
�    to to the introvert when an extrovert does this.

That's very much so, and as we learn to trust (even when it rebounds and
hurts sometimes, we learn to ignore the pain for the good it does), those
who are 'introvert' can see that there are t8mes and places and people
where it's safe, and even beneficial, to share without offence etc.  On the
other hand, the extrovert can learn where too public a mention of some
things can disturb, damage, or even lead into temptation, rather than
helping... 

I guess that a most sensitive area the emerging introvert has to look out 
for is where the spouse feels safe in the original introversion, and 
totally threatened by this growing unwanted exposure of what is a shared, 
rather than singular, life...

But as for Fear itself, more generally....  I believe that it is a weapon 
of the enemy, and that usually we can displace it by explicitly including 
God in that area of fear.  Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18), and 
God *is* love (1 John 4:16).  There is no room for fear where He is in 
residence.

That's not to say, of course, that no true Christian ever has any fear.  
Just that He has given us - become for us - the way to melt it away.

I find that if something strikes me in a fearful way - something to avoid,
something I don't want to face - it is only a bogey over while I hide from
it.  When I face it, and say, before the LORD, "OK - at it's worst, how is
this going to affect my life?  My eternity?" - it rather fizzles out.  I
can still know disappointments and difficulties, but my peace - my joy -
doesn't depend upon these any more. 

"He is faithful, Who promised..." Hebrews 10:23


							God bless
								Andrew

The funny thing about our fear of opening up, and of being "found out," as you
put it, Andrew, is that when once we are "found out," we generally discover
that we are not at all alone in our fears, struggles, and sins.  At a
conference I was at last year, the speaker expressed it by saying: "It is in
our deepest, darkest secrets that we are most alike."

It is a tremendously freeing thing to discover that our most secret struggles
are very common ones in the human family, and that people we greatly respect -
who we have assumed would NEVER have the same sort of struggles we do - are
fighting exactly the same things.

Paul

� people we greatly respect - who we have assumed would NEVER have the same
� sort of struggles we do - are fighting exactly the same things. 

Exactly.  And 'even' if they do not fall, they know the very reality of the 
problem - we *are* human (at least, usually, speaking for myself ;-)

We falsely imagine that the devil has respect to persons, and wouldn't dare 
to tempt certain people, or at least much, or maybe only in very restrained 
ways which they wouldn't have any problem / pain in dismissing.  However, 
they opposite is rather true... :

"We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our 
weaknesss, but we have one Who has been tempted in every way just as we 
are - yet was without sin."
							Hebrews 4:15


					Andrew

    Only when the Big Bad wolf doesn't go away - even after facing Him
    square off...
    
    I saw a television show last night. It was on Vietnam veterans
    returning to a battle field to "put the ghosts to rest."
    
    Sometimes, no matter how much one believes, no matter how much faith
    one has, - ones past is still ones past. The pain is ever real, ever
    present and ever reminding you that - it is a part of you.
    
    As with alcoholics, they can never tast the fruit again, lest they
    fall worse than before. The Big Bad Wolf does not always go away.
    Even for the stong in faith, there will always be that one *thorn*.
    Even support groups and friends saying "I know you can do it..."
    
    Facing the Big Bad Wolf is not always the wisest thing to do. Sometimes
    we have to go with the gut feeling that says - "Run like H*ll"
    
    What then is the words of wisdom for the poor unfortunate that know
    they can not face *their* big bad wolf?
       the alcoholic?
       the worrier?
       the murderer?
       the coward?
    
    PDM_...

Hi PDM,

Like, a balance between 1 Timothy 6:11 :
 "But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousnes, 
  godliness, faith love endurance and gentleness""

and James 4:7 :
 "Resist the devil and he will flee from you"

I think that the application of the balance is to be found in 
2 Corinthians 10:5 :
 "Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ"

If He says 'Time to run', then - run!.  banish the thought.  It's not
yours, it's from the enemy.  Easier said than done, but we're here to learn
and grow in Jesus.  He's still here for next time, though that's no excuse
to give up trying - rather, it should spur us on to greater commitment. 

								Andrew

    (Still catching up ;')

    My number one fear?

    rejection.

    I have this fear that people start to know me, and they think - 'hey,
    what a nice guy'. Then they get to know me, and then after a while it's
    'he's ok - I guess'. And then later, when they really come to know me
    it's 'what a creep'.

    This fear wounds many of my relationships - I often have to fight for
    'control' to make sure that the relationship doesn't go any 'deeper'.

    In fact, earlier tonight (last night for the 'Murikans) I think I made
    the error of 'opening up' a little too much to someone special to me.

    I am sitting here, literally cringing, knots in my stomach - *knowing*
    that there is (sometime soon) a mail message coming my way saying 'you
    creep'.

    My biggest fear is rejection.

    Harry,
    
    Wow!  That hits home.  Been there...still am.  This is a pretty
    typical reaction of children from dysfunctional families.  Shame.
    The "I know I'm not good enough and they're going to find out 
    syndrome"  I don't know how to get over it but I just wanted to
    let you know that you are not alone in that feeling.
    
    Pam

    Pam,
	thank you. I know I'm not alone. But somehow, that doesn't make it
	any easier :(

	Thankyou,

		Harry

    I think we're all dysfunctional to a point. ;-)

Mike,

>    I think we're all dysfunctional to a point. ;-)

	I dunno Mike - sometimes I think rather than 'a point' - I'm
dysfunctional in at least 3 dimensions.

e.g.

point	- zero dimensions

line	- 1 dimension

square	- 2 dimensions (maybe this is me!!??) :')

cube	- 3 dimensions

tessaract - 4 dimensions

(unsure of higher dimensional objects)

    Let's see, my greatest fear that inhibits my relationship with
    God...well, it's not exactly a fear, it's more of an intangable. 
    Shyness.  I'm a hopeless introvert, I was even a read-only noter for a
    long time because I didn't want to deal with possible negative response
    in a public forum.  [seems God has dealt with this problem on a
    notes-file level in spades, though   8^)]
    
    I'm still working on this issue on a more personal front.  I'm not sure
    where I get this trait, as both parents and my sister are all very
    outgoing people.  Not me, though.    
                          
    This is an issue I "got around" in high school by use of alcohol. 
    After a few stiff drinks, inhibitions went away and I was able to
    socialize in any atmosphere.  Since my Baptism, this has not been an
    option for me, making my life somewhat lonlier on a social level.
    
    For those familiar with shyness on a personal level, you understand how
    it can affect all areas of life- personal relations, meeting new
    people, and witnessing to others.  This very trait has kept me mostly
    separated from small groups at my church, and has kept me from feeling
    like I fit in.
    
    Those who read my notes in other forums may find this as a shocker, but
    it is unfortunately the truth (and believe me, the first several
    serious notes I've entered in other forums were not the easiest thing
    for me to do).
    
    The hardest part is that it affects my relationship with God in a
    negative way.  I feel he wants to use me in some form of ministry
    (despite my lack of experience at anything that would be useful in
    ministry, I keep telling Him 8^) ).  I felt this pull yesterday in
    church during a service on servanthood- the paster was talking about
    the life of Mother Theresa.  So I'm left wondering "what do you want me to
    do, God?".
    
    The odd twist to this story is that I had (for a couple of years) a
    part time job as a DJ at a skating rink.  I had no problem talking over
    the mike or talking to people as they roll up asking me to play a song
    for them.  More recently, I have taught taekwondo class- though only
    for a few minutes a shot during warm-ups and when the main instructor
    is forced to leave the floor for a few minutes.  Why is it that these
    things don't bother me, yet I find speaking in meeting at work
    terrifying?  I don't understand, guess I'm just an oddball.  8^)
    
    
    
    -steve

    .16
    
    What makes the difference???
    
    At work you feel you are being "measured".  At the skating rink and
    taekwondo, you are in control.
    
    It's a control issue.. :-)
    
    Nancy

    Rejection comes from shame as Pam says... but we *can* get over this. 
    I had the biggest fear of rejection and like Steve could barely get my
    first note typed and I was sweating... but I'm NOT shy. :-)  Just
    thought I'd let you guys know that. 
    
    Perhaps we should start a note about Self Esteem and the Christian?  We
    had one in the last version and I thought it was *very* good.  Anybody
    up for it again?