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Conference yukon::christian_v7

Title:	The CHRISTIAN Notesfile
Notice:	Jesus reigns! - Intros: note 4; Praise: note 165
Moderator:	ICTHUS::YUILLEON

Created:	Tue Feb 16 1993
Last Modified:	Fri May 02 1997
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	962
Total number of notes:	42902

244.0. "Help the family" by DECWET::WANG () Mon Aug 23 1993 15:15

	A sister in our church has been very depressed lately.  Her husband, an
unbliever, has been dissatisfied with her 13 year-old daughter recently(or
probably not so recently).  Her daughter, a very weak Christian, has poor
performance and has been rebellious in her father's eye.  As a results, the
father and the daughter are in constant conflicts.   The father, also a tyrant
in the family, would use abusive way to deal with things that are against his
will.  He rebukes her daughter all the time and often beats her and even locks
her outside the house all night.  As the mother of the problem husband and
daughter this sister has been trying to do the right thing, teaching the
daughter the right way, advising her  husband not to be so abusive etc., but
only often got herself caught between the crossfire.  She sometimes also was
abused and beaten by her husband for not doing a satisfactory houseworks by her
husband's standard.  Her husband would not seek for counseling and would not
admit any wrong doing with the arguments such as "I make money for the family so
I can do whatever I like but you have to listen to me".  He is the exception for
all the rules he makes. Her husband is a total different person outside of the
family and actually did very well in his career.  But the poor spiritual
prospect of the family has made this sister in the Lord and her daughter feel so
painful and even sometimes thinking of suicide, divorce..., if not for the Lord. 
The most immediate problem is not even hers, it is the suffering of her daughter
and her husband.

	Prayer, advice and comforting words for this sister will be much
appreciated.

Wally

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
244.1		JULIET::MORALES_NA	Sweet Spirit's Gentle Breeze	`Mon Aug 23 1993 17:22`	32
	Hi Wally, Nice to see you still reading in here and particpating. When you have a moment, I'd sure like to know how you are. :-) Please write me offline, if you are inclined. Now, to the situation with this woman. Wally, you've read the book Tough Love, haven't you? Can you see the correlation between this woman's situation and a situation of infidelity? The two are diametrically different, however, the principles in Tough Love apply. However, with one modification. She and her daugher need to be in some sort of a shelter for battered and abused women prior to the letter being written and given to her husband. They need to be physically safe. Wally, you know me, and I beg you dear brother, to please go to your Pastor and seek his wisdom and advice in this situation. When suicide is coupled with divorce as possible solutions, you must see the how this kind of domestic violence creates an atmosphere of insanity. And when you are caught up in insanity, it is hard to reason a solution. I know this may seem choppy, I've entered, deleted and re-entered, however, I think my complete thoughts are in this note. Father, I ask that you penetrate the insanity of this woman's home and give her clearness of thinking to make the choices needed to protect herself and her daughter. Lord, I ask that you would give Wally the courage and wisdom to point this woman in the right direction through their local Pastor. Lord, thank you for Wally and his willingness to ask for help. In Jesus Name, Amen.
244.2		BIRDEE::JENNISON	John 3:16 - Your life depends on it!	`Tue Aug 24 1993 10:08`	9
	I'd second Nancy's suggestion to have the woman get to a shelter with her daughter immediately. Praying for the entire family, for God's grace and intervention. Bless you Wally, for caring! Karen
244.3	Still praying for open doors for them	KAHALA::JOHNSON_L	Leslie Ann Johnson	`Tue Aug 24 1993 11:22`	1
	I'd second that as well. ___Leslie
244.4	Pray , Pray and more prayer	POLAR::DOWNEY		`Tue Aug 24 1993 13:32`	12
	Will be praying for the family and you Wally. Interceeding for the family Wally may take a special sacrifice. I can't help but think of the parable about the man interceeding for a stanger for food. With out regard for himself he went to his neighbour at a late hour and with persistence obtained food for this stranger. We need more intercessors like you Wally who are willing to follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit in obediance and love. May God bless you I pray. Steve D.
244.5		DECWET::WANG		`Tue Aug 24 1993 14:49`	19
	Some of our church members have been helping her daughter(keep her away from her bad friends, keep her staying in church, help her to deal with her father when he gets unreasonable etc.) Her case is constantly in our church's prayer's meeting. I'll bring Nancy's suggestion to an elder of our church tomorrow. Our church does not have a pastor at the present time and hardly any one is equipped with the kind of knowledge or experiences to deal with this kind of situation. Last Friday the woman expressed her anxiety in our bible study group(about 5 of us present at the time). My hearts goes out to her and wish I can get any help or encouragement for her. She did seek for counselling from a pastor of another church but that pastor told her it is very difficult to go about without her husband's willing of joining it. She also mentioned that she was asking her husband such that he can leave her and her daughter alone for six months so that she can deal with her daughter's problem first but without success. She is caught in between her rebellious daughter and her very emotional husband. Just for the reference, her husband's brother has similar behavior and eventually made her sister-in-law(her husband's brother's wife) to go crazy and got admitted to a mental hospital. Wally
244.6		AIMHI::JMARTIN		`Tue Aug 24 1993 17:32`	16
	Wally: Amazing..you would think this guy would learn from the experiences of his brother. I feel the shelter idea could be very good as it will show this guy that although he may provide the house, his family in turn provides the home. Coming home to an empty house can be unsettling, especially for somebody in his situation. As parents, it is important to realize that we are stewards of our time, money and most importantly, our children. By the way, is there another side to the story? What I mean is did the daughter rebel as a result of her fathers behavior or was his behavior perpetuated by the daughters rebellion? -Jack
244.7		DECWET::WANG		`Tue Aug 24 1993 18:22`	25
	> Amazing..you would think this guy would learn from the experiences of his brother. His brother's wife's family has some history of mental problem. This of course makes the brothers and their family think that it is not their problems. > I feel the shelter idea could be very good as it will show this guy > that although he may provide the house, his family in turn provides the > home. Coming home to an empty house can be unsettling, especially for > somebody in his situation. As parents, it is important to realize that > we are stewards of our time, money and most importantly, our children. Thanks Jack, this is a new perspective to me and it is a powerful one. > By the way, is there another side to the story? What I mean is did the > daughter rebel as a result of her fathers behavior or was his behavior > perpetuated by the daughters rebellion? I do not know who started first but the daughter does not like to stay at home and ran away from home a few times. When she ran away from home, she stayed with some of other problem kids. This makes her father extremely angry and thus perpetuated the situation.