Conference yukon::christian_v7

    Best choice is for adults to stay out of the spats that children have with
    each other. The kids work it out better than when there is adult
    intervention. 

    In your case the woman stepped in where she shouldn't have. I would say
    that the best thing you can do is not intervene, but talk to your child
    alone after and give him the assurance that he was not at fault. 

    Jim

I do know Pastor's wives who have shackled a husband's ministry because they
didn't want to be in the "fish bowl" (so to speak) and I've seen the
opposite reaction, too.  That's a different issue which I'll talk about
later.

Some people don't discipline their children; some people do; and
some people have trouble telling the difference because their idea of
discipline is different than others'.

As for feeling important: it could be a number of things.  You may find that
this pastor's wife actually has a low self-confidence and esteem.  She may
feel like a certain level of authority and [something] is expected of her.
Not too many people have as many expectations placed on them by their
HUSBAND's job.

What you can do to help is to find out in casual conversation what it is like
being the wife of a church leader.  What are the pressures and expectations
[that she thinks] other people have for her?  Ask whether or not some
of these are valid expectations for her to assume.  If she is trying hard
to be a "good Pastor's wife" you may see a person who deals with this
in an extroverted way (even though she may be a natural introvert, I don't
know).  

Pastor's wives feel isolated.  Their husbands are elevated in position, in
expectation, and in honor as a men called of God for ministry.  Showing
that you may understand a little about this isolation may help to relax
everyone when they come together.

Mark

    Jim:
    
    The real issue is not so much with the children.  We all realized that
    boys will be boys.  The false perception (I use the term perception
    strongly), is that after the incident, we stressed the fact that they
    were playing.  The pastor's wife felt we were skirting personal
    responsibility for our youngster.  Our son made the other child cry. 
    This is all she saw and how dare we as parents not blame our little
    angel.
    
    We have very consistent in discipline tempered with love.  Our children
    don't whine, we don't allow them to too often.  
    
    -Jack
         

    RE:3

    Well, I guess I don't understand. What difference is it what the
    pastors wife thinks ? Is it bad if the pastor's wife thinks you
    aren't handling your children properly ? I ask, because our pastors 
    (Catholic priest) don't have  wives.

    Jim

    Jim:
    
    It is quite important to my wife and I that we live above reproach. 
    When the P's wife did this, it harbored ill feelings in that it seemed
    an injustice toward us, especially where she didn't see how the whole
    thing transpired and also that we are new to the church.
    We just feel she handled the whole thing in an abrupt and rude manner.
    Believe me when I tell you we have fairly thick skins so she must have 
    grated our nerves.
    
    This is simply a case of Satan getting in there and messing things up.
    We plan to pursue a friendship with our newfound brothers and sisters;
    however, we have no intention of being walked on simply so the P's
    wife can feel good about herself.
    
    Peace,
    
    -Jack
    

    Hi Jack! :-) hijack... get it.. Hi Jack!  Oh forget it!
    
    A quick reply in here if you will as I'm very busy.
    
    Pastor's wives are very human and make mistakes just like the rest of
    us.  Unfortunately because of the *position* they hold, they tend to be
    in a spotlight, if you will, to keep their behavior "above reproach". 
    When they fall from grace, the best thing we can do is forgive and move
    on to the next communication.
    
    Oftimes, you'll find that as the relationship develops and deepens,
    that hers and your perceptions will change about each other.
    
    The greatest key is a very old but wise  rule, "Do unto others as ye
    would have them do unto you."
    
    Nancy

    Maybe I should throw in here a little personal experience with my
    Pastor's son, who is the same age as my oldest and in his class at the
    Christian school.
    
    This kid has been a bully since Kindergarten and they're going into 5th
    grade.  Matthew is a very docile boy, not aggressive, but when pushed
    comes out a fightin'.  Well Timothy took a dislike to Matthew and has
    ridiculed him for everything over the last 5 years.  And the PK, Tim
    has a lot of clout with the teachers and other staff member's kids [I
    go to a fairly large church].  I could be very bitter about
    preferential treatment and lack of control over this PK... but instead
    I treat Timothy as I would any other kid in the church.  When he does
    wrong and I catch him [like tearing up my 6 year old's baseball cards],
    I send him straight to his father to tell his Dad what he's done, with
    my watchful eye on the kid.  
    
    My Pastor knows my heart and my spirit is not one of revenge, but one
    of concern and he appreciates my forthrightness with love demonstrated. 
    I never badtalk Timothy in the church, but I also don't shrink from
    telling Mom and Dad the particulars.  And Praise God my Pastor and his
    wife are gems, they know my character and by knowing my character it
    allows for a really non-confrontational style of communication.
    
    It wasn't like that at first, though.  I was intimidated by the
    position of PK and all that, but learned to shed that false image of
    majesty and love them as I would any other without expectations of
    perfection... if you know what I mean.
    
    I hope this helps, I'm really tired, but wanted to contribute.
    
    Nancy

    RE:5

    The only thing I can offer in the way of advise(if that's what your
    asking for) is to forgive her and put it in God's hands. 

    Any attempt to undue the issue or seek the justice you feel is
    warranted, may only make things worse. Pray and ask the Lord to 
    open the doors to healing.
 
    Sorry if I can't be more helpful.
    

    Peace
    Jim

    I want to thank each one of you for ministering to me.  It would appear
    Michele and I are coming to the same conclusion, e.g. forgiving one 
    another and pressing on toward the goal.  I for one also agree that to
    prolong this saga will only stir the soup too much.
    
    Thanks and God Speed!!
    
    -Jack

    Another reason to forgive and move on is that you probably put more
    emphasis on what happened than she did and she probably hasn't given it
    another thought.
    
    On the other hand, if her experience with children is limited (none of
    her own of that age) then consider the source. 
    
    We do tend to have a less "thick skin" when it comes to our children.
    
    -sandy