Conference yukon::christian_v7

231.0. "Church Advertizements..." by TOKNOW::METCALFE (Eschew Obfuscatory Monikers) Tue Aug 10 1993 14:38

John Covert loaned me a catalog of church advertizements.  If you think
any of these are good enough to send away for a catalog, feel free to 
send them a card.  [THIS IS NOT A SOLICITATION.  I'm just giving credit
where it is due.]

Church Ad Project
1021 Diffley Road
Eagan, MN 55123-1504

Anyway, I thought some of the posters, etc. had some good stuff (and some
so-so stuff) and copied the quips for interestd consumption.

In no particular order, no pricing, no format...
---------------------------------------------------------

Introduce your children to the original Madonna. 
[Picture of Mary holding the Christ child.]

In an era of corporate restructuring, try an organization where top management
hasn't changed in 2000 years. [Picture of a Christ painting.]

Whose birthday is it, anyway?
[Picture of Santa Claus and Jesus Christ, side by side]

Contrary to conventional wisdom, stress is not a 20th century phenomenon.
[Picture of Daniel in the lion's den.]

Contrary to popular belief, God welcomes singles, too.
[Picture of pairs of animals entering the ark.]

Will it take six strong men to bring you back to church.
[Picture of six pall bearers and casket exiting church.]

There's a difference between being baptized and brainwashed.
[Picture of baptismal basin.]

He dies to take away your sins.  Not your mind.
[Picture of Jesus Christ.]

Two thousand years later, Christianity's biggest competition is still the
Lions.  [Picture of television with pro-football Lions on screen.]

As it turns out, life isn't so complicated after all.
[Picture of the Ten Commandments (in Hebrew).]

Has the true meaning of Easter gotten a little fuzzy?
[Picture of stuffed Easter bunny doll.]

If you're looking for happiness here, you're just scratching the surface.
[Picture of a scratch and match lottery ticket and coin.]

After you're done with this [picture of baby's pacifier], give them something
they can really sink their teeth into. [picture of the Bible]  Subtext: It's
never too early to introduce your children to the Bible.  And to the love of
Jesus Christ.  This Sunday, bring the whole family to worship in the fellowship
of our church.

Do your kids think getting down the chimney is the miracle of Christmas?
[Picture of children in front of the fireplace.]

This Christmas, take your family window shopping.
[Picture of a church's stained glass window.]

In religion that was born in a barn, an open door goes without saying.
[Picture of manger scene.]

Now that your kids can name the nine reindeer shouldn't they be able to name
the twelve apostles?  [Picture of the last supper.]

Easter should satisfy your soul.  Not just your sweet tooth.
[Picture of Easter basket with jelly beans.]

He didn't rise from the dead to hunt Easter eggs.
[Picture of Jesus Christ.]

Join us for Easter dinner.
[Picture of the Eucharist.]

Become stronger with this simple exercise.
[Picture of praying hands.]

Does Easter mean beans to your kids?
[Picture of Easter basket with jelly beans.]

By comparison, any sin you've committed is garden variety.
[Picture of fig-leaved Adam and Eve.]

Considering the fact that Jesus had his doubts, why can't you?
[Picture of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane.]

Remember this tune from your childhood?
[Picture of the score to Jesus Loves Me (all four verses).]

If all you want from church is hell, fire, and brimstone, burn this ad.
[Picture of medieval sketch of the an artist's view of hell.]

There's only one problem with religions that have all the answers.  They don't
allow questions. [Picture of man with taped mouth.]  Subtext: if you sometimes
have questions about God and the meaning of life, come and join the search for
answers in the fellowship of the Lutheran church.

Without God, it's a vicious circle.
[Picture of the (round) Earth from space.]

If you think being a Christian is inconvenient today, just look back 1500
years.  [Picture of martyred Christian.]

Is this where you pray on Sunday morning?
[Picture of golf ball, putter, and hole.]

With all due regard to TV Christianity, have you ever seen an Sony that gives
Holy Communion?  {picture of Eucharist on top of a television.]

What other meal can sustain you for a week?
{picture of the Eucharist.]

Are your kids learning about the power of the cross on the late, late show?
[Picture of Dracula and woman; shadow of cross in background.]

Do your kids think Genesis is Phil Collin's old bad?
[Picture of Eden.]

The United Methodist Church welcomes you.  Regardless of race, creed, color or
the number of times you've been born. [Picture of baby.]

You can't meet God's gift to women in a singles' bar.
[Picture of Jesus Christ.]

If you think church is only for families, remember Jesus was single.

Every Sunday, millions of Americans confuse greener lawns with greener
pastures. [Picture of man on riding lawn mower.]

For fast, fast, fast relief take two tablets.
[Picture of the Ten Commandments on stone.]

800-331-9391 if interested further.

    Are these posters or adds for a newspaper..

Some posters, some print ads.