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| Title: | Fishing Notes- Archived |
| Notice: | See note 555.1 for a keyword directory of this conference |
| Moderator: | DONMAC::MACINTYRE |
|
| Created: | Fri Feb 14 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Fri Sep 20 1991 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 1660 |
| Total number of notes: | 20970 |
712.0. "The 'Erma Bombeck' of Bass Fishing..." by CASV02::PRESTON () Mon May 09 1988 17:42
(copied from The Last Word column, FINS AND FEATHERS magazine)
THE HUSBAND AND WIFE WHO FISH TOGETHER CAN'T AFFORD TO DO ANYTHING ELSE
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
One Saturday morning after the Wiley Coyote's fourth unsuccessful attempt
within 15 minutes to annihilate the Road Runner, my husband, Jim, turned
to me. Boredom was oozing from the very pores of his skin when he asked,
"Wanna go fishin'?" We called a babysitter, armed ourselves with cane
poles, a box of night crawlers, and a few crickets, then headed for the
creek to catch our supper.
Fishing from the bank requires little more than chasing down the bait,
pinning it to the hook, pausing a moment to watch it wriggle in agony,
and tossing it in the water. After that, all that's left is to wait for
hte bobber to give an indication that something is about to put your
bait out of its misery. We both enjoyed fishing and spent many lazy
afternoons laid back on the edge of the creek. Some days, the fish were
none too hungry, and Jim explained this by stating, "The moon isn't
right." I never quite understood this. After all, we weren't fishing on
the moon, we were fishing on the earth! I welcomed these lulls in the
action because I could sunbathe, munch on Doritoes, or touch up my
pedicure.
After several months of fishing from the bank, we decided to broaden the
scope of out newly-acquired hobby and buy a boat. An intensive search
gave us just what we needed - a well-used, 14-foot johnboat with a 7.5
horsepower motor. Now we were all set - an $800 boat, two cane poles, an
assortment of hooks, line and sinkers. For less than $900 we were ready
to haul 'em in. And that we did. Why, we had to buy a freezer just for
the fish. I thought we were having the time of our lives, but as with
some other harsher realities of life, the wife is always the last to
know.
One spring morning, Jim leaped out of bed at 3:30, pulled on his jeans
and shirt, slipped on his non-skid brown boat shoes, plopped on his
"KISS MY BASS" baseball hat, and yelled over his shoulder, "I'm going
BASS fishing!" Seventeen hours later he walked in the back door,
sporting one 3-pound fish and a huge grin. He'd spent 15 hours on the
water, so I was positive he brought this one fish in the house as a
preview of the others that were icing in the cooler. When I asked if
this was the case, he answered, "No, this is it. You don't have to catch
but one when that one fish is a largemouth bass!"
Until this day, I still fail to understand why one 3-pound fish is
better than 30 1/2 pound fish.
No longer could the old jonboat and poles get the job done. It is a well-
known fact among those who pursue the illusive "long green one" that this
frisky, freshwater fighter with its explosive strikes and spectacular
leaps, devours bait presented only by fisherman who own $15,000 bass
boats. Nor, mind you, will this finicky eater partake of a morsel
presented at the ehd of a line that is tied to a cane pole. Using bowline
and world's fair knots, we now attach do-nothing worms, bang-o-lures,
gollywompers, ding-a-lizards (all named in questionable good taste) to a
$300 rod and reel combination. And just one of these expensive fishing
combos is not enough. A real bass fisherman must have a seperate rod an
reel for each kind of bait he uses. It takes far less time, you know, to
untangle 16 rods and reels than it does to snip and re-tie one lure.
It's an unsavory fish, in my opinion, that possesses an insatiable
appetite for rubber, wood and plastic in preference to a good, old, juicy
worm!
In light of all this new knowledge, we replace our jonboat and 7 1/2
horsepower motorwith a 19 foot bass boat with a 140 horsepower motor. AS
the jet pilot feels the need for speed, so does the bass fisherman. FOr
some ungodly reason, these fisherman must skim across the water at
lightning fast speeds to reach some distant fishing spot. Who knows that
the fish were not within 25 feet from where he launched the boat? And who
said that the fish would congregate at mile marker 31.7, which is 8.3
miles down the river?
My first ride in our new bass boat was certainly one of the most
unforgettably frightening experiences of my life. I sat down next to Jim
and donned my personal flotation device (life jacket for you landlubbers).
He did the same, looked over at me, and asked if I was set. I no more
than opened my mouth than we were full speed ahead and damn the
torpedoes. The boat reared up on its end like a wild stallion and shot
forward. At this point I was positive that my bright new personal
flotation device was about to get its first real test. Today, a perfect
set of my fingerprints lie indelibly etched in the beautiful green metal
flake paint next to the passenger's seat.
Miraculously, the nose of the boat eased down, the tail came up, and we
were on our way. In our old jonboat, the ride to our favorite spot took
23 minutes. In our new, super-slick bass boat, we arrived in just under
six minutes. As we sat rocking back and forth in the churning wake caused
by the powerful motor, I wondered, "Reckon where all the fish would have
gone had we arrived 17 minutes later?"
In the years that have passed since my first ride in our bass boat, I
have learned a great deal. I've learned that it's much easier just to sit
and munch on Doritoes than to try to munch and fish at the same time.
I've also learned that fish are much too expensive for common folk to
eat. If you add the cost of the bass boat ($15,000); the price of at
least four rod and reel combinations ($1,200); add another $500 for
various fishing lures and tackle; then divide that sum by three (remember
the first 3-pounder and the huge grin), and you will find that first
largemouth bass cost around $5,600 a pound.
- Joyce B. Dotson
(That lady would never make it as an accountant, besides, the cost per
unit goes down, down, down each time you catch another one! - ewp)
| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 712.1 | | DONAL::MACINTYRE | | Tue May 10 1988 10:00 | 5 |
| I love it!
Thanks for taking the time to type that in Ed.
Don Mac
|
| 712.2 | my story | WILLEE::CORTIS | | Tue May 10 1988 11:04 | 16 |
| > besides, the cost per unit goes down, down, down each time you catch
> another one! - ewp)
Har har , I loved that story. But I think you missed the point! They never
caught another Bass!
That story sounds a lot like mine own story :-) I'll have to take this home to
my wife, she'll love it! (hmmmm... I wounder if she wrote it)
Barry
BTW: My son did catch a Bass this last week-end as we were trolling. We were
using streamers and the water depth was around 16 to 18 feet deep. What a look
he had when the line took off! I was also the first for me.
|
| 712.3 | shoreman | SCOMAN::KERSWELL | | Tue May 10 1988 11:38 | 5 |
| WOW!!!!!
look at all that money I'm saving just from fishing from the banks
of the river, But the price of muchie's is going up up and up along
with the beer. By the way i caught a good 6lb'er this weekend from
shore, and that was the smallest tree I ever hooked onto..........
|
| 712.4 | I RELATE! | STRATA::WOOLDRIDGE | | Tue May 10 1988 14:05 | 3 |
| ha ha ha!
EXCELLENT!
NIGHTCRAWLER~~~~~~~~~
|
| 712.5 | it never stops... | FEISTY::TOMAS | Joe | Tue May 10 1988 15:15 | 45 |
| Sounds an awful lot like my wife's sentiments. Years ago when we first got
married, I only had 2 rods and a small tackle box...and no boat. Then we
got a canoe. Wow! Now I was no longer confined to fishing from shore.
Then, as the years went by, my arsenal of tackle grew...more rods and
reels, more lures, and of course a bigger tackle box to store them in. All
of this to chase the elusive bass. Then, finally, I picked up an electric
motor for the canoe. And a motor mount. And a battery.
She just doesn't understand why I need so many rods and reels. I don't
think 13 rods are too many! (Hmmm...let's see...2 flyrods, 4 baitcasters, 5
spinning rods, an ultralight spinning rod, and a surf rod). I mean...could
you imagine a golfer hitting the links with just one or two clubs?? C'mon,
let's get serious!
Then came the BOAT, motor and trailer. And of course a bow mounted
electric. Plus lots of customizing....seats, carpeting, rod holders, etc.
Not a $15K Ranger, but certainly adequate for bassin.
How do I justify it all? Let's see how the math works out. Let's say, for
arguments sake, that my total investment after 19 years of marriage is
$6,500, and over 19 years, I've caught 800 fish with an average weight of
1.5 pounds (being conservative, mind you).
STATISTICS
==========
Annual Tackle Ratio = Total Investment/Years Married --> $342.10
Fish Investment Ratio = Total Investment/Total Fish --> $ 8.13
Annual Fish Ratio = Total Fish/Years Married --> 42.10
Weight Investment Ratio = Total Investment/Total Weight --> $ 5.42
and finally, what really counts!
[(Total Investment) * (Total Weight/Total Fish)]
FUN RATIO = ------------------------------------------------ = 513.16% !!
Years Married
Sure, you can buy fish for less than $5.42 per pound at the market, but what
ISN'T figured in all the above is the PIECE OF MIND FACTOR...that's 100%!
hsj
|
| 712.6 | HOW MUCH WAS THAT BOAT?!?!?!?!? | GENRAL::HUNTER | from SUNNY Colorado, Wayne | Tue May 10 1988 15:40 | 12 |
| Well, when you factor in the cost of days in the hospital and
trips to the psychiatrist that you didn't take because you pounded
out your frustration on the water and fish the formula becomes:
(BASS BOAT + TACKLE) / (# of fish * weight per fish)
____________________________________________________ = SANITY QUOTIENT
(COST PER DAY OF HOSPITAL + DOCTOR VISITS * 52)
Sounds cheap to me at any price.
BTW: If your above SANITY QUOTIENT > 1, you paid too much for the
boat. :-)
|
| 712.7 | Back Cast | AD::GIBSON | | Tue May 17 1988 13:28 | 14 |
| Years ago; Before having a boat. I used to sit on shore casting
out into the water as far as possible. This was a sure way to catch
fish.
Watching all the other fishermen in boats, I relized that I must
have one. after all they were able to get way out into the middle
of the lake.
Now, Having spent large ammounts of money and vast ammounts of time
with a boat, I will cast from the boat as close to the shore as
possible to catch fish. Because thats where you catch them.
Right????
|
| 712.8 | Hmmmm.... | CASV02::PRESTON | | Wed May 18 1988 13:38 | 9 |
| I own a 17' canoe, and fish from it as often as I can, BUT, for
all the time I've spent in it, I've only caught perch, sunfish,
and a few puny pickerel. On the other hand, fishing off the dock
at the inlaw's condo at Winnepesaukee I've caught a 19" smallmouth,
a 22" pickerel, two landlocked salmon, a nice catfish, and an
assortment of lesser fish, all since last August... maybe I need
a bigger boat. Yeah... that's it! a BIGGER boat! That's the ticket,
yeah... yeah......
|
| 712.9 | On the Whole..... | MENSCH::SCHOLZ | Ron....and thanks for all the fish | Thu May 19 1988 15:34 | 8 |
| re: .7
You are absolutely right Al..... the definition of a "boat" is,
"a hole in the water you throw money into"
But don't anyone try and take my hole away from me...:^) !!!!!!
Tight lines, Ranger Ron
|
| 712.10 | You're not alone...... | CGVAX2::NELSON | | Fri Jun 03 1988 16:05 | 29 |
| From Someone's Better Half (I think)
My hubby was a fisherman when I met him. He loved Flyfishing,
spincasting, Surfcasting, and begged to go with anyone who had
their own boat. Over the last 15 years, he has upgraded all
of his fishing equipment to the point that I have lost count
of all of the various types of rods and reels and all of the
associated equipment that goes along with it. There are at
least 3 tackle boxes kicking around (for the various types
of fishing) and waders and just everything.
But, wait. It get better!!! He has looked for years for just
the right deal in a center-console fishing boat. Something
just like his brother-in-law owns. He has salivated over all
of the various models at all of the local (and not so local)
fishing shows all over New England. So what does a good little
wife do????? Why of course, she goes and presents hubby with the
bill of sale to a 20' Pro-Line with 135 Mercury outboard. What
a surprise. This wife thought that that would be the end of it.
Now he has the boat and can use all of his fishing equipment, right???
Wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now we need a Loran, a VHF Radio,
Downriggers, Whip Antennas and that's just a partial list. When
a previous noter decided that `A boat is a hole in the water into
which you pour money', I can only agree.
Dana
One_who's_been_there
|