Conference vmsnet::nascar$note:nascar

Article 107230 of rec.autos.sport.nascar:
Subject: TOP10:EARNHARDT EXCUSES!

   TOP 10 DALE EARNHARDT EXCUSES FOR NOT WINNING THE DAYTONA 500

                              -=GK=-

10.Had to battle bitchin' case of head lice after letting his fan club
   president try on helmet before the race
 9.Suspension cam wasn't working, had to flip car on roof to show crowd
   new sponsor's shocks
 8.Got overcome by cheap perfume and whiskey fumes from the Rusty Wallace
   groupie grandstand
 7.Slowed to avoid hitting a busload of nuns on their way to deliver food
   to needy children and was hit by that heathen Jarrett!
 6.Had damned new bifocal contacts in sideways
 5.Suspects Gordon had really big Shop Vac hidden in car and sucked all
   the air off number 3's spoiler
 4.The other guys didn't honor NASCAR's new, "I promise to play nice" 
   rule
 3.Just couldn't stop thinking about finding Todd Bodine's underpants
   in Teresa's glovebox
 2.Thinking about switching to the Cartoon Newtwork team next year, 
   needed to see what it was like to drive bent pieces of crap

AND THE NUMBER 1 DALE EARNHARDT EXCUSE:

1. Guess nailing Tammie Faye Bakker before the race didn't get him 
   closer to God!

                             -=GK=-

Article 107524 of rec.autos.sport.nascar:
From: [email protected] (Ron Hickman)
Subject: NASCAR Book:  "The Book of Stock Car Wisdom"

I found a little book today entitled _The Book of Stock Car 
Wisdom_, and thought you'd like to ... read a few pearls from it:

"You can live life well or just live.  And the person who makes
that decision is you."   -Bobby Allison

"When I first started racing, you didn't dare bring your wife
or girlfriend to the race, because half the people were drunk
and the rest were fighting."   -Richard Petty

"Early on, the cars were getting faster and faster.  And with
good reason:  everybody was cheating."   -Richard Petty

"Speed?  I wouldn't mind if we drove this car 250 miles per hour.
My bass boat goes faster than 100, and I'm thinking about putting
a second motor on it."   -Neil Bonnet

"He's a junkyard dog and I like him, although I get mad at him
when he pushes people around."   -Rick Hendrick on Dale Earnhardt

"Everything I've accomplished in my career I trace back to being
taught by Ralph Earnhardt."  -Dale Earnhardt

"I raced Ralph for years and years and Dale drives just like his
Daddy."   -Ned Jarrett

"There's a fine line between being confident and being obnoxious."
-Darrell Waltrip

"Mr. Johnson, you don't know who I am, but some day I'd sure like
to drive for you."   -Jimmy Spencer, age 22

"If you're gonna play with the rattlesnakes, you better know what
rattlesnakes do."   -Smokey Yunick

"First you learn to drive fast.  Next, you learn to drive fast in
traffic.  Then, you learn how to do it for 500 miles."  -Alan Kulwicki

"Stay out of trouble.  The money is at the end of the race, not the
beginning."   -Buck Baker

"There aren't any new frontiers anymore, not even the moon.  The only
thing left for these guys is to go a little deeper into that first
turn."   -Ken Squier

"I never hit anybody out of malice or recklessness...unless they bump
me twice."   -Tim Flock

"Driving a race car is like dancing with a chainsaw."  -Cale Yarbourough

"I was doing plenty wrong, but they done wronger."  -Richard Petty
  (after winning the Nashville 400)

"The best way to make a small fortune in racing is to start with a
big one."  -Junior Johnson

"Why did I take up racing?  I was too lazy to work and too chicken
to steal."   -Tim Richmond

"Talladega is the only place where we finish closer than we start."
-Terry Labonte

"I'm determined to stick around until I win one.  That means I'll be
driving forever."   -Marty Robbins

"Sometimes you win by being the best of what's left."   -Bill Elliott

"I used to like the St. Louis Cardinals because I lived in St. Louis,
but I can't cheer for them now.  Wrong brewery."   -Rusty Wallace

"I got out about the time the money got in."   -Coo Coo Marlin

_The Book of Stock Car WisdoM_  compiled and edited 
by Criswell Freeman, 1996.    ISBN 1-887655-12-3
Walnut Grove Press, Nashville, TN   (615) 256-8584