| My Hunting Trip -- How It Really Happened
1:00 a.m. Alarm clock rings.
2:00 a.m. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 a.m. Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:00 a.m. Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 a.m. Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 a.m. Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 a.m. Set up camp - forgot damn tent
4:30 a.m. Head into the woods.
6:05 a.m. See 8 elk.
6:06 a.m. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:08 a.m. Load gun while watching elk go over hill.
8:00 a.m. Head back to camp.
9:00 a.m. Still looking for camp.
10:00 a.m. Realized you don't know where camp is.
Noon Fire gun for help - Eat wild berries.
12:15 p.m. Run out of bullets - 8 elk come back.
12:20 p.m. Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 p.m. Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 p.m. Rescued!
12:55 p.m. Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 p.m. Arrive back in camp.
3:30 p.m. Leave camp to kill elk.
4:00 p.m. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 p.m. Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 p.m. Empty gun on bird that's bugging you.
6:00 p.m. Arrive at camp - see elk grazing at camp.
6:01 p.m. Load gun.
6:02 p.m. Fire gun.
6:03 p.m. One dead pickup truck.
6:05 p.m. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging elk.
6:06 p.m. Repress strong desire to shoot hunting partner.
6:15 p.m. Take pickup, leave partner and his elf in the woods.
6:25 p.m. Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:26 p.m. Start walking.
6:30 p.m. Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
6:35 p.m. Meet bear....
6:36 p.m. Take aim.
6:37 p.m. Fire gun - blow up barrel (plugged with mud).
6:38 p.m. #@*#&@ pants.
6:39 p.m. Climb tree.
9:00 p.m. Bear departs - wrap #@*#&@ gun around tree....
Midnight Home at last....
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