Conference vmsnet::hunting$note:hunting

1022.0. "The Deer Hunt" by HOTWTR::MURPHYRO () Wed Sep 04 1991 01:35

                           The Deer Hunt
    
    Saturday
    
    1:00am   Alarm clock rings
    2:00am   Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of warm bed
    2:30am   Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup
    3:00am   Leave for deep woods
    3:15     Drive back home and pick up gun
    3:30     Drive like hell to get woods before daylight
    4:00     Set up camp, forgot the #$%^&* tent
    4:30     Head into woods
    6:05     See 8 deer grazing
    6:06     Take aim and squeeze trigger
    6:07     Click
    6:08     Load gun while watching deer go over hill
    8:00     Head back to camp
    9:00     Still looking for camp
    10:00    Realize you don't know where camp is
    Noon     Fire gun for help, eat wild berries
    12:15    Run out of shells, 8 deer come back to close range
    12:20    Strand feeling in stomach
    12:30    Realize you ate poison berries
    12:45    Rescued
    12:55    Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
     3:00    Arrive back to camp
     3:30    Leave camp to kill deer
     4:00    Return to camp for shells
     4:05    Load gun, leave camp again
     5:00    Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you
     6:00    Arrive back in camp, see deer grazing in camp
     6:01    Load gun
     6:02    Fire Gun
     6:03    Score bullseye on pickup truck
     6:05    Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer
     6:06    Repress strong desire to shoot partner
     6:07    Fall into fire
     6:10    Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
     6:15    Take pickup and leave partner and his deer in the deep woods
     6:25    Pickup boils over, hole shot in block
     6:26    Start walking
     6:30    Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
     6:35    Meet bear
     6:36    Take aim
     6:37    Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud
     6:38    Mess pants
     6:39    Climb tree
     9:00pm  Bear departs, you wrap #$%^& gun around tree
    MIDNIGHT home at last
    
    
    Sunday
    
    
    Watch footbal game on TV while slowly tearing up license into little 
    pieces, place in envelope and mail to game warden with clear
    instructions on where to place it.