Conference vmsnet::hunting$note:hunting

623.0. "You might be a redneck if...." by ODIXIE::RIDGWAY (Florida Native) Wed Mar 14 1990 10:18

Since we had a brief discussion on what constitutes a "redneck" in a prior
note, I though I would post the following for your reading enjoyment.

This is not meant to be taken seriously!!!!! :-)

Keith R>

		YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.....

If you ever used lard in bed.
If you own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
If you have ever spraypainted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
If you consider a six pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
If your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
If someone asks to see your i.d. and you show them your belt buckle.
If your mother does not remove the Marlboro Light from her lips before telling
	the state patrolman to kiss her as@.
If the primary color of your car is Bondo.
If directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."
If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
If you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
If you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
If Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
If you see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty milk jug in
	the car.
If you have a rag for a gas cap.
If the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
If you have a hefty bag on the passenger side of the window of your car.
If you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
If you've ever had to scratch your sister's name out of the message "For a good
	time call ______."
If your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
If Redman chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
If you bought a vcr because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
If you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
If your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
If you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
If your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
If your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.
If you have ever started a petition to have the national anthem changed to
	"Free Bird."
If you call the boss "dude."
If you think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
If you  consider you license plate "personalized" becuase your father made it.
If you have ever been fired from a construction job because of your apperance.
If you need one more hole punched in your card before you get a freebie at the
	House of Tatoos.
If your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on
	the lube rack.
If you get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair.
If after making love you have to ask your date to roll down the window.
    

    What's a Rednecks idea of foreplay ??
    
    
    
    	Get in the truck, bitch !!!
    
    

    AW'right Ya'll;  I resemble them remarks...
    
    
    
    
    Jeff

    	And to get to my house, after you leave the paved road.......
    
    		Yeah,,really!  :^)
    
    			George

    There was this mountain boy who had just gotten married.  He and 
    his new wife left after the wedding for their cabin.  Well, about 
    a week later, the boy walked into the general store, only to find
    his dad there.  The conversation went something like this;
    Dad: Well hello boy, how ya bin doin?
    Boy: I'm all right paw.
    Dad: Well how's that wife of your'n?
    Boy: I shot 'er, paw.
    Dad: What in the world ya do that fer, boy?
    Boy: 'Cuz she were a virgin.
    Dad: Hmmm.....Well ya done right, boy.  If'n she wern't good enough
    	 fer her own family, she wern't good enough fer us neither!