| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 264.1 | testing | KAOFS::C_PLANT | It had to be you... | Sun Nov 27 1994 21:06 | 62 |
|
Folks...enjoy this little entry...I'm sure you'll all
be able to relate.....:
WARNING
You might not be aware of this, but there is a good reason for
the temperature fluctuations during the off hours. In order to generate
extra income during these tough economic times, DIGITAL is hiring
out CRRs as experimental subjects for the defense department.
Apparently, National Defense was concerned with how much stress and
abuse P.O.W.s could take before they would crack. After extensive
research, they determined that pithed rats would be used, but when
animal rights groups protested, it was decided that the CRRS at DIGITAL
would be be best possible approximation.
By subjecting CRRs to high levels of low grade stress, bombarding them
with continuous levels of radiation, and designing a schedule guaranteed to
induce sleep deprivation, the proper amount of physical stress is
induced.
Then, research personnel,posing as customers and techs, call and
subject the CRRS to varying amounts a verbal abuse. Records are kept
as to who cracks when and under what exact situations.
Since the whole point of the experiment is to keep the test subjects
ignorant of the experiment, an elaborate web of deception has been
created to keep them in the dark. The entire CRR area is actually a
camouflaged high tech lab. The E-mail system really is a way of
monitoring the test subjects and observing how group dynamics break down.
`Customers', seemingly on an innocent tour of the building, are
actually visiting scientists observing us through the protective glass
shield.
In order to keep the test subjects in a constant state of confusion, a
variety of methods are used. Pointless and unnecessary tasks are
created to distract the subjects and keep them constantly short staffed and
frustrated. The rules are changed according to a randomly generated
schedule to keep the subjects unbalanced while inaccurate, unrelated
feed back is provided to insure that they remain so.
At present, this on-going study is a huge success. After just a short
number of days working in these conditions, subjects display a range of
behavior remarkably similar to that a actual POWs. First, various
coping strategies are used. These quickly fail leading to anger and
frustration. Subjects lash out irrationally with the slightest
provocation or resort to childish petulance over minor issues.
This inevitably leads to a final state of catatonic numbness,
where subjects appear almost oblivious to their surroundings and perform
their jobs with a robotic-like unemotional detachment, having lost
all higher brain functions.
While the study itself is a huge success, the fate of its participants
is not. It is generally accepted that with the conclusion of the study,
the CRRs will be mercifully put to sleep, as it is assumed that after such
an experience no one could be expected to lead a normal life.
Chris ( Who's at the childish petulant stage )
:)
|
| 264.2 | apptitude test | KAOFS::C_PLANT | It had to be you... | Sun Nov 27 1994 21:19 | 160 |
|
another humorous one:
C.R.R. APTITUDE TEST ( C.R.R stands for customer response rep ):
As most of you already know, DIGITAL is in the process of hiring a
large number of new C.R.R.'s for various positions. In order to
facilitate (and expedite, as well contemporize and externalize)
the hiring procedure, Digital has commissioned a top level demographics
consulting firm to establish an exact
C.R.R. profile. The following test has been painstakingly designed and
test-tested in order to conform with the exacting demands placed on
C.R.R.s every day. Your cooperation is requested in this highly experimental
(and possibly illegal ) venture. Just fill out the test
(no cheating-C.R.R.'s never cheat) and forward your answers to me.
Thank you for your cooperation in advance.
P.S. For those C.R.R.'s with difficulty reading, an oral test is
available on demand.
P.P.S. For those C.R.R.'s with difficulty speaking, a Helen Keller type
deaf-mute test has also been prepared.
The (un)Official C.R.R. Aptitude Test
Instructions: The test is divided into several sections: one part
answers, multiple choice, true or false etc. Please try to complete
each section but as there is a time limit do not spend too much time
on each section. Unfortunately, as per DEC policy, this part of the
project was not completed on time. At the initial planning stage,
the time limit was set at 1.5 hours, however the team
writing the test was under the assumption that the test was to
administered on a biweekly basis to groups of 10. Management was
worried about too many people being pulled off the phones and wants
people to work on the test only when CORE is down, submitting their
answers over a six month period. So please try to keep this in
mind while answering the questions. You have anywhere from
1.5 hours to six months to complete the test as we're still working
this issue.
Part One: One Part Questions
Please answer each question in sentence form. Speling counts.
1. What is your name? (C.R.R's caught looking at their badges will be
deducted points.)
2. What is your age? (C.R.R.'s may use fingers but not toes to facilitate
counting)
3. What is your educational background?
(Please include training courses taken through DIGITAL,
enough space has been left to include all courses.)
4. Where do you work? (this may or may not be a trick question-we're
still working this issue)
5. Did you understand the above questions? (please answer truthfully)
Part Two: Multiple Choice Questions
Please choose one (and only one) of the answers provided for the
following questions.
1. The telephone on your desk starts to make a ringing noise. What does
this mean?
a: It's coffee time!!!!!
b: I wouldn't have that information, I'm not a specialist.
c: The phone is obviously broken, move to another desk until the
ringing stops.
d: I don't know, but it's been doing it all day.
2. A customer calls and asks to have his site rep. paged. What do you
do?
a: Transfer the call to DecDirect, we don't handle sales calls.
b: Tell the customer you need a serial or access number before giving
out that kind of information.
c: Tell the customer CORE is down and ask them to call back later.
d: This is obviously a crank call, put the caller on hold and go to
lunch.
3. You take a call back for the VMS group and notice that the customer
has called 15 times without getting through to a specialist. What do you
do?
a: Put the call in the call back queue and go back to reading NOTES.
b: Put the call in the call back queue and go for a break.
c: Put the call in the call back queue and go for lunch.
d: Put the call in the call back queue and go notify the VMS duty
manager. It may take some time to find the duty manager but spending
all afternoon looking will be worth it.
4. You notice that a call for the Toronto Branch has accidentally been
sent to Montreal. What do you do?
a: Ignore it, the branch knows what it's doing.
b: Transfer the call to Calgary to counter "western alienation".
c: Go for a break.
d: Run off a copy of the call and take it to the CSC duty manager. It
may take some time to find the...............................
Part Three: True or False Questions
Please indicate whether the following statements are true or
false.(Remember, they cannot be both)
1. The Digital Customer Support Center exists to provide service to
Digital Customers. (You may take as much time as needed with this question)
True/False
2. In the last year some customers has actually talked to VMS
specialists.
True/False
3. The LN03 was actually built by IBM.
True/False
4. The comments on a LARS are vital for Digital's survival.
True/False
5. Quantum Physics allows for a 15 minute break to last 30mins. (All
C.R.R's should know this one.)
True/False
Thank you for taking the C.R.R. aptitude test. The answers will
be compiled and sent to a working committee for immediate review. No real
results are expected.
Regards
Chris
:)
|
| 264.3 | Dick Digital part 1 | KAOFS::C_PLANT | It had to be you... | Sun Nov 27 1994 21:34 | 78 |
|
Folks:
Read this when you have the time. This is something to keep you
going on those long cold day shifts.The following is the first section of a
serial.
P.S.. Any resembles to persons living or dead is purely incidental.
..........................AND NOW PRESENTING!!!!!!
THE ADVENTURES OF DICK DIGITAL: Episode#1-The Beginning
The rain hung in the air like a thick mist, falling just enough
to dampen the mud and grime left over from winter without actually washing
it away. It was the kind of day that almost begged you to call in sick
and stay at home; but that wasn't my style, you see, I had a job to do.
It was a dirty job but somebody had to be there to answer that phone,
to take those calls and that somebody was me, Dick Digital, Private C.R.R.
As I walked into the office, casually tossing my fedora into
the corner and apologizing when it took out somebody's coffee cup,
I paused for a moment to allow my hawk-like eyes to scan the room.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as I watched my mentally deficient
co-workers sweat laboriously over the phones, but there was a certain
essence in the air which suggested to my finely tuned senses
that either I'd forgotten to use my deodorant that morning or that this
day might be the beginning of a new case.
With that thought in mind, I waded though the pile of old
National Enquirer magazines that blocked the way to my desk and started
to log in. Some five minutes later I was still having trouble with
my password when I became aware of an odd sound, sort of like an old
air mattress being inflated with a leaky tire pump and, glancing
nonchalantly to my right, noticing that Biff, one of the other C.R.R.s
in the office was eyeing the red glow of the shining "not ready" light on
my phone, breathing in and out and trying to make his face look ugly.
In Biff's case it wasn't hard.
I suppose that Biff was the companies' idea of a perfect C.R.R.
He was fluently bilingual and equally stupid in both languages. Having a
conversation with Biff was kind of like washing your face with sandpaper,
it only felt good when you stopped and felt a lot better if you never
tried. I locked his hampster eyes in my steely gaze, adjusted my face
into a sneer and was about spear him with a seething remark when
Darlene walked by. What can I say about the most distracting woman in
the company? Her hips had more swing then Duke Ellington's
orchestra and the only thing lower then her neckline was her moral
standards. Darlene had been inexplicably cold to me but recently I
sensed that she might be warming up. As if to confirm my suspicions,
but more likely just noticing my lingering gaze, Darlene turned and,
in a voice husky enough to win Mrs. Nebraska, addressed me by my pet
name. "What are YOU looking at slug?"she said.
As I was sitting down and she was standing right in front of me, I
thought the answer was doubly obvious. So I told her. She didn't say
anything but as I picked myself up off the floor, I couldn't help but
notice that her sharp right hadn't been followed,as it usually was by
a hard right. Maybe she was warming to me after all. I slumped down in
my chair to mull this over.
Suddenly the phone rang. Biff must switched off the "not ready"
light while I lay on the floor momentarily unconscious. It was just like
him. I hesitated for a second before a answered it. Maybe it was a customer,
or it might have been a bill collector who had tracked me to the office, or
possibly my customized Gremlin was finally ready at the garage, or maybe
this was a new case. Cautiously my fingers edged towards the phone.
..........continued next time (unless someone puts the kibosh on this)
Chris
:)
|
| 264.4 | logging a call | KAOFS::C_PLANT | It had to be you... | Sun Nov 27 1994 22:20 | 210 |
|
thought I'ld reformat the logging a call with the Simpsons one:
HOW TO LOG A CALL
Folks:
Lately, there seems to be some confusion about the
correct method for logging service calls. In order to help set
everyone straight on this important issue, DEC has gone all out and
produced a video to help
demonstrate the entire call-logging process. Since animation is such
a popular style these days, DEC has hired the popular Simpson family
to help dramatize the way we log calls. Different family members will
play the role of customers and digital employees.
HOW TO LOG A SERVICE CALL
The first step in logging a service call is for a problem to
occur at a customer site. Therefore, let us assume that our customer
( played by Homer Simpson ) drops his bowling ball on a vax.
| | | |
/:.\ |
\ / | | * | *
/:.\ \ * | . * /
\ / \ * . | * /
\ * .`|.` * /
'. \ *,.|'.* / . `
| | | | '\-* ' *-/ '
| (O^O) | | (O^O) | ` / (O^O) \ `
| | | | \_______/
|** **| |** **| /~~ ~~\
When something like this happens, the customer (Homer) realises
he must make a service call. He checks his contract and dials the 800
number. He is courtiously greeted by a C.R.R. ( played by the lovely
Marge Simpson) The following exchange takes place.
&
/ \
| |
| (o)(o)
C .--- )
| |. | (####)
| \ / (########)
/ \ (##########)
/ / \ (##########)
/ \ (##########)
(##########)
Homer: (RING,RING) (RING,RING) (RING,RING) (##########)
(RING,RING)...Duh, I wish they'd answer the (##########)
the phone. (##########)
(o)(o)|(##)
Marge: Digital Customer Support, how can I C |(##)
help you? /'___, @(##)
(*) \_____/(#)
Homer: Hi Marge,(opps) I mean, Hello friendly | |
C.R.R., I need to log a service call. OOOOOOO
/ \
Marge: Is it a hardware or software problem?
Homer: I don't know, I dropped a bowling ball on a vax.
Marge: Well Homer, with all my C.R.R. training, I can tell that
it sounds like a typical software problem to me. I'll put you on hold
while I page a specialist.
Homer: OK.
At this point Marge decides that the call must go to the VMS group.
She dials the number of a VMS specialist and passes Homer to the
specialist before the phone is answered. Like a good C.R.R. she has
forgotten to give Homer his log number. The part of the VMS specialist
is played with unerring accuracy by
Bart Simpson ( who isn't a VMS specialist, but should be)
|\/\/\/| Bart: Hey, what the h*ll are you calling me
| | for!!!!
| (o)(o)
C ) Homer: Uhm....I want to report a problem with
| ,___| my vax?
| /
/ \ Bart: Look dude, you have to talk to a C.R.R.
/ \ for that. I don't talk to customers about
that sort of thing.
Homer: But I did talk to someone and they put me through to you.
Bart: Well......ok, what's the problem dude.
Homer: I dropped a bowling ball on a vax.
Bart: A bowling ball?? ha,ha!! what a loser!
ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!!
Did you pick up the spare?!!hahahaha!!!
Look buddy, that's definately a hardware problem. I think you
have to call the local office.....yah, that's right, call the local
office and ask for Oliver.
Homer: Oliver?
Bart: Yah, Oliver Klozoff!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH(CLICK)
So.. Homer, somewhat dejected, calls the branch and has a field
service engineer paged. The engineer calls Homer back (eventually), and
questions him about his problem. The part of the engineer is played
by Lisa, who, like all good engineers, is a real know-it-all herself.
Lisa: Ok, so why did you page me? /\ /\ /\
| V \/ \---.
Homer: Umm, yes, I have a problem, but \ /
please don't laugh at me. (o)(o) < .
C /
Lisa: Ok, what's the problem. /____, ) \
\ /----'
Homer: I dropped a bowling ball on a vax. ooooo
/ \
Lisa: Was it a AC or DC bowling Ball?
Homer: I don,t know.
Lisa: Was the bowling ball grounded.
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: Was it 160 volt or 210?
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: Did it touch ALU or the DEPCA
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: What was the logic level of the BUS?
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: Well, I can't help you unless I get more information.
Homer: But I need to talk to some one about this machine.
Lisa: Ok, I'll put you through to my manager.
Homer: Good! I'm finally going to get some answers.
Lisa then tranfers Homer's call to a duty manager. For the
the role of the duty manager, baby Maggie proved very suitable.
Getting any real answers out of her was almost as difficult as
getting answers from a Digital manager.
/\ Homer: (RING,RING) (RING,RING)
.----/ \----. (RING,RING) (CLICK)...........
\ / .....Hello, is someone there?
.--\ (o)(o) /--.
\ C / Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
> (O) <
/ \ ^ / \ Homer: Oh Hello, I think the line is
/ | | \ bad. Should I speak louder?
/ \
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: Ok look, I'm having some problems getting service. No one wants
to talk to me and when I explain my problem, they just laugh. What
should I do?
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: I tried calling customer support.
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: I talked to someone in software support and hardware support.
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: No one would help me. I thought a manager could give me some
assistance, what's the best advice you can give me?
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: ....................WHAT???? IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN DO????
I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS SUPID COMPANY!!! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE
GOVERNMENT,
GOODBYE! (SLAM)
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK> (THUD)
Of course, Homer soon calmed down and eventually managed to
arrange for service. Isn't it great when the system works.
p.s. I can't take credit for the pictures of the Simpsons as I got
them out of the Notes file. But the bowling ball and the exploding
vax (neat special effects eh?) are indeed mine.
Chris
:)
|
| 264.5 | ..stranger than fiction... | MEOC02::CASEY | Don, DTN 739 3414 | Mon Nov 28 1994 10:50 | 32 |
|
Extracted without any permission whatsoever from a recent article which
appeared in the November, 1994 edition of QANTAS Airways' "The Australian
Way"...
"The perils of prognostication" by Robin Williams
"So you'd imagine that technology would be a more secure field in which
to prognosticate. Not so. Even in the computer industry. For a start,
there was Sir George Bidell Airy, Astronomer Royal of Great Britain, who
pronounced Charles Babbage's pioneering `analytical engine', forerunner
of modern computers, to be `worthless'! Funding for Babbage's work was
promptly stopped.
Then we had Thomas J. Watson, chairman of IBM in 1943, announcing: `I
think there is a world market for about five computers." No wonder the
firm has had a few hiccups recently.
But Watson was not alone. `I have travelled the length and breadth of
this country and have talked with the best people in business
administration. I can assure you on the highest authority that data
processing is a fad and won;t last out the year.' This was the
editor-in-charge of business books at Prentice-Hall in 1957, putting down
a pesky junior editor who had recommended publishing a guide to the new
field.
And then there was dear old Ken Olson, until recently the top man at
Digital Corporation, who told a World Future Society meeting in Boston in
1977: `There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their
home.' I heartily concur."
|
| 264.6 | what??? | KAOFS::C_PLANT | It had to be you... | Mon Nov 28 1994 13:19 | 10 |
|
Don
Did Ken really say that??? hehehe
Chris
:)
|
| 264.7 | | MEOC02::CASEY | Don, DTN 739 3414 | Mon Nov 28 1994 15:04 | 7 |
| Re .6
Yep... I believe so.
Don
*8-)
|
| 264.8 | quiet | KAOFS::C_PLANT | It had to be you... | Mon Nov 28 1994 15:11 | 8 |
|
Hey..its sooo quiet in here today!!! how come??
Do Choc and Terrie and >M< really make that muych noise?? hehehe
Chris
:)
|
| 264.9 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | generic, PC personal name. | Mon Nov 28 1994 16:59 | 7 |
|
silly question Chris!
:)
|
| 264.10 | | NETCAD::WOODFORD | SoManyDipsticks/SoLittleOil. | Thu Apr 06 1995 01:21 | 16 |
|
Interesting fact.....
Did you know that licking a postage stamp has six calories??
And you don't even wanna KNOW how many calories there are in
a business sized envelope!!!
This really is true...
Terrie
:*)
|
| 264.11 | | CHEFS::WARRENJ | something lost,something found | Thu Apr 06 1995 12:26 | 9 |
| Oh my!
With the amount of correspondence I'm sending out today the pounds
could pile on... *groan*.....and there's this dress I *have* to be able
to fit into shortly.
Anyone fancy licking envelopes today?
Jackie
|
| 264.12 | | RANGER::REITH | | Thu Apr 06 1995 13:11 | 3 |
| With all the newsletters I do, I use the self-adhesive peel-n-stick stamps
almost exclusively now. As for the envelopes, I have a dog (pant pant pant slurp
pant pant pant)
|
| 264.13 | | NETCAD::WOODFORD | SoManyDipsticks/SoLittleOil. | Thu Apr 06 1995 15:03 | 9 |
|
Use a damp sponge. :*)
Terrie
|
| 264.14 | | RANGER::REITH | | Thu Apr 06 1995 15:15 | 1 |
| But the dog appreciates the attention 8^)
|
| 264.15 | Don't worry.... | LJSRV1::LAMBRECHT | The Spirit of Bavaria | Thu Apr 06 1995 16:07 | 12 |
| I assume the calories on stamps and envelopes are just from
carbohydrates in the glue. As long as they are no calories from
fat, don't worry about them.
Fat calories don't need to be processed for fat storage and are
put on easily. Carbohydrate calories already get used up by the
"transformation process". In order to add them to storage, fat
has to be created from them.
And this small amount of calories in envelopes and stamps does
not matter.
;)
Martina
|
| 264.16 | | SMURF::WALLACE | Life's a beach, then you dive! | Thu Apr 06 1995 18:52 | 5 |
| re .10
>Did you know that licking a postage stamp has six calories??
Only if you swallow.
|
| 264.17 | | BABAGI::LUSSIER | | Thu Apr 06 1995 18:58 | 7 |
|
re: -1
I ain't gonna say it !!!
Rich
|
| 264.18 | | NETCAD::WOODFORD | I<--TheInfoWentDataWay-->I | Thu Apr 06 1995 20:46 | 11 |
|
RE: .16.... Could you please come clean my
keyboard now? :*) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Rich, you're a smart man. :*)
Terrie
|
| 264.19 | | BABAGI::LUSSIER | | Thu Apr 06 1995 20:58 | 5 |
|
Terrie, I knew that !
Rich
|
| 264.20 | spunky calories!! | KAOFS::C_PLANT | It had to be you... | Fri Apr 07 1995 04:21 | 7 |
|
that has calories too!!
Chris
:)
|
| 264.21 | re-posted for simpson's fans!! | KERNEL::PLANTC | The Circle is now complete! | Tue Nov 28 1995 16:46 | 210 |
|
thought I'ld reformat the logging a call with the Simpsons one:
HOW TO LOG A CALL
Folks:
Lately, there seems to be some confusion about the
correct method for logging service calls. In order to help set
everyone straight on this important issue, DEC has gone all out and
produced a video to help
demonstrate the entire call-logging process. Since animation is such
a popular style these days, DEC has hired the popular Simpson family
to help dramatize the way we log calls. Different family members will
play the role of customers and digital employees.
HOW TO LOG A SERVICE CALL
The first step in logging a service call is for a problem to
occur at a customer site. Therefore, let us assume that our customer
( played by Homer Simpson ) drops his bowling ball on a vax.
| | | |
/:.\ |
\ / | | * | *
/:.\ \ * | . * /
\ / \ * . | * /
\ * .`|.` * /
'. \ *,.|'.* / . `
| | | | '\-* ' *-/ '
| (O^O) | | (O^O) | ` / (O^O) \ `
| | | | \_______/
|** **| |** **| /~~ ~~\
When something like this happens, the customer (Homer) realises
he must make a service call. He checks his contract and dials the 800
number. He is courtiously greeted by a C.R.R. ( played by the lovely
Marge Simpson) The following exchange takes place.
&
/ \
| |
| (o)(o)
C .--- )
| |. | (####)
| \ / (########)
/ \ (##########)
/ / \ (##########)
/ \ (##########)
(##########)
Homer: (RING,RING) (RING,RING) (RING,RING) (##########)
(RING,RING)...Duh, I wish they'd answer the (##########)
the phone. (##########)
(o)(o)|(##)
Marge: Digital Customer Support, how can I C |(##)
help you? /'___, @(##)
(*) \_____/(#)
Homer: Hi Marge,(opps) I mean, Hello friendly | |
C.R.R., I need to log a service call. OOOOOOO
/ \
Marge: Is it a hardware or software problem?
Homer: I don't know, I dropped a bowling ball on a vax.
Marge: Well Homer, with all my C.R.R. training, I can tell that
it sounds like a typical software problem to me. I'll put you on hold
while I page a specialist.
Homer: OK.
At this point Marge decides that the call must go to the VMS group.
She dials the number of a VMS specialist and passes Homer to the
specialist before the phone is answered. Like a good C.R.R. she has
forgotten to give Homer his log number. The part of the VMS specialist
is played with unerring accuracy by
Bart Simpson ( who isn't a VMS specialist, but should be)
|\/\/\/| Bart: Hey, what the h*ll are you calling me
| | for!!!!
| (o)(o)
C ) Homer: Uhm....I want to report a problem with
| ,___| my vax?
| /
/ \ Bart: Look dude, you have to talk to a C.R.R.
/ \ for that. I don't talk to customers about
that sort of thing.
Homer: But I did talk to someone and they put me through to you.
Bart: Well......ok, what's the problem dude.
Homer: I dropped a bowling ball on a vax.
Bart: A bowling ball?? ha,ha!! what a loser!
ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!!
Did you pick up the spare?!!hahahaha!!!
Look buddy, that's definately a hardware problem. I think you
have to call the local office.....yah, that's right, call the local
office and ask for Oliver.
Homer: Oliver?
Bart: Yah, Oliver Klozoff!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH(CLICK)
So.. Homer, somewhat dejected, calls the branch and has a field
service engineer paged. The engineer calls Homer back (eventually), and
questions him about his problem. The part of the engineer is played
by Lisa, who, like all good engineers, is a real know-it-all herself.
Lisa: Ok, so why did you page me? /\ /\ /\
| V \/ \---.
Homer: Umm, yes, I have a problem, but \ /
please don't laugh at me. (o)(o) < .
C /
Lisa: Ok, what's the problem. /____, ) \
\ /----'
Homer: I dropped a bowling ball on a vax. ooooo
/ \
Lisa: Was it a AC or DC bowling Ball?
Homer: I don,t know.
Lisa: Was the bowling ball grounded.
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: Was it 160 volt or 210?
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: Did it touch ALU or the DEPCA
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: What was the logic level of the BUS?
Homer: I don't know.
Lisa: Well, I can't help you unless I get more information.
Homer: But I need to talk to some one about this machine.
Lisa: Ok, I'll put you through to my manager.
Homer: Good! I'm finally going to get some answers.
Lisa then tranfers Homer's call to a duty manager. For the
the role of the duty manager, baby Maggie proved very suitable.
Getting any real answers out of her was almost as difficult as
getting answers from a Digital manager.
/\ Homer: (RING,RING) (RING,RING)
.----/ \----. (RING,RING) (CLICK)...........
\ / .....Hello, is someone there?
.--\ (o)(o) /--.
\ C / Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
> (O) <
/ \ ^ / \ Homer: Oh Hello, I think the line is
/ | | \ bad. Should I speak louder?
/ \
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: Ok look, I'm having some problems getting service. No one wants
to talk to me and when I explain my problem, they just laugh. What
should I do?
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: I tried calling customer support.
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: I talked to someone in software support and hardware support.
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: No one would help me. I thought a manager could give me some
assistance, what's the best advice you can give me?
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK>
Homer: ....................WHAT???? IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN DO????
I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS SUPID COMPANY!!! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE
GOVERNMENT,
GOODBYE! (SLAM)
Maggie: <SUCK> <SUCK> (THUD)
Of course, Homer soon calmed down and eventually managed to
arrange for service. Isn't it great when the system works.
p.s. I can't take credit for the pictures of the Simpsons as I got
them out of the Notes file. But the bowling ball and the exploding
vax (neat special effects eh?) are indeed mine.
Chris
:)
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