| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 145.1 | | LEVERS::WOODFORD | My fantasy becomes your reality! :( | Mon Nov 22 1993 12:44 | 45 |
|
Well, this weekend the Scouting troop that my son, Matthew, belongs
to had a father and son cake auction. The men had to bake and
decorate a cake with no help what-so-ever from mom. Then on Sunday
they auctioned them off to the highest bidder.
Well, Alan and Matthew set to work Saturday afternoon to bake a two
layer chocolate cake. (Note: this was a boxed cake mix) Alan made
Matthew read all the directions on the box, then showed him how to use
the mixer. They even timed the two minutes for mixing...so far so
good... yah, right! When Matthew was done mixing, he lifted the mixer
out of the bowl, with the beaters still turning at full speed........
(picture...brown specks all over my pantry, and on my freshly painted
walls!) At this point I felt it imperrative that I leave the house
for fear of a break-down.
When I arrived back home after a few hours of shopping, there were the
fully baked cakes, two square pans, sitting on top of the stove...still
in the pans, cold, and stuck to the bottom of the pan. They looked a
little odd, so I went over to inspect a little closer. Each cake was
about this thick........
_________________________________________________________________
CAKE
_________________________________________________________________
The cake didn't rise......remember, I told you this was a boxed cake
mix...didn't rise, and it was stuck in the pan!!! hahahahahahahahaha
I laughed *SO* hard!!!!! I had to use two spatulas at the same time to
try to get the cake out of the pans for them. One came out in almost
one piece, the other was a *mess*!
Then came the decorating. They used blue frosting to look like the
ocean, and then covered it with shark bites and gummy worms!!! It was
hillarious!!!! You had to see it!!! A double layer cake that was less
than two inches high, and most of that height was the frosting!!!!
heheheehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
Of course I *had to bid on it at the auction, and some other guy really
wanted it too, so I ended up having to bid $20.00 in order to get it!!
Terrie
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| 145.2 | I can imagine it easily! ;-))))))))) | JGODCL::NOORDIJK | It's always too long!!! | Mon Nov 22 1993 13:04 | 7 |
| RE:145.1 That was so nice to read and funny!!!hahahahahaha
It reminded me of my first experience with a mixer when we wanted to
make our own milkshake! Boy, did that look nice all this milk and ice
in a nice line over your stomack! ;-)))))))))))))))))))))
Mark ;-)
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| 145.3 | | CHEFS::WARRENJ | Heaven on 7 | Mon Nov 22 1993 13:31 | 6 |
| hahaha...
Terrie, that was funny - I can just picture the scene!
Jackie
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| 145.4 | | LEVERS::WOODFORD | YouCan'tBeFirst,ButYouCanBeNext! | Wed Dec 01 1993 19:52 | 19 |
| OK folks, here's a side splitter.......
This past weekend my boss went away for the Thanksgiving holiday with
his family. When they came home on sunday, they found their kitchen
window smashed. Fearing the worst, they went to a neighbor's and
called the police. When the police arrived they all went into the
house to see what was taken. Nothing had been taken, in fact something
had been left for them...It turned out that a *bird* had flown right
through the window! They didn't know what kind...it was in the kitchen
sink covered with glass. Animal control was called to remove the
deceased bird. When they arrived, they were shocked! The bird was a
PARTRIDGE!!!
Is this an omen being so close to christmas??? The first thing I asked
him when he told me the story was..."And was there a pear tree coming
out of the drain too??" hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Terrie
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| 145.5 | | LUDWIG::SADIN | If it ain't sub_MOA, toss it! | Thu Dec 02 1993 12:37 | 13 |
|
hehe....good one Terrie! :)
Actually, I've heard of partridge and grouse smashing into windows
alot during the fall/early winter. It has something to do with the
pressure changes screwing up their brain. We had one crash through our
neighbors sliding glass door, and another break it's neck trying to fly
through a class room window in my old school! Something neat to show
the science class....("see this here birds neck?...") :*)
chico
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| 145.6 | | MEOC02::CASEY | MEO78B::CASEY ..in truth! | Tue Feb 08 1994 17:03 | 7 |
| This is just to let you know that I have what I think is a funny joke
about women..in general.. but I am frightened to enter it in here in
case anyone reads more into it than plain humour.. so if you'd like a
copy, please mail me. It is not adult..just a hoot.
Don
*8-)
|
| 145.7 | | ZEKE::STARBRIGHT | Serenity | Wed Feb 23 1994 23:18 | 69 |
| I laughed hysterically when -- I read the following. ;)
Serenity
DEAR DIARY,
AUG. 12: Moved to our new home in Connecticut. It is so
beautiful here. The mountains and woodlands are
so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow covering
them.
OCT. 14: Connecticut is the most beautiful place on Earth.
The leaves are turned all the shades of red and orange.
Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw
some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the
most wonderful animals on Earth. This must be paradise.
I LOVE IT HERE!
NOV. 11: Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone
wanting to kill such gorgeous creatures. Hope it will
snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE!
DEC. 2: It snowed last night! Woke up to find everything
blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We
went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and
shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won),
and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the
driveway again. What a beautiful place.
I LOVE CONNECTICUT!
DEC. 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his
trick again to the driveway. I LOVE IT HERE!
DEC. 19: More snow last night! Couldn't get out of the driveway
to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling.
STINKING SNOWPLOW!
DEC. 22: More of that white crud fell last night. I have
blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the
snowplow driver hides around the corner and waits
until I'm done shoveling the driveway. SWINE!
DEC. 25: MERRY STINKING CHRISTMAS! More stinking snow. If
I ever get my hands on the maniac who drives the
snowplow, I swear I'll choke the cretin. Don't know
why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the
stupid ice!
DEC. 27: More angel poop last night. Been inside for 3 days
except for shoveling out the driveway after the snow-
plow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, car's
stuck in a mountain of white crud. The weatherman says
to expect another 10 inches tonight. Do you know how
many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
DEC. 28: The degenerate weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches
of that white stinking crud this time. At this rate
it won't melt before summer. The snowplow got stuck
up the road and that mouth=breathing driver came to the
door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him
I had broken 6 shovels already thanks to him, I BROKE
THE LAST ONE OVER HIS STINKING HEAD!
JAN. 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store
for food and on the way back a cursed deer ran in front
of the car and I hit it. Did $3,000. damage. Those
brainless brutes should be exterminated.
WISH THE HUNTERS HAD KILLED THEM ALL LAST NOVEMBER!
MAY 3: Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe
the thing is rusting out from all the salt those lunatics
from the road department put all over the roads?
MAY 10: Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their
right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state
of Connecticut.
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| 145.8 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | slightly unstable | Thu Feb 24 1994 13:42 | 6 |
|
har har har! :) love it...:)
chico
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| 145.9 | I hate scraping ice! | USAT02::NOORDIJK | rubberband girl me | Mon Feb 28 1994 22:51 | 5 |
|
I like that one too! After this quick trip, I can *fully* understand
it too!!!
t.
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| 145.10 | | LEVERS::WOODFORD | ItalianCheekSqueezes 10centsEA. | Thu Mar 10 1994 17:32 | 6 |
|
This string of notes dedicated to M-L! We love you!
HUGS!
|
| 145.11 | I thought I died laughing!!!! ;-)))))) | JGODCL::NOORDIJK | BM without a visa | Thu Jun 02 1994 09:55 | 12 |
| 145.12 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | Ban Bill Clintons Assault Weapon | Thu Jun 02 1994 19:53 | 5 |
|
wot happened?!
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| 145.13 | | ELMAGO::BENBACA | naelC s'tI, noD yrroW t'noD | Thu Jun 02 1994 23:43 | 1 |
| Maybe he did wot I did
|
| 145.14 | | SUBPAC::SADIN | Ban Bill Clintons Assault Weapon | Fri Jun 03 1994 13:56 | 6 |
|
worse....;*)
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| 145.15 | | TFH::ANDERSONM | OK, I'm goin' for it!! | Fri Jun 03 1994 13:58 | 2 |
|
Hi Ben!!!!
|
| 145.16 | | ELMAGO::BENBACA | naelC s'tI, noD yrroW t'noD | Fri Jun 03 1994 17:14 | 1 |
| Hi >M< !!!!!
|
| 145.17 | 50 Facts about Men | ZEKE::STARBRIGHT | Serenity | Mon Jun 06 1994 22:20 | 167 |
| ILHW: I got this in email!!!!
Serenity
Rita Rudner's 50
facts about men.
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first
few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most
of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich"
usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world
where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that
when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates
he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players
from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get
off the phone in case they call him.
7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during
play-off season.
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not
being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever
care about anyone else.
12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn
in private; in public they have to know.
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my
pillow instead of a gun.
15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually
have jobs and bathe.
16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a
combination address book, telescope and piano.
17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These
seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the
last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get
a bikini wax.
20. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact
me for a list of names.
21. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types:
depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not
nerdy.
23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out
in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable
heaters that snore.
24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a
man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out
of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
25. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on
the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more
types of lettuce, he is serious.
27. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a)
got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in
for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on
cocoons and butterflies.
28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter
and briefer, and players' shorts get bagggier and longer.
29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record
saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie
THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and
creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win?
How's my car?"
35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he
didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call
you.
36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are
we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out
of sight of women.
38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem.
"Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a
challenge.
If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want
to marry you...I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave
skid marks.
39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you
look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look
great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."
40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping
Network.
41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for
a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because
their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually
button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but
we also need men to help us get dressed.
44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
superheros.
Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with
Barbie.
45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she
will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries on clothing from his
closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female
menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you
get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already
forgotten what happened.
49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
|
| 145.18 | | VAXCAT::RKE | Pawky Pussycat | Tue Jun 07 1994 13:14 | 4 |
|
<----- :^)
R.
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| 145.19 | | MARCM3::TLOTTUM | Never trust a VAXmale | Tue Jun 07 1994 15:54 | 11 |
| *LAUGH*
gosh comes pretty close to reality...have a few more...
51. A man will NEVER get tampons for you cos then everybody will
know his sexlife is nill at that point.
52. Living with a man means not having to sweep the floor...his
clothes will do the job for you.
TJ
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