Conference vaxcat::friends

    
    
    Interesting story Skip........I like it.....:-)
    
    
    Craig
    

    I have extracted it and will read it when I get a minute skippy
    darlink!

    Thanks Craig... I've more to be posted here, after I run over it again
    for spell checking.  
    
    Let me know if something doesn't 'work right' for you... or sound
    right.
    
    Tracie, take your time, there's no rush on it at all.  
    
    Skip

    Skip,
    
    I've only read part 1 so far, but my immediate reaction was, This
    shouldn't be the beginning of the story; this should be in the middle
    somewhere.  It didn't "grab" me - I really don't care what the
    landscape looks like, except in how it relates to the characters in the
    story, and at that point I didn't know who any of the characters were.
    
    At first I thought the paragraph starting "The cave was too damp for
    her bones..." would make a good beginning.  Now I'm thinking maybe you
    should start the story from the point of view of whoever she made
    contact with - but I'll have to read the whole thing first.  I'll
    extract it and make more comments after I've read all of it.
    
    
    Ginny                                                                      

    I've just read about your story (I will also read it) and the first
    thing that struck me, was the title. Only about a month ago I read a
    fantasy-story called 'swords of sorcery' (which was, by the way, part
    of a trilogy). If you're interested, I'll have a look, who published
    it. Maybe you should think of a different name, to make your story
    more unique.
     Ciao, Armin.

    Armin,
    
    Fortunatly there are ways to get around the copyright laws, and I don't 
    really intent to 'keep' the title.  I'm using it right now just to give 
    it a name with.... the story will eventually envolve the invention of 
    5 'elemental' weapons... not necessarily swords.  It wouldn't surprise 
    me if I'd seen the title previsously and it stuck in my mind.  (I'm
    always buying/reading fantasy books inbetween the SF, How To, Science,
    History, and other books I read).
    
    The premise of the story will actually revolve around 5 elemental
    dragons and the eventual invention of 5 elemental weapons for the
    'Dragon-Lords' elemental forces are... fire, wind, ice, earth, and
    water.
    
    My only problem is the term 'earth' if they live on a planet called 
    Avonan, wouldn't they call it 'avonan'?  Rock and ground don't sound
    right...  one of those 'things' people don't bother to think about when 
    they read I guess.  
    
    ;-)
    Skip
                                                  

    Ginney,
    
    (Got caught up in other things.) The first part is actually a prolouge 
    with several intentions.  One is to give the reader the idea right off
    that they aren't in Kansas anymore.  The other is to give some hints 
    about magic, and the last, some idea of what the area the sorceress 
    lives in looks like.
    
    I had originally written it with the second paragraph being the
    begaining, but was hounded by several people complaining they couldn't 
    'see' it.  I tried to rewrite the second paragraph as the begaining 
    with more detail, but got bogged down in it.  To the point that I 
    no longer liked the story idea.  
    
    However, there are reasons for the discription at the beganing and 
    it will be evident at the end of the story, when Manius pulls one 
    of 6 more characters into the story... and sends him into the future 
    with a discription of the cave, to find the sorceress and make a rather 
    heartbreaking discovery.  
    
    But THAT is for the end of the story.  
    
    Lastly, so long as the story 'grabs' within the first three paragraphs,
    I've nothing to worry about.  And I think it DOES do that.  
    
    The REAL problem with the story, is that it becomes more and more
    evident to me that what I THOUGHT was a single book, is rapidly become 
    a second book.  I havn't written the first book yet.  That is the book 
    in which all the 'historical' events that involve the 'Wizard's Circle'
    (The creation of the circle the battle with Asmonan, etc.) has to be 
    written in a seperate story.  And if you want to get REAL worried about 
    what's going on, I could even write a story that takes place before
    that discribing how the Demon Asmonan got hold of the 'crystal' that's
    the sorce of the energies that power magic.  
    
    Sheesh... just thinking about it, and then considereing that I have to 
    work the 3 different time lines.... well, I'm starting to get a
    headache from all of it.  
    
    (Oh I said the story has to 'grab' you in the first three paragraphs...
    That's from a study on reading that was told to me by a teacher from a 
    writer's workshop I attended... the typical reader will make up their 
    mind on a book after reading the first three paragraphs.)
    
    Thanks though, I've some things to consider, and perhaps trying to
    figure out 'how to get there' is one of them.
    
    You see, the begaining takes you 'through the woods, to the door, open 
    the door, look around, hear something... get to know the character. 
    One step at a time, as if YOU were going through it.  It's a technique 
    I'm not too skilled in, but has been used before by a LOT of successful 
    writers.
    
    ANyhow, Thanks for the comments, I've added them into my 'rework' file
    and will consider them when I start the next version of this 'mess'.
    
    Like they say, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, It's also why I try
    to keep each 'part' realitively short, so I can do some 'scene'
    shuffling later if I need to.  
    
    I haven't even posted the first piece I'd written that inspired the
    idea behind this story... it doesn't occure for a long time yet.
    
    But was originally the begaining!  
    
    Skip
    

    Hi Skip,
    
      I just read the first part and will read and critique (sp?) later,
    I just wanted to say that I liked what I have read so far. Good Luck
    in getting your stories all together. And let me encourage you to 
    NOT give up. No matter how frustrating it may seem. I am by far, no
    expert, but I think you do have talent. So hang in there my friend.
    
    I will write more later.
    
    JOe

    Thanks Joe!
    
    
    I'm not so sure about the talent part, but I DO have a story to tell
    for a change.  The only real frustration in it, is trying to get a 
    decent 'opening scene' so far, but with some helpful suggestion from 
    Criag and a little ingenuity I may have come up with something better
    then the original or rewritten one that is currently in place as the 
    first part.  
    
    But that's for later, right now, I want to thank everyone who's been
    taking the time to read this and make comments.  I REALLY appreciate 
    it, the suggestions thus far are very helpful in making me stop and 
    think, AND the encouragement and support is always appreciated!
    
    I started this story in prose but alas, there aren't many (okay only
    one) persons who care for the genre (sp) of fantasy so the help and 
    enthusiasm was kind of lacking there.  Keep the coments coming and 
    keep me on my toes.  
    
    I think the hard part is going to be remembering everyones name when 
    I write up the dedication for the begaining of the book.  Hmmm naaa
    'For my ::FRIENDS' won't exactly cover it.  
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    Because of the comments by Ginney and some thought provoking coaxing 
    by Criag, I've revised the opening of the story.  
    
    Having the details I wanted to convay worked into a different
    situation.
    
    The orginal first paragraph has been deleted, and several new
    paragraphs depicting an 'encounter' of sorts with the details used in
    the first paragraph worked into it.  
    
    Let me know how it works for you.  I think it's a definate improvement
    myself and serves the purpose of 'grabbing' which is the intent.  
    
    The two characters unfortunatly die in this first part, but the 
    Sorceress is not left unheard of.  She has a definate purpose for being 
    died and a subplot will 'show' itself at the end of the story.. a
    'twist' of fate that will eventually unraval as the story progresses.
    
    Can't tell you more about that as it's 'effect' will be lost if I do.  
    And among other things, once this mess is done with, I want to question 
    the folks about some of these 'effects' before persuing a publisher or 
    scrapping the entire thing.
    
    Hope you enjoy the changes.
    
    Thanks for the comments so far, and 'keep it up!'
    
    Remember, I need to know 
    
    1) what you like about the story, even if it's just a particular scene.
    2) what you don't like about the story, even if it's just a particular
    scene.
    3) if the dialoge between characters 'works' and sounds realistic
    enough.
    4) if you think I've presented something wrong, based on facts found in 
    the story (continuity!)
    5) keep your eye's open for movements... If I have a character laying 
    on the ground and he's suddenly looking down at someone... point it
    out.  It sounds silly, but it's vital that I MOVE the characters when
    things are happening.  
    
    (I almost made this error with Manius when he wakes up in the 4th
    part...  He was laying on the ground, then suddenly he was looking down 
    at the girl, but nothing stated he ever got up out of the laying
    position, it sounds trivial but people DO notice such things!)
    
    Again, thanks for the help and comments, they're helping me ALOT!
    
    Regards,
    Skip

    I'm hooked, where's the rest of this story.  Is the author still here?
    
    k

    
    Hi k,
    
    Skip, the author, left DEC quite awhile ago.  Wen Tanner might know
    where he is these days..still out West I think.
    
    /jen
    

    Sniffle sniffle.... bringing back wonderful memories of Skip and
    Griffen.
    
    I do think he's actually back on this coast, though.  Wendy may know
    where to find him.  
    
    Holly