Conference turris::womannotes-v5

    Debess,
    
    I don't remember the author, but you might want to see if you can find
    "A Clear Red Stone" for ideas.  similarly, although it is for slightly
    older girls, you may want to pick up reading on Bat Mitzvas for
    Reformed Jews, some of it can be downright mystical in its own way.  
    Also "The Gift of Changing Woman" lists some of the Apache rituals for
    young girls on the brink of puberty. ( I have always been willing to
    pull a bit from columns A, B,C....... and use the best for a ritual. 
    I haven't read the latest "Drawing Down the Moon" by Margot Adler, but
    I know she was continuing to add in family and ages related rituals, as
    has Chas Clifton's editing for Llellyn's series on Modern Witches.  
    
    Lolita did not want any rite of passage, but we did a few small things
    for her in a women's circle, mostly to recognize her as a young adult
    with opinions and a voice of her own.  Another friend's daughter was
    crowned Queen of the May for a Beltane celebration that occured just
    after her 12th birthday.  
    
    good luck, and have fun!  A number of us have daughters coming of age
    in the next couple of years, so we are looking into something
    ecemunical for all of them, I would be interested in what you come up
    with.
    
    meg

    You also might want to be sure each of the girls *wants* something like
    this.  If my mother had ever done anything like this I would have been
    totally squicked, and would have really really hated it.  
    
    For many girls, modesty and issues of privacy are very important.  
    
    
    Just a thought, and not meaning to rain on this or anything.
    
    E Grace

    I wonder whether that new magazine for girls might have any thoughts -
    'New Moon' I think it's called?  I've seen it at New Words bookstore in
    Inman Square in Cambridge, MA.
    
    D.

    E,
    
    I think it is what you do with a ritual or ceremony for young women. 
    There is a difference between celebrating moving into another stage of
    life, and celebrating a first menstruation.  somehow, I don't believe
    that Bar Mitva's and other rites of passage for young men depend on a
    sperm count.  I don't believe young women's rituals should require
    proof of fertility either.
    
    meg

    
    This is an interesting topic. When I was growing up, hitting
    puberty wasn't a thing to look forward to. For me, as an 11
    year old, it meant a monthly major inconvenience and potential
    for embarrassment. It also meant I was no longer viewed as a
    child but rather a young woman by society. Once I started to
    develop, I got unwanted attention which was rather upsetting.
    The bras, the periods, the breakouts, gee, I hated the whole
    idea of adolescence! Of course, I see womanhood from a different 
    angle now, but back then, I wished I was a boy.
    
    I am hoping that my daughter is a late bloomer like my sisters-
    in-law, as I think the older she will be when it happens the
    more mentally/emotionally prepared she will be. It may very well
    be my own uncomfortable experiences that is casting a shadow
    over this rite of passage.  
    
    
    Eva

    I think E makes a very good point in .2 (although I can see a group
    celebration/ritual possibly being successful, as well).  The basenote
    talks about the mothers' plans but doesn't specifically address the girls'
    buy-in, though it may very well have been obtained.
    
    (I was very well educated and supported by my parents in my own entry/
    survival of puberty :-> but, especially at that age, was never a "party
    animal".  I think the moms would do well to remember that some folks
    are solitary practitioners rather than members of a congregation.)
    
    Leslie

    True, Meg.  But the basenote specifically talks about the entrance to
    puberty.  No, Bar Mitzvahs do not require sperm counts, any more than
    Bat Mitzvahs require a first period.
    
    
    E

	thank you so much, all who responded here and in mail...

	I am also appreciative of the remarks about taking the
	girls' feelings into account while planning.  I hear you!
	That concern was expressed at our very first get-together,
	and we will be mindful of that as we continue our plans.
	
	The girls do know what we are doing - and from what they
	are saying to each of their mothers - they do want to
	participate.

	In my basenote, I included my personal feelings about this
	ritual - but I am aware that since this is going to be a
	group celebration, that we have to be sensitive to all
	involved.  That is why I spoke of searching for a reading
	that would be somewhat symbolic, but still speak in a positive 
	affirming light.

	Someone mentioned to me a writing that compared each
	of the stages of a woman's life to the seasons of the year, 
	for instance.  I have not read it yet, but it sounds like
	what I was looking for (I will post it here when I get it).
	We do still want the girls to know that the purpose of our 
	celebration will be because of them and where they are in life - 
	but by consciously including ourselves in the ritual, maybe it 
	could make it more comfortable for all?

	We will be continuing to plan through April - I'd still love
	to see any more ideas/concerns anyone has.

	thanks!
	Debess

In the Old Religion the Moon Goddess has three aspects: as She waxes, She
is the Maiden; as She is Full, She is the Mother; as She wanes, She is the 
Crone.

Visualize now the waxing crescent moon, which curves to the right.  See the
Young Girl dancing freely in the night.  She belongs to noone but herself.  
She holds within herself all potential, all creative possibility.  She is your 
plans, your dreams,  your hopes, your undiscovered self waiting to be made 
manifest.

Visualize the full moon, round and gleaming.  See the fullness of the Mother.
She gives life and brings forth all manner of creative gifts.  She is your 
sexual self fulfilled.  She is your pleasure, your power to love and to create 
and nurture life.

Visualize the waning crescent moon, which curves to the left.  See the Crone,
the old woman of wisdom and of death.  She brings knowledge of the mystery
that death is part of the great cycle of life.  She is your power to end, to 
let go of what is no longer healthy.  She is your strength for meeting the 
transformations of life and death.  

The Goddess, She who is the potential of the Maiden and the fullness of the
Mother and the power of the Crone, affirms women of all ages.

from "Cakes for the Queen of Heaven" by Shirley Ann Ranck

    Debess,
    
    This looks wonderful.  
    
    I like putting the three faces of the goddess in as well.
    
    meg

	Hi,

	just wanted to get back in here, and tell you a bit about the
	ritual that was created (this past weekend), as a closure to this 
	note.

	much of the weekend was lighthearted and playful, outside activities
	and much singing and dancing and laughter.

	before dinner, we spent a few hours making head wreaths - mother
	for daughter, and daughter for mother.  While making the wreaths,
	the mothers talked about what it was like when we were 12 years old,
	answering questions from the daughters.  Singing is a very pivotal
	part of the school these girls attend - at many points, they would
	all break into song - their beautiful high voices harmonizing - a
	gift back to us!

	we were at a camp, and had dinner at a lodge we had to walk to.
	after dinner, the girls stayed at the lodge, and most of the moms
	went back to our "dorm" and decorated for the ritual.  We did want
	to create a beautiful setting.  Colored silks and gauzes were
	draped on the walls and furniture, and over the lights.  Candles
	and flowers were placed on the mantle.  A small center table, with
	candles in the four corners to mark the four directions, or the
	four seasons.  In the center, a vase of pink-edged-in-red longstemmed
	roses.  Crystals and shells and feathers were placed around the flowers.

	when the girls came in, we put on our headwreaths and draped more
	of the colored silks around ourselves to create a flowing appearance
	as we did some sacred circle dancing together (these girls are such
	good sports! they went along with everything we planned, willingly).

	then we turned down the lighting and sat in a circle around the
	little table.  Most of the girls lay in their moms lap or quite close
	in some way.  The candles in the four corners of the table were
	ceremoniously lit, with a small saying for each direction.
	Each mom had brought a reading to share as a gift to all the girls.
	Some were poems they had found, or excerpts from books they had read, 
	or something they had written themselves.  It was so beautifully done, 
	and our emotions were so close to the surface, tears fell at times.  
	These readings were gifts to all of us, it turned out.  After each mom 
	shared her reading, she took a rose from the center and presented it 
	to her daughter.

	a lyre was quietly strummed between each reading.  We ended by
	singing a song to the girls - the words are "We all come from the
	Goddess/and to her we shall return/Like a drop of rain/flowing to
	the ocean" - sung many times, eventually turning into a round.

	We had planned to quietly leave the circle and go to our rooms 
	afterwards, but the girls fell right into the spirit - and recited a 
	poem they are learning as a gift to the graduating 8th grade this year
	- "The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess - just perfect for the occasion,
	and the humor was not inappropriate at all.

	I am so very pleased that my daughter was able to experience her
	"rite of passage" into the next stage of her life at such an affirming 
	gathering.

	Debess

    Thank you Debess for the update.  Souncs like a wonderful ritual.  
    
    meg

    Wow. That must've been incredible.  I hope (if I ever have girls) I
    remember what you did, and do something like that.
    
    Imagine the memories the daughters will have (because they'll be
    different than yours) to look back on years from now.
    
    Thanks for sharing.
    
    ~Beth