Conference turris::womannotes-v5

    Well, this may sound a bit ludicrous after I'm done, it's certainly not
    meant to be humorous or insulting or even naive by any means. However,
    last Friday, I witnessed an event ( i can think of no other word) that
    made me realize just a little of what a woman goes through during a
    rape. Being of a Pagan and Wicca mind set, I can only think that the
    Goddess allowed me to witness the event with a lesson in mind. 
    
    This didn't involve humans, so no one worry on that score. I was
    walking home from the bus stop (about a mile) and took the route along
    the Merrimac River. This allows me to use some lesser traveled roads
    and avoid rush hour traffic. While walking, I thought to stop and
    observe the River, which is at a high point due to Spring runoff, not
    anywhere near what is happeing in other places of course, but always
    interesting to see what flotsam and jetsam is around at that time.
    
    Anyway, I heard some noise and looked over the side and saw two ducks
    (yeah, it's ducks, don't laugh) a mated pair swimming along looking for
    a spot to nest. They were checking out the area. Suddenly the male
    broke off and swam a bit downstream and coming up were 3 more males. He
    hid and then confronted them when they got close. They had what
    appeared to be a loud argument and the 3 swam for the female. Her mate
    followed. Suddenly the 3 attacked the female. They dove on her and
    tried to force themselves onto her for mating purposes. The mate
    attacked them and tried to drive them off. They fought back. The female
    was terrified. She dove completely under several times in deep and very
    swift water. Coming to surface in various places. The attackers just
    kept finding her and repeating the attacks. She tried to fly off and
    they grabbed her and dragged her back before she could get airborne.
    She almost made it a couple of times, but was dragged back and attacked
    some more. She fought and ther mate fought. The attackers were driven
    off one at a time over about a 20 minute period and went downstream to
    lick their wounds. The pair stayed there and did the same, with both
    rising as high as they could without flying and flapping their wings
    and quacking loudly in victory. I was horrified as I thought about how
    similar something that is a natural instinct by non-sentient life forms
    is repeated in society on a daily basis by people who should know
    better. Some of us are truly animals and that was driven home to me in
    a very gentle (for my part, not the ducks') lesson and no one was
    permanently harmed.
    
    Bright Blessings,
    
    PJ

    Re .19

    Often, if the duck has no mate, the drakes will end up drowning her.

    Jamie.

    Men may end up murdering the woman, mate or not. My intent here was not
    to compare woman being raped to ducks or any other animal. I was
    noticing similarities in the method of attack that men will use when
    gangraping a woman and how the horror of such an act by a supposedly
    intelligent species was brought into my mind by witnessing this brutal
    attack in a species that is acting on instinct and cannot possibly
    comprehend what it is doing. Humans know what they're doing and that is
    part of the horror. We need to find ways to stop such acts and
    education is one of them. Seeing such behavior in animals and then
    teaching that humans sometimes behave in such violent ways, but we
    should know better, we should know that we are violating a woman's
    heart and mind and soul, let alone her body and that it's just totally
    and completely wrong should be the message. All people should be so
    horrified by such behavior that they wouldn't even think of doing such
    acts. 
    
    Bright Blessings,
    
    PJ

    You somehow appear to be putting mankind on a pedestal, like mankind
    was superior to animals.

    Look around at what once was Yugoslavia, what is Nigeria, what happened
    in Uganda, Cambodia.

    I think you should put animals on a pedestal, and let mankind look up
    at them in awe.

    Jamie.

    Jaimie, I'm hardly putting mankind on any sort of pedistal. What we
    need to try to do is create a mindset where such behavior towards women
    (or anyone, there is male and female homosexual rape and there have
    been some cases women have raped men) is anathema, both the deed and
    the very thought. We need to become sickened as a whole planet by such
    behavior. The thought that only unintelligent animals would behave in
    such a manner. 
    
    Animals should be seen in awe. I recently have observed my 2nd turtle
    laying her eggs in the wild and am in awe that I'm able to view such
    things. Animals abilities, skills, and their survival against sometimes
    incredible odds does leave me in awe. Pedistal, no and for people no.
    Just should be a standard without thinking about it.
    
    Bright Blessings,
    
    PJ

    
        I agree that people need to look at rape as wrong, wrong, wrong.
    If everyone in the world was raped just once they'd fully understand
    what a victim goes through. That act against that individual stays
    on for the rest of their life. As a survivor of rape I know how awfull
    it is. Even though I was a child of only 8 years old when it happened
    to me, I know it's got to be just as awfull for an adult woman or
    man or boy to go through it also. It's just more than a punch or 
    a nasty remark, these people do things to another persons body that
    they have no right to. 
    
        Rosie

    Rosie,
    
    You are forgetting what is done to a person's head as well.  No one I
    have talked to who has been raped ever looks at other people  in quite
    the same light as before.  
    
    meg

    
        Believe me, I'm not forgetting! Maybe I just didn't think of
    it at the moment I was writing my last reply. I certainly look at
    all men totally different from what I would have looked at them
    had I never been raped. I also have a major trust issue. 
    
       My daugther finally introduced me to a guy she knows. It's been
    a struggle for me to just get introduced to this guy. Partly from
    getting out of a bad marriage, but also a major part is wondering
    how much trust and closeness I'm willing to allow myself to get into.
    
       When we are raped by someone we love and trust we tend to 
    be scared of people who are 'nice' to us, wondering what's up their
    sleeve. I was at a group when a man whom I didn't know came up from
    behind me and grabbed my arm and wanted a hug. I got really scared
    and triggered at that point, I turned around and he looked like
    my god-father (the man who raped me) and I wanted to just run out
    of there.! That man's approach scared the daylights out of me! If
    anyone has had any trauma in their life they'd understand the 
    feelings I went through.
    
         During recovery (when I first started going to the rape crisis
    center) I started getting really bad flashbacks. The worst one
    was the first time he had raped me. I was a little girl of 8 years
    old rolling around on the ground with Peppy a collie dog. I 
    had a skirt on, his wife was in the hospital giving birth so
    he was babysitting. He saw me there and took me to the shed. Then
    he killed the dog because I wouldn't stop crying and saying I was
    going to 'tell'.
    
        Well the flashback happened when my own dog came up on my
    bed and was trying to get me up to feed him, a beagle. He pulled
    my blankets off and my nightgown went up. When I was suddenly
    aware that my nightgown was up (mind you no one was even in
    the house) I suddenly got really scared. I started to panic and
    jumped up and tried to figure out how I was going to save this
    dog. I got this intense feeling of guilt and shame that the 
    little girl had, and frantically needed to save that dog. I was
    so confused at the time. My flashback was of me being a little
    girl not being able to save the dog, of being raped and feeling
    like I did something wrong to entice him. The guilt was enormous.
    
       When I came to some of my senses I called the hotline because
    I was crying so bad and wanted to die. I was so scared. 
    
        What a lot of people may not realize is that sexual abuse of
    children isn't just a little fondling, or a one time act of rape.
    There's a lot of other abuses that go on. Which I'm sure goes
    on with a woman raped by a stranger. She's confronted with a 
    gun or weapon, there's someone else they may threaten to harm
    at some other point if she tells. She's told that her clothes
    'made him do it'. She's feeling guilty anyways for being at a 
    place that maybe she shouldn't have been. Even though lots of
    little girls roll around on the grass playing with dogs, and their
    panties show, how many men would rape that little girl? Only a
    bad man. 
    
        Believe me, I can really look back and see what it did to my
    head. the dissasociation, daydreaming, flashbacks, nightmares, the
    thoughts and feelings of guilt all distorted. The busy head with
    all the memories. Broken memories. The fear of people hating me if
    they knew. The suicidal thoughts for years. Recovery helped me
    immensely, but no matter how much peace I find, I'll never forget!
    
        Rosie

Yesterday there was a letter in the Boston Globe written by a woman who is 
Public Education Coordinator at the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, 
expressing concern over the opening of a Hooters restaurant in Boston.

The writer stated that institutions like Hooters create a "climate of
objectification and degradation for women," and in fact make a living by
fostering such attitudes. 

As to why all this should be of concern to the Rape Crisis Center, she 
added, "This [environment] contributes to the climate that tolerates rape 
and violence against women....[The Center is not] looking for more business.  
We are looking to create a community that does not tolerate sexual violence. 
Hooters is not a part of this community." 

    I am of two minds regarding Hooters and adult nightclubs.  On the one
    hand I deplore the objectification of BOTH men and women.  These places
    are cynically profiting on a stereotype of male raging hormones that I
    find to be inaccurate with many men I live, love and work with.  In the
    case of hooters, it seems to practically ask men to behave like dogs
    within certain bounds. YMMV.  
    
    On the other hand, having been an unskilled person with few options and
    a child to raise, I know the same jerk men that these places cater to
    tend to tip better than many "nicer" people and in 1978, I needed every
    penny I could get my hands on.  I know that there are women with
    children feeding, clothing and sheltering their families by working in
    Hooters or other places, and they are getting more money than the
    average waitrons serving similar food and drink without the reputation
    and playing on the stereotypes.  With the current welfare "reform" this
    exploitation will most likely increase, rather than decrease, as no one
    thought to put training dollars into the reform budget at the federal
    level, and if CO is any indicater, there is little to no money being
    allocated by the states.  MACjobs don't pay enough to cover living
    expenses, but hooter-jobs may for the time that one is lithsome.  10
    years later is a different story, but.....
    
    In an ideal world this would not be the case, and I do remember to tip
    very well for good service in order to make non-game-playing jobs more
    attractive.  (Gee and I still work in a service job 19 years later,
    what is this?)  
    
    meg