Conference turris::scandia

173.0. "Finnish Winter behaviour" by ECCGY4::JAERVINEN (Emmanuel Kant, but Genghis Khan) Tue Dec 16 1986 05:37

    The following appeared in 'Suomen Kuvalehti', issue 39, 26-Sep-1986.
    The author is Neil Hardwick, an Englishman living in Finland.
    Reproduced here without permission. Enjoy!
    
    
    
    Readers are asked to note that Winter Behaviour comes into force
in Finland on October 1st, i.e. next Wednesday. From that day
forward the following rules, regulations and conventions are to be
observed.

  Cheerful banter with shopassistants and waiters shall cease
forthwith. If silence cannot be maintained, surly bad-temper is
recommended for both parties. It is especially to be born in mind that,
in all establishments where intoxicating liquors are served, the
customer is sometimes RIGHT in the period May-September, but ALWAYS
WRONG during the period October-April.

  It is not permissible to smile at people in the street, even if they
smile at you first. Casual good humour may give offence, and is always
liable to misunderstanding. In the event of accidental eye-contact, DO
NOT PANIC! Continue as if nothing had happened and move away. If this
is not possible, for example at a bus stop, stare hard at something
else e.g. the time-table, an advertisement hoarding, a nearby parked
car (assuming of course there is no one in it). If the eye contact
continues and appears deliberate, inform the police.

  Recommended colours for clothing are grey, black and anaemic shades
of blue. Brighter colours are permitted for children and in plastic
raincoats (women only).

  Upon dialling a wrong telephone number, the summer practice of
apologizing for one's mistake ceases. Winter Practice is to maintain
silence for a short period and then replace the receiver.

  The backround music for television advertisements shall consist of
cellos playing slow melodies in a minor key. Chirpy tunes on the
accordion are banned (thank God).

  Drunks are no longer to be humored.
  
  Special regulations for public transport:

  It is forbidden to sing, whistle, hum, fidget or talk (except to
oneself in a low mutter).

  Passengers seated next to a window shall stare out of it, whether the
vehicle be in motion or not.

  Passengers seated next to the gangway are permitted to look forwards,
provided they take due care not to focus their eyes on other
passengers. The seats near the doors are reserved for drunks.

  Special caution is required when attempting to leave a window seat.
There may be someone sitting between you and the gangway. Do NOT
attempt to speak to this person. Simply squeeze past in silence, taking
care to inflict as little physical damage as possible.

EXCEPTIONS:

  The only exception to these rules are the pre-Christmas parties known
as Pikkujoulut, at which jollity is COMPULSORY.

  These regulations are in operation until April 30th 1987, upon which
date Summer Behaviour comes into force once more.

    You're even worse than we are! We are allowed to smile on the bus
    at least...
    
    Paul Ahlgren