| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 146.13 | Chilli lovers, beware! | LATOUR::MCCUTCHEON | | Wed Oct 17 1984 11:52 | 41 |
| "Beware of the Sentient Chili"
by Chris Weber
Beware of the sentient chili
Which burbles away on your stoves.
The peppers are silently plotting
With legumes, tomatoes and cloves.
At night when you're comf'rtably sleeping
And lie unaware in your beds...
The vegetables plan insurrection,
The lettuce are seeking new heads.
It may start with slight indigestion
From underdone turnip cake crumbs.
Frustration in several world leaders,
Whose rice seems to stick to their gums.
In kitchens across every nation
The tiniest things will go wrong...
The plot of the sentient chili
Strikes Moscow and Rome and Hong Kong.
The casserole, spinach and cheesecake
Lend quiet support to the scheme.
The nerves of a planet are stretched thin,
While tempers start slowly to steam.
Still none see the grand machinations
Now tilting world balance awry...
The stage set for final diaster,
The chili sits back with a sigh.
Then one day the conflict is started
By gen'rals whose lunches were odd.
The mushrooms rejoice as their brothers
Stalk city to city like God.
When dust and all clamor are settled,
There's not a soul left from the fray...
The sentient chili just chuckles
And happily simmers away.
(c) 1982 by Davis Publications, Isaac Asimov's SF Magazine, May 1982
|
| 146.14 | Seagull | CARLIN::BANCROFT | | Thu Aug 28 1986 15:38 | 12 |
| OLD MAINE COAST RECIPE:
Catch one seagull, preferable young.
Put in kettle with brick. Cleaning and defeathering not
required.
Add salt or salted water.
Boil till fork can be stuck in brick,
then eat the brick.
|
| 146.15 | Southern Variation | RAVEN1::HENRY | Brother Rat | Fri Aug 29 1986 10:33 | 8 |
| KENTUCKY BREAKFAST
1 large sirloin steak
1 quart Wild Turkey bourbon
1 hound dog
Place the steak on the grill and cook until done. Feed it to the
dog and drink the bourbon.
|
| 146.7 | Culinary Humor | SQM::RAVAN | | Mon Nov 10 1986 08:45 | 6 |
| For some giggles, see note 275 in the DAVE_BARRY conference
(HYDRA::DAVE_BARRY), "Cooking with sherry makes the time go by".
-b
(Press KP7 to add the DAVE_BARRY conference to your notebook.)
|
| 146.17 | CAKE: Rum Cake | HOPER::GUERRA | | Tue Dec 16 1986 11:17 | 22 |
|
RUM CAKE
(Courtesy of Virginia Skubic)
Before you start, sample the rum and check for quality. Good isn't
it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.,
and check the rum again for quality. It must be just right! With
an electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again; meanwhile, make sure the rum
is of the finest quality. Add 2 large eggs and 2 cups of fried
fruit and beat until very high. If the fruit gets stuck in the
beaters, just pry it loose with a screw driver. Sample the rum
again, checking for consistency. Next, sift in 3 cups baking powder
and a pinch of rum, 1 seaspoon toda and 1 cup pepper or salt. Anyway,
don't dret. Just sample the rum again and mist in 1/2 pint of lemon
juice, fold in chopped buttermilk and the strained nuts. Tample
rum again. Now 1 bablespoon srown sugar, or whatever color is
available. Mix well. Grease oven and curn on the cake pan to 350
degrees. Pour the whole mess in the oven. Cake tum rake out after
mifty finutes.
|
| 146.16 | West-Coast Version | DONNER::STROTHER | | Mon Jan 12 1987 15:23 | 14 |
|
BROILED CARP
1 Carp
1 Redwood Plank
Put the carp on the plank, and cook in a 500-degree
oven for 12 hours.
Throw away the carp, and eat the plank.
|
| 146.11 | Kids' Recipes | RENKO::KENT | Eschew Alligator Abuse | Thu May 14 1987 16:56 | 305 |
|
Future Chefs
------------
My daughter brought home these recipes from Nursery School. The
teachers wrote down the children's words for the recipes. I
thought they were so amusing that I would spend my after hours
time and type them in to share them you.
Teddy Bear Birthday Cake by Lauren
----------------------------------
(Recipe for Grandma)
Go to the grocery store and buy a box of chocolate
skittles, a bag of chips, a can of frosting, 1 tsp. of sugar, 2
tsp. of flour and no butter because I don't like it.
Now get a bowl and put all this stuff into it. Add 1 tsp.
of water.
Mix with a mixer spoon for 10 hrs. Take a rest so your
hands don't get tired. Put it in a bake pan any size, and put
it in a very hot oven.
Bake 1 hour. Test with your finger tips. If your finger
comes out, it's done. Frost with brown frosting and make a
Teddy Bear face.
Pink Cake by Suzie
------------------
(for Anthony's birthday)
Go to the cake store in Marlboro and buy all the things you
need to bake the cake like cake mix, a little tiny bit of milk,
a lot of sugar and chocolate.
Get a big, big bowl and put everything in it. Mix with a
beater for a long time. Now lick the beaters.
Put the cake in a big, brown pan and cook in the oven.
When you wake from your nap, it will be done.
Now make purple frosting. Take 1 lb. of butter and put
purple paint in it. Frost the cake and put candy on it. Put a
big "S" on the cake so Anthony will know it's from Suzanne.
Meat Loaf by Kristina
---------------------
Go to the grocery store and buy 4 cans of red sauce and 4
packages of hamburg.
Put the sauce and hamburg and 4 tsp. of flour, 4 onions, 6
pickles, and 4 boxes of salt all in a big bowl and mix for 4
minutes.
Put in a black pan and cook 5 minutes.
Page 2
Cooked Turkey by Matthew
------------------------
Go to Stop and Shop and buy a big turkey - about 10 lbs.
Also buy a bag of stuffing, 12 eggs(1 carton), and gravy. Put
in a gravy pan and put lots of gravy on it. Put in the oven for
12 minutes. It's done when it stops cooking. Eat with cooked
potatoes.
Dean's Pineapple Chicken
------------------------
Buy 1 chicken at Victory Store. Put the chicken in the
oven. Sometimes you use a pan. Squeeze the pineapple on the
chicken. Cook for 3 minutes.
Spinach by Rick
---------------
Go to the commissary and buy spinach in a bag. Put it in a
stove pot. Put butter on the spinach. Cook it for 50 minutes.
You look at the clock on the stove to see if it's done. Eat it
with chicken and rice.
Strawberry Cake by John
-----------------------
First you go to "Big D" and get some baking powder, eggs,
milk, bread strawberries, and sugar.
Then you get a pan and put the baking powder, eggs, milk,
and bread, and more baking powder in the oven at 7 degrees for
20 minutes and it's ready. Then eat it.
Carrot Cake by Jennifer
-----------------------
Go to the grocery store and get 2 cups of butter, 4 cups of
sugar, 2 boxes of cake mix. Peel and cut the carrots very fine.
Take a bowl and mix everything together. Pour into a special
pan. Put it in the oven which is not very hot. Leave in the
oven 5 minutes. Take it out and frost with white frosting which
you get at the grocery store. Put the cake in a tin and frost.
Eat after dinner for dessert.
Roast Chicken Soup by Janna
---------------------------
Go to the farm and get 2 dead chickens. Bring them home
and put them in a big plastic bag. Put the bag in the oven
about 600 degrees. Leave it in about 6 hours until it's done.
Page 3
Put delicious broccoli and carrots in a big pan with water. Now
take the dead chicken out of the bag and put it with the
broccoli and carrots.
Cook 4 more hours. Put it on plates and then you eat the
food.
Beans and Hot Dogs by Elissa
----------------------------
Go to the refrigerator and pick out hot dogs first. Put
them in a pan with hot water. Leave them alone for 10 minutes.
Go to the refrigerator again and get the beans in a can. Open
the can with a can opener and pour the beans into a pan. Cook
on top of the stove for about 4 hours. When they're ready, put
with the hot dogs, in different bowls. Put on the table and
when everyone's ready, "Feed the Family".
Chocolate Chip Cookies by Katherine
-----------------------------------
First get 1 lb. of butter, a little bit of flour, 2 cups
of sugar, about 3 nuts and 1 pkg. of chocolate chips. Mix in a
big bowl for about 10 minutes or until it's all together. Put
in the oven in a rectangle pan and cook for about 30 minutes.
Take out of the oven and put it on the table. Cut into pieces
and put a wrapper around it. Now they are all finished. Eat
after supper with milk for a snack.
Baked Fish by Michael
---------------------
Go to stop and Shop. Go to the fish Counter. Pick out 2
big fish. Take them home and clean them with a sponge. Put
them in a big, black pan and put the pan in a very hot oven for
5 hours. It will smell like fish when it's cooking. If it
smells good, you can eat it. If it smells not good, give it to
the dog.
Roasted Chicken by Shannon
--------------------------
Go to Stop and Shop and buy 4 chicken legs. Salt them.
Use 3 boxes of salt so it will taste very good. Now pour 3 oz.
of milk over the salt. Put the legs in a big frying pan with 4
oz. of potatoes. Peel the potatoes with an Apple Peeler. Now
dump in 5 mushrooms, 6 whole pickles, and 1 piece of garlic.
Cook for 10 hours.
It's done if the "bing" goes off. Eat with a fork and
sweet pickles.
Page 4
Vanilla Cake by Kaitlyn
-----------------------
Go to Big D and buy 1 bag of flour, 2 bags of sugar, and 3
cans of frosting.
Mix them all together in a brown mixing bowl. Add 1 cup of
water to keep it together.
Dump this into a rectangle pan. Put the frosting on it and
bake it for 1 hour in the oven (very hot oven - don't let the
kids touch it or they'll get burned. It's done when the stove
buzzes. Cool before cutting. (10 pieces).
Pumpkin Pie by Brian
--------------------
Go to a store that you know and buy a big or little
pumpkin, 6 loaves of bread for the crust, 3 eggs, and round
thing of salt.
Take them all home. Take the bread and flatten it out with
a flattener. Put it in an electric pan and heat it up.
Cut the top off the pumpkin and take out all the seeds.
Cut it all up and put it in the crust that's in the electric
pan. Add a lot of spices and cook for 10 minutes. Sprinkle
sugar on it so it will be sweet.
Brownish Blackish Fish by Nathan
--------------------------------
Go to any store except Big D and buy 1 fish that comes in a
package like strawberries.
Take it home. Open it up and make sure there are no stones
in it.
Wash it after you check it. Then put it in any kind of
pan. Put the kind of things we put on our chicken and put it on
top of the stove. Cook for a long time until it gets hot.
Apple Pie by Mickey
-------------------
Go to Star Market and buy 2 pie crusts, 3 apples, and 1
pack of powder.
Go home and wash the apples, chop them up in halves and put
them in the crust. Get some powder on a spoon and put it under
the apples.
Put it in the oven for 50 minutes. The oven should be 10
degrees.
You known when it's done by the buzzer.
Page 5
White Rice by Puja
------------------
Go to the fields and pick 5 scoops of rice. Use your
hands. Put in a big bowl. Wash it in the sink with water. Put
it in a pan with 1 butter. Cook 5 minutes. It turns yellow
when it's done. Eat with everything.
Strawberry Donuts by Leena
--------------------------
Go to Star Market and buy some flour, pepper, and milk.
Make the dough by putting 3 cups of flour and 4 cups of
milk. Mix all this with a spoon and then the oranger mixer. It
takes a little bit long. If it's sticky add some more flour.
Use your hands and make round balls. Put the balls in a
black donut pan and cook in the oven for 10 minutes.
Make a rainbow with the frosting. Then eat them with a
fork.
Pancakes by Jennifer
--------------------
First you go to Big D and buy potatoes, corn and apple
sauce. Also buy peas, yogurt, and milk.
Go home and get a little bowl and put a little milk, 1 egg,
lots of peas, and some candy to make it sweet. Mix and mix a
lot.
Get a Frying Pan and put some salt in it. Now put a
spoonful of pancake stuff in the pan and cook 40 minutes. Turn
over and cook 70 more minutes. Put a lot of butter on the
pancakes before you eat them.
Green Beans by Krishna
----------------------
Go to the Farm Stand and buy 6 beans. If you taste them
you know they will be good. Put them in water to wash them.
Dry them in the oven.
When they are dry, put them in the big, black pan with some
other vegetables like carrots. Cook them in 2 cups of milk, 4
pieces of white cheese, a can of tomato sauce, and 6 cans of
pepper. Cook about 3 minutes. Eat them with white rice.
Pizza by Todd
-------------
Go to IDJ and buy milk, cheese, and bread. Also buy
pepperoni and tomato sauce.
Go home and make the dough. You have to throw it up in the
air 5 times then the dough is ready.
Page 6
Put the dough in a dough pan and put a whole lot of cheese
(6 pieces) on top. Cut 7 pieces of pepperoni and all the sauce
in the world and put it on top of the pizza. Cook in the oven
for 1 second.
Chocolate Pudding by Allison
----------------------------
First you go to the store and buy carrots, cucumbers,
apples, and 2 puddings.
Take them home and put them away. Put both boxes of
pudding in a big, green pan. Add 2 spoons of water and mix it
up for 10 minutes. Put it in the oven for 10 hours. When mom
takes it out, it's done.
|
| 146.2 | From the Pressure Cookers Note | HYDRA::MISKA | Makin' a comeback... | Fri Jun 12 1987 08:52 | 8 |
| re .1
>> Get a pot roast....the meat tied with string....its usually cheap
>> but gets tremendous flavor cooked in the PC.....
CAUTION!!! Keep the string out of the disk drive :-)
|
| 146.4 | Dieting Under Stress | SALEM::MEDVECKY | | Wed Apr 06 1988 13:19 | 71 |
| ....so forget the rum cake....lets get on to other things....We
DECies have been known to work under a little stress....this, of
course, is dangerous to our health......So, Id like to post this
special diet which is designed to help all of us cope with the
stress that builds up during the day, along with some general
diet rules.
BREAKFAST
1 medium apple
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz. lean chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of the oreos in package
2 pints vanilla ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce (with nuts and whipped cream)
DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
1 large sausage & cheese pizza
1 large pitcher of beer
3 milky way candy bars
Now here are some general diet rules that I dont think you may be
aware of:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you, it has no calories
2. If you eat a candy bar with a diet soda, the calories in
the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda
3. When you eat with someone else, calories dont count if you
only eat as much as they do
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes are NEVER counted, such
as hot chocolate, brandy, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. Movie and TV foods do not have additional calories because
they are part of the entertainment package and not part of
ones daily fuel; such as milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior
mints and tootsie rolls
6. Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking
causes calorie leakage
7. Things licked off of knives and spoons during the process
of preparation have no calories. Example: peanut butter
on a knife while making a sandwich
8. Foods of the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are spinach and pistachie ice cream, mushrooms
and white chocolate
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted
for any other food color
9. If you fatten up everyone else, you look thinner.
All in all, those are certainly fine rules to live by, wouldnt you
say?
:-)
Rick
|
| 146.5 | Brilliant | MUGSY::GLANTZ | Mike | Thu Apr 07 1988 04:34 | 14 |
| I'd like to add my own favorite dinner menu to Rick's excellently
written regime (obviously derived from years of personal experience).
For those more ambitious chefs, who prefer to prepare dinner
themselves from scratch, rather than drive over to the local greek
pizza place:
"Bachelor's Dinner Deluxe"
12 oz delmonico steak, broiled
1 large bowl homemade popcorn
1 glass 21-yr-old scotch whisky
8 oz box of Hebert chocolates
If you're on a low-salt diet, don't put any in the whisky.
|
| 146.9 | Dame Edna's Kitchen | SNOC01::COUTTS | | Thu Jun 02 1988 03:25 | 30 |
| As well as loving gladiolas and her son Kenny's gorgeous designs,
it is a little known fact that Dame Edna LOVES the Australian cuisine,
so I have opened this file in order that you may see some of the
peculiarly Australian recipes and try them for yourself.
Of course no Aussie kitchen would be complete with out flys and
and a can of Mortein handy, and it seems appropriate to begin this
file with one of our favourite little ditties
I'm Louey the fly,
I'm Louey the fly,
Straight from rubbish tip to you
Spreading disease with the greatest of ease
Straight from rubbish tip to you
I'm bad and mean and mighty unclean
Afraid of no-one
'CEPT
The man with the can of Mortein
BRRRRRRRRRR
Hate that word Mortein
Ahhhhhhhhhh
Poor dead Louey
Louey the fly
Apple of his old mother's eye
was Louey
A victim of Mortein
Alison
|
| 146.1 | Don't forget the finishing touches. | BANZAI::FISHER | Rdb/VMS Dinosaur | Thu Apr 20 1989 07:17 | 8 |
| I remember the story of an American family who was assigned to a
foreign country. When called upon to throw a large dinner, they
decided to have roast pig. The host had to explain how to do it to the
cook. The cokk protested vigourously that it was humlitating but he
finally prevailed, language barrier and all, and she spent all day
preparing the meal. When dinner was ready she brought the pig to the
table with all of the guests seated around. She had the apple in HER
mouth.
|
| 146.10 | Jokes | CSG002::SCHOFIELD | | Fri May 19 1989 16:02 | 38 |
| Did you ever see this?
Subject: Definitions of cooking terms
Tongue: a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses
the line between a cut of been and a piece of dead cow.
Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated
and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste
exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing
ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make
a dish that the dog won't eat the rest of.
Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children
were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an
amalgamation of the words "Putrid", "hORRId", and "sluDGE".
Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before
cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food
is put ing, as well as when it is removed.
Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces
of meat and poultry.
Microwave Oven: Space age kitchen appliance that uses the principle
of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within
the cooking compartment.
Calorie: Basic measure of amount of rationalization offered by
the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular
food.
Arab Coffee: Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served
in tiny cups at gunpoint.
I thought this was cute, I got it in the mail the other day!
|
| 146.18 | Dragon Stew(Hot!)(Not in taste, getting it!) | ANOVAX::JWHITE | H Fusion, key to the future | Sat Sep 09 1989 09:31 | 45 |
|
Hello,
I have just returned from the 38th World Science-Fiction convention
in Boston. While there I picked up a new recipie that I will share
with you-all.
Dragon Stew
Ingredients:
1 Medium-Sized stewing dragon
1 Acre of potatoes
3 Wains of large yellow onions
4 Carts of carrots
3 Bushels of peas
2 Pecks of garlic
1 Bay leaf
A goodly-sized rock
Directions:
Feed garlic to dragon, reserving two cloves. After one hour, take
rock and pound Dragon smartly betwixt the eyes. Repeat as neccessary.
Flense Dragon and dredge lightly in flour. Put cubed Dragon in a
phenomenally large cauldron and add enough spring water to cover.
Bring to a boil, whilst peeling and dicing vegetables. Add vegetables
and spices, including the two remaining garlic cloves. Lower flame,
letting Dragon simmer untill tender...about a fortnight.
Serves 500 villagers or one large Troll.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Would dragon be in the Beef, Pork, or Fowl section of the
supermarket? Also, I assume that with the use of only one bay leaf
that they mean a fresh herb.
Joe
|
| 146.3 | my sourdough saga! | ADVLSI::HOOKER | Joanne Hooker, SHR | Fri Apr 06 1990 12:38 | 50 |
|
Well I took the dive!!
I am trying to make a sourdough starter and hopefully a loaf of bread if
I can get the starter part right. I have read about half a dozen or so bread
books and none were terribly descriptive about the process of making a starter.
I made a starter last weekend that consisted of mashed potato, potato water,
dry milk, bit of vinegar and honey, bit of yeast, and flour. I mixed the whole
mess together and poured it into a 2qt jar and that thing became ALIVE!
No book said how much this thing can grow! I thought a 2 qt jar which could
hold about 3 times the volume of the original mixture would be enough, but
noooo!
In about 15 minutes the thing had started to overflow, so I poured half of the
stuff into another 2 qt jar. It overflowed that too! So I migrated all of it
into my 5 qt crock pot and started to pray that it would stop soon, cos that
was my largest glass/ceramic container. This happened about 1.5 hrs after I
started.
Too hours later...when I was ready to go to bed the THING had reached the
top of the crock pot and was pushing on the top of the saran wrap I had secured
on it. AaarrghH! I figured that that was about 6 times the original volume,
no book said it was going to get that big!!
So I stirred it and this time all the fuffy bubbles whooshed down to
about half size...it was still about twice the original volume. So I went to
bed saying a prayer!
In the morning, about 6AM on Saturday( I don't get up this early to go to work!)
it had gone down to almost it's original size with some little bubbles on the
top. ... and smelling like a still! Sigh!
Is making a starter suppose to be such a taxing experience? Is it suppose
to behave like it did ... and get that BIG?
I let it sit around till Sunday evening then poured it into a 4qt jar( I
acquired this from a friend on Sunday!) and refridgerated it. This jar had
a metal lid ...the books said not to let the starter come near metal so I
covered the jar with several layers of saran wrap and loosely placed the metal
lid over it. It that OK?????? I guess I'll find out when I use the starter!
Which brings me to the next question? I would like to make some sourdough
bread this weekend. What's going to happen when I take the THING out of the
refridge? Do I need to get out the crock pot again???
All the recipes call for either 1 or 2 cups of starter but don't say how to
measure it. Do I let it get to room temp and bubbly then measure it? or
measure it soon as I take it out of the refridge then make a sponge and let it
get bubbly and rise.
Does anybody know of some good books on sourdough?
or have a favorite sourdough recipe they'd like to share?
or have a favorite starter with some good instructions?
-joanne-who-has-a-humongous-glass-jar-taking-up-too-much-space-in-her-refridge.
|
| 146.8 | American Chop Suey - Anecdote | TAVIS::JUAN | | Sun Sep 15 1991 07:52 | 29 |
| > I'm looking for a recipe for Chinese Chop Suey, ...
According to an anecdote I once read, there is (almost) nothing like
Chinese Chop Suey, but American Chop Suey.
The story says that during the days of the gold rush in California,
when lots of miners were chinese people, a group of drunk non-chinese
men went to an improvised "Chinese Restaurant" that was catering to the
miners, and asked with bad manners to taste the oriental food. The
chinese owner did not want to get in trouble with his new customers
and put together some remainings from his regular staples and served
his "demanding" customers.
As you may guess, this special "oriental food" seemed delicious to
the tasters and when they demanded to know what they had and how
was it called, the cook mumbled "Chop Suey", that according to the
story I heard would translate as "Beggars staple".
How this beggars staple become a hit and a "best seller" in every
chinese restaurant, is the true story of the American dream...
[I dont know if this is true, perhaps there is someone of Cantonese
origin that can confirm the tranlation, but in any case I hope that
you may think -as I do- 'Se non e vero, e ben trovato' (Even if it
is not true, it is well told)].
Regards,
Juan-Carlos Kiel
|
| 146.1 | | PINION::HACHE | Nuptial Halfway House | Tue Dec 17 1991 15:38 | 1 |
| 146.6 | MARTHA STEWART: Turkey in Brioche | PINION::HACHE | Nuptial Halfway House | Mon Dec 23 1991 14:40 | 294 |
|
This note started out as a serious request for Turkey in Brioche ala
Martha Stewart. It quickly degenerated into a humorous (at least I
found it funny) note bordering on bashing.
Whoever started this note, apparantly deleted his/her entries, and all
that was left was the humor. It really never got to a serious answer
as far as I can see, so I give you the humorous replies...
As a Martha Stewart fan, I am not offended, as someone who has to live
in the real world, and can't even afford to buy gold leaf to wrap my
Christmas cookies in, or take time to hang up Christmas wreaths in
every window and set up three trees (all decorated in different
themes), I'm laughing my head off. 08^)
dm
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LASSIE::KIMMEL 17 lines 8-NOV-1990 16:08
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Yes, I saw this one too - and I've tried it.
Here are the steps.
A. Get some pastry dough - and form it into a ball approximately
16 inches in diameter.
b. Get a turkey.
c. Insert b into a.
d. Cook it.
It really doesn't matter how long you cook it. What matters most is
that your napkins and draperies match.
It's also a good idea to throw dried flowers all around the house.
By the way, if you want to get really fancy - you can remove the
bones from b before inserting it into a (see step c).
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Note 2713.4 Turkey Wrapped In Brioche 4 of 27
RANGER::CANNOY "Hey, girls! Bring rusty pliers." 1 line 9-NOV-1990 10:41
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The general concensus is this is only for looking at -- not for eating.
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Note 2713.5 Turkey Wrapped In Brioche 5 of 27
TAPANZ::KIMMEL 4 lines 9-NOV-1990 10:51
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It's no problem.
By the way, I also have a quick and easy recipe for Martha Stewart
Pumpkin pie.
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Note 2713.6 Turkey Wrapped In Brioche 6 of 27
NITMOI::PESENTI "Only messages can be dragged" 2 lines 12-NOV-1990 07:32
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Does it start with 1 cup pureed Martha Stewart? (She would never come in a
can, you know...)
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TAPANZ::KIMMEL 3 lines 12-NOV-1990 16:58
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No, actually it starts with having to buy pumpkin color coordinated
plates. There might be more dried flowers involved too, but I would
have to check.
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Note 2713.8 Turkey Wrapped In Brioche 8 of 27
TYGON::WILDE "illegal possession of a GNU" 5 lines 12-NOV-1990 17:23
-< who IS this woman??? >-
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who IS this Stewart woman and WHY is everyone so hostile to her turkey
in brioche???? Is there a joke I'm missing here? Is this
a regional thing? I, personally, don't think that baking a turkey in
brioche sounds very good...or even very reasonable...but, I feel like I'm
missing an "IN" joke here.....so, clue me in, guys....8^}
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TAPANZ::KIMMEL 13 lines 13-NOV-1990 11:41
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Martha Stewart once produced a Christmas (might have been Thanksgiving)
special for PBS. I must admit that her dishes (both edible and
otherwise) look attractive - but she seems to give more importance
to table settings, and house decorations than preparing food.
Now, maybe if the decorations were reasonable (in other words costing
less than $1000 per festival) I could treat the whole thing a little
bit more seriously - but there you go.
Sorry if I've offended anybody, but producing a show on how to
celebrate a holiday - when the recommended preparations could only
be taken advantage of by the top 5% of the population - makes me
take all of this not too seriously.
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Note 2713.12 Turkey Wrapped In Brioche 12 of 27
SSGBPM::COMISKEY 12 lines 13-NOV-1990 13:57
-< Brioche for Thanksgiving; gold for Christmas >-
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It was the Thanksgiving special where Martha wrapped everything
in brioche.
It was the Christmas special where she dipped everything in
gold paint.
She lives near my in-laws-to-be, and every time we drive by
her house, we joke about expecting to see the house wrapped
in brioche.
Kate
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CAM::BONDE 13 lines 14-NOV-1990 10:37
-< Let's provide some insight as well as humor... >-
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re: .13
I really think that replies .2, .6, .7 were just goofing on
Martha Stewart. I don't think that they were intending to give the
impression that your request in .0 was foolish or unreasonable. I do
wish you hadn't deleted your note.
Please, can someone provide some insight on why turkey in brioche isn't
feasible?
(And anyone who wants to keep spoofing on MS, go right ahead--I find it
hilarious!)
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RANGER::CANNOY "Hey, girls! Bring rusty pliers." 9 lines 14-NOV-1990 12:01
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turkey in brioche is not yummy because you have to completely cook the
turkey first then wrap it in dough and then bake it again. I comes out
like dried out sawdust tasting turkey.
Martha's plan for a summer wedding reception has one of my favorite
time tables. Goes like this: Wednesday--cook 100 lobsters, Thursday
cook rest of lobsters.
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Note 2713.17 Turkey Wrapped In Brioche 17 of 27
TYGON::WILDE "illegal possession of a GNU" 17 lines 14-NOV-1990 17:33
-< but, seriously folks... >-
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seriously folks...
If you could STOP the baking of a turkey breast when it is 45 minutes from
completion, for instance, and then wrap the breast in brioch dough and
bake it for the remaining time, you would have a pretty and tasty offering.
The problem is, the breast will continue baking until it cools, up to
30 minutes more - and it is dastardly hard to wrap an oven hot turkey
breast in dough and get it back into the oven. The only way you could
wrap the dough around the bird/bird segment is when it is cool - if you allow
the meat to cool and then re-heat it for the baking, it is gonna be
shoe leather, no matter what you do - and it will end up undercooked or
overcooked, to boot. Not terribly practical as a real food offering.
That, I think, is the crux of the snickers of disdain abounding in this
topic.
the question is never stupid...however, stupid answers are common. 8^}
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REORG::AITEL "Hunter clawed by tiger - a foe paw." 7 lines 15-NOV-1990 09:07
-< An idea.... >-
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Could you bake the turkey breast until (done_time - 45 min), drape
bacon slices over the top, wrap in brioch dough, and bake for the
remaining time? Would the bacon, added to keep the breast from
getting so dried out, ruin the flavor of the dish, or would it
make it into a new, but tasty, dish?
--Louise
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TOOK::ORENSTEIN 12 lines 15-NOV-1990 10:56
-< What, why, How? >-
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A feel really confused about this subject: turkey in brioch.
I can't think of any reason to wrap an entire 12lb bird in
breading. I can't imagine how to handle a heavy hot bird
to put on the brioche. I can't even imagine how to serve
something like this : does each person get a slice of turkey
and a scrap of the brioche.
Am I being really dumb? The truth won't hurt this time :)
aud...
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TAPANZ::KIMMEL 26 lines 15-NOV-1990 11:47
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I guess I can understand requests for humorless cooking.
Especially in this case.
Certainly, Martha Stewart's recipe for bread with turkey stuffing
deserves all the respect it is due.
In fact, Martha's contributions are so significant, that her recipes
are becoming known both far and wide (even in New Jersey) as the
epitome of the art of anal cooking.
If readers of this note still want to introduce their dinner guests
to the art form, Martha's recipes provide an excellent opportunity.
As to how to serve bread with turkey stuffing...
I would suggest removing the bones from the turkey before stuffing
the bread. That way, each dinner guest can have a cross section of
the bird (with bread). The problem with this is that the turkey will tend to
flatten as it cooks.
The solution, of course, is to stuff the turkey with something.
I would suggest a cornish hen would do nicely. This not only
provides support for your turkey - but also introduces youngsters
to the idea of reproduction.
By the way, does anybody have a recipe for stewed prunes.
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GEMVAX::NORTEMAN 16 lines 15-NOV-1990 12:51
-< Stop it! My sides hurt! >-
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re.: -.1
:-) :-) :-)
You laugh! In the Middle Ages there was such an entree as the
"Three-Headed Bird", which was a large bird (like a swan, but I've used
turkey) stuffed with a chicken, stuffed with a smaller bird (like a
Cornish Game Hen), stuffed with a hard-boiled egg. Each bird was
spiced with a different kind of spice, and the damn thing took forever
too cook. (This one I know from experience.) Don't ask me how much
fun it was to put the whole thing together. I couldn't answer you with
a straight face.
Joys of reproduction indeed! (howling laughter)
--Karen
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REORG::AITEL "Road to hell is paved with chocolate" 1 line 21-NOV-1990 13:33
-< KaBAMMMMMMM! >-
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Then there's stuffing the bird with unpopped popcorn....
|
| 146.12 | a comical recipe rum cake | MSDOA::GUY | | Fri Aug 21 1992 14:11 | 42 |
| EXCELLENT RUM CAKE
1 (or 2) quarts rum
1 cup butter
1 tsp sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
baking pwder
1 tsp soda
lemon juice
brown sugar
nuts
Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good isn't it?
Now go ahead.
Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
Check the rum again, it must be just right. To be sure rum is of the
highest quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as
fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer beat one cup of
butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile make sure the rum
if of the finest quality. Try another cup. Open second quart if
necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high.
If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the rum again, checking for tonscicticity.
Next, sift three cups of pepper or sault (it really doesn't matter).
Sample the rum again. Sift 1/2 pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped
butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or
whatever color you can find. Wix mel. Grease over the turn cake pan
to 350 gredees.
Now pour the whole mess into coven and ake.
Check the rum again and go to ged.
Just what he need after "dome of sose thays".
|