Conference trucks::football;1

    >Did you see that Chelsea v Sunderland is live on Sky on the 16th March?
    >Methinks we'll be watching that game with a hangover!
    
	Aahhh yes Richard...McCrite will have a lot to answer for !!!
    
    Dezzz.

    Alright you Eeeengleesh gits what are you thoughts on the forthcoming
    international between Engerland & Italia.
    
    I reckon the only chance that England have of winning is if C.Maldini
    decides to start with Ravanelli up front.  Also if he plays the sweeper
    system with P.Maldini as the covering man instead of Big Ciro Ferrara
    then Shearer could have a field day as Maldini is playing bollocks this
    season.
    
    What's the bets on Del Piero coming on in the second half and winning a
    penalty (Hope you Man Utd fans appreciate that one).
    
    Anyway, I look forward to Italy slaughtering England at Wembley it will
    be a joy to behold.
    
    Craig.

    Hey Craig,
    
    Great note, don't worry I've seen 'Trainspotting', I know all about
    your sense of humour up there. Billy Connelly, he's hilarious isn't he.
    Just swears when he can't think of anything funny to say, oh how we 
    roll up when he's on. 
    
    England to win 1-0, you heard it here first. If so, unfortunately,
    there will be no 'joy to behold.' Perhaps you can rent out 'Braveheart'
    again, instead.
    
    Andy
        

Ref -1

 Methinks it will be a rout, 7-1 to England, Italy will go ahead within 5 
mins, spend the next 30 minutes with their shirts over their heads, 
gesticulating sexually to each other and generally being Fabo's. At this point 
England's mighty stiff upper lip will become more pronounced whilst Stuart 
Pearce becomes visibly uglier, and kicks a few Italians around, Shearer will 
score a hatrick of bicycle-kicks from the centre circle to put the score at 
3-1.(Of course Shearer will just pompousley punch the air between clapping for 
his tireless collegues and nodding at the coach.) In the second half, 
Gazzzzzza and Le Tissier will play headers and volleys on the edge of the 
penalty box, whilst the Italians look on in awe at obviously greater skill, Le 
Tiss will rocket it home with his genitalia 4-1.
I expect a good display of diving and rolling on the floor from both teams, in 
particular the Ravanelli belly flop, and the Shearer forward lunge (The one 
where the unsuspecting defender is penalised for removing part of Big Al's 
Backbone)
 Macmanamanamanmanaman will be sprinting around all the players on the pitch, 
English and Italian alike, go past the goalie and then miss the open goal. 
Just time for Seaman to sprint up the pitch to get a touch on the ball with a 
last minute hatrick.

 I look forward to watching it with relish...........


 Mad


 ('Tis wishful Fabrication)
(( It'll be 1-1))

    The thing is, Italy aren't very good. They struggled painfully against
    the Northern Ireland third team in their last game and prior to that
    had been doing an uncanny Welsh impression in a couple of friendlies.
    
    I think it will be a reasonably comfortable England win, maybe 3-0.
    It's just a shame the guy who spent a few years handling the kids is
    now manager and not that dimwit Sarky.
    
    Tony
    

    To all,
    
    Just the kind of replies I expected from you all. It will be
    interesting to hear what you've got say when Italy get a draw or a win
    on Wednesday night because if they do then England's task of qualifying
    will be all the more difficult.
    
    Even you lot must admit England would struggle to get a result against
    Italy when playing in front of their home fans.  It's been a while
    since England had a really competitive game away from home.
    
    Should be a good game whatever the result though.
    
    Craig.

On a more serious note, 


 I don't think it will even be a good game, the Italians will build from the 
back and use their skill, the English will run about a lot and produce very 
little, maybe 1-1, a free kick from Italy and a breakaway goal from England.

 You're right though, I don't fancy having to get a result in Italy.



Mad

    >Just the kind of replies I expected from you all. It will be
    >interesting to hear what you've got say when Italy get a draw or a win
    >on Wednesday night because if they do then England's task of qualifying
    >will be all the more difficult.
             ^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    Yeah, I mean they've certainly shown us a clean pair of heels so far,
    haven't they? Personally, it was that 1-0 home win over Georgia 
    (undeserved, mind) that put the sh*ts up me... ;-)
    
    >Even you lot must admit England would struggle to get a result against
    >Italy when playing in front of their home fans.

    You know, I think we should feel privileged to be in the same group as 
    them. Rumour has it that Glenn Hoddle is on a bottle of whiskey a day 
    after Italy's 2-0 trouncing of Northern Ireland III.
    
    Dom
    
    
    

Spare a thought for me fellows. Graig sits about 15 ft from me and Ray Howard
is in the next office. Both of them where around at my desk before 9 this
morning twittering away like school girls who have just had there first kiss
because Utd lost last night.

Also Graig has been waffling the same rubbish in my ear throughout the day as
he has put in this note. He genuinely believes that Italy are far superior to
England and is confidently predicting a win of at least 3-0 to Italy. Oh! how I
will enjoy it if England win. Not that it will make a blind bit of difference
to Graig blinkered view. 

It would not matter if we win 8-0 with Italy not having a single shot on goal.
He's Scottish and hates anything English. Don't bother trying to use logic on
him you will be wasting your time. 

Rgds, Steve. 


    Well, I'm speechless, imagine implying that I hate anything English.  
    
    There is this loveable little English bloke who plays for Rangers and 
    enjoys a few pies and beers on a Saturday before the game. I think he
    goes by the name of Gazza. Ofcourse the fact that the Premier League
    would be as exciting as a Mark II Escort without him has nothing to do
    with my liking him.
    
    Come to think of it, the Premier League is as exciting as a Mark II 
    Escort with him in it at the moment.
    
    Craig.
    
    P.S.
    
    Mr SPIKE could you inform me of the bloke that sits 15 feet away from
    you and is called Graig.  It's funny I sit 15 feet from you and have
    never heard of him, although rumour has it he's participating in the
    office's Rugby Grandslam sweep in my place.
    
    
    

    Hate to say it lads, but I fear Craig/Graig is showing all the symptoms
    of the dreaded "Post-Twickers Syndrome". Let's try and make his last
    few days as pleasant as possible, shall we? ;-)
    
    Dom

    Well, Well, Well,
    
    Just as I predicted a great win for Italy and you lot end up with
    egg on your face.
    
    Italy didn't really look in much danger at any period in the match and
    Albertini ruled the midfield.  McManaman, Sir Mat and Shearer were all
    made to look very average when up against the Italian defence.
    
    I now look forward to the return leg where Italy will stroll through
    the game and put England out of the World Cup if they haven't already
    been put out.
    
    Craig.

    Let's not forget the valiant no score draw performance by the Scots against
    that lion of football Estonia.
    
    Richard

 > Let's not forget the valiant no score draw performance by the Scots against
 > that lion of football Estonia.

 It should be interesting when Scotland come up against the might of the 
silky skills of the galapagos islands or the hard-hitting christmas island 
select XI



8-)

Mad

    The difference is we Scots don't go about thinking
    we are any good at football, we know we are crap and couldn't
    score in a brothel.
    
    Whereas you English think your'e one of the best teams in
    the world.  The build up to last nights game was a joke, you
    all thought you would have no problem brushing aside Italy
    quite easily and extending your unbeaten run.  
    
    It will be the same again in the return game in Italy.  By then Italy
    will probably be top of the group but not playing well and England
    will be scoring barrow loads of goals against the rest of the teams in
    the group.  The mood of the English media and public before the game
    will be that if England play well they will win.
    
    No chance matey.  Italy will be happy with a draw and won't get beaten.
                                                                           

    Remember Allys Army? Third place is the least we can expect? 
    
    England were the better side for the majority of the game and that's a
    very reassuring fact. We're ten times better than we were five years
    ago.
    
    However, if go a goal down to Italy the chances of pulling it back are
    always pretty slim. I refer to my binary code gag of weeks gone by.
    
    Tony
    
    ps The Italian manager looks like he's either been a badly treated
    prisoner of war or he knocks back a bottle of whisky a day.
    

    Re .60
    Good note...intelligent comments and a hilarious P.S. Cesare Maldini's
    haircut/toup� wouldn't look out of place in the infamous Monty Python 
    sketch! Incidentally, he's 64 so I guess that rules him out as an
    ex-POW...
    
    Seriously, if England can put Italy on the rack for 70 minutes and not
    allow them even ONE break (with a three man defence), I think they're
    entitled to consder themselves ONE of the world's better teams (I
    personally haven't heard anyone say they're the best). Of
    course, some people would sooner go to the stake than admit that.
     
    What kills me (Dezzz!) is when the word "flair" is used in connection
    with a performance like last night's. FWIW, I'd be the first to admit
    that England's 1966 WC team only had one flair player (Charlton).
    Likewise, the only flair player that Italy had on show last night was
    Zola. The rest (with the possible exception of Maldini) are
    highly-professional, laboratory-produced footballers...let's not kid
    ourselves with eyewash about them honing their dazzling skills in street 
    games with a tennis ball � la Maradona ;-)  
    
    Dom

    Its been quite an interesting day reading all the excuses that are
    flying about.  On the whole though I think everyone agrees that
    Hoddle should not have played Sir Mat.
    
    A lot of noters don't rate Italy's midfield.  I have to admit that its
    not really up to much (although unusually Albertini played a blinder)
    but Englands midfield on the night was not much better even with talent
    that was there.  Italy won because as a unit they knew what they had
    to do and they concentrated for the 90 minutes.
    
    Craig.

    Any Italians want a fight?
    
    Tony
    

    
    > " England were the better side for the majority of the game"
    
      I take it you are obviously referring to the U21 match!!
    
    > "We're ten times better than we were five years ago."
    
      Yeah,yeah, You are now WORLD BEATERS and shouldn't have
      to qualify for any major championship. You should be
      automatically entered into every event because Engurland
      are so bloody good.
    
      Well get a life mate!!! You's got stuffed again !! It
      looks like you wont be at France 98, because you are still
      Pppppppiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
      long live
    
      Gianfranco Zola
       
    
      

    At last somebody talking some sense.
    
    Good to see I'm not the only one who enjoyed the drubbing
    that Engurlaand got last night.
    
    Keep up the good notes.
    
    Craig.

    So, let me clarify this, you are objectively saying that England didn't
    dominate most of the game? Then, you are also saying that England
    aren't a better side than they were under Graham Taylor?
    
    Umm, interesting.
    
    I must go back to my note to read the "we're the best team in the world
    and no-one is worthy of sharing the pitch" line.
    
    Tony

    
    Re 591.65 etc etc
    

    England didn't deserve to lose last night - a draw would have been a 
    fair result. 
    
    In a rather bizarre twist of fate, Glenn Hoddle actually told me I
    was playing on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I accidently told my cat who
    went an blabbed to the press a day before the game. Obviously, Hoddle's
    gameplan was up and Maldini got wind of the news. Hoddle decided to 
    drop me and I decided to drown my cat. Cesare Maldini then offered to 
    wear the drowned feline on his head for the whole game as a gesture
    of sympathy, for my missed opportunity.
    
    While all this was going on, a Jock McNoter came out with an incredible
    statement:"We're rubbish, we don't expect to win.....you English always
    think you'll win". The poor McNoter was so hungry after delivering this
    epic monologue that he decided to eat the big fat chip that was sitting
    on his shoulder.
    
    Andy
    
    

    I watched Hearts v Aberdeen earlier in the week. So don't talk to me
    about suffering.
    
    I've seen more talent at a fat birds convention.
    
    Tony
    

    Re:  .68
    
    Tooo shay
    
    Tooo shay
    
    Craig.

>    While all this was going on, a Jock McNoter came out with an incredible
>    statement:"We're rubbish, we don't expect to win.....you English always
>    think you'll win". The poor McNoter was so hungry after delivering this
>    epic monologue that he decided to eat the big fat chip that was sitting
>    on his shoulder.
 
Nice one Andy. The only thing is Craig got a whole tree on his shoulder not 
just a chip!

Rgds, Steve.

    I know it's the wrong conference, but does anyone know how the Five
    Nations rugby match between England and Scotland finished? You see, I
    drew Scotland in the office sweepstake here in Italy (if you believe
    that, you'll believe anything!) and the suspense is killing me.
    
    I bet those tough highlanders gave us a right drubbing, I really do.
    Otherwise, how could they possibly be in such an arrogant mood today?
    
    Dom

I think that the Mighty Highlanders were completely outclassed at yet another game by the 
we_should_be _made_to_qualify_for _everything_four_times understrength English side.





8-)


Mad

    How did I know the discussion was going to head down this route? Pretty
    predictable stuff, huh.
    
    Geez , you guys are easy to wind up .....and you always come back with the
    same old comments. The only thing that might differ is how big you think
    that chip is.
    
    Don't you know that MacDonalds are well known for their chips.
    
    Mind you ... if I was dumb enough to believe all the hype how great my 
    team was I'd be a bit pissed off when they lost and then a bunch of 
    hairy-arsed wind-up merchants got tore in !!! 
    
    Gerintaethem!!!!
    
    D.
    
    

    Excuuuuuse me.
    
    I'm not hairy arsed.
    
    Craig

    Scuse , Crag, I didnae mean you personally.....
    
    ....unless it wis you hingin' o'er the barrier at Monaco the ither nicht.
    
    Now he really was hairy-arsed ( and rat-arsed !!! )... don't know about
    tight-arsed , tho'
    
    D.
    
         

    Alright, the games up, my secret is out.
    
    What can I say.
    
    Craig.

    I said last night that I was stop eating Pizza because the Iti's had
    beat us. But if I did that every time an opposing nation beat us at
    something I'd be left eating sausage squares, haggis and meat pies for
    the rest of my life.
    
    Tony
    

    re: 591.73
    
    Scotland lost to England in the 5 Nations 41:13.  This is poor old
    Scotland's second loss in the 5 nations (they lost to Wales 19:34) so I
    hope you didn't put much money into your office pool!
    
    Regarding last night's game, I thought England were unlucky not to draw. 
    Zola's goal was brillantly taken, but le Tisseuir (sp), Campbell,
    Psycho Pearce and other English players came very close.  I also don't
    think the skills displayed by the Italians, with the possible exception
    of Zola, were any better than the skills produced by the sons of
    Blighty.
    
    All the best, Ken.

    
    In the name of sanity....PLEASE keep rugger the hell out of here ! Whwy
    oh why do you have to resort to another sport JUST so that you could
    say you beat us Scots? ....f**k me, why not use the ladies lawn bowling
    as an example...didn't Engerlund win this too ? If you want to stuff it
    to us....at least keep it relevant.
    
    Now Tony....you have also touched a nerve....you mention square sausage
    (lorne sausage by ra way !) and meat pies.....being exiled here, I
    can't get that stuff...or black pudding, or scotch eggs, or Irn Bru, or
    pork & beef links...damn yer eyes for reminding me how much I miss 'em!
    I'd KILL for a roll on sausage...brown sauce...and a slug o' "bru"....
    You did this on purpose eh ?  Kick a guy when he's down....I'll get ya
    back.....
    
    Tearfully Trev  
    

    I was the guilty party who brought rugby into the FOOTBALL conference.
    Of course, it *was* tongue-in-cheek (the result did find its way out here, 
    but thanks anyway, Ken!). That said, no news has reached Italy of this
    latest triumph in ladies' lawn bowling...details, Trevor? ;-)
    
    Dom 

    
    Actually Dom...the bowling championship was also shrouded in
    controversy. England won, as is fairly normal, but there was sporadic
    crowd problems in the blue-rinse section when disputes broke out over
    the measured distance from the jack to the the Scottish captains bowl
    at the last end.....the ref apparently came from Wooton-le-asshole and
    was, by the Scottish teams recknoning, biased in her judgement.
    One fan was taken to the nearest nursing home with a snapped elastic
    support stocking and was given emergency treatment for a bruised upper
    thigh....she also got a quick haemmorroid injection while she was
    there. Anyway, the whole issue of having sherry and port available at
    these major events is now under review. Likewise the selection of the
    judges and referees.
    
    I'm amazed this was not covered in the Italian press, the Ayrshire Post
    gave it a column and a half...on page 87.
    
    Happy Valentines day luvvies !
    TeePee

    Note to the plonker that made the joke about Italian
    football results being the same as snooker results earlier on
    in the notes.
    
    Two weeks ago Channel 4 showed the Ac Milan Vs Sampdoria which 
    finished 2-3 to samp, hardly a boring 1-0.  Then on Sunday we
    were treated to a 2-2 between Lazio and Inter.
    
    I think the joker noter should get himself up to date with today's
    Italian game instead of living in the past.
    
    (Mind you I did like the 0-1 result on Wednesday night but
     then again it was always going to be single goal win for Italy).
    
    C.

    Well fine sir, I'll give you another example of Italian football
    ambitions during SerieA games.
    
    I'm a gambling man, footy, snooker, golf, cricket, rugby etc etc.
    
    When betting on football matches it is ulmost certain the draw will be
    priced at around 5/2 - 3/1. The only exception being Italian football
    where quite uniquely the draw can sometimes be the favourite outcome.
    It normally comes in at around 6/4 - 2/1.
    
    So, I will concede that of late there have been a couple of stonkers,
    however, let's not get carried away.
    
    Tony
    

    Take your point my man.
    
    It's just that recently almost every game Channel 4 have shown has been
    an absolute classic.
    
    As a fan of Juve for a number of years (i'm not a glory hunter) I can't
    wait for next weeks live game, Juve vs Viola.  The memory of season
    95-96 when we were 2-0 down at half time and came back to win 3-2 with
    Del Piero scoring a wonder winner has never left me, lets hope
    Sunday's game is another classic.
    
    C.

    Call me ignorant, (don't be shy, millions have), but who are Viola?
    
    Tony
    

    Viola = Fiorentina 
    
    ...mind you, Craig's Italo-Scottish newsagent in Ayr might have other
    ideas.
    
    Dom
    

    My newsagent's address is available free of charge to those
    interested.  
    
    C.          

    
    The hell with who viola are...what bloody confuses me is a Jock
    referring to Juventus as "us".....this is worse than the ManU fan
    syndrome ! 
    
    Trevor (I've a soft spot for Young Boys....ahem..the team you
    understand !)