| I can't be bothered to send it in, but the best scientific joke is
proven to be as follows:
There was recently an international meeting at which
the finest scientists from all countries met to agree
which was the most significant invention or discovery.
One by one, they presented their arguments. Quarks,
chips, lasers, fuels, genes, and and and ... But they
were all waiting for <insert name>, the eccentric
<insert nationality> scientist. They knew that _he_
would have the definitive answer to the question of which
invention or discovery was the most significant.
Finally <insert name> mounted the podium. The silence
was broken only by the slight shuffling of his notes.
He spoke. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is evident to me
that the most significant invention _ever_ in the whole
history of humankind is ....". {All the delegates held
their breaths and strained to hear} " ... without a doubt
the thermos flask!".
Pandemonium! What was this? A joke? Impossible! It
took a full five minutes before <i.n.> could speak again.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Please, hear me out. I anticipated
this reaction. But, please, let me tell you that after
years of research at <insert city> University, the finest
scientists and philosphers have reached this conclusion; that
the thermos flask is far and away more significant than any
other invention of the 19th or 20th centuries!
"Why, you ask! I will tell you. Imagine such a flask,
ladies and gentlemen. Imagine a very hot liquid being
poured into it and the cap being tightened. What happens?
Exactly! The liquid remains hot. Imagine if you will
that very same flask. This time we shall fill it with iced
water and again seal it. And the result? Yes, my friends,
that liquid will remain cold!
"Which brings me to the core, the nub, the very heart of our
deliberations ......
... how does it KNOW?".
:-)
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| The three reconstructive surgeons were discussing their respective
greatest successes.
The <insert nationality> surgeon told how they had received a head and
torso into the Accident and Emergency department at his hospital.
After labouring through the night to fit the necessary prosthetes the
patient made a full recovery. "In fact," he said "he is now so
productive that he has made five of his colleagues surplus to
requirement and they are out of work."
The next surgeon, from <insert nation>, described how all he had had to
work on was a finger tip. But after suitable reconstructive surgery
the re-built person had such enhanced capabilities that two hundred
people had lost their jobs.
The third surgeon was from the UK. He told how the only thing saved of
their accident victim was an emmission of bodily gases, which had been
caught in a plastic bag. Starting from this nebulous remains they had
constructed a middle aged man, admittedly somewhat overweight and grey
haired, but a man nevertheless. They had called him <name your
politician> and he had put the whole country out of work.
Nick
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