Conference thebay::joyoflex

900.0. "English Translations" by POBOX::CROWE (I led the pigeons to the flag..) Tue Jul 09 1991 18:22

    International travel is so interesting --  and so are the attempts at
    translation into English!  The following list was passed on by a
    well-traveled friend:
 
 
    In a Tokyo Hotel:  Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.  If
    you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
 
    In another Japanese hotel room:  Please to bathe inside the tub.
 
    In a Bucharest hotel lobby:  The lift is being fixed for the next
    day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
 
    In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only
    when lit up.
 
    In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
    wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
    should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going
    alphabetically by national order.
 
    In a Paris hotel elevator:  Please leave your values at the front
    desk.
 
    In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the
    office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
 
    In a Yugoslavian hotel:  The flattening of underwear with pleasure
    is the job of the chambermaid.
 
    In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the
    chambermaid.
 
    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
    monastery:  You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
    and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
    Thursday.
 
    In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
    corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
 
    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing
    to hope for.
 
    On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firm's own make; limpid
    red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted
    duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
 
    In a Hong Kong supermarket:  For your convenience, we recommend
    courteous, efficient self-service.
 
    Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:  Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
 
    In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit.  Because is big
    rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
 
    Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:  There will be a Moscow Exhibition
    of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.  These
    were executed over the past two years.
 
    In an East African newspaper:  A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
    shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
 
    In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
    porter.
 
    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:  It is strictly forbidden
    on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
    instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are
    married with each other for that purpose.
 
    In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
    of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
    be used for this purpose.
 
    In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by the
    latest Methodists.
 
    A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water
    has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
 
    In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
    afternoon having a good time.
 
    In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our horse-driven
    city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
 
    Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to ride
    on your own ass?
 
    On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:  To stop the drip, turn cock
    to right.
 
    In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies from
    their own skin.
 
    On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to
    work throughout its useful life.
 
    Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
 
    In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today -- no ice cream.
 
    In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner
    if dressed as a man.
 
    In a Tokyo bar:  Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
 
    In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:  We take your bags and send
    them in all directions.
 
    On the door of a Moscow hotel room:  If this is your first visit
    to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
 
    In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:  Ladies are requested not to have
    children in the bar.
 
    At a Budapest zoo:  Please do not feed the animals.  If you have
    any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
 
    In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other
    diseases.
 
    In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the
    water served here.
 
    In a Tokyo shop:  Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
    they are best in the long run.
 
    From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
    conditioner:  Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm
    in your room, please control yourself.
 
    From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger of
    foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at
    first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
    vigor.
 
    Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
        - English well talking.
        - Here speeching American.
 
In a hotel room in Munich: In your room you will find a minibar which
is filled with alcoholics.
 

    I believe that these date from the 1920's.  I'm not sure if the
    list is still subject to compilation copyright or if that copyright
    has expired.  (Of course, copyrights have never stopped anyone from
    posting to rec.humor.)
    
    -- Norman Diamond

Where is it that your friend traveled?

Was it to note 182.56 in this conference, which contains almost exactly the
same list?

Or was it to note 182.19, which contains a shorter excerpt?

Or was it to a computer located on some computer network?  This list has been
forwarded around through electronic mail numerous times.

Or was it to the bookstore, where he purchased the book (cited in 182.56) from
which this list was taken?

    	In view of the scepticism that met the earlier entry, I can say
    that I personaly enjoyed the following items on a menu in Italy only a
    few days ago. The food wasn't bad either.
    
    	Under the section entitled "MEAT" there was "Grilled lamp", but
    more interesting was the section entitled "HALF FROZEN". This included
    "sole at leisure" and "fish coocked in alumminion bag". My Italian was
    not up to understanding the original, but I would guess at a
    word-association of filleted->spineless->relaxed->at leisure. I believe
    the "HALF FROZEN" section of the menu is caused by a requirement of
    Italian law that restaurants must declare if a meal includes some
    ingredients that have been deep frozen; I don't believe the "sole at
    leisure" was served with ice cubes.

    Half frozen, sole at leisure (the half that aren't frozen anyway),
    and maybe even grilled lamp sound more like Digital than a restaurant.