| Re: <<< Note 738.0 by COOKIE::DEVINE "Bob Devine, CXN" >>>
This celebratory gathering occurs at my behest and I shall be lachrymose if
it so befits me.
>It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To
She chooses to purchase a terraced incline directed toward a post-life
paradisiacal region.
>She's Buying a Stairway to Heaven
I request that you prevent a large, glowing orb consisting of incandescent
gas from committing fellatio upon my person.
>Don't Let the Sun Give Me a Bl*w J*b (?)
>...That can't be right; must be "Don't Let the Sun Go Down."
The leather coverings now encasing my pedal extremities have been
manufactured for the specific purpose of ambulatory forward motion.
>These Boots are Made for Walking
Allow me the honor of portraying for you a miniaturized representation of a
member of the family Ursidae of the order Carnivora.
>Wait 'Till You Meet My Sweety Bear
Adieu, jaundiced vehicular pathway consisting of bricks of baked clay.
>Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road
You provide illumination for the period of time delimited by my nativity
and the complete cessation of my metabolic functions.
>You Light Up My Life
And we will engage in much jubilant activity until such time as the male
parent chooses to repossess her vehicle of motorized transport.
>We'll Have Fun, Fun, Fun 'Till Her Daddy Takes the Jeep Away
The deity had little or nothing to do with the manufacture of minuscule
viridescent seed-bearing fruits.
>God Didn't Make Little Green Apples
Express deep affection towards yours truly in the manner of a hardened
igneous object.
>Love Ya Like a Rock
Please remove yourself from the immediate vicinity of my visible collection
of minute water particles, Dr. McCoy.
>Hey, You! Get Off of My Cloud
|
|
1. This celebratory gathering occurs at my behest and I shall be lachrymose if
it so befits me.
"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..."
2. She chooses to purchase a terraced incline directed toward a post-life
paradisiacal region.
"Cause she's buying a Stairway to Heaven"
3. I request that you prevent a large, glowing orb consisting of incandescent
gas from committing fellatio upon my person.
NO idea...
4. The leather coverings now encasing my pedal extremities have been
manufactured for the specific purpose of ambulatory forward motion.
"These shoes were made for walkin..."
5. Allow me the honor of portraying for you a miniaturized representation of a
member of the family Ursidae of the order Carnivora.
6. Adieu, jaundiced vehicular pathway consisting of bricks of baked clay.
"Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road"
7. You provide illumination for the period of time delimited by my nativity
and the complete cessation of my metabolic functions.
"You Light Up My Life"
8. And we will engage in much jubilant activity until such time as the male
parent chooses to repossess her vehicle of motorized transport.
"Cause we'll have fun, fun, fun 'til her daddy takes the T-Bird away"
9. The deity had little or nothing to do with the manufacture of minuscule
viridescent seed-bearing fruits.
"God Don't Make Little Green Apples"
10.Express deep affection towards yours truly in the manner of a hardened
igneous object.
"Love Me like a Rock"
11.Please remove yourself from the immediate vicinity of my visible collection
of minute water particles, Dr. McCoy.
"Get offa my cloud"
|
| <<< RAYBOK::DUA0:[NOTES$LIBRARY]HUMOR.NOTE;1 >>>
-< humor >-
================================================================================
Note 77.3 Merry Christmas?? 3 of 19
16682::BIRMINGHAM "Don't <:-{ , be :-) " 91 lines 7-DEC-1989 20:48
-< The night before Christmas... >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Night Before Christmas
T'was the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding
the annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of
residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic
rodent known as Mus Musculus. Hosiery was meticulously
suspended from the forward edge of the woodburning caloric
apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an
imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose
folkloric appellations is the honorific St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accomodations of repose, were experiencing
subconcious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections
moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner
and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take
slumbrous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the
avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a
cacaphony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the
precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent
crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar
meridian itself--thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs
to behold a miniature airbourne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a
minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became
instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller.
With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly
have been more vertiginous velocity that patriotic alar predacates,
he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted
labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen--"now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al.--guiding them
to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which
structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of
the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180 degree pivot, our distinguished visitant
achieved--with utmost celerity and via a downward leap--entry by
way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts
soiled by the ebon residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels
which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a
street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted
playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth
receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal
appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the sub-
cutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of
albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus Avium, or
sweet cherry. His amusing sub and supralabials resembled nothing
so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial
adonment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of
frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece whose
grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were
suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was
wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his
corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of
impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in
short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multi-
genarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me
visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By
rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his
head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was
groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face,
placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory
organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking,
and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the
smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his
conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his
contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden,
and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable
chiefly among the seed bearing portions of a common weed. But I
overheard his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "ecstatic
yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to the selfsame
assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubrious beneficial and
gratifying pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
|