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Conference thebay::joyoflex

Title:The Joy of Lex
Notice:A Notes File even your grammar could love
Moderator:THEBAY::SYSTEM
Created:Fri Feb 28 1986
Last Modified:Mon Jun 02 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1192
Total number of notes:42769

649.0. "Bafflegab - Doublespeak - Corporate Jargon" by KAOO01::LAPLANTE (Not the Northern Magus) Thu Apr 06 1989 14:32

    Looked around and couldn't find an existing topic on Bafflegab,
    Newspeak or Doublespeak, although I am sure I have seen examples
    in here somewhere. However this note can act as a receptacle of
    examples of overblown phrases and corporate jargon.
    
    The following are from the _Quarterly Review of Doublespeak_.
    
    Advisory Marketing Rep -- Salesperson
    Safety Related Occurrence -- Accident
    Inventory Shrinkage -- Employee Theft
    Period of Accelerated Negative Growth -- Recession
    Streamline Field Sales Organization -- Layoffs
    Rationalization of Marketing Efforts -- Layoffs
    Eliminiate Redundencies in the Human Resources Area -- Layoffs
    Enhance the Efficiency of Operations -- Layoffs
    Appropriate Cost Reduction Effort -- Probable Layoffs
    Non-Retained -- Fired
    Selected Out -- Fired
    Net Profit Revenue Deficiencies -- Losses
    Negative Contribution to Profits -- Losses
    Volume Variances from Plan -- Strikes
    
    Roger
T.RTitleUserPersonal
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649.1KAOFS::S_BROOKHere today and here again tomorrowThu Apr 06 1989 16:239
    Out placement => layed off or fired
    
    Not to mention all those engineering jobs that have occured in recent
    years ...
    
    Sanitation Engineer => Trash collector
    Sanitary Engineer   => Plumber
    Domestic Engineer   => Cleaner
    
649.2BOSHOG::CLIFFORDThu Apr 06 1989 16:404
How about the FDA's Drug Delivery Device ==> cigarette

--andy    

649.3Can you differentiate in 3 variables?MARRHQ::SBSDEV1The Appelation Controlee' TrailThu Apr 06 1989 23:0610
    ...or how about: "Field Service Engineer"?
    
    It's funny, U of M had a college of engineering with schools of
    Aeronautical, Chemical, Civil, Mechanical, Architectural, Electrical,
    and even Software engineering, but I'll be damned if I could find
    a school of "Field Service" Engineering!  8^|
    
    Rgdz,
    
    - A *real* Engineer -
649.4FENNEL::SOMESMon Apr 10 1989 19:003
    I take exception to Domestic Engineer = cleaner.  Domestic Engineer=
    housewife.
    
649.5AITG::DERAMODaniel V. {AITG,ZFC}:: D'EramoMon Apr 10 1989 19:088
     re .4
     
>>    I take exception to Domestic Engineer = cleaner.  Domestic Engineer=
>>    housewife.
     
     No, that's "Domestic Goddess" = housewife.
     
     Dan
649.6civil, ain't I?COOKIE::DEVINEBob Devine, CXNMon Apr 10 1989 19:083
    I take exception to "take exception".  Isn't it clearer to say
    "I disagree" or "If you hadn't said that, I wouldn't be forced
    to tear your head off".
649.7PSTJTT::TABERIt offends my freakin' dignityMon Apr 10 1989 21:195
 I disagree with your taking exception to "take exception" in favor of 
"I disagree."  To take exception is an exceptional case of not accepting
without being as disagreeable as to disagree.  Indeed it conveys agreement
with exceptions to accepting exteranious excursions into excess.  It is not
as clear as "eat death" however.
649.8This is exceptionalKAOFS::S_BROOKHere today and here again tomorrowMon Apr 10 1989 21:4226
    To take exception implies a certain amount of taking offense as
    well as disagreement.
    
    So to the person who took exception to domestic engineer as cleaner
    and not housewife, how about the househusband ?  These housepeople
    are far more than domestic engineers, they are:
    
    Domestic - managers
             - administrators
             - transportation co-ordinators
             - nutritionists
             - educational facilitators
             - landscape architects
             - part-time sanitary engineers
             - sanitation engineers
             - part-time home repair contractors
        the list goes on and on and on and on and on
    
        Now are you sure the house-person is just a domestic engineer?

    So, to all the exception taking and disagreeableness in this note
    I can only say two words -
    
                        Tough beans!
    
    Stuart
649.9PASTIS::MONAHANhumanity is a trojan horseTue Dec 07 1993 06:172
    	Don't have time to copy LOBLO::EF93 note 5.1859 here, but it surely
    qualifies.
649.10FORTY2::KNOWLESPer ardua ad nauseamMon May 22 1995 07:298
    Not sure if this is the best note for it, but in an internal document
    (source suppressed to protect the guilty) I found this brilliantly
    compressed mixture of euphemism and gobbledegook:
    
    ...individual contributors are being
        impacted by transition ...
    
    b
649.11AUSSIE::WHORLOWBushies do it for FREE!Tue May 23 1995 23:544
    G'day,
     ... supporting the posture that key contributors are not?
    
    djw