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Conference thebay::joyoflex

Title:The Joy of Lex
Notice:A Notes File even your grammar could love
Moderator:THEBAY::SYSTEM
Created:Fri Feb 28 1986
Last Modified:Mon Jun 02 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1192
Total number of notes:42769

467.0. "Message plurality" by MARRHQ::MALLONEE (Beast of Eden) Fri Jan 15 1988 20:14

    How about those things people say but that by convention (or intention),
    mean something quite different than one might first suppose.
    
    eg:    * Have a nice day.  (My Boss says I gotta be nice to the
                                customers.)

           * Let me know if there is a problem.  (The onus is on *YOU*
                                                  to drive the issue.)
    
           * Regards,          (My Boss says I gotta be nice to *INTERNAL*
                                customers.)
    
           * Working...        (This report is being generated by
                                inefficient code, or DATATRIEVE, one.)
    
    
    What others have you seen or heard?

    
    Thx,
       Rgdz,
           Scott
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467.1EuphemismsMLNOIS::HARBIGMon Jan 18 1988 10:296
     Currently the situation is fluid. (Complete and utter chaos.)
    
     We're keeping our options open. (We haven't got the faintest idea
                                      what to do.)               
    
     
467.2The check is in the mailGLIVET::RECKARDI'll get you, Frank Gatulis!Mon Jan 18 1988 14:030
467.3more double-talkLEZAH::BOBBITTSilicon ~ GraffitiMon Jan 18 1988 16:1618
    It's a living document    (no, we haven't updated the spec yet,
                               but any day now......)
    
    
    and one of my favorites:
    
    "We are currently reassessing our hiring posture and when we have
    fully ascertained our needs in that area we will contact you
    immediately."
    
    (a stall letter that says "well, we haven't read all the resumes
    yet, but we don't want to p*ss you off too much so here's a letter
    full of random impressive statements that look like we care which
    has been sent at great expense to the company to placate you but
    really we were looking at this guy in accounting and he seems perfect
    for the job, so maybe we'll get back to you sometime in the next
    few weeks to tell you the position was filled by this guy, okay?)
    
467.4joy of ...JANUS::CROWLEesto quod esse viderisSun Jan 24 1988 21:409
    " ... and our staff will be only too pleased to help"
    
    (Actually, they much prefer chatting amoungst themselves to thinking
    about the customer)
    
    I'm sure I've see that one somewhere with the "only" omitted, making
    the true meaning even clearer.
    
    -- brian
467.5Where have I heard this one, I wonder?BOLT::MINOWJe suis marxiste, tendance GrouchoSun Feb 14 1988 18:013
"Help me understand your concerns."

			-- YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, DAMNIT!
467.6TKOV51::DIAMONDThu Mar 29 1990 02:591
    "And if you don't like it, you can always write another shell."