Conference thebay::joyoflex

        In answer to the question, 'how long ?' :

                men talk in inches

                women talk in minutes



        True ?

    What counts is not how long you make it, but how you make it long.
    
    --- jerry

    courtesy of Mae West:
    
    a hard man is good to find
    
    
    -Jody

    Re .3:
    
    Or the old saying:
    
    The sultan had eight wives;
    seven of them had it pretty soft.

    (Pardon me)
    
    It's not the size of the ship; it's the motion of the ocean.

  Why is it that these phrases imply a sexual relationship?
  
  She's my girlfriend.  Or, he's my boyfriend.  Does this imply the existence
  of one or the hoped for establishment of one?
  
  significant other
  
  living together
  
  They've been seeing each other a lot lately.
  
  
  others?
  
  

Other than "living together" I don't find any of those imply a sexual 
relationship.  The reason "living together" does is two-fold; it's a 
shortening of "living together in sin" which was the way it was 
expressed in the sixties with mock horror.  The other is that I'm 
supposing a hidden assumption on your part that the phrase is being 
applied to a man and woman who are unrelated.  

If I heard that someone and their mother were "living together" I
wouldn't assume a sexual connotation.  Nor would I if someone said "John
and Bob are living together" unless I knew that their sexual orientation
would make a sexual situation likely. 

					>>>==>PStJTT

    Re .7:
    
    "Living together in sin" is far older than the 1960s.  _I_ heard
    it in the 1940s (though as a very young child, I didn't know what it
    meant).
    
    "Sleeping together," which is somewhat archaic, meant sex and nothing
    else.  However, once when I was a teen, a very obnoxious and overweight
    guy caused some of my associates to create the following graffito:
    
    "<name of guy> sleeps together."
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

I remember it as "living in sin" as in "they are living in sin". Living 
together was/is entirely different.

But as this conference would suggest, it only takes one word to change the 
whole world :-)

    I remember when, as a teenager, I would go outside on a bright,
    sunny saturday to polish the fire-engine red finish on my Johnson Bicycle
    Company ten-speed.  Only now, armed with a mature understanding
    of the world's ways, do I understand the reason behind the derisive
    chuckles I would receive when asked what I did all weekend, I'd reply; 
    "Wax my Johnson..."
    
    howzat?
    
    rgdz,

    
               From an old Mae West movie
    
               Lecherous suitor: "I want you in the worst possible way."
    
               Mae:"The worst possible way I know is standing up in
                    a hammock!"
    
    Max  

    
    Anyone know where the phrases 'Get your oats' or 'Spreading wild
    oats' came from ?
    
    There are lots of euphanisms but most are a little more obvious.
    'Getting laid' or 'Getting one's leg over' are common (in more ways
    than one :-) and obvious, some others are crude but may be thought
    of as amusing, like 'giving a meat injection'.  (I know it's sexist,
    but *I* wouldn't use a phrase like that :-)
    
    Reminds me of the saying :
    
    	"All's fair in lust and whore ..."
    
    
    Go on, drag your mind back down into the sewer and see what comes
    up ...

    A guid Scots phrase often used in traditional ballads and songs
    is to "gang tae the broom", maybe whilst in the broom the lovers
    would spread a few wild oat seeds about?
    
    Phillip

    Mark Twain (in _Letters from the Earth_?) uses a candle/candlestick
analogy that I thought was remarkably frank for the 19-aught era.

    re: .-1
    
    Aha. So in the Child(e?) Ballad _Cruel_Sister_, the refrain -
    	`Lay the bent to the bonny broom' -
    is all about, you know, thing.

    ooh, ooh, joke time...
    my father is a punner of the worst degree, and he told me this -
    so blame him, okay?
    
    
    Three french gentlemen were reeling home after a night of too much
    drinking, and then staggered into the "red light district" where
    the "ladies of the evening" tend to gather.
    
    They approached a group of three painted ladies and one grinned
    drunkenly and exclaimed, "Why look, mes amis, a fanfare of strumpets!"
    
    To which the second corrected, "No, it is a jam of tarts..."
    
    But the third smiled softly and said, "Mais non, it is, as they
    say, an anthology of pro's..."
    
    
    
    
    

     .16 reminds me of another...

     Three learned gentlemen, one American, one English and one French,
     were debating the nuances to the term _savoire-faire_.  The American
     suggested the scenario of a husband arriving home unexpectedly and
     discovering his wife in the process of making love  with another man. 
     An example of _savoire-faire_ would be if the husband merely said,
     "Pardon me." and closed the door.

     The Englishman did not quite agree.  To him, a better example of
     _savoire-faire_ would be if the husband had said, "Pardon me...proceed!"

     The Frenchman quickly pointed out that neither of the other two had
     the right idea.  Using the same scenario, with the husband having said,
     "Pardon me...proceed!" and if the other gentleman DID proceed, _that_
     would be _savoire-faire_!

    Re .last_few:
    
    Ah, are we getting anecdotal then?
    
    I cannot resist a military one:
    
    A general and a colonekl  were having an argument about sex.  The
    general maintained that sex was 50% work and 50% fun; the colonel
    maintained that sex was 40% work and 60% fun.   Their argument raged
    for some time; yet nobody gave an inch.  Then, the general spied
    a corporal working nearby and called him over.
    
    The general said, "Soldier, we're having an argument.  One of us
    says that sex is 60% fun and 40% work; the other says that sex is
    equally work and fun.  Who's right?"
    
    The corporal said, "Neither, sir.  Sex is 100% fun with no work."
    The colonel asked, "How do you come to that conclusion?"
    
    And the corporal said, "Sir, if there was any work involved, you'd
    have the enlisted men do it for you."
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    3 french children are standing at their parents' bedroom door. 
    They wish to go to the movies, but need money for their tickets.
    Since the door is closed, they assume the parents do not want to
    be disturbed.  Nonetheless they are curious, so the 7 year old looks
    through the keyhole and says, "Maman and Papa are in bed under the
    covers together".  The 9 year old then takes a peek, and says, "I
    think they are making love."  The 12 year old then looks for himself,
    and quips, "Yes, but they are doing it so badly..."
    
    
    A young boy named Pierre is being taken by his Maman to the zoo.
    There they admire all the animals, until they come to the elephant.
    The boy, being curious, asks, "Maman, what is that on the elephant?"
    Maman replies, "Oh, you mean ze trunk?".  "No," the child says,
    "at the other end".  "Oh, you mean ze tail?".  "No, in front of
    zat, between ze legs?"  At this point, maman is rather flustered,
    and she hurriedly replies, blushing furiously, "Ah, it
    is....nothing...you can ask papa about it later...let's go see ze
    lion."   
    	Later, they return home, and Pierre cries out, "Papa, papa,
    we went to ze zoo and it was wonderful, but zere is something I
    need to know."  Papa replies, "And what is that?"  "Well I wanted
    to know what something was on ze elephant."  "Oh, you mean ze trunk?"
     "No, at ze other end."  "Oh, you mean ze tail."  "No, in front
    of zat, between ze legs, maman said it was nothing."  At this Papa
    smiled..."Ah, Pierre, zat is because she is spoiled."
    
    
    

    Then there's the story of the monkey who married the elephant...
    
    His friends put him up to it!
    

                    -< As long as we're on animal stories. >-

<     Then there's the story of the monkey who married the elephant...

<     His friends put him up to it!
    
That sounds like the one about the flea climbing up the elephants leg with
intention to rape.

Which reminds me about the same flea floating down the river on his back,
yelling out "Raise the drawbridge".

        Ahem !!!   We seem to have drifted off the point :-)

    re .22:
    
    > ... We seem to have drifted off the point :-)
                   
    Good.  Then we can lower that damned bridge! :-D
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    Everyone telling jokes needs to be placed on a five day regimen
    of foaming beef enemas.  Or to be in receipt of a traumatic rectal
    ham lancing, one.

    But I want MORE!  I liked "zay are doing it so badly"  and the one
    about the flea.               
    
    
    John M.

    So why don't you get into the Jokes note file then ?

    I'm still looking for answers to my original question ...

    Re: 0.
    
>   But tell me why when two people talking about sleeping together,
>   'sleeping' has got nothing to do with it ?

    I claim that sleeping does have something to do with doing 'it.'
    Humans habitually do 'it' just before retiring. A common after-effect
    of doing 'it' is a pleasant relaxed feeling that easily brings on
    sleep.  My wife and I often refer to 'it' as 'nature's tranquilizer.'
    You could just as easily say, "nature's sleeping pill."
    

    I think "it" is referred as "sleeping together" because the most
    common location for doing "it" is the same location for sleeping
    (bed).  (Incidentally, this is just a theory.  I don't have any
    data to substantiate that bed is the most common place for doing
    "it".)
    
    Spd

The flea bit reminds me of a dirty joke about an ant, an elephant, and
a monkey.

But I shan't tell it here, even though it does have to do with sex, so
if you want to hear it, type

	notes> forward
	To:   nm%video::osman
	Subject:   eyes:   TWO     sex:    YES

    Some notes back, Bob Knowles asked if "Lay the bent tae the bonnie
    broom" was to do with sex, as is "Tae gang tae the broom."
    
    Well, no, it isn't. The refrain is one of a whole series of ballad
    refrains which use plant lore as charms against evil spirits, sometimes
    the Devil himself, sometimes just "a demon lover".
    
    The bent or rush was protective against the evil eye, and doubly
    so when combined with the broom, potent against witches and spirits.
    
    there are several pages on this in Wimberley's Folklore in the English
    and Scottish Ballads.
    
    The second part of the "Bent and Broom" refrain runs "Fa la la la
    la la la"( Imaginative eh?), and in the C16 the term Fa la often
    refered to ballads or songs.
    
    Phillip

    
    Did you know that a bed can also be used for sleeping in ?

  Wow, that brings to mind several words:
  
  riverbed -- I suppposed that's like a waterbed.
  
  flowerbed
  
  bed of hay -- now a roll in the hay takes on a new shade
  
  hotbed -- as in hotbed of radicals, but...
  
  bedrock
  
  bedded down
  
  bed of a truck
  
  bed of lava
  
  good news, bed news?
  
  
  I'm sure there are others...
  
  
  					Terza

    Re .31:
    
    Yeah.  If I'm "sleeping in," I'll probably use a bed. :-D
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

Speaking of beds, keep in mind that if you have sausage for breakfast,
you might have a bad day because you went

	from bed to w�rst

   Speaking of sex and breakfast... 

   I've heard that the favorite continental breakfast of the French is
   
   A roll in bed with Honey.

   -- Sam

    Then there was the old piece of advice for my friends at university
    as they were going out on friday night..
    
    
    If you're not in bed by midnight you may as well go home.
    
    
    
    			Ian <8^}

Re .35

<    Speaking of sex and breakfast... 

<    I've heard that the favorite continental breakfast of the French is
<    A roll in bed with Honey.

I've heard that one referred to as a "honeymoon breakfast".

Now, do you know what a honeymoon salad is?

			Lettuce alone.

Dave

Re:  .37

>Now, do you know what a honeymoon salad is?

>			Lettuce alone

			with no dressing

    Was ist los mit _sex_??  6 6 6 6 6 6 6 

Thanks to Note 420.16, LEZAH::BOBBITT for an excellent classic pun!   
    
    One small clarification: the second gentleman says, "a Trey of Tarts"
    [tray of tarts; three of hearts]

    "An Essay of Trollope's"
    

So I'm 4 years late - I just got to this!

Seems I remember an old Celtic custom that allowed a couple to marry
informally by placing a broom on the ground, joining hands and stating their
intention, then jumping over the broom.  Perhaps "bending the bonnie 
broom" refers to jumping into bed before jumping over the broom.

Of course, broom (in some spelling) grows on the heath, so doing it in
the field would bend down the broom.

    Is that Celtic?  That's interesting -- Alex Haley describes a very
    similar custom in _Roots_ as the marriage ceremony among the
    slaves in the south.  I assumed it was an African tradition.
    
    --bonnie

>                  <<< Note 420.42 by HPSCAD::ALTMAN "BARB" >>>
>                         -< better late than never.. >-
>
>So I'm 4 years late - I just got to this!
>
>Seems I remember an old Celtic custom that allowed a couple to marry
>informally by placing a broom on the ground, joining hands and stating their
>intention, then jumping over the broom.  Perhaps "bending the bonnie 
>broom" refers to jumping into bed before jumping over the broom.
>
>Of course, broom (in some spelling) grows on the heath, so doing it in
>the field would bend down the broom.

There is a northern english expression "Living over the brush" which means a 
couple living together but not married.  I would think it likely that these 
are connected.

Jerry

    From: [email protected] (Erik Reuter)
    Subject: Pronoun problems
    Message-ID: <[email protected]>
    Sender: [email protected] (Net Noise owner)
    Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
    Date: Mon, 11 May 1992 04:40:24 GMT
    Lines: 10
    
    From Sunday's Chicago Tribune:
    
    "Freud, who found sexual significance in dreams and in various aspects
    of human behavior, makes no reference in the diary to his own sexual
    history. That is not too surprising, given that he was 73 and already
    fatally ill when he began it."